Kurt POV

What was wrong with me? I was strong. I was tough. I didn't need anyone but myself. I certainly didn't need Finn. I had made it through 15 years without him, and I could make it through 60 more.

So why was I getting ready to crawl right back to him? He sang me a cute song, and he told me he was sorry and he….I guessed that was it. God, I am the height of pathetic.

Kind of. But it's ok to be a little pathetic for someone you love. I would quit worrying about how you look, and worry a little more about what you're going to say to Finn tomorrow.

Ok, that was a good idea. I could do that. I could….I could make a list! Then I would know exactly what to say. I always did better when I had practiced a million times beforehand.

Thankfully, Dad wasn't home when I got there. I have no idea what to say to him. 'Hey Dad, so I know that I got Finn in trouble and thrown out of the house, and I ruined your relationship with Carole so now you're alone again, but I changed my mind! I'm back with Finn now, so it was all for nothing.' Something told me that that wouldn't go over too well.

So you're taking him back?

I didn't say that. But I would be lying if I didn't say that was what I was hoping for. I missed him. I missed his half smiles and his eternal optimism and the way his eyes would go all soft and gentle when he looked at me. I missed him bouncing around and attacking the world with his trademark enthusiasm.

And...

And I missed the sex. It was fantastic and wonderful and I don't know of I could have that with anyone else. Logically, I knew that most people have many sexual partners, and that it was good with all of them. But I didn't want other people. Just Finn.

I think that's your answer, honey.

The sex could be there, though, and it wasn't going to be the same without the trust. I went downstairs and settled in my hanging chair, pushing lightly so I would rock back and forth. I didn't know what to do. If I called Mercedes, she would smack me into next week for even thinking about this. I didn't have any other real friends to talk it over with. Brit and Santana were out, since they would probably just laugh at me. Rachel knew what it was like to lose Finn, but he was probably trying to get in his pants right now. Which left...nobody. I needed someone who knew Finn and could offer me the best advice on what to do from here. But I was on my own.

I can think of someone...

Who?

Who knows Finn better then anyone else? Not to mention already knows exactly what happened between you two, and that you're talking again. You might hate it, but Noah Puckerman is your best shot at this.

Even Finn wasn't taking advice from Puck on this one. And if Finn wasn't willing to do it, I certainly wouldn't. Even if this might be the most important thing to happen in my life so far.

I waited, but Galinda was silent. This time, I was on my own.

My hand moved without conscious thought, grabbing my phone. I dialed Puck's number, alternately hoping that he would tell me what to do and that he wouldn't pick up.

"Hey Princess. What do you want?" His voice was decidedly frosty.

But he had answered the phone, which was something. "I want to talk to you about Finn."

"I don't think you have the right to talk about Finn right now. Just leave him the fuck alone, Hummel. You two had your chance, you blew it. End of story."

He was going to hang up on me, I could tell. If I wanted to talk to Puck, I was going to need to think fast. "Not the end of the story." I was proud of how strong I sounded.

"Says who?"

"Says me. And says Finn. I'm going to see him tomorrow, because that's what he and I decided. I'm asking for your help, for him as well as myself." If I coached it like that, he would be far more likely to help me.

"Fucking Finn doesn't know what he wants." But he didn't hang up the phone.

"I don't know what to say or do with him." My eyes were smarting already. "I don't want to mess things up again, and I want you to tell me what to do."

"Try keeping your mouth shut for once." Just because he wasn't hanging up, it didn't mean that he was on my side. He would always be Finn's boy, no matter what else happened between them.

I tried to regroup and breathe out slowly, but it came out as a choked half sob. It was very quiet, and I hoped that he couldn't hear me. I just wanted someone to tell me that I wasn't turning into one of those women on the Lifetime channel who took an abusive (and emotional abuse is abuse) man back just because they loved him.

"Ok, ok, don't cry. I already have Finn whimpering like a chick, I don't need you doing it, too." He blew a sharp breath into the phone. "What are you really asking me? Because it seems to me that Finn's the one you need to be groveling to."

"I did. I apologized several times already. I want to know what to say to him from here?"

He sighed. "Tell him that you love him and you want him back. Ball's in his court after that."

"I don't know if I want to get back together." The more I spoke, the more I regretted talking to Puck. He couldn't tell me anything until I made my choice about taking Finn back or not.

"He loves you." Puck's voice was very soft. "More then Quinn and more then Rachel. If you want to fight for him, you can probably get him back. But don't jerk him around. Pick what you want and stick to it. He deserves that."

"Thank you, Puck." My voice was still small. Puck and I are not, and never will be equals or friends. He doesn't hate me, and I and don't fear him any more, but we're just too different. He would defend me against an outsider, but he wouldn't hesitate to turn on me if Finn told him to. It was something that was never said out loud, but we all knew the truth.

"Yeah, yeah. This is for Finn, not you, got it?"

"Got it."

"I'll see you in Glee then. And if you break Finn's heart again, I will drop you so deeply into that dumpster that you never make it out." This time he really did hang up on me.

I didn't want to just sit there and sulk, so I got up and practiced my stretches. I was really supposed to be doing them 5 times a day, according to Coach, but I usually didn't. I don't know how she can tell, but she always can. Except for lately, when she's been super distracted. I've been distracted, too, but it's strange now that I think about it.

"Kurt? I'm home." Dad tapped lightly on the doorframe. "How did today go?"

I froze. What was I supposed to say? Did I tell him about Finn and I, or did I try and keep it secret until after tomorrow? There was no point in letting myself up for the inevitable lecture if Finn and I decided not to try again anyway. "It went fine."

"That's good. Did you do that song you were practicing?" He flapped his hands helplessly. "That…angry sounding one?"

"Yes. It was very well received." My voice had tightened, and I hoped that he couldn't hear it. "It was different for me."

"I would think so. But, you know, you're great at everything to do with your singing, so I'm not surprised."

Even now, I still got embarrassed when Dad complimented me. "Thanks."

"I was looking online for some tickets. Would you rather see The Little Mermaid or Hairspray this year?"

"Hairspray." So no Wicked this year either. It made me sad, even thought I figured I would get there eventually.

I didn't think I sounded disappointed, but Dad heard it anyway. "Tickets to Wicked are just too expensive right now. Your Glee and your cheerleading are expensive this year."

"I know. I love Hairspray, don't worry about it."

He nodded. "Are you getting excited to go? I know it's not really what we were hoping for a few weeks ago, but the two of us can still have fun, right?"

"Yeah. I have a few places I want to try for dinner." If I couldn't see the show I really wanted, I could at least eat some interesting food.

"Done."

It's always easy to get him to agree to do these things in New York. Like I can't hear him sneaking out of the room later to find a hot dog cart. Whatever, though. He enjoys vacations in his way, and I enjoy them in mine.

He turned around in the doorway. "Do you have practice tomorrow, or are you going to be home for dinner."

This was it. Before, I had still been lying to him, but it had been a lie of omission. If I kept it up it would be an actual lie, and I couldn't do it. "I…" My voice squeaked, and I took a minute to make it strong. If I wanted to make adult decisions, I had to be willing to stand and speak like an adult. "Neither. I have plans to meet Finn for dinner tomorrow."

I might be working on my bravery, but I wasn't quite brave enough to look him in the eyes. Was he going to be mad at me? At Finn?

"I see." He didn't sound mad, which made things worse somehow. "When was this decided?"

"Today at Glee. He sang me a song." It sounded really lame when I said it like that.

"I'm assuming that it wasn't the same type of song that you sang for him." He sat down next to me. "I gotta tell you, Kiddo, I don't think that this is a good idea."

Of course he didn't. "It's not a date or anything. But he and I are still teammates, and we have to work together. We're so close to our Regional's, and I don't want to see the team fall apart just because Finn and I can't get along."

Of course that was true, but it wasn't the reason, or even one of the bigger ones. Yes, I loved the team, but I wanted to be totally selfish for once in my life. I'm not saying that I want to get back together with Finn, because I don't know how I feel about that. But I do want to try.

"How old are you, Kurt?"

" 16." Like he didn't know.

"16 isn't old enough to be making decisions like this. I'm sorry, Kurt, but I'm not going to let you go."

Never, for even one second, had it occurred to me that Dad wouldn't let me go. "Excuse me?"

"You aren't going to see Finn tomorrow, period. You can come to the garage instead."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "No, I won't. Either I go with Finn, or I go to Cheerios practice. And I want to go with Finn."

"Why? What can he possibly say now to make up for what he said then?"

"Probably the same thing that I could possibly say to him. If he's willing to give me a second chance, I should give him one, too."

Dad was surprised that I didn't back down. "And what does Finn's mother say about this?"

"I don't know. He hadn't talked to her yet." I can't imagine that she would have a problem with it, though. Carole tends to be a little more hands off then Dad. Sometimes it leads to disaster, but Finn is certainly enthusiastic about trying.

"I will call Carole and talk to her about this, but until I do, the answer is no. You can come to the garage, or you can to go to cheerleading, or you can just come home, but you will not be going anywhere with Finn until I say you can."

"Fine." That was a total lie. I was going to meet Finn whether he liked it or not, and I could just face the consequences from Dad later. "Was there something else you wanted?"

I sounded bitchy and I knew it, but I couldn't help it. It would be my birthday in less then two weeks. Why wouldn't he let me at least practice acting like an adult?

"No. Just checking on your day. I'm not trying to be mean to you, Kurt. But I'm the parent here, and I'm just trying to keep you safe. I know what it's like to be a teenager and in love. But some things are unforgivable."

I know that Dad has my best interests at heart, but what he thinks of as my best interests, and what are actually my best interests are sometimes miles apart. Besides, he could neither give nor withhold my forgiveness, only his own.

But that's kind of the point. Do you really want Finn to have to deal with having a relationship in which his boyfriend's father hates him? Do you want to be the in the middle of the two of them? Is it fair to your father? To Finn? To you?

The answer to all of those questions was probably no. But I never said that I was going to take Finn back. I don't even know if he wants me back. All I know is that this is happening, period. I stared him down. "That's my choice to make. I'm almost 17 now. In a year, I'll be 18, and then you won't be able to tell me what to do. Whether it's Finn or someone else, I'm going to have boyfriends, and I'm going to fall in love. And I'm going to fall out of love and you know who deal with the consequences? Me. Not you, not anyone else."

He threw up his hands. "Fine, then. Do whatever you feel like. But I don't want to hear it when this all falls apart again."

I hated that we were fighting right now, but it had to happen. If I wasn't willing to stand up for Finn, I might as well not even bother meeting him tomorrow. "I can live with that."

"Then do what you need to. I'm finished with this whole thing."

"I love you." I couldn't let him walk away without saying it.

"Love you, too. This doesn't change that."

No matter how many times I head those words, there was a part of me that couldn't believe or accept it.

I needed to be thinking about Finn, and everything I was going to say to him tomorrow. But I couldn't think of anything. What I was going to say was so dependant on what he said. Because if he made the first move, I don't know if I would be able to stop myself from taking him back. Again, it turns out that I'm kind of pathetic.

I thought about it for the rest of the night, but I couldn't come up with the correct answer. Damn Finn for being so impossible. The only thing that I was sure of was that I was going to meet up with him, and that what happened tonight would be the death or rebirth of our relationship. Which was exactly what I had known 12 hours ago, so I should have just gotten some sleep.

Especially since everything at school had blown to hell overnight, and for once the drama had nothing to do with the Glee club. Coach Sylvester was missing, which was basically unheard of. Not only was in very close to Nationals, but she has to know everything that happens at McKinley, and she can't do that from home.

Even more odd, Mr. Shue was missing as well. I briefly entertained the thought that they might be together, before dismissing it out of hand. If the pair of them were together, it was because he was in the trunk of her car on the way to some remote dump site.

I tried to weasel the truth out of Brit and Santana, but came up empty. Brit was crying, but she cries over internet videos of kittens. Santana did admit that Coach wasn't sick, but the evil stare I got was enough to scare me off from pushing it any further.

I saw Finn in between classes, but all he had time to do was give me a quick shrug and nod. Until we spoke, he wasn't going to approach me in public. Besides, he couldn't help with this. He hated Coach. Sure, he hadn't said anything to me after our initial agreement, but I saw the way he looked at her when he thought I wasn't looking. But that was between them.

Usually I would meet Mercedes for lunch, but not today. She would take one look at me and know that I was hiding something. Then I would confess about Finn, and she would have to kill him. Afterwards, she would probably kill me, too. She's a loyal friend, but forgive and forget is not one of her strong points.

I know that Finn goes out to the bleachers when he wants to think, but I can't do that. Not only is there dirt and generalized grossness, but there are just too many jocks for me to feel safe. Instead I went to the auditorium and sat in the back. With both Mr. Shue and Coach Sylvester missing, no one would be using it.

"I brought you a sandwich" Tina's voice was soft and unexpectedly close. "Did something happen in the cafeteria?"

"No. I just needed to be alone for a while." But I took the offered food. "You can stay, though. It's not working."

"Maybe I can help." She sat down next to me. "Tell Finn that you were a jerk, let him tell you that he was a jerk, and take each other back."

I don't even wonder how Tina knows what she does any more. Maybe Finn had told her. "I think it's kind of gone beyond just being able to say that."

"I don't stutter."

I jolted. "Really?"

"I've never stuttered, not really. But letting people know that I didn't would have meant having to actually talk to them, and then they would all be staring at me, and it would have been horrible and embarrassing. You still have a chance to fix things while they're still small. Unless it's not worth fixing. Then do whatever you want."

"I'm meeting him after school." I don't know why I was telling her this. Tina wouldn't tell me what to do. She never told anyone what to do. If I ignored her and never looked at Finn again, she wouldn't treat me any different.

"That's good." She stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I watched her walk out of the auditorium, feeling more confused then ever. Why was this so hard?

When the final bell rang, I moved slowly, far more slowly then I needed to. Maybe if I held off, Finn would leave.

No. That was the coward's way out, and I prided myself on not acting like a coward. So I squared my shoulders and marched out to my car. Finn was waiting for me, talking on his phone.

He hadn't seen me yet, so I took a minute to study him. To a causal observer, he looked fine. Relaxed, gesturing with one hand, leaning against the passenger door.

But I wasn't a casual observer. Finn was easing from foot to foot and rubbing the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was nervous. The fact that he was as nervous as I was helped a little, and I called out. "Hey, Finn."

Even though my voice wasn't loud, he jumped and flinched. But he recovered quickly. "Hi."

I unlocked the doors and gestured him inside. "Where do you want to eat?" My voice trembled and cracked.

"Anywhere. Wherever you want." He tapped a nervous rhythm on his thigh.

"How about the deli off Broadway?" Was that good choice? I didn't know any more.

"Sure, that's fine. Great. Yeah."

Neither one of us knew what to say from there, so just sat in miserable silence. Was I allowed to turn on the radio, or would that just draw more attention to how badly this was going?

"This is awkward. Like really fucking awkward." Finn stared down at his lap. "I forgive you for what you said."

It was what I had been hoping for, and I couldn't help but reach out and touch his fingers. "Thank you, Finn. I forgive you, too."

That broke some of the tension, and he was able to relax a bit. "Yay." It came out as a bizarre mix of happy and sardonic. But he did relax a little bit more.

"Ok." He took a deep breath. "So, um, how's your Cheerios thing going? It's really close to your Nationals, right?"

It was nice of him to ask. "Two and a half weeks. Dad and I are going to have to cut our trip a little short and fly straight from New York to Florida…." I trailed off there. New York was supposed to be mine and Finn's trip, not mine and Dad's. A trip where I showed him the sights, and we were able to hold hands in public, and we pretended that Dad and Carole were the two strangers in the room next door.

He wrung his hands and tried to salvage the moment. "That's cool. Are you going to a show?"

"Hairspray." I pulled into the parking lot. "I hope you're hungry." Stupid thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything else.

"I'm always hungry." He jumped out of the car and rushed around to open my door for me. It was sweet.

Standing inside and ordering our food took up a few extra minutes, but all too soon we were choosing a table and getting back to our awkward staring contest. I busied myself putting lemon in my tea. "So."

He gulped his own drink. "So. Uh, where to we go from here?"

"Where do you want to go from here?" Yeah, I know that throwing his question back at him was an ugly thing to do, but I just couldn't be the first one to say it.

"I don't know. I mean…I…." He sat up straight and looked me in the eyes. "No, that's wrong. I want you back. I get it if you don't want that, but I want it. We had a good thing, and we can have a good thing again if we work at it."

I was everything I had wanted him to say, and my eyes welled up. "I want to try again, too." All of that worrying, and for nothing. I reached my hand out grasping for him. He grabbed it and squeezed back. It hurt, but I didn't care. I couldn't let him go right now.

"Are you alright?" Our waitress appeared with the sandwiches, and I suddenly realized what this looked like. I was crying and Finn was holding me back and refusing to let me leave. I swiped at my eyes. "We're fine, thanks. Just a little overwhelmed"

"If you're sure." She didn't believe me, and I knew that she would be watching us closely. Which was probably a good thing. My adrenaline was pumping, and having an audience would prevent me from doing something insane, like blowing Finn under the table.

Finn didn't cry, but I hadn't really expected him to. He just released my hand and started eating his sandwich. I played with mine. "What now?"

The corner of his mouth turned up a bit. "We eat. Then maybe I can take you out on a real date tomorrow? I know a place we haven't gone before."

That sounded perfect. "That's great, Finn, but it's not what I meant. What I meant was what are we going to tell everyone else?"

"We'll tell them to mind their own fucking business. That'll work, right?"

"Probably not. Bare minimum Santana has something to say, because she's a bitch and she hates you. Besides, Mercedes is going to kill me, and I'm pretty sure that Puck is taking dumpster measurements for my new home."

He laughed. "First of all, I think that Mercedes is going to kill me, not you. You're fine. And you leave Puck to me. He won't touch you, I promise."

"What about Santana?" It was nice to see Finn take charge.

"Like I care about Santana. Let her bitch and complain. I don't care." He shrugged. "We'll just tell them that we changed our minds and got back together."

It couldn't possibly be that easy, right? Right? "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yep."

You really had to admire his optimism. "Ok, we'll try it your way. But I reserve the right to bitch if it doesn't work out."

"Deal. Hey, am I invited to your birthday party again? Because I totally bought you a present already."

Aww, that was sweet. A little frightening, considering Finn's ideas of what other people might like, but sweet. "You're invited. Three days, after Glee."

"Cool. " He played with his empty drink cup. "So, what now?"

"Do you want to come to my place? We can have some privacy to talk this stuff over." I tried not to sound too eager. Please Finn, please.

He shook his head. "No way."

Ok, maybe I was pushing this a little bit too far. But then he smiled at me. "I don't want to go to your place, but maybe we could go to mine?"

That was a better idea. We would be more relaxed if we weren't faced with the scene of the crime. "That sounds great."

The air in the car was significantly lighter then it had been before. I turned on the radio, and Finn hummed contentedly. "Is your mother going to be there?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to face Carole just yet.

"I don't think so. She was going out with your Dad so probably not. Eww, you don't think that they're doing it, do you? Because that's disgusting."

Hypocrite! I couldn't believe that Dad had been such a jerk about me seeing Finn when he was sneaking around behind my back with Carole. "Oh. He didn't tell me that."

"Maybe he didn't know. Mom might not have called him until we were at school today." Finn can read my moods, and was trying to smooth things over.

"Maybe." Maybe not, but that was a fight for another day.

Once we arrived at the house, Finn transformed into a perfect host. "Can I get you something to drink? Eat? What about a…uh…anything?"

"Finn, we just ate. Why would I want anything else?"

He shrugged. "I didn't think you would want anything. I just don't want to have to talk about shit."

Nice try. I didn't really want to talk about any of it either, but one of us had to do it. "I kind of think we have to."

"Yeah, I know. Come on, we can talk in my room." He sidled up next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to guide me. It was no more then he would have done for a friend, but we hadn't even been friends a day ago.

This was the neatest I had ever seen Finn's room, but that was possibly because almost all of his things were still in boxes. The bed was unmade, and there were stacks of clothes everywhere. He pushed a few of them off of a chair. "Here, you can sit here."

I tried not to look at his bed. That was the same bed that he and I had snuggled in, and had sex in, and the place where he told me that he loved me for the first time. I had to focus on the right now, not on what had been.

From the side eye that Finn gave it, I think he was having some of the same thoughts. Still, I wished that he would have found a spot where we could sit together. I could have put up with the biohazard that was his floor.

"What do we have left to talk about?" I had to be the first one to speak this time even though my head was reeling, and I wasn't sure I could have told someone my own name right now.

"Our parents." His voice was soft, but his eyes were intense. "I can take rest of the club, and we can figure things out together. You and I can do anything, if we work together instead of against each other. But I don't know what to do about them. We fucked them up as much as we fucked ourselves up."

He was right. What we had done to each other was horrible, but it should have been between us. For the first time, I really appreciated how complicated Finn and I's relationship made our parents, and vice versa. The knowledge had always been there, in the back of my mind, but this brought it into sharp focus. Our actions affected far more then just us. "What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know." He looked down. "I want Mom to be happy, and she's not right now. But I don't want it to be with your Dad. I don't trust him."

That was hard to hear, but I had to admit that the feeling was mutual. In Dad's mind, Finn was a loose cannon, the one who used homophobic slurs and broke his little boys heart. In Finn's mind, Dad was a tyrant who couldn't be trusted to listen to him, but who could turn on him with a seconds notice. He was also afraid that Dad would get violent with him, which was odd, because Dad was convinced that Finn would get violent with me.

Neither one of them needed to worry. Yes, there had been a second when I thought Finn might take a swing at me, but he had reined himself in and the moment had passed without incident. And I think I know my own father better then Finn does. He would have never harmed Finn, no matter what. He's a good man.

To you. I think Finn saw a different side of him. Whether he would have harmed Finn or not, Finn really believes that he would have, and that's what counts. If you want a chance to repair this relationship, you have to repair them as well.

"So you want them to stay broken up?" It was easy to keep my voice neutral, because I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I liked Carole, I really did. She was a good mother to Finn, and she was willing to act as a mother to me as well. She made Dad act in a way that he hadn't been in years. Finn was right, our parents were unhappy apart. The problem was, I didn't know if they could be happy together again.

"Yeah." He picked at his blanket. "But that's selfish. She really loves your Dad. Lots and lots like I love you. She's given up a lot for me, and I want her to be happy. It's less then a year and a half and I'll be gone in college anyway. If you can keep your Dad away from me, I can live with it."

My hand flew to my mouth. Finn loves me. Finn loves me. Finn loves me. Finn loves me. Everything else he had said went in one ear and out the other. He might not have realized what he had just said (and judging from the odd look he was giving me, he didn't), but he still loved me. Lots and lots, in his very own words. I had to bite back a squeal.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "Kurt? Can you keep your Dad from hurting me?"

I had already told him more then once that Dad wouldn't hurt him, so I didn't try again. Only time would rebuild that relationship. "I will keep you completely safe, Cowboy."

He nodded. "I can do it, then. If that's what they want. Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll still hate each other."

"Maybe." If that happened, it would be on Carole's end, not Dad's. He's been moping around the house ever since they left. He tries to perk up when he knows I'm watching, but the man is miserable. "

"Yeah." Slowly and cautiously he rose, sidling over and sitting down next to me. Every movement was tentative, and I could tell that he was ready to jump back at the first opportunity. What was he doing?

Tears sprung to my eyes when he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gently pulled me against his body. I couldn't help but snuggle close to him, finding all the right spots by instinct. His heart thumped faster then normal, betraying the nerves that his face didn't. I slid my arm around his waist, keeping him from backing up and letting him know that I understood the gesture, and that I wanted him as well.

For a long time, neither one of us spoke. Gradually, Finn's hand moved to my face, the thumb absently stoking my jaw. It was his habit, almost an unconscious gesture, and I hadn't realized how much I had missed it.

"We'll be alright." The voice was very soft, and for a second I didn't recognize it as my own.

Will you?

Of course we would. I wouldn't accept anything less.