I'm not sure how many more chapters it will take but the two threads of this story are starting to move toward one another and will eventually become one again. I hope you enjoy the ride!
I wish I could say I got a good night's sleep last night. I wish I could say the few dreams I had were filled with joyful memories of Cady's childhood. I wish I could say I was kept awake by noble thoughts of saving people's lives and solving crimes. I wish I could say that, but I can't.
What I can say is that my sleep was distracted. My dreams were filled with blond hair, long legs, wet lips and sweaty bodies. My thoughts were filled with desires I could no longer successfully fight off and to be honest, no longer really wanted to. I've had many nights of fitful sleep in my life, but I can honestly say none of them have ever involved vivid images of getting tangled up with one of my deputies. Of course, I'm quite sure I'd never had to adjust myself in the parking lot of the Red Pony before last night either.
Vic's always talked freely about sex. Though I've not been completely comfortable with her handling of the subject, it's something I'm used to hearing. However, her comments have never been directed toward me and to say I was caught off guard by her remark is an understatement. Whether the divorce is finalized or not I was naive to think we could keep our interactions completely platonic now that we know how we feel. We've had those two moments where we've shared a very small taste of how it could be. Still, I have been determined to wait until we are both free to fully give ourselves to one another before becoming more physically intimate. I'd thought yesterday afternoon was a good step forward for us. It fit right into my template of how things should go until we are both ready to take things further. But last night, Vic gave me a glimpse of the more stimulating turn the day could have taken if I had allowed it. She reminded me that this is not all mine to decide. There are two people involved here.
I'm ashamed to admit that my commitment to celibacy seems to be wavering. I'd say I'm in trouble but in all actuality, I know I'm not because this isn't just about being horny. I don't need to prove my virility or that I can give a woman exactly what she needs and wants. Victoria Moretti isn't just a deputy. She's my friend. She's my backup and support. She's the reason I've been able to put on that badge every morning since she moved to Durant. And in some ways, she's my savior. Vic has my heart. That's the game changer. That's what makes this different.