Tonight's been another good step toward the future, a future I hope to share with the woman sitting next me. I wasn't sure how she would react to hearing about Martha but I think it went well. Now we've settled into a comfortable silence. I don't want to break it but I'm overwhelmed with feelings of exhaustion and can't keep a yawn from escaping. The last few days of going non-stop seem to have caught up with me. I sneak a glance over at Vic. She is leaning back on the couch with her eyes half closed. It looks like she's feeling it too.

"You okay to drive home?"

She turns her head to look at me, "Yeah, I'm fine. This is just the first time I've really relaxed in a while. I've been holding onto things pretty tightly lately."

"I know what that's like."

"Things seem to be taking a positive turn though. Henry is free, Barlow is not, and Shaun should have gotten the rest of his shit out of the house today. All in all, things are looking up."

"Shaun's already gone, huh?"

She nods, "Shaun's trip to Alaska was never meant to be just a trip. From the beginning it was supposed to be permanent, though he had reserved the right to turn down the transfer if he hated it there. After he left he had an attorney friend of his drop by the house with divorce papers for me to look over. I didn't know they were coming, but I can't say I was surprised."

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Not at all."

"How are you doing with all that? I know you didn't marry Shaun expecting it to end like this. It can't be easy."

She seems to hesitate before answering, "It isn't easy, but it's where I've found myself. I tried to make it work, we both did, but in the end it wasn't enough. I think there were signs from the beginning that maybe it was a mistake, but you fall in love and want to overlook the red flags. That's a mistake I don't intend on making in the future."

For some reason that feels a little like a punch in the gut, "Right."

"Oh, Walt, I don't mean that like it sounds."

We'll have to talk about what it sounds like later because there are more than a few red flags between the two of us. I just don't have the energy to do it now, "It's okay...Uh, Are you still in love with him?" I don't really want to know the answer but I have to ask.

"No. I care about him but I'm not in love with him. Looking back on it, I'm not sure I ever really was... I don't know, it's so hard to separate where we were when we started out from all the things that have happened since."

"Well, you know, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm a pretty good listener."

She laughs easily, "You're probably the best listener I've ever met."

"Vic, I know I said I'd like to move forward with you but I'm a patient man. I'm pretty good at waiting. So please, take as much time as you need to get over Shaun and the divorce. And if you decide that you don't want to move forward with me, at anytime, that's okay too. Just tell me."

"I will. I promise. But, that isn't going to happen."

"Okay."

We sit for a few more minutes in silence.

"So, you said something about us moving forward...what does that mean exactly?"

I can't keep a small smile from passing over my lips, "Well, it means that I'd like to take you out on a date, Vic, after your divorce is final and you feel you're ready."

"Sure, I wouldn't expect you to take out a married woman."

"Nope, not my style."

"What about until then?"

"What about it?"

"What do we do while we're waiting for the papers to cross the judge's desk?"

"Well, I think that'll give us time to talk about some things we probably need to work through."

"I guess there are some of those."

"Yep."

"So, if it's not your style to take out a married woman, what was that the other night then?"

That's an interesting change of subject, "What was what?"

"Really? You have to ask?"

I chuckle softly, "Oh, that."

She cocks her head to the side and raises her eyebrows, "Yeah, that."

"I didn't take you out."

"Are you avoiding the question?"

Of course she'd think that, "Well, that was, uh...I was, uh, hmmm."

"Uh huh."

"Well you see, Vic..."

She scoots over closer to me on the couch, "Yes?"

"I think I was so relieved to hear you weren't going to leave and I guess I just wanted you to know how happy I was that you were staying in Durant."

"Okay."

I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't. "Vic, I'm sorry. I was out of line in Henry's office that night. I know it was too soon to do something like that, and the timing was all wrong, but...I couldn't seem to help myself."

"Well, it's not like you to act that impulsively, but if that was you out of line, I'm not sure I want you in line."

I sit there not sure how to respond. I don't want to say too much and start something I'm not prepared to finish, but I want her to know that I'm right there with her, "To be honest, Vic, I'm kind of looking forward to falling out of line with you, but that probably needs to wait, so..."

I am painfully aware of how physically close Vic is, as well as the late hour.

She leans in even closer, "All of it needs to wait, or just the parts that are more...significant?"

"Well, you know I, uh"

Before I can get a complete sentence out of my mouth I feel her warm breath on my neck. She nuzzles her nose in close, against my ear and begins to press soft, wet kisses along it's edge moving downward. She's putting my own moves on me. That hardly seems fair. I'm having a hard time thinking clearly as she warms my neck on her way to the base of my throat. When I realize her lips have reached the opening of my shirt, I catch my breath. I feel her tongue start to run along my collar bone. I need to stop this before it goes any farther.

"Vic."

"Um hmmm?"

"What are you doing?"

She stops right where she is, settled in against me where she's pulled the collar of my shirt open, "I wanted you to know how happy I am that I'm staying in Durant." I feel her lips move into a smile right before I feel the delightful sensation of her teeth biting my skin. This isn't good. Okay, it's great, but I'm not that strong right now and my resolve is starting to fall away.

"No one is happier about that than me right now, believe me, but, uh,Vic...I think it might be time for you to head home. It's pretty late."

She reluctantly pulls back. Her eyes bore into mine contradicting the slight pout on her lips, barely detectable, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. We'll get there, Vic, but not tonight."

She retreats back into her own air space and flops against the back of the couch, "Well damn! I sure hope the judge isn't going on a long vacation anytime soon. That divorce needs to go through as soon as possible.

Bow Howdy.

I take the long way home. I want some time to think back over the evening before I'm thrust back into the reality of my empty house and failed marriage.

It was nice getting to know more about Walt and what his life was like before, especially since I know it's the life he'd still be living if he'd been given the choice. It could have been hard to listen to, but the only really difficult moment for me was when Walt turned to the last photograph in the album. It was a picture of the three of them. Walt was sitting on a blanket with his legs stretched out in front of him leaning back against a tree. He was looking down at Martha who was next to him, legs tucked to the side and both arms wrapped around her husband's waist. Her head was leaning on his shoulder and she was looking at the camera. Cady was peaking out from behind the tree. You could tell that they had all been laughing when the photo was snapped. Walt said that Henry had taken the picture two weeks before Martha was diagnosed with cancer and it was the last photo taken of her before she died. They had gone to spend the afternoon at their special place for a picnic, something they did regularly at the time. Walt said they kept meaning to go back but Martha was too sick from the treatments to have energy to go that far from the house. I wiped silent tears from my cheeks as I looked into each of their faces on the page. They looked so happy and completely unaware of how much their lives would change in such a short time. While I almost felt as if I was intruding on a private family moment, I was honored that Walt wanted to share it with me. For the first time I was able to fully imagine the pain he must have felt at losing his wife and I grieved with him for his loss. Then, when he told me about scattering Martha's ashes and setting her free, I knew he had set himself free in the process and that he had finally found some peace.

When I left the cabin to head home Walt walked me to my truck and gave a repeat performance of the hug in the parking lot at the Red Pony. Never before has a hug been so emotionally and physically satisfying. After what I had started in the cabin, I'd hoped for a bit more than that but I think I understand why he may be avoiding kissing me on the mouth. I suspect it might be the beginning of the end once that happens, whether or not either of us are "ready" for it. I've never wanted someone this badly. The fire is already raging and we've barely touched one another. I cannot imagine what it will be like once we're able to finally let go in that department. Walt's right, it's best to wait. There's too much in the way right now and I'm finished jumping into things without thinking. There's too much damage that can be done with that kind of behavior and I'm not willing to play with Walt and our relationship. He's too important to me.

I turn on the radio and hit the CD button. The voice of Alison Krauss fills the cab of the truck. I'll never admit this to any of my old friends from Philly but her voice and music speak to me.

Don't choose me because I am faithful
Don't choose me because I am kind
If your heart settles on me, I'm for the taking
Take me for longing, or leave me behind

This encompasses Walt for me. Yes, he is extremely faithful and can be very kind but I'm drawn to much more than that. It's not just a physical want or a sudden rush of adrenaline either, but the kind of desire based on a connection that goes beyond anything I have ever experienced before. It's undeniable and unyielding: an anchor. It's a longing that runs deep. It's a longing worth nourishing. It's a longing with a payoff worth waiting for and I have no intention of ever leaving him behind.

Take me for Longing was written by Mark Simos and performed by Alison Krauss and Union Station.