"Are you packed yet?"

"I'm workin' on it.

"You haven't even started yet have you?" Matthew's voice sighed through Alfred's speakers and despaired at his younger brother, casually sitting in his chair and swivelling around; Matthew could tell that he'd had a very good day, his brother looked even more lovesick than usual. "Al, it was your idea to come back home for your birthday. You gotta get ready or you're going to panic at the last minute." Alfred stopped turning in his chair to look at his screen and grinned, playing with the baseball in his hand.

"I'm workin' on it!" He said again, tossing the ball from one hand to the other. "List off stuff I need."

"Alright." Matthew said slowly, raising his eyebrow and sounding not at all impressed with him. "Clothes."

"Closet. Next."

"So you haven't packed them."

"But I have them! Which is what's important. Next!" Alfred commanded with a flourish and Matthew sighed.

"Wash bag."

"Bathroom."

"Money."

"Bank account."

"Passport." Matthew was sounding more and more irritated.

"In my drawers somewhere I dunno."

"Plane ticket?"

"Internet!"

"So you haven't prepared at all you moron!" Matthew shouted and Alfred just laughed.

"Oh come on! There's towels and stuff there, I won't need that much money cause come on, it's my birthday! You guys will be taking care of me! Mom's gonna be handling most of it so I really don't need to worry that much about packing. There's still ages before I leave! I got my ticket so I know I'm going at least!" Alfred grinned wider. "Besides! I've got bigger things to plan!"

"Well let me guess. This wouldn't happen to be something to do with Arthur would it?" He asked in a very unamused tone, resting his chin on his palm; he just sighed when Alfred nodded happily. "Al, don't you think you're going to more trouble than you should?"

"I don't know what you mean." Alfred said childishly.

"I mean, you've been at it for months. It's kinda bordering on stalking at this point honestly, I mean, come on Al think about it. Do you really think Arthur would appreciate all that if he knew the truth?"

"I'm not a stalker! Geeze, don't kill my buzz Matt, you're making me sound creepy! I'm not like that."

"You told him he'd meet with me to find good tourist spots, then claimed I didn't show up because I was with other people, when you know full well that I hadn't even left the house that night. You gave him homemade chocolate on Valentine's Day and then covered your own ass by telling him you had been giving it to everyone. You invited him for drinks because he'd had a bad day but let's face it Al, that was you trying to show him you'd be there to be a pick-me-up."

"That's what friends do!" Alfred protested but Matthew simply ignored him and continued.

"And then you invite him to the same bar because it went wrong the first time, and I think you just wanted to prove that a night out with you could be fun." Matthew listed in a serious tone and looked at Alfred with a sympathetic expression. "It's all worked out so far Alfred, but it's like you're tricking him into dates. He obviously seems to care about you so why would it be so hard for you to just tell him the truth about how you really feel? Do it after your birthday sure, but don't keep it from him for much longer Alfred, it isn't fair on him." Matthew finished softly; he let out a silent sigh when it seemed that Alfred would get defensive, but that always just meant that Alfred had seen his older brother's point.

"… You know why I can't do that Matt. I've told you what kinda guy he is. It'd scare him away. I don't even know for sure if he likes me like that. And even if he did, I want to get to know him. He's a really nice guy Matt. Even if this doesn't work out the way I want, I still wanna be on good terms with him. I want to be his friend before anything else, y'know? …Please don't call me a stalker again, okay?" Alfred spoke quietly, not looking at Matthew; his brother felt a small twinge of guilt and sighed, deciding to apologise and bring the conversation to the much happier subject of Alfred's birthday. The American instantly brightened and grinned. "Oh right! Yeah that's my plan! I told Arthur ages ago when my birthday is but I dunno if he remembers but I'm gonna go ask him out tomorrow!"

"Properly?"

"… N-no… For a birthday celebration, shut up." Alfred pouted childishly. "I'm leaving in a few days and I just wanna celebrate with him too y'know? He won't say no. I'm sure of it!" He smiled confidently and Matthew sighed.

"Just don't push him too far, alright? You don't want to make him uncomfortable and let's face it, you're pretty good at making people uncomfortable so…" Matthew trailed off with a small smile and Alfred laughed. The conversation moved on from that point but Alfred was still excited for how Arthur would react to Alfred inviting him out again.

This just wasn't fair.

Alfred was everywhere; he couldn't escape him! Arthur's mind absolutely refused to think of anything else! Practically everything about the man haunted him constantly and the thing that annoyed Arthur the most was that he just kept thinking about it. Every moment he'd spent with Alfred replayed in Arthur's head, finding each time he had unconditionally been there for him. Every smile, every laugh, every time they teased each other, every kind word and gentle expression and it was driving him insane! It was reaching the point where everything about the man was beginning to piss him off. Even more frustrating was the moment he realised that after so long of Alfred being around, Arthur not only expected to see him at least two or three times a week, but every time he went into work, he actually hoped to see him. He looked forward to it and felt a small pinch of disappointment if he didn't show up.

'Why is he so friendly in the first place? Is he trying to get me to owe him a favour? Does he not have any other friends? It wouldn't surprise me, he's annoying enough!' Arthur scowled just thinking about it. Alfred was brash and loud and childish, dense as a cliff face! …Blunt, stubborn, a bloody great big lummox who didn't think about anything that came out of his mouth-!

'Kind, gentle, caring, selfless, always there for me, funny, sweet, endearing, loveable, cute-' Arthur banged his head against his kitchen table repeatedly. It was still too hot; June just wouldn't let up with the sun and Arthur still wasn't sleeping properly because all he could think about was… Was bloody Alfred! 'I don't feel for him that way! I barely know the man! I don't know what's bloody wrong with me!' But that wasn't quite true. Arthur had known after he'd had that dream. Arthur had known when he was able to tell Alfred anything even though he barely knew him. He had known since each tiny twinge of jealousy and every sheepish blush. He'd known from the very beginning but chose to ignore it, to push those feelings to the darkest corners of his mind and he knew exactly why.

To protect himself.

People were shallow.

People were easily swayed and only ever cared about themselves; only ever saw what they wanted to see.

They were selfish. Manipulative. They weren't safe. They weren't stable.

People used you.

People hurt you.

'Alfred would never do that.'

Arthur groaned in frustration and desperation, roughly getting up from his table to get ready for work. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. Alfred was wonderful, Alfred was kind and gentle but he was also a massive twat with not a single ounce of tact in his entire body. Alfred made Arthur feel exposed. Vulnerable. Arthur didn't like that. He hated it.

'Alfred would never do anything to hurt me. Of course he wouldn't. Alfred's not like that.' Arthur stared at his front door in silence, gripping the strap of his bag tightly; there was a strong scowl on his face as he left his flat and closed the door. Alfred may have been wonderful, but if that were really the case, then he would ruin Alfred eventually, one way or another; the man was too kind for his own good and one day it was going to get him taken advantage of. Arthur didn't want to be that person. Regardless of any signals he may have been reading, or how he had been feeling, or what thoughts came into his head… Arthur didn't want Alfred.

He didn't deserve him.

Arthur was tired. He was so, so tired. After an eight hour shift, though glad to be busy, Arthur now wanted nothing more than to just go home; he didn't want to deal with anything else, he needed sleep, and he needed time to think everything out properly. He knew that he was far too emotionally invested, and it was obvious that there was a definite attraction that Arthur felt for Alfred, both for his physical appearance and his personality –all things considered. However, Arthur wasn't sure if he truly felt so strongly for him. It may have been that Arthur had just gone so long without any real companionship of any sort. Alfred was probably the only person he would think to consider as a close friend outside of work –and he could count who he considered a friend inside work on one hand. Regardless, one thing Arthur knew for sure was that he didn't want to stop associating with Alfred altogether; he just needed some time to think things through properly. The last thing Arthur wanted was to lose Alfred as a friend; Arthur himself certainly hadn't been acting like one, he realised as a bitter afterthought. Arthur was just glad that Alfred hadn't shown up that day; he probably wouldn't have been able to take it. Arthur had never been good in social situations, and he certainly was not one for expressing his feelings properly; he would have ended up just screaming at him, which would have ended badly for all involved. Frankly though, Arthur wouldn't even want to calmly explain what was going on in his mind, Alfred had dealt with his whining far too frequently and he was not going to humiliate himself again in such a way.

Arthur's shift ended after 6pm; as he hobbled out of the shop and on his way to his bus station, he glanced up tiredly from his feet. Despite how hot it was, he felt his blood run cold. Alfred was coming down the side street where they so often met, shopping bag in hand clearly from his trip into town and smiling the same sunny smile he always had. A thousand fleeting thoughts rushed through Arthur's mind; telling him to take a different way, to try and dodge him and stay on the main road as he ran to the bus station, but they all came too slow. Alfred had already noticed him, his smile widening to a welcoming grin and waving to the man happily.

"Hey Arthur! You done for the day?" That cheerful voice called and Arthur could no longer run; he steeled himself and walked stiffly down the side street by the shop, nodding to Alfred shortly as he passed him. "Woah woah woah! What's with the hurry hot shot? You that upset to see me?" He laughed as he swivelled around and grinned teasingly but oh Arthur felt terrible at how true his words were. Arthur had to leave, he had to go home; he tried making up an excuse, never missing a beat.

"Oh, no it's not that." He said, turning around. "I just need to get home and have my supper, I haven't eaten all day, I'm starving! I really shouldn't miss my bus!" He forced a tight smile and went to turn around again but Alfred was already tottering over to him.

"No kidding! That's perfect!" Alfred chimed and smiled at Arthur brightly, adjusting his shopping bag and pointing his thumb in the direction of the car park. "I haven't eaten either! I was hoping I'd bump into you today cause I got somethin' to celebrate!" He grinned wider and Arthur's body wouldn't move. "Hey, since you're off the clock for the day and we're both around, wanna go hang out? Oh I just got a great idea! Come on! I'll take you back and on the way we can get something for dinner! There's this place I wanted to try anyway, always better to eat with friends than eating alone right? Come on, my treat!" Alfred's face was just so cheerful Arthur could barely stand it; it was only a short time before Arthur looked away with a firm expression, taking a small step away from him.

"I don't really have time today Alfred." He explained shortly in a quiet voice and Alfred paused, seeming confused; it didn't seem to last long though, as Alfred was soon smiling again.

"What? Aw come on, it's sunny again! You can't let an opportunity like that go! Even if we did miss most of the day! C'mon it'll fun, I promise!"

"I'm really not in the mood Alfred." Arthur tried again. Alfred tilted his head.

"You got an important thing to do?"

"Yes." He lied.

"Oh wow cool! Sorry, I didn't know." Alfred chuckled lightly. "You got a party?" He smiled and Arthur just frowned, did he really look like someone who would be going to a party? Was Alfred making fun of him now?

"No."

"A date?"

"No."

"What is it?" Alfred asked, taking a step forward; he was clearly curious, but he didn't realise that his constant prodding for information was straining on Arthur's resolve.

"It's not important." Arthur assured him firmly but Alfred still didn't stop. Instead he laughed, teasing like he always did but it made Arthur's composure finally crack.

"Well if it's not important, you can skip it right?" Alfred grinned and Arthur took a strong step forward, causing Alfred to retreat backwards in surprise.

"It doesn't work like that! Stop being a rude brat, if I'm busy, then I'm busy Jones." He growled and Alfred's smile instantly faded. Arthur lightly bit his tongue; he hadn't called Alfred by his last name like that in so long, and certainly not with such a sharp tone. Arthur tried to excuse himself but the American kept on, his manner had changed to one that was concerned and careful, only succeeding to make Arthur feel worse.

"Hey… I'm sorry, I-"

"It's fine."

"No, I'm serious dude, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean it." Alfred said softly but Arthur just shook his head.

"I-it doesn't matter. I really have to go." Arthur told Alfred pointedly and refused to look at him; there was a tense silence between them but Arthur didn't move. Alfred rubbed the back of his neck guiltily and hesitantly tried to bring up the idea of going out to celebrate his birthday. He was much more careful with his words this time, doing his best to not irritate the Englishman.

"W-well, I was just asking cause… Cause y'know, the 4th July is coming up! It's still a little ways off but it's soon!" Alfred smiled, making himself sound a little more cheerful and confident. "And, as you know, it just happens to be my-"

"I don't give a toss about your damned holiday, Jones!" Arthur snapped, his face set in a deep scowl. "It has nothing to do with me and I want no part in it! I don't care, Jones! Why would you think that I'd care!?" There was another silence. Arthur turned away, unable to bare Alfred looking so hurt; he felt guilt wash over him and sighed deeply, dragging a hand down his face. "I… I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I really have to go." His voice was weaker and sounded almost desperate. Despite what he said, he glanced up to see Alfred looking more worried than ever; the American really was concerned about him, and Arthur was just making him worry more. 'Please. Please just leave. Just leave me be for today.' Arthur pleaded in his thoughts but Alfred took another step forward.

"Is something wrong? You can tell me, I promise I won't say anything, it's okay." Alfred's voice was gentle as he took another step but Arthur made sure a distance stayed between them. Why couldn't Alfred just take the hint and go? Why did he have to care so much? It just made Arthur even more furious than before; all the feelings flying around his head telling him Alfred was stupid and kind and oblivious and caring and damned annoying and completely wonderful. He realised how much he wanted to run and wanted to stay and wanted to punch Alfred in that sorry mouth of his! How he wanted to go straight up to Alfred and that sorry mouth of his and-

"I-it's nothing like that. I'm fine." Arthur stuttered quickly, shaking his head as he begged his legs to move in vain and Alfred still didn't leave. "Look, I have a bus to catch."

"Again? Man that car of yours really sucks huh?" Arthur could see that Alfred was making an effort to keep the conversation light and friendly; he wanted Arthur to feel comfortable, unpressured. Of course Alfred would do that. "I can take a look at it if you want?"

"No need. I don't want to be a bother."

"I could drive you?"

"There's no need Alfred." Arthur sounded almost frantic as he turned away and finally his legs obeyed him. "Goodbye." He tossed behind him, his body stiff as he walked, hearing Alfred follow, calling after him.

"Oh come on Arthur, let a guy help out! It's no trouble!" Alfred laughed slightly, reaching out and slinging an arm around his shoulder; he didn't see Arthur's wide eyes and smiled brightly. He just wanted to show Arthur that he wasn't alone in whatever he was stressed about and that he could help. "I mean, what're friends for right?"

Alfred was abruptly shoved away from Arthur's body; he had to pause for a moment to regain his bearings and realised that Arthur had pushed him away, and violently at that. Not only did he push Alfred off of him, but Arthur had smacked the American's hand away from his shoulder with a stinging force; he stared at Arthur in shock, watching him as the Englishman glared up at him coldly, his chest and shoulders rising and falling at an increasing speed. Something inside Arthur had finally snapped and his mouth began to work on its own, his mind simply unable to stop it. In a single moment, Arthur went back to the one thing he knew how to do, the one thing he'd always done. The one thing that had always protected him. What was safe. Stable.

Biting out venomous words with a sharp tongue.

"Look. I'm polite to you in the shop and yes, I know that it seems your presence to me is no longer like the grating sound of nails on a chalkboard and I appreciate you taking me home and helping me when I needed it. That was very kind of you, but that does not instantly make us best friends! And just because, for some God forsaken reason, I keep on bumping into you and you keep on bloody imposing on me, that does not make us best friends! I have tolerated you and your blasted whims for far too long and I am at my wit's end! I am not your friend, I do not wish to be your friend, and I never want to be your friend! I am by no means your friend and nothing would displeasure me more than to have you always buzzing about me!" He looked so deeply aggravated on the surface that not even his own mother would be able to see how desperate and upset Arthur really was as he spoke. "I have no interest in you whatsoever and I would very much like for you to finally leave me be!" 'Stop. Stop it. Please just stop.' Arthur's mind begged, not even knowing if he was trying to tell those words to Alfred or himself. It didn't matter; his body didn't listen and his mouth just continued. He spat out hurtful words to a man who was too shocked to move. Arthur gave the American a small sarcastic bow. "So 'thank you' for your help before, now kindly piss off and never invade my personal space ever again! If I ever see you again outside the shop then it will be a million years too soon, and in God's name you better not try to speak to me, let alone wander over and act like I am your friend! Do I make myself perfectly clear!?"

Arthur was breathing heavily from the speech, having barely taken a breath during it; his posture still strong and stubborn even though inside he was crumbling. Horrified by Alfred's wide eyed expression, Arthur opened his mouth again but no sound came; he couldn't say anything else, what was the point? A tense silence hung in the air, his guilt so heavy Arthur could barely breathe. It was an eternity to Arthur before Alfred finally looked away; like a stallion whose spirit had been broken, there was something the man was missing now and Arthur knew it.

He had ruined everything. A certain light was absent in Alfred's eyes as he bit back the bile in his throat and looked away with a broken expression. There was still time. Arthur could still take it back, he could still apologise why wouldn't he apologise? But Arthur's jaw stayed locked in place, his body frozen with that same hurtful scowl. It was Alfred who finally broke the silence; his voice quiet and sombre even through the effort Alfred used to keep his words as chipper as usual. It was obvious though; the small shake in his voice gave him away.

"… Yeah. That's …" Alfred forced out, remembering how to breathe again; he swallowed and cleared his throat before continuing, covering the shakiness of his voice with a small chuckle. "Pretty clear. Well… Uh, th-thanks I guess… For everything." He nodded to himself slowly, needing to pace his words because his throat felt so tight that each syllable felt like dragging knives across his windpipe. Arthur wanted nothing more than to just say something. Anything. Why wouldn't his voice just work? "It was—y'know, nice… Talking to you. Hanging out n' stuff… Yeah. So… See ya." Alfred lifted his hand gingerly in a wave goodbye and turned, heading back to the car park to go home. Even now, Arthur still had a chance. He still had the opportunity to run forward; to stop watching the man leave hurt and broken and apologise and beg for forgiveness. He still had a chance.

But instead, Arthur's feet moved, and he turned his back to Alfred, walking in the opposite direction towards the bus station. He had ruined everything. Arthur took a seat when he reached the station and hunched over, leaning his elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. 'What have you done Arthur? Oh God… What have you done?'

Alfred could barely feel his legs. They moved on muscle memory alone as he went over every single thing Arthur had said in his mind. It hurt to breathe. Even when he reached his car he just fell into his seat and gripped the steering wheel with both hands.

"Fuck." He whispered, leaning forward and hitting his head lightly against the wheel repeatedly, his voice cracking. It felt like his heart was ripping apart. "Fuck… Fuck fuck fuck ffffffuck…!" He gasped out a small quiet sob. He was so stupid. He'd pushed too far.

He had ruined everything.

Alfred left for America on the 1st July to spend a week and a half with his family. Hope you guys enjoyed (?) reading this chapter. I don't have much to say about it, so I guess I'll just wait till the next chapter :3 Thank you all for reading and as always I'd love to hear your thoughts! Hope you have a lovely day Chappy-choos and I'll see you in the next chapter! o7o/