The Chance of Love
Chapter 7
"You're jealous!" said Bilbo as he barged into the bathroom where Thorin was giving Theo a bath. Adrian had advised him not to do it; he'd even tried to stop him but Bilbo didn't listen. He needed to talk with Thorin and find out the truth. "You're jealous," he repeated as Thorin lifted Theo from the bath and wrapped him in a towel.
"Go wait for me on the bed," Thorin told Theo and the two-year-old happily ran to his parents bed.
"Answer me," Bilbo demanded as he stood at the doorway preventing Thorin to leave.
"What do you want to know?" Thorin sighed.
"Are you jealous? Are you jealous of Adrian? Is that why you decided to stay here with me and Theo? Because you don't want me to go out with someone else?"
Thorin tried to push past Bilbo, but the younger man didn't move.
"Why does it matter?"
"Just answer me, please. Do you love me?"
Thorin fixed Bilbo with a glare. "Even if I tell you, it won't change a thing."
"No, you're wrong," Bilbo argued and once again prevented Thorin from leaving. "It changes everything."
"How? You won't go out with Adrian anymore?"
"If you love me, you need to tell me. Please," he added just above whisper.
"Why?"
"Because I'll wait. I'll wait for as long as it takes to have you. And I'll fight. I'll fight for us."
Thorin swallowed a lump in his throat. "And why would you do that?"
"Because I love you," Bilbo admitted quietly. "And I'll love you forever. But I can't fight against whatever you're fighting with alone. I'm not that strong. If there's hope for us to be together then I'll hold on to it as long as possible. But if not… If you don't feel that way, you need to tell me. You can't keep doing this to me. Telling me you love me and then pretend nothing happened between us." Bilbo now had tears falling down his cheeks and Thorin was having trouble holding his back. "Acting jealous when I speak to someone and then act like nothing has happened. Don't you see how much you're hurting me every time you do something like that? If you don't love me you need to let me go…"
Thorin remained silent for a minute and kept his eyes locked with Bilbo's. "I'm in a relationship with Dana," he said quietly. "We decided to get married next summer."
Bilbo closed his eyes for a moment and even more tears fell. When he finally looked up he saw that Thorin was still looking at him so he quickly wiped the tears away.
"I'm sorry," Thorin apologized.
Bilbo nodded as he wiped the rest of the tears away. After all this time he finally gathered courage to tell Thorin how he really felt, only to be rejected. Maybe it was better this way. Now he knew things were over between them for good. "Congratulations. I hope you two will be very happy together." He couldn't believe he was able to sound so sincere. Maybe because he was. All he wanted was for Thorin to be happy.
"Thank you. I would still very much like to stay here with you and Theo."
"Of course. You're welcome to stay. He's your son too." Bilbo was doing his best to pull himself back together.
"I won't stay between you and Adrian anymore. If you wish to pursue your relationship with him then you have my blessing. You can take Theo out with you next time so that they'll get to know each other."
"And maybe Theo should spend some time with Dana. She's going to be your wife so you're going to spend a lot of time together. And with all the children you two will decide to have."
Bilbo once again found the ceiling interesting as he continued to look up to avoid looking at Thorin and to hold back his tears.
"I should… I should finish dressing Theo."
"Of course," said Bilbo and stepped aside, allowing Thorin to pass. "And I should make dinner."
Thorin nodded before he went after Theo. "You know," he said as he stooped and looked back at Bilbo for a moment. "I'm glad we talked."
"Me too," whispered Bilbo as he watched Thorin tend to their son.
:::
Thorin was having trouble sleeping that night. Things were finally over between them. You wanted that, his traitorous mind supplied. Gods… He didn't want it. He didn't want to see Bilbo so unhappy. He wanted to kiss him and tell him that he loved him too, and that they could be together forever, but he needed to help his family first. Bilbo would do better without him there. It was about time they let each other go, no matter how much it hurt.
"Can't sleep?" asked Bilbo quietly and Thorin immediately turned around so that he was facing him.
"No," he admitted. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind tonight."
"Yeah, me too," sighed Bilbo.
"Do you think I'm making a mistake?"
"You decided to move on," Bilbo reminded him. "If she makes you happy then you should be with her."
"But what if I want to be with someone else?"
"Thorin," sighed Bilbo, not willing to go through the emotional roller-coaster once again. "You told me you're getting married-"
"Nothing is set in stone," Thorin interrupted.
"I know. But you can't keep doing this to me. You can't change your mind every few hours. If you promised to marry her then that's what you should do. You never promised me anything."
"I promised to love you forever, and you did the same. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"I never said I stopped loving you, it's just that this love hurts too much. That's why I'm letting it go."
"Just know that I'm doing this for my family. Please don't ask me to explain because I can't, not right now anyway. I just want you to know-"
"I know," assured him Bilbo quietly as their hands found each other. And he did know. They loved each other, simple as that. But something was pulling them apart and they couldn't be together. Maybe the time wasn't right.
After a minute of just lying in bed, holding hands, Bilbo moved closer until he felt Thorin's arm around his waist that pulled him the rest of the way until he was pressed into Thorin's chest. How he missed sleeping like that. He snuggled into Thorin's chest and allowed him to hold him closed as they both slowly drifted to sleep.
:::
A week later Thorin found himself doing the grocery shopping once again, but this time with Bilbo. They moved to a bigger place few days ago and Bilbo was absolutely thrilled to have a fully equipped kitchen. More space meant that Bilbo felt the need to fill every cabinet with food. Thorin rolled his eyes but still accompanied Bilbo to the supermarket. What mattered to him the most was a bigger bed (though he and Bilbo still slept together things weren't as awkward between them as they were before, even when they woke up snuggled together, which happened almost every morning) and the TV they now had. Thorin had to admit he missed watching TV.
"Remind me again, why am I here?"
"I don't know," sighed Bilbo. "You decided to come to make my day miserable."
"Why did you take Theodore with you?" asked Thorin as he followed Bilbo around with Theo in his arms. Their son absolutely hated sitting in the shopping cart. "You could have just left us at home."
"I wanted Theo with me. Is that such a bad thing? Besides, someone needed to do the shopping since all you can do is complain every day that you don't have bread for breakfast and that you're running out of coffee. Since I'm free this morning I decided to grant you a wish and bring you bread for breakfast."
"But I'm here with you," pointed out Thorin. "I don't see how you're doing me a favor."
"If you'd stayed at home then this would be a favor." Bilbo continued to push the shopping cart as he checked the list. "We need milk and tea. And Theo is running out of nappies."
"No nappies," protested the two-year-old.
"You're still having trouble during the night so we are buying you nappies," told him Bilbo. Theo made a face and Thorin couldn't help but laugh. Their son was exactly like Bilbo when he didn't like something.
"So that's it? That's all we need?"
"Sugar, flour… I need a new toothbrush," Bilbo went on. "Porridge for Theo."
"Why doesn't he get cereals for breakfast like most of the children his age do?"
"Because it's full of sugar and the last thing I want is an energy bomb. Besides, he likes porridge, don't you Theo?"
Theo shook his head. "Yuck!"
"See, he doesn't like it."
"He still eats it," Bilbo answered back.
"Because you give him no choice. I don't understand why you worry so much. I spend the mornings with him. If he becomes hyperactive then he'll be my problem to deal with."
"I want him to start the day with something healthy."
"You are a hypocrite, you know that. You put so much sugar in your tea in the morning, and those chocolate bars you've been hiding…" Bilbo just stared at Thorin. "Yes, I know about those too."
"It's none of your business what I eat for breakfast."
"Then don't force Theo to have porridge for breakfast. It won't hurt him if he actually gets something good to eat for a change."
Bilbo rolled his eyes and pushed the cart forward. He wasn't even looking where he was going because watching Thorin with Theo and being very angry at him seemed like a better thing to do.
"Ouch!"
"I'm so sorry," Bilbo apologized quickly and turned around to see who he'd hit. "Adrian? What are you doing here?"
"You better watch where you're going, Speed driver," smiled Adrian. "You're going to kill someone with that."
"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."
"Clearly."
"So, what are you doing here?"
Adrian shrugged. "Isn't it obvious? Came to buy a few things I need. You came alone?"
"No, I'm here with Theo and Thorin," Bilbo said and motioned to the pair.
"Oh," said Adrian with surprise. "I believe we haven't been introduced yet. I'm Adrian, it's nice to meet you."
Thorin shifted Theo in his arms so that he could shake Adrian's hand. Bilbo knew it was too good to be true. "The same," said Thorin with as much sarcasm as possible.
"You could have at least say it like you mean it," Bilbo hissed at him, completely ignoring Adrian's presence.
"Why? I don't mean it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to find something extremely unhealthy for my son's breakfast."
Bilbo watched Thorin walk away with anger burning inside him. He was furious!
"He's nice," commented Adrian dryly. "You two seem to be getting along better. Finally worked out your differences?"
"Nope," answered Bilbo. "We're still at each other's throats."
"That's always nice to hear," Adrian smiled as he joined Bilbo while he did the shopping. "Theo seems happy to have you both around."
"He does, doesn't he," Bilbo wondered. "I think he's the only one truly happy that me and Thorin live together." It was true, Theo was very pleased to have both his parents around. But most of all he was happy to have their full attention, that was when they were not arguing with each other, not that he minded. But for Bilbo and Thorin living together with Theo wasn't as easy as they'd thought especially because their son knew exactly who to ask when he wanted something. Most of the arguments of the past week were about that. Bilbo insisted on one thing, Thorin on something completely different. It was crucial that they appeared like they agreed on everything because Theo knew exactly which of his parents would allow something while the other wouldn't.
"And you? Are you happy?"
Bilbo sighed as he pushed the cart and Adrian followed him. "I like it here. The classes are interesting and I've met some really nice people-"
"I meant if you are happy," Adrian interrupted. "The last time we saw each other you were angry at Thorin-"
"He's getting married," Bilbo informed him quickly. There, it was out now, there was no need for him to pretend anymore. "They're getting married next summer." He forced out a laugh. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I know I shouldn't be upset about this but it just makes me so angry. I've lost him, I've lost him for good. I'm happy that he has found someone to share his life with, I'm just angry it's not me. I'm angry because I wasn't enough."
Adrian didn't know what to do or say next. He wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be fine but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do or if his comfort would be welcomed by Bilbo. Luckily it was Bilbo who closed the distance between them and hugged him. Adrian wrapped his arms around Bilbo's shaking body, knowing he needed someone to hold him close.
They stood there for a minute until Bilbo pulled away and apologized. "I'm sorry, this was really inappropriate. We hardly know each other and I'm sharing all my problems with you. I shouldn't have done that."
Adrian took Bilbo's hands in his. "You don't have to apologize. I understand, and I'm glad I can offer you some comfort. I want you to tell me all your troubles, I want to be there for you, if you'll have me."
"I-I…" stammered Bilbo. "It's too soon and I hardly know you. Besides, you have absolutely no idea what would you be dealing with. Because it's not just me, there's also Theo and Thorin and…"
Bilbo finally stopped talking when Adrian pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I think I can get your son to like me and Thorin is not as intimidating as he thinks he is. All I'm asking is that you give me a chance."
Bilbo studied Adrian for a moment before speaking. "We could start by being friends," he offered.
"I would like that very much."
"You can invite me to a cup of coffee tomorrow, after classes."
Adrian smiled at him. "Would you like to get a cup of coffee tomorrow with me?"
Bilbo's mood brightened. "I would love to."
"I'll see you tomorrow then." Adrian pressed another kiss to Bilbo's cheek. "Enjoy the rest of your day."
"You too," said Bilbo as Adrian left.
Finally some peace and quiet. Now if he could just find Thorin and Theo that would be amazing.
"Bilbo?"
Bilbo immediately recognized that voice. "What are you doing here?" he asked annoyed when he turned around to face Bofur.
"Shopping?"
"No, I mean what are you doing here? Why are you in the Iron Hills? Are you stalking me?"
Bofur looked confused. "No, I go to school here. I've been here for over a year."
"But why did you have to chose this school?" groaned Bilbo.
"My family moved here. Remember? I told you about it when you were still speaking to me."
Bilbo had to admit that Bofur did tell him about moving to Iron Hills, but that was over a year ago, and since they'd never spoken since then he completely forgotten about it. "You might have said something about it."
"So what are you doing here?"
"I go to school here."
"That's nice. Are you here alone-" Before Bofur had a chance to finish his question Thorin returned.
"You. What are you doing here. Dealing with one idiot was more than enough-"
"-Hey, don't insult me-" warned Bofur.
"-But now there are two," continued Thorin.
"Three," muttered Bilbo under his breath, but Thorin heard him and shot him a look.
"I can't believe you're both here. Together."
"Yes, we're here together," Thorin confirmed and stood next to Bilbo. "Problem?"
"No, not at all," answered Bofur. "I glad you two are back together."
"We're not back together," corrected Bilbo and pushed Thorin's hand off his shoulder. "He's here so he can annoy me. Why did you and your family move here?"
"My parents got fired."
"Wait, I thought they were working for Durin's family company."
"They were," confirmed Bofur. "But last year they started laying off workers and my parents were one of them."
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea and Thorin hasn't said a thing."
"I believe there are many things he doesn't tell you," commented Bofur and looked at Thorin before focusing on Theo. "I haven't seen him for over a year. He has grown a lot since I last saw him."
"The last time you saw him he wasn't even walking, now he's like an energy bomb when he wants to be."
"Hi, Theo," smiled Bofur, but the two-year-old hid his face in his father's neck.
"He doesn't remember you, that's why he's shy."
"I'm sure he'll grow out of it soon," said Bofur. "Well, it was nice seeing you all. I'm sure we'll bump into each other soon since we're all here."
"Can't wait," Thorin muttered and Bilbo sent him a look.
"I'll see you soon."
Surprisingly it was Theo who waved Bofur in goodbye.
"Why did his parents get fired, Thorin?!" asked Bilbo.
"Some people were laid off, that's all I know," brushed it off Thorin hoping Bilbo won't ask more questions.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" Thorin waved a box of cereals in front of him. "Froot loops, really?"
"Theodore chose them, not me," defended Thorin.
"Of course he did."
"Yummy!"
When he saw how excited Theo was Bilbo couldn't stay angry at Thorin for long. "Fine, he can have them. But you better behave or you're both getting porridge for breakfast."
"Have we ever let you down," Thorin mocked before following Bilbo to finish their shopping.
:::
Bilbo couldn't believe this was happening. It was the middle of the night and Thorin's phone had been ringing for the past two minutes and it looked like it was going to ring until someone answered it. It was a miracle Theo was still asleep with all that noise around him.
"Thorin," Bilbo called and nudged Thorin to wake up. "Your phone is ringing."
"Mhm," mumbled Thorin into the pillow. He was awake and he'd heard the phone but he had no intention of answering it. Whatever it was it could wait for a few more hours.
"Thorin, just answer your phone," Bilbo ordered.
"Papa?"
Too late, Bilbo thought as he turned on the bedside table lamp. Theo was already getting of his bed, no doubt he'd want to sleep with them. Bilbo reached over Thorin so that he could grab his phone before answering it. "Hello?" He helped Theo on their bed and pulled him in his lap as he listen what the person on the other side of the phone had to say.
When suddenly everything went quiet Thorin knew something was wrong. The moment he turned around Bilbo offered him the phone. "I think you should take this. It's about your father," he said as he handed over the phone and tightened his hold on Theo.
"Hello? Yes, this is him."
Bilbo listened Thorin talk as he was holding Theo close. Thorin's expression changed and Bilbo knew that the news he received weren't good.
"Yes, I understand. Yes, thank you, I'll inform the others."
The call ended and Thorin turned around to find Bilbo looking at him, waiting for an explanation. "My father is in hospital."
"What happened?"
"Panic attack, stress… They're not sure. He probably forgot to take his pills and it was just too much to take. His assistant found him and called an ambulance."
"I didn't know your father is sick," said Bilbo as he ran his fingers through Theo's hair to keep them both calm.
"He's not. Not that I know of. All I know is that he's taking the pills for high blood pressure, but that's it. I never knew it was this serious. I mean, he hit his head when he fell and he has concussion, they're keeping him in, and they needed to call a family member to inform the others."
Bilbo listened Thorin ramble as he continued to pace up and down to room. Thorin was a mess, Bilbo knew that. Even though he didn't get along well with his father lately, it was still his father and Bilbo knew that he was worried. "Calm down, Thorin, everything is going to be alright."
"This is my father, Bilbo," said Thorin, his hands shaking. "He could have died."
"But he didn't," Bilbo reminded him and put Theo down on their bed, before making his way to Thorin and taking his hands. "He's going to be alright, you'll see. What are you planning on doing? "
Thorin took a deep breath to calm down. "First I'm going to call my mum and tell her, and then I'm going back. I need to see him and make sure he's okay."
"Alright," Bilbo agreed and cupped Thorin's cheek. "And I'm going with you."
"No, you can't. You cannot leave Theodore here and you have classes in the morning."
"Theo's going with us. I can leave him with my mother for a few hours. You're not going alone."
Thorin nodded in agreement. Part of him was happy that he wasn't going alone, but the other part of him knew that sooner or later Bilbo would find out the truth. They were ready in record time and soon Theo was peacefully sleeping in the car as they drove back home. Bilbo and Thorin didn't speak much. Mostly because there was nothing to talk about. Thorin tried to focus on getting them home safely while his thoughts kept drifting to his father. They'd had their differences, but this was still his father who was in the hospital, something that he just couldn't ignore so easily.
:::
It was morning when they finally arrived. Theo was awake, blabbing about something that Bilbo was pretending to listen to, when Thorin parked the car.
"Hungry," Theo complained when Bilbo took him out of the car and rested him on his hip.
"I know baby. We're going to get something to eat as soon as we see grandpa."
"Why is grandpa here?"
"Because he wasn't feeling well, and when people don't feel well they go to the hospital," Bilbo explained as he followed Thorin inside.
"Is he sick?"
"No, honey, he's just not feeling well."
"Okay." Theo wrapped his arms around Bilbo's neck as he was carried inside.
After a quick check at the information desk Thorin got the information he needed and with Bilbo's help they quickly found the ward they were looking for.
"Thorin!"
Before he even had a chance to react he had his arms full of his girlfriend who was very happy to see him.
"I missed you so much," Dana told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "You have no idea how much I missed you." When she kissed him again Bilbo looked away. It was rude to stare and this was their private moment and he felt like he was imposing by being there.
"And look," said Dana as she pulled back and showed him a new diamond ring on her finger. "Since our engagement was a quick thing I decided to buy something for myself. What do you think?"
"It's nice," Thorin commented without any real interest.
"Of course it's nice, it's an engagement ring which you bought me." Thorin gaped at her. "Don't look at me like that, I deserved it since you proposed without it."
Bilbo's stomach twisted at the thought of Thorin proposing to Dana. He didn't know any details but he supposed it was a very special moment for both of them.
"You can't just buy yourself a ring with my money without asking me first," Thorin told her as he tried to keep calm.
"I'm not giving it back, if that's what you're trying to tell me," she told he visibly offended.
Thorin wanted to argue but one quick glance at Bilbo told him to calm down and let it go. They had more important matters to attend to.
"Fine, keep the damn ring," he said as he pushed past her and stormed down the hallway to the waiting room where his family was gathered.
"So Bilbo, what do you think," she asked after Thorin stormed away.
"I'm not an expert," Bilbo tried. He didn't want to look hurt by the fact that she was wearing Thorin's engagement ring, so to speak. "Like Thorin said: it's nice."
"We're getting married," Dana told him happily and Bilbo tightened his hold on Theo. "Next summer!"
"Yes, I heard. Congratulations. I wish you all the best."
"Thank you. You'll be invited, of course. Thorin will probably want Theo there so I guess we'll invite you both. If he tells my parents about him first. I don't know why he refuses to do so. I mean, it's not like they care. Me getting Durin's last name and securing a place in the family is the most important thing to them."
"I don't understand," said Bilbo confused.
"Never mind, I've already told you too much." She offered him one of her fake smiles before joining the rest of the family.
:::
"Did you see the ring on her finger?" asked Kíli as he bounced Theo on his knees. He didn't get to spend a lot of time with his nephew lately and he loved making Theo giggle and laugh.
"I did," Bilbo confirmed who was sitting on a plastic chair next to him, hoping that Theo wouldn't throw up the yogurt he had for breakfast all over Kíli's shirt. Though, with the way Kíli was bouncing him on his knees he was almost sure it would happen.
"Cost a damn fortune. A gold-digger, that's what she is."
"It's not like you can't afford it," Bilbo commented. "Give him to me before he throws up," he said as he took Theo and settled him in his lap. "You're loaded with money."
Kíli let out a laugh.
"What? We both know that's true. This ring is probably nothing to you."
"You're hilarious, you know that?"
Bilbo sent him a look before putting Theo down. "Come, let's go see what daddy is doing," he said as he took his hand.
"Are we going to stay here?"
"No, we're going to see grandma and grandpa after we are done here."
"I miss them!" Theo announced happily as he skipped next to Bilbo.
"They miss you too. I'm sure they'll try to spoil you as much as they can."
"What is spoil you means?"
"What does it mean?" corrected Bilbo before thinking for a moment how to explain to his son. "It means you'll get a lot of candy and other things I don't allow you to eat."
"Yay!"
"Yay!" repeated Bilbo after Theo. "Now let's go find daddy an ask him when can we leave."
Theo quickly pointed at Thorin who was standing at the reception desk talking with the nurse.
"…The most I can do is postpone it for a month, that's all," Bilbo heard the nurse explain as he joined Thorin.
"Everything okay?"
"Hm? Yeah, everything's fine," Thorin answered as he lifted Theo up in his arms.
The two-year-old immediately wrapped his arms around his father's neck. "When can we go home?"
"Soon," Thorin promised.
The nurse returned with a paper which she offered to Thorin to sign, which Thorin did.
"That's all?"
"Yes, that's all."
Bilbo looked at the nurse and then back to Thorin, not knowing what to think. Thorin offered the nurse a smile before leading Bilbo back to the waiting room.
"Did you take care of it?" was the first thing Valla asked as he approached them.
"Yes, don't worry. The payment has been delayed for a month," Thorin explained.
"We'll still have to find the way to get the money. We're running out of things to sell. And you told Dana to buy herself a ring."
"I told her to chose one, not to buy it," corrected Thorin. "And we're not moving the wedding forward," he quickly added when he saw that his mother wanted to say something.
"What's going on?" Bilbo demanded, suddenly feeling like he didn't know them at all. Why were they suddenly talking like they were poor?
"I'll explain everything to you later."
"When are you going back?" his mother asked.
"In the evening. Dad will be released in the late afternoon and I'll help you get him home, but then we have to go back. I'm taking Bilbo to his parents and then I'll come back."
Author's notes:
A big 'thank you' to Chamelaucium, who helped with this chapter.
I never imagined I would get so many reviews, so thank you!
I couldn't find Froot loops in the supermarkets where I live. That's disappointing.
Next chapter: Bilbo looks for a way to take some pressure off and Thorin offers his help.