The Chance of Love
Chapter 2
TW: Eating disorder
Things between Bilbo and Thorin were slowly getting better. Thorin once again started visiting and Theo quickly fell into a routine where both of his parents put him to bed.
"I still don't get it. Why do you put him in your bed first and once he falls asleep you move him to the crib?"
"Because he doesn't like sleeping in the crib," Bilbo answered. Ever since he got a real bed at Thorin's house, Theo refused to sleep in the crib. During afternoon naps Bilbo allowed him to sleep in his bed, but he couldn't allow this during the night. He needed his bed to sleep so Theo had to sleep in his crib. But as Bilbo quickly realized, his son was as stubborn as Thorin. So instead of fighting with him he allowed him to fall asleep in his bed and later move him into the crib.
"Then get him a bed. You don't need to get the big one. Buy a smaller one so that you can keep your desk," suggested Thorin.
"A new bed does sound nice, but they're very expensive."
"They're not that expensive," argued Thorin. "Besides, you work almost every day, you have the money."
Bilbo snorted at that. "I don't know where you got that idea, but believe me when I tell you that I don't have a lot of money. He's having a doctor's appointment next month and since I'm still working like a student at the grocery store I don't have health insurance so I'll have to pay."
"Do you want me to pay for it?"
"No, it's fine. I'll find the money, don't worry."
"It's like you don't even want to-"
Bilbo pressed a finger to Thorin's lips to silence him. He pointed to Theo who was fast asleep before leading Thorin out of the room.
"I can help you, you know," Thorin said once they were in the living room.
"He's my son-"
"He's my son, too. And he's also my responsibility."
"Yeah, I know. But if you pay for the doctor's appointment your father will cut you off again and I don't want that to happen. Like I said: we'll manage."
Before Thorin could protest Belladonna came and called them to dinner and since Thorin almost made a habit of coming every day he was invited as well.
"Would you like some more?" asked Belladonna when Bilbo finished his plate.
"No, I'm full. Thank you."
Thorin looked skeptically at him. "For some reason I don't believe you. If you're doing this because of me-"
"I'm not doing this because of you. I'm full. But thank you for your concern."
Thorin remained quiet for a minute before he couldn't help himself. "I'm sorry, I just don't believe you. I've seen you do this before and I really don't want anything like that to happen ever again."
"Just leave me alone," Bilbo snarled.
"I've also heard that before."
.:.:.:.:.:.
Thorin wasn't even surprised when he heard crying when he entered Bilbo's house. He was coming here on daily basis so there was no need for knocking. This was a part of their arrangement so that he wouldn't wake Theo, but now there was no need to wake him up because his son was screaming at the top of his lungs.
Bilbo's mother greeted him with a hug and a kiss so he knew something wasn't right.
"What's going on?"
Belladonna just shook her head. "This has been going on for over an hour," she admitted.
"You mean the crying?"
Belladonna nodded. "Bilbo is losing his patience and he's refusing to accept any help."
"Don't worry, I'll go check what's going on," Thorin promised before he ran upstairs, taking two steps at the time.
He gently knocked on Bilbo's door before entering. What he saw wasn't looking good. Bilbo was pacing up and down the room, trying to soothe his crying son. Thorin could see that his patience was running thin. And Theo wasn't doing much better. He continued to scream and refuse the bottle Bilbo was offering. He was probably really hungry but until Bilbo calmed down he wasn't going to eat.
"What are you doing?" asked Thorin so that Bilbo would notice him.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Bilbo snapped. "He's not eating. He's crying all the time. I know he's hungry, but he doesn't want to eat!"
Thorin couldn't stand hearing his son scream anymore so he crossed the distance between them and took Theo from Bilbo's arms. Bilbo didn't want to let him go, but he didn't have much of a choice.
Thorin cradled his four months old son to his chest and gently rubbed his back to calm him down. But Theo apparently had enough of everything and to show how unhappy he was he continued to cry.
"You're not doing much better than I was. Give him back!" Bilbo demanded.
Thorin turned his back to Bilbo and continued to talk with his son to calm him down.
"Give him back, please!"
"Just be quiet for a moment," Thorin snapped at him angrily and for once Bilbo remained quiet.
Thorin pressed a kiss to his son's head and after a minute Theo calmed down completely. He shifted him in his arms before taking the bottle from Bilbo. At first his son wasn't happy about drinking from the bottle, but hunger got the better of him and soon he was guzzling it down.
"Why are you using a bottle to feed him?"
"It's not mine, it's formula," admitted Bilbo.
"Why are you using formula?" asked Thorin, but Bilbo decided to ignore him. "Bilbo?"
"He was fed a few hours ago…"
"So what? You've been feeding him for the past few months and now suddenly you won't do it anymore?"
"I don't have enough."
"What do you mean you don't have enough? You can't feed him?"
Bilbo shook his head.
"How long has this been going on?"
"A few days," admitted Bilbo. "And he doesn't like formula."
"No kidding."
"Don't play smart here, Thorin. You have no idea how difficult he's been for the past few days."
"I would have been too if I didn't get enough to eat."
"He was never hungry," defended Bilbo.
Thorin pressed a kiss to Theo's head before he spoke. "Did you call the doctor, this can't be normal?"
"Why would I call the doctor? It's none of your business what I do!"
"It becomes my business when Theodore is involved. If you aren't going to do it then I will."
Once Theo was fed, changed and put back to sleep they headed downstairs. Belladonna prepared dinner and Thorin wasn't going to refuse the opportunity to eat one of her delicious meals.
"Are you done?" she asked her son when she started picking up the plates.
"Yes, thank you," smiled Bilbo. "It was delicious."
"How would you know?" asked Thorin.
"Excuse me?"
"How would you know?" repeated Thorin. "Since you haven't taken a bite from your dinner."
Bilbo stared at Thorin with his mouth open. "Excuse me! I ate, it's not my problem you didn't see."
"I saw you playing with the food, but you didn't eat it."
"In my opinion you didn't eat enough," Bungo said. "You'll need strength to take care of the little one. Why don't you have a few more bites."
Bilbo knew he was trapped. Everyone in the kitchen was staring at him expecting him to eat. But he just couldn't do it.
"This is all your fault!" he yelled at Thorin. He pushed the plate away and ran upstairs as fast as he could, knowing that Thorin would come after him.
"Bilbo! Open up!" Thorin was doing his best to remain calm, but it wasn't easy when Bilbo locked himself in the bathroom and refused to open the door. "Can you please open the door so we can talk?"
"Go away!"
Thorin let out a sigh. Bilbo could be very difficult when he wanted to be. "Please let me in so we can talk."
"There is nothing to talk about!"
"Apparently there is. I have a feeling this is somehow my fault and I want to fix whatever I did wrong."
After a minute of silence the door clicked open and Bilbo let Thorin in. The moment Thorin entered Bilbo threw himself in his embrace holding him close.
"Mahal Bilbo, what have you been doing?" Thorin was able to feel how skinny Bilbo has become.
"I did this for you," Bilbo cried.
Thorin cupped Bilbo's cheeks and forced him to look him in the eyes. "When did I tell you to lose weight?"
"It's been four months since Theo was born and you've been avoiding me like I'm some sort of plague." He got on his toes to kiss him, but Thorin pulled him back. "You see! You're disgusted by me. You can't even kiss me!"
"I'm not disgusted by you."
"Then why don't you want to kiss me?! I told you I loved you every day and you never said it back."
"I just can't."
"W-What?" spluttered Bilbo. "When I was pregnant you told me that every day, and now you can't?"
"We were together back then, it was different."
Bilbo's hands fell to his side as he stumbled a few steps back. "Were?"
Thorin let out a sigh. "Were," he confirmed.
"And when were you planning to tell me we are not together anymore?" cried Bilbo. "You just decided you don't want to be with me and that was it?"
"It was you who told me to leave!"
Bilbo needed a moment to understand what Thorin was talking about. "That was months ago! I was angry at you because you didn't allow me to see my baby!"
"You knew it was going to happen, you agreed to it!"
"I changed my mind!"
"Well I'm sorry for doing the thing we agreed on!"
"Then why didn't you tell me before things were over between us? Why did you let me believe it was my fault?"
"Because I was angry!" Thorin exploded and Bilbo took a few steps back. "I knew you wanted to see the baby and I knew you were going to be angry at me, but never in a million years did I imagine you'd say that to me." Bilbo remained silent; he knew exactly what Thorin was talking about. Thinking back his choice of words might not have been the best but there was nothing he could do now to change them. "You screamed on top of your lungs that I forced myself on you, that I abused you. That I used your trust to take Theodore away from you. That I was planning it from the beginning."
"I never meant it," Bilbo said, his voice just above a whisper.
"Well, you said it. And I believe half of the hospital heard you. You have no idea how the nurses looked at me when you were taken back to your room. Like I was some kind of monster. And then when you got Theodore back you acted like it never happened."
"I'm sorry…"
"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?"
"So you are just going to abandon us because of what I said?" asked Bilbo and wiped the tears away.
"I stayed here, didn't I? Even when my father cut me off, I helped you where I could. No matter what happens between us or how ugly things will get, Theodore is still my responsibility and I'll be here for him for as long as he'll need me."
"So every time you came here, you came because of Theo?"
"Like I said. Theodore is my responsibility, but since he spends most of the time with you, I want to make sure you are okay as well."
.:.:.:.:.:.
"I got over it," assured them Bilbo. "I'm eating healthier than ever. But I'm full, so thank you."
"Are you sure?" asked his mother when she place a freshly baked pie on the table.
Bilbo's mouth watered. "To tell you the truth, I'm not really that full. I think there's some room for a slice. Or two."
"You never change," Frodo laughed.
:::
Two weeks passed before Thorin came to visit again. Bilbo was preparing dinner so he didn't hear him enter, but he did hear Theo squeak with joy when he saw him.
"Daddy!" he called and got to his feet as fast as he could before he ran over to Thorin.
"Hi buddy," smiled Thorin and scooped him up. "What have you got there?"
Theo proudly showed him his toy. "Truck!"
"Wow, it looks amazing."
"Play with it," Theo demanded and Thorin nodded in agreement.
"Hey," Bilbo greeted when he came in from the kitchen, wiping his hand on the apron he was wearing. "I didn't expect to see you today. What are you doing home so soon?"
"I'm almost done with my classes so I decided to come home earlier," explained Thorin. "Besides, it's an hour's drive. I can always go back if I change my mind."
"Will you join us for dinner?"
"Sure. Do you need any help?" he asked as he put Theo down.
"No, I can do it. You can stay with him," Bilbo smiled before he returned to the kitchen.
Theo took Thorin's hand and pulled him to the pile of toys in the middle of the living room. "Sit," he ordered and Thorin had no other choice but to obey.
"When did you get so many toys," wondered Thorin, but received no answer from his son. He waited until Theo found what he was looking for and brought it to him. "For me?" he asked when he was offered Duplo bricks.
"Yes."
"Okay, thank you."
The truck was abandoned for a few minutes as Theo continued to search for more bricks while Thorin was to build a wall, or something.
"Daddy?"
"Hm?"
"Thirsty."
"Right," said Thorin and stood up. "Let's get you something to drink." He lifted Theo and the truck up, because under no circumstances were they to leave it behind, and went to the kitchen.
"Something wrong?" Bilbo immediately asked.
"He's thirsty," explained Thorin and shifted Theo so that he was holding him with one arm and with the other opened the cabinet to find his sippy cup. He filled it with juice before offering it to his son. Theo opened his mouth, expecting Thorin to hold the cup for him. "You have two hands, you can do it yourself." The problem was that Theo was clutching to his truck and thus unable to hold anything else. When he finally figured out he couldn't hold both he gave his toy to Thorin so that he was able to drink from the cup.
"Don't allow him to drink everything," said Bilbo. "Otherwise he won't eat dinner."
Once Theo was done he quickly traded the cup back for his truck.
"I won't take it from you, don't worry," said Thorin and pressed a kiss to Theo's head.
"Papa?"
"What is it, sweetheart?" asked Bilbo and turned around to look at his son. "Oh, right. I almost forgot."
"What's going on?"
"Well Thorin, we wanted to ask you something. Would you like to do it, pumpkin?"
Thorin looked at his son who hid his face in his neck and shook his head.
Bilbo offered Thorin a smile. "They opened a new playground near the school, and since I'm free on Friday we wanted to ask you if you would like to go with us. I promised Theo we'll go and I thought it would be nice if we got to spend some time together."
The expression on Thorin's face told Bilbo immediately that it wasn't going to happen.
"It's not that I wouldn't want to go with you-"
"It's okay, Thorin," interrupted Bilbo. "You don't need to explain. I just asked you if you wanted to come. I understand if you don't have time."
"It's not that…"
Theo reached for Bilbo and Thorin handed him over.
"It's all fine," Bilbo assured him. "We're going anyway," he told Theo who smiled. "Would you like to try the sauce?" Theo nodded and Bilbo took a spoon of sauce and blew it to cool it down before he offered it to Theo who licked the spoon clean.
"Yummy!"
"It's good, isn't it?" Theo smiled and Bilbo pressed a kiss to his head.
"Prom is on Friday," interrupted Thorin, breaking the beautiful moment between Bilbo and their son. "And I'm taking Dana."
"Right, of course," Bilbo said and tried to act like it didn't bother him, but Thorin knew better.
"I thought you knew."
"I didn't, but thank you for telling me."
"It's your prom. I mean, all your classmates will be there."
"I don't doubt it."
"You can come too. I know no one asked you, but you can come. I'm sure you'll find some to dance with. And if you don't, I promise you one dance with me."
Bilbo wanted to spit back that he didn't need his pity, but decided to stay quiet because Theo was with them. "I promised Theo to spend the afternoon with him and I'm keeping that promise. Besides, this isn't the first or the last thing I'll be missing out on, now, is it."
Thorin rolled his eyes. "It's just prom. Not exactly the end of the world if you don't go."
"I'm not talking about prom, Thorin."
They both knew what he was talking about. "You can always try applying next year."
"You and I both know it won't make any difference. Most of the letters I got were polite in letting me know they don't want me at their school. But one of them was brutally honest, telling me they don't want someone so careless and with baggage at their school. You don't realize it because you come and visit every few days but I'm not by myself anymore – Theo always comes with me, he's my responsibility. Everything I do I have to think about how it will affect Theo first. He's two and he needs a stable home to grow up in. He comes first, second, and third in my book. I cannot afford to be selfish."
Thorin didn't know what to say so he remained quiet.
Bilbo put Theo on the ground and kissed his head. "Why don't you go play with daddy for a few minutes so I can finish dinner?"
Theo nodded in agreement before he ran back to the living room, with Thorin following close behind.
:::
After dinner Thorin offered to bathe Theo himself and who was Bilbo to deny such an opportunity. At least this time he wouldn't be the one completely wet because Theo thought it would be fun to splash water all around.
Bilbo was doing the dishes when his mother approached him. "I overheard your conversation with Thorin earlier," she told him and Bilbo sent her a look. They both knew she didn't overhear it but she was eavesdropping. Belladonna rolled her eyes. "What I'm trying to say is that if you want to go to prom, your father and I can watch over Theo for a few hours. I know we told you we're not going to raise him for you – that's your job – but we can watch him for a few hours if you want to go."
"Thank you, but like I told Thorin: I promised Theo that I'd spend the afternoon with him and that's what I'm planning to do."
"Sweetheart, you won't be able to be always there for him, and he is only two. He won't even remember that you promised to stay with him."
"He won't, but I will," Bilbo told her. "Look, I appreciate what you are all trying to do for me but I knew what I was agreeing to. I admit that he is a really big responsibility, but he is my responsibility. And even though there are days when I want to cry because I don't see a way out, one of his smiles or when he hugs me close is enough for me to find the strength to go on. He is the best thing I have in my life and I'm not planning on letting him down."
"Okay," nodded his mother and offered him a warm smile. "Why don't you go upstairs and check that the bathroom isn't flooded and I'll finish this up."
Bilbo washed his hands before going upstairs. He immediately knew something was going on when he heard Theo giggling.
"Papa!"
"What are you two doing?" Bilbo asked in his serious voice with a smile playing on his lips.
Thorin had Theo on the changing table completely naked with a nappy in his hand, looking completely lost and unsure what to do.
"I really don't know what to do," admitted Thorin. "The last time I had to change his nappy he wasn't moving around. Now I'm having trouble keeping him on the table."
Bilbo sighed before he went over to help him. "Firstly," he said and took the nappy from Thorin's hand, "we don't use nappies anymore. We use pull-ups because we are potty training." He put the nappy in one of the drawers and pulled something else out.
"That's why it looked different. I had no idea you were potty training. Really? So soon?"
"He's two, Thorin, what did you expect?"
"Big boy!"
"Yes you are," smiled Bilbo and ruffled Theo's hair. "Now use a towel to make sure he's dry down there and then pull the nappy over."
Thorin did what he was told, but getting a nappy on his son who continued to kick, because he thought it was fun, was difficult.
"Here, let me do it," Bilbo said and took over. He slid a pull-up on without any difficulties.
"He didn't kick you," Thorin complained.
"That's because I didn't let him," smiled Bilbo. "You can put his pajamas on," he offered.
To Bilbo these were the best fifteen minutes of his life. Theo was giving Thorin hell. He was doing everything he could to make it difficult for him to dress him, and Thorin, without enough experience, didn't know what to do.
"You make it look easy," he commented dryly when he lifted Theo up.
"I didn't show fear," laughed Bilbo. "Didn't you hear? They can smell fear. Time for bed, little man," he told Theo.
"Story."
"How about if daddy reads you a story tonight?" he suggested.
Thorin only shook his head. "I don't think this is such a good idea. You saw what happened when I tried to change him. Believe me when I tell you that you don't want to see the state of the bathroom."
"You'll be fine," Bilbo assured him.
They allowed Theo to pick the book he wanted before bed. Thorin found a comfortable position on Bilbo's bed with Theo in his lap before he started reading. His father's deep voice only needed one chapter before it managed to lure him to sleep. To Bilbo it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen: Theo peacefully sleeping against Thorin's chest, while the latter continued to read. Bilbo couldn't help himself taking a couple of pictures.
"He's asleep," he told Thorin just above whisper.
"Really?" Thorin looked at Theo who was sound asleep clutching to his shirt. "How long has he been asleep, and why didn't you say anything?"
"It's been only a few minutes. Besides, you both look so cute together I really didn't want to ruin the moment."
"Should I put him to bed?"
Thorin wrapped and arm around their son and Bilbo's heart melted. "He can stay with you for a few more minutes. It's not like he'll mind," he added with a smile.
In the end Thorin spent almost half an hour just watching Theo sleep in his arms before he decided to put him to bed.
:::
Bilbo wasn't really excited about going to the playground with his son, but he didn't have much of a choice. Theo was so excited about it, and Bilbo knew that his son loved to play in the sandbox. What was really bothering Bilbo was that it was right next to school. This was supposed to be his night. He was supposed to ask someone or be asked to prom. He should be dressed in a three piece suit, not in an old shirt and sweat pants because he knew there'd be sand everywhere. He should be checking his date's dress, not making sure his son was dressed warmly enough.
He loved Theo more than anything, but there were times like this that he felt left out. Instead of going to prom he was going to spend the afternoon playing in a sandbox with his son. The worst thing was that he was going to see the others having fun – not that he wouldn't be having fun, but this was different. This was something he needed to do, and going to a prom was something he wanted to do.
"Ready?" he asked Theo and the two-year-old nodded and accepted his hand. Bilbo knew that he'd have to carry him all the way back, together with all the toys they were dragging with them, but Theo absolutely hated prams and wouldn't sit in one even if his life depended on it.
Theo behaved perfectly, holding Bilbo's hand all the way to the school playground. They met a few of his schoolmates and they all greeted him politely before hurrying ahead. Bilbo knew he shouldn't be feeling sorry for himself, he had Theo, that should be more than enough. But he wanted to have that special someone, he wanted Thorin, but Thorin was already taken. He was taking his girlfriend to the prom that night. There was no doubt that Bilbo would see him that night and that would hurt all the more.
He wondered what sacrifices others were making. He was giving everything he had to his son, because Theo always came first. He knew he wasn't a perfect parent but since Thorin was almost never around, he was the only parent Theo had and thus he had to make up for both of them.
Theo let go of his hand the moment he saw the playground. "Be careful," Bilbo called after him, but the two-year-old didn't even hear him.
Bilbo followed him to the sandbox where his son was impatiently waiting to get his toys so that they could start playing. And that smile, that smile his son was wearing, so genuine and so pure, melted Bilbo's heart completely. It made him forget everything.
"What do you want first?" he asked softly.
"Truck!"
Bilbo smiled at his son before pulling the truck out of the bag and handed it over before sitting on the edge of the sandbox. As it turned out Theo didn't ask for anything else except for his plastic shovel so that he could load his toy truck with as much sand as possible.
Bilbo kept an eye on him so that we wouldn't try to eat sand or that it didn't get into his eyes, but other than that he didn't interfere with his son's playing except when asked to. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even notice Thorin approaching them until Theo called for him.
"Daddy!" Theo ran toward Thorin, very excited to see him, only to be stopped at arm's length.
"No you don't," said Thorin and stopped Theo before he could reach him. "This is a very expensive suit and you are covered with sand. Those two things don't go together, now do they."
Theo's lower lip trembled before he ran back to Bilbo and threw himself into his embrace, allowing the tears to fall freely.
"Very smooth Thorin," said Bilbo as he rubbed Theo's back trying to calm him down.
"You know it's true. He would have ruined my suit and then this whole night would be a disaster."
Bilbo rolled his eyes. The worst that could happen would be that there would be some sand on the suit but that was all. Thorin really overreacted.
"You didn't have to be so harsh with him. He's only two. He doesn't understand the concept of a three piece suit. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to ask you the same thing," said Thorin. "What the hell are you doing here? I told you that it's prom today and you told me you wouldn't come. And here you are!"
Bilbo sent him a look. "I told you I promised Theo that we would come-"
"I don't care what you promised him. He's two. You could have easily lied to him that you couldn't come! Everyone is talking about you and it's making Dana uncomfortable. She came as my date and now everyone whispers behind her back."
"So what you came here to tell us is that you want us to leave?"
"The sooner the better."
Bilbo stared at Thorin for a whole minute hoping that this was some sort of a joke. But Thorin was dead serious about it.
"Come sweetheart, it's time to go home," Bilbo told Theo completely ignoring the way Thorin was looking at him.
"Nooo… Few more minutes? Please?"
Even though Theo was crying and Bilbo would love to stay just to show Thorin that he can't boss him around, he decided to leave. Having a shouting match with Thorin would draw too much attention and in the end the only one hurt would be his son.
"We'll come back another time, how does that sound?" Bilbo wiped the tears away from Theo's face and waited until he nodded. "Help me put your toys in the bag, quickly," Bilbo smiled encouragingly. Once they had everything in the bag he lifted Theo up in his arms and walked past Thorin who was still looking at them.
"Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me. I didn't do it for you."
And with that Bilbo walked away.
Author's notes:
A big 'thank you' to Chamelaucium, who helped with this chapter.
The response first chapter got was amazing; so thank you!
I decided I'm going to update every two weeks because this is the only way I can update regularly.
And as you may have noticed - Thorin is going to be a jerk for the first few chapter, but don't be angry at him, he has his reasons.
Let me know what you think.