Tony was an idiot. Kim decided this yesterday when he had forced Peter to unmask in front of a load of Paparazzi. Which made jaws drop from Coulson's entire team (Plus Kim and Laura), who had assembled in Coulson's office for the press conference that Tony had held for the announcement.
24 hours earlier
"So apparently Tony has called some sort of press conference with Spiderman… so this can't be good." Announced Coulson to the gathered team inside his office.
"Oh God what's he going to do?" moaned Laura into the palms of her hands.
"I reckon he'll be doing cartwheels in the Iron Man suit whilst Parker juggles champagnes bottles naked." Replied Hunter with a smirk.
Laura glared, and Kim was desperately holding back a snort as she got that mental image.
"Well I doubt that, but you never know with Stark…" said Coulson, with a twinkle in his eye. He gained yet another death glare from Laura. She was giving those a lot lately, and Kim, FitzSimmons, Hunter, Coulson, May and Skye had a bet on to see who could get the most by the end of the week. So far Hunter was winning, because he seemed to piss her off the most.
Coulson turned to the screen as the conference started, and Tony and Peter walked on the screen, Tony in a crisp pinstriped suit and Peter wearing his Spiderman costume.
Kim had tuned out of the dull stuff but was suddenly jolted back to earth by Laura grabbing her arm as Peter unmasked onscreen and his face was lit up in camera flashes.
Kim looked around, and everyone's eyes were popping out of their heads, and their jaws seemed to hang off their faces as the conference ended and the screen turned off.
"Well…" started Fitz through the awkward silence that followed.
"Yeah…" replied Kim, her eyes darting around the room.
"That was…" muttered Coulson, locking eyes with Laura for her moment.
"I'm going to kill him." Laura replied to Coulson's silent question.
"Which one?" joked Hunter, earning him another death stare.
"Both of them. Father dearest for persuading Peter to unmask and Peter for allowing himself to be persuaded. I don't think Tony understands that Steve's going to hit back." Laura said, anger present in her voice and a fire in her brown eyes that Kim had never seen before.
Present day
"He's hit back." said May suddenly, holding her tablet, and showing Laura.
"Pictures on social media show a superbattle is happening in downtown Manhattan between billionaire Tony Stark's Iron Man, Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman and the War Machine versus Captain America and his team of fugitives working against the recent registration act." Read Laura aloud, her voice getting more tired and more exasperated with every word. "Oh perfect. What are we going to do? Let's face it- Pepper and I are the only ones who can talk actual sense into either of them, and if I go near a 'superbattle' Steve won't talk to me for another two months because I've 'endangered myself and the baby' again, and Pepper is currently on the other side of the world doing a business deal."
Coulson massaged his forehead; then looked up and saw that everyone was looking at him for an answer. An answer he neither had nor knew.
"I suppose we could go down there and see what all the fuss is about?" He suggested to a nod in unison from the assembled agents. They all scrambled to get their gear and Kim rushed to the quinjets, Laura in her wake.
"I have to come with you." She said quietly, as Skye and FitzSimmons jogged past them and took a seat in their quinjet.
"Laura, I don't think you have grasped the fact that you. Are. Pregnant!" Replied Kim as Coulson approached, looking warily at the two Brits.
"Is there a problem?" He asked, stopping at the foot of the ramp leading to the quinjet.
"Please let me come. I'll stay on the jet I swear, but I have to make sure they're all okay. I have friends fighting that battle as well as Tony and Steve." Laura pleaded with Coulson, who kept his wise face perfectly emotion free as he scanned her carefully.
"All right. But if you put a toe out of this jet then I'm telling Steve and Tony that you're there." Coulson warned.
Kim rolled her eyes and Laura nodded and took a seat next to Skye as May entered the jet and they hastily took off.
The flight took about 45 minutes, during that time Fitz gave regular updates about the raging battle somewhere before them, each update getting more and more severe. By the time they had landed, the worst was apparently over, but some were still fighting.
"Laura, stay here or so help me. Kim, stay with FitzSimmons and help run medical for anyone who needs it. Everyone else, we are intervening. We are not taking sides and we are not taking prisoners. We are neutral. Does everyone understand?" commanded Coulson, looking over the S.H.I.E.L.D. forces dangerously.
There was a collective "yessir!", and Coulson gave a sharp nod, then winked at Laura and led the Agents out, Kim following quickly and smiling sympathetically at Laura.
They jogged down a street in Manhattan, turned a corner, and then came across what was left of the battle. Cap was fighting Tony; Peter, Rhodey, Natasha and Vision were fighting, and the rest were knocked out, all lying in various states of disarray, strewn across the street.
Coulson waved to Clint, who was shooting at random from the roof of a nearby building. He smiled waved back, as if there was no battle happening around them.
Kim and FitzSimmons got to work, assessing everyone's injuries and giving quick first aid. Ambulances were already on the scene, and Simmons barked out orders at all of them, who followed without hesitation.
Coulson was sprinting towards Steve and Tony, icer in hand and a grim expression on his face.
"Hey!" he called, but neither of them looked. Steve was covered in blood, and Tony's suit was cracked and scratched in various places.
"HEY!" he called again, and caught Steve's attention. Big mistake. Tony, taking advantage of Coulson's accidental distraction, blasted Steve with his repulsors, knocking him down.
"Phil?" called Tony, stepping over Steve and walking towards him.
"What the hell is going on?" Coulson shouted, not lowering his guard as Tony stepped closer.
"We had to apprehend them. They attacked us!" Tony gave his excuse. A poor one, in Coulson's opinion, but an excuse all the same.
"Is that any excuse to knock your own son-in-law unconscious? Or do I need to call Laura from the quinjet to have some words with you?" Coulson all but yelled at Tony, still keeping his guard up, as he saw Steve coming back to consciousness and being hastily treated by Simmons, who was watching their conversation play out with worry and fear in her chestnut eyes.
"It is an excuse to use whatever means necessary to apprehend a known fugitive. Personal ties can't come into play right now. And did you just say that you brought Laura here? Are you insane?" Tony fought back with yet more pitiful excuses.
"She insisted, Stark! Don't change the subject." Retorted Coulson, glaring the man he once considered a friend. What he was now… he wasn't sure. In fact, he wasn't sure if anything would ever be the same between any of them ever again.
Then, out of nowhere, following a sudden yell from Simmons, Steve knocked Tony out cold. Tony crumpled and Steve's knees wobbled but he kept himself upright, locking eyes with Coulson as he lowered his shield.
"I had to." He muttered coldly, running his fingers across the area of his gloves where his silver wedding ring sat underneath.
"You didn't have to do anything Steve. That wasn't necessary." Said Coulson, his voice relatively calmer, but it still had a fiery anger in it.
"So what now?" Steve asked, looking away, seemingly in shame.
"I'm not sure if I should take you in or not… I might go and check on Laura and when I get back, you could take the opportunity and run… and I won't be able to apprehend you for this… but if you're still here… I suppose I'll have to take you back to the playground, won't I?" Coulson said, walking slowly backwards, away from Steve. He smiled, then turned and jogged away towards the quinjet.
"What's going on?" asked Laura the minute she saw Coulson.
"Do you want the truth, the sugarcoated truth or a lie to make you feel better?" asked Coulson, running a hand through his dark hair and shutting his eyes, which were already getting sore.
"Truth." Laura muttered, folding her arms across her chest and standing upright.
"Your dad knocked out your husband then your husband knocked out your father, then I left your husband to get away if he wants to. And apart from that, there's a fight going on between Parker, Rhodey, Vision and Nat. And that's all."
Laura nodded, rolling her eyes.
"Do you need me to go and have a word with them?" she asked, making a move towards the door, before being stopped by Coulson, sighing and went back to her seat.
The two stayed in comfortable silence for an age, until the team and some Avengers straggled back in, taking seats and strapping themselves in.
May strutted onto the jet with a split lip and a black eye, but got into the pilot seat and took off anyway, and it didn't take long for them to be home.