I'm on mobile, so it's difficult to link, but haikyuusetters has made three illustrations of hugs in this story, and they are beautiful and heartbreaking. Please check tagged/cml the tag linked on my profile to see them.

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Kuroko was grateful when he stopped feeling everything quite so strongly. It took several days to reconstruct all of his barriers after they'd been so badly damaged by Friday's breakdown in the gym. During that time, every emotion struck him with stunning force, and since they were mostly negative emotions, it was very unpleasant and overwhelming.

Of course, the loss of his barriers had also allowed him to feel good things during that time. Kagami and Aomine's care for him. Nigou's uncomplicated adoration. Midorima's fierce concern. Kise's sorrow on his behalf. He had even laughed, once, when Kagami and Aomine's combined idiocy had startled him into a burst of giggles. Kuroko could not remember the last time he'd laughed like that.

But those good things had been like small yellow lamps in a sea of dark blue. They were beautiful and shining, but they were almost swallowed by the grief that consumed Kuroko's every waking moment. Because, yes, grief was the right word to describe it. Kagami had mentioned it Monday night, and Kuroko had immediately understood that this was what he was feeling.

Kuroko felt other bad things, too, like hurt and sorrow and shame at his inadequacy. Fear of the past, apprehension of the future. Uncertainty of his place in the world, inability to believe that he deserved all of the care and attention Kagami and the others lavished on him. But grief, that was the main one. Kuroko had lost his father, his family, his home, and even his basketball, and he mourned it all desperately.

It made him tired. It made him unable to eat, his belly too full of sorrow to have room for sustenance. It made him ache physically as well as spiritually. So he worked very hard to make it go away, to bury it and suppress it until he did not feel it so immediately anymore.

He knew it was not a permanent solution. He could still feel the undercurrent of grief below his feet, licking at his ankles and trying to drag him down. Not only that, but suppressing this emotion meant suppressing everything else, too. So the entire world became blanketed in fog that no one but he could see.

Kuroko had gotten very good at this over the years. When Akashi first told him to suppress his emotions on the court in order to vanish more completely from sight, he had grasped the idea instantly. He'd already been doing it at home when he needed to hide from his father, so he knew how to turn that ability on and off.

And now, Kuroko wanted it on. If this sea of grief never receded—and he was beginning to believe that it never would—then he would leave it on forever. Once the barriers were up, they would stay up.

By Tuesday, they were established again. A little shaky, not as strong as they used to be, but they were there. And Kuroko was grateful.

On Wednesday, Aomine skipped practice at Touou and came to Seirin instead. Kuroko's first notice of this was a happy bark at the door of the gym. He sat upright from his slouch against the wall, a lightning bolt of excitement piercing the dullness that encased him. He looked over to see Aomine at the door, already leaning down to unsnap the leash from Nigou's collar. As soon as it was loose, Nigou bolted for Kuroko.

Kuroko got up on his knees to greet him, and Nigou dodged around Kiyoshi and crashed into him. Kuroko did his best to pet him as Nigou pranced around, nails clicking on the gym floor. Aomine meandered up behind him, his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, Tetsu." He eyed Kiyoshi warily. "Hello, ah...senpai."

Kiyoshi gave him a serene smile. "Kiyoshi Teppei. You take the tree from the song..."

Aomine stared at him, eyes slowly growing wider and wider, as Kiyoshi introduced himself the way he always did, singing included. Then he looked to Kuroko, a question clear in his eyes. Is this guy crazy?

Kuroko smiled. "Hello, Aomine-kun. I wasn't expecting you today."

"Yeah." Aomine fell down into an easy crouch in front of him, hands trailing down to the floor, and craned his head so he could stare into Kuroko's face with narrowed eyes. "Is your fever better? You're still flushed."

"I'm fine. Please don't worry about me."

Aomine frowned. "You don't look like you're fine. This is why I had to visit. I knew I wouldn't get a straight answer if I just texted you or something."

Nigou bounced between the two of them, under the impression that they were now going to play. Aomine scratched his back lazily as Nigou ran under his hand, and Kuroko ruffled his ears when he jumped into his lap. Nigou hopped out after only a second or two and ran back to Aomine.

"I truly am feeling better, Aomine-kun. Everyone has been very kind." A spark of genuine happiness lit in his mind, and he met Aomine's eyes with another smile, broader and longer-lasting than the one before. "I met Kagami-kun's father. Well, over a video chat, but still. He's very kind, too. It's easy to see where Kagami-kun got his spirit from."

"Oh, yeah?" Aomine settled back on his heels, tilting his head in consideration. "I knew Kagami took to that adoption idea. He was all sparkly-eyed over it as soon as the word left Midorima's lips. What about your back? Is that getting better?"

Kuroko paused, eyebrows furrowing. Adoption? Hiroshi-san had said that he was going to be Kuroko's guardian, but adoption...?

Aomine didn't notice his confusion. He had frozen, looking at Kiyoshi with a look of wide-eyed guilt.

Ah. He thought that he'd spilled Kuroko's secrets in front of a stranger. Kiyoshi smiled at them both, as cool and calm as ever.

"It's all right, Aomine-kun. Kiyoshi-senpai already knows."

"Yeah?" Aomine rubbed the back of his neck, still not taking his eyes off Kiyoshi. "Everything?"

Kuroko hesitated, looking between his friend and his senpai. "Not everything I told you and Kagami-kun. But he knows why I'm no longer in my father's house."

Kiyoshi nodded gently. "I'm well aware of the wounds that mark our mutual friend, Aomine-kun. You have betrayed no confidence in speaking freely here."

Aomine grunted, then fell down on his butt on the floor, still mostly facing Kuroko but angled to include Kiyoshi in his line of sight, too. Nigou leaped around him, barking insistently. Aomine produced a chew toy from his pocket and tossed it away without looking where he was throwing it, and Nigou bounded after.

Aomine looked at Kuroko again. "Your back?"

"It's getting better. Kagami-kun has been using cold compresses. They're very soothing."

"Okay. Good."

Nigou brought the toy back to Kuroko and dropped it in his lap. Kuroko picked it up with finger and thumb, avoiding the slimy spots, and lobbed it along the wall of the gym. Nigou scrambled to follow.

Aomine looked even more uncomfortable than before. "And how are you...feeling?"

Kuroko raised his eyebrows. "...feeling?" He was pretty sure he'd just answered that question. Twice.

"You know..." Aomine waved his hands in front of him, making gestures like he was weighing something in his palms, or trying to grab a concept out of the air. "Inside."

"Oh. You mean emotionally." Kuroko gave him a smile. "That's better, too. Thank you for your concern."

Aomine studied him closely for a few moments, as if gauging the truth of that statement. "You do seem...more like yourself," he said.

Nigou returned with the toy again. This time Kiyoshi tossed it for him.

"I feel more like myself." Kuroko was pleased. Everything was returning to normal.

Aomine looked around the gym. Everyone besides the three of them was still practicing. They hadn't even paused when Aomine and Nigou arrived, as if such things were expected now.

Aomine looked back to Kuroko. "So when are you going to start playing basketball again?"

Kuroko felt like he'd been slapped. He blinked rapidly at Aomine for a moment, trying to absorb the blow.

"Now, now," Kiyoshi said, patting the air between them, "Kuroko still has a fever. He shouldn't push himself too hard."

"He could push himself a little, though." Aomine looked around again. It wasn't hard to find a basketball in the Seirin gym. He spotted one along the wall, then rose gracefully to his feet to retrieve it and brought it back to where Kuroko and Kiyoshi still sat. "C'mon, Tetsu. Let's do some passes."

Kuroko remained where he was. Every muscle was locked in place. "I don't want to."

The barriers trembled.

Aomine frowned. "C'mon. We'll go slow. Just floor bounces. Like playing catch with a baseball. Except better, 'cause this is basketball." To demonstrate, he bounced the ball against the floor, then caught it in both hands.

Kuroko shook his head. "I don't want to."

"Why not?" Aomine crouched in front of him again, holding out the basketball as if he was about to thrust it in Kuroko's face. "You still love basketball, don't you?"

Kuroko's hands curled into fists, and he fought to keep himself from recoiling. Nigou yipped anxiously, and Kiyoshi shushed him and scooped him into his lap, keeping him out of the way. Kiyoshi watched them both with great concern, but made no move to interfere.

"I still love basketball," Kuroko forced out, his voice shaking. "But I don't think basketball loves me."

"You mean what you said earlier, right? About how you felt like your basketball got taken away? Well, I don't believe that." Aomine shook the basketball in his hands and came dangerously close to forcing it into Kuroko's space. "I think you can do it if you try. C'mon, just some passes. You love passes. You're great at them."

"I refuse." The barriers were loosening at the seams. Everything was welling up again. Kuroko pushed it all down as hard as he could, but it was like trying to throw back the tide with a bucket.

"Dammit, Kuroko, what is wrong with you?" Aomine straightened to his feet, staring down at Kuroko with his expression twisted in disgust. "This isn't like you at all. Why won't you even try?"

"Because I don't want to!" The barriers were bursting, tumbling down around his head. Kuroko fought to his feet and faced Aomine straight-on, his hands clenched into fists and trembling in front of him. Tears were welling up and he hated it, he hated it, he was sick of crying, sick of being weak, sick of everything. "I don't want to know for sure that it's gone for good!"

Aomine started back a bit at the sudden motion, face paling, but then he held firm. "But it's not, Tetsu. It can't be gone."

"You're only saying that because it's what you want to believe! You don't know what I feel inside myself, you can't know how...how twisted up and awful it is in there, you don't know..."

"Tetsu..."

Kiyoshi was making noises. He had risen to his feet, too, still holding Nigou in his arms. Neither of them paid any attention to him.

Kuroko swiped his arm over his face, trying to get rid of the tears. "If I don't try, at least I can pretend that everything will be okay, even though I know that's not true. But if I try again, and fail again, then I'll know for sure, and I don't, I can't...I don't want to..."

Aomine shook his head over and over again, but Kuroko didn't have the patience to listen to him, nor to Kiyoshi. A sudden burst of anger overwhelmed him, washing everything else away. He welcomed it with both arms, because it dried up his tears in the sudden heat. He'd had enough of tears.

"Why can't you let me have that? Why can't you just let me pretend? Why are you always so selfish, Aomine-kun?"

Aomine had never been one for restraint. He rose to the challenge at once, anger darkening his face in return. "Because I want my friend back, Tetsu! I want you back, that's all! Is that so hard to understand?" And he forced the basketball into Kuroko's hands, which had been spread in front of him in an effort to physically keep Aomine away from him.

Kuroko's hands closed around the basketball, clamping down on the pebbled surface. He was still shaking all over with rage, but something dark began to bubble up in his chest, building and building. "And what if I'm not the same, Aomine-kun? What if I'm never the same again? What if I can never play basketball? What use would I be to you then?"

"Then you would still be my friend, and I would still care about you and still want you to be all right!" Aomine yelled. "That would never change, not ever! Playing basketball with you is a bonus, and it's great, and I would be very sad to lose that, but not even close to as sad as I would be if you weren't okay!"

Kuroko shoulders shook. He panted for breath. "Then why do you care so much if I don't play basketball with you right now?"

"Because it's not like you! You never give up! Never! Even when everyone told you to quit, when everyone said you were useless, you didn't stop trying. You found a way to get through it, to make your own basketball, and you worked and worked and worked. You worked so hard, and I don't want you to give up without trying now, at the very end, because that would be terrible."

Gradually as he spoke Aomine's voice calmed and lowered. He took a step closer to Kuroko, then another. All other sounds in the gym had stopped. No squeaking of shoes, no bouncing of balls, no whistles from the coach or shouts from the players.

"Tetsu who doesn't try is not Tetsu at all," Aomine said, his voice low and fierce. The anger in Kuroko's chest burned away in the force of it, like a blast of cold wind. The darkness surged and bubbled, overtaking him. "That's what I mean when I say I want you back, Tetsu. That's all. I want you to be okay."

Kuroko backed away. He stumbled over his own feet, but he remained standing. The ball in his hands shook wildly. "But I'm not."

He threw the ball at Aomine as hard as he could and ran out of the gym.