Disclaimer: I'm not Cassandra Clare thus own none of her characters.
Note: Thank you for the Reviews! ^_^ I'm very glad you liked it!
To celebrate the first day of shooting for "Shadowhunters" I decided to post the chapter today!
So, three more chapters to go! (Including that one.) From here on, every chapter could have been the last, but there was more I wanted to write so I pushed it a bit! {Also I DesPiSe endings!} I hope it doesn't get boring or tiring!
CHAPTER 21 - Overcoming the fleeting night
Previously: "I'm so sorry…" muttered Magnus and Alec noticed his hands started trembling slightly. "Close your eyes."He did and saw sparks behind his eyelids as the pain in his head subsided. He opened his eyes and gasped horrified jerking away from Magnus. Everything came back to him at once, and tears filled his eyes. "It… it wasn't a dream…"
………
He crawled backwards putting distance between them, and drawing his knees to his chest, hid his face in his hands. 'It hurts…' He was breathing hard and trembling uncontrollably already when Magnus spoke his name softly; "Alexander…" "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I… I didn't remember…" he managed to choke out, barely listening to him, missing the tenderness in the voice which spoke his name "I'm sorry…"
Magnus heart broke anew watching the Nephilim breaking down like this. He reached out to touch his face and Alec looked at him horrified with eyes wide with unshed tears, making him freeze in place, shocked. "I'm sorry…" Alec repeated, "I never meant… to… bother you… again… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… For having the nerve, to…" Hyperventilating, he bit his lip to stop himself from crying, drawing blood. "…the nerve to touch you again… I–" Magnus gasped and moving fast, jumped at him, cutting him off. Alec turned his head away, and shut his eyes tightly, expecting to be hit, but instead felt the Warlock hugging him tightly. "Ma– Magnus…?" he stuttered. "Hush… It's okay…" Magnus soothed, and Alec broke down crying once more, unable to stop himself, his beloved's arms and warmth around him, shattering his self-control. "I'm so sorry!" he cried "I… I never… wanted… to hurt you…" he sobbed, barely forming the words. "Hush love…" repeated Magnus crying too, his soul tearing, watching his Angel like that "Hush… everything is going to be okay…" "I'm sorry… so sorry… I'd never… I'm sorry…" "Shh… It's okay… I forgive you…" "I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" he chanted in tears not looking at him, until Magnus hugged him tighter, and cast a spell on him which put him in a deep sleep again so he would calm down.
Alec collapsed on his arms and he laid him down gently, laying beside him and holding him close. Tears silently fell from his eyes as he looked at his love wondering if things could ever really be okay again. 'Why is it that just one cruel word from me can shatter you, but hundreds of loving ones are not enough to mend your broken heart?' "I'm going to fix this…" he whispered in a brittle but determined voice, kissing his forehead. "If it's the last thing I do…" With that he fell asleep too, never letting go of the boy, dark thoughts still torturing him.
Magnus was the first to wake up the next morning, the fatigue from healing Alec gone during the night. He looked at the Nephilim sleeping beside him, worry and grief still etched on his beautiful features. The boy's slender fingers were unconsciously holding on to the Warlock's shirt, so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Magnus reached for him, gently caressing his hand and face, causing him to relax a little. "My Angel…" he whispered softly not meaning to wake him, but Alec stirred nonetheless, and opening his blue eyes looked up at him. Even though he was disorientated again for a moment, his automatic reaction seeing Magnus, was to smile at him, his face lighting up, and Magnus felt his heart melt. And then everything came back at him again, killing his radiant smile. So much had happened to him in just two days in both Dreams and Reality, and now Magnus could see the emotions in his eyes fighting for dominance. Fear and pain; relief followed by question, but in the end, it was anguish that won the war, as the fog subsided and the Nephilim realised once more what had truly happened.
"Alexander…" he whispered, and Alec flinched. Magnus gasped at the sight of his beloved so broken, but fought to go on, his voice brittle. "Please, Alec, listen to me…" The boy, who had hidden his face in his hands shook his head, not looking at him, but asked; "How did you find me? And why? Why would you… Even search for me?" "Nie came looking for me, afraid for your life…" Magnus answered simply and Alec looked up, surprised. "Nie?"
'Who would care for my life?'
"Niennor. The Warlock you were drinking with…" "Ah… She lied to me…" "If she hadn't, you'd be dead by now." said Magnus grimly. "So?" Magnus flinched like he'd been slapped, at the Shadowhunter's lifeless tone. "So? SO?!" He roared, unable to stop himself, his emotions running rampant as panic re-surfaced, at the mere thought of Alec dead. Said boy, cowered before his wrath looking away, but still whispered, "Yes… so…? Who… would care?" He managed, voicing his previous thought, and hesitantly turned to look at the man he loved, challenging him to deny it, but once his eyes met the Warlock's, his courage left him and he dropped his eyes to the floor once more. "No… Don't answer that." The Nephilim said in a small voice, thinking of the dream he had, suddenly terrified.
"I wanted to let you die, you deserved to, after all."
He couldn't bear to listen to Magnus saying those things again in that cruel voice, laced with hate and contempt… 'It hurts…' Telling him what he already knew…
"Noone ever loved you! How could they?"
That he wasn't needed or loved by anyone, and had never been… 'It hurts so much…' He whimpered involuntarily at the memory and crawled further away not noticing the real Magnus who would never say that, but instead had reached a hand out to him, speechless, his beautiful cat eyes looking at him pained. "It wasn't my intention to die…" Alec amended, to keep the Warlock from answering his last question, and save himself from more pain bound to come. "Not yet at least…" Magnus gasped, looking at him horrified, but the Shadowhunter just went on, oblivious. "It was an accident." 'Or maybe I'm just useless…' he thought, remembering his nightmare again.
"You seem to be so useless, a lesser demon could kill you."
"I know what your intentions were." Magnus' voice pulled him out of his reverie "Nie told me everything." he added, getting over the shock caused by Alec's declaration and unintentionally sounding cold, because he was so angry and scared. Angry, not at Alec, but himself, for everything that happened, that almost got the boy killed. 'My fault… It was all my fault…' He opened his mouth to apologise to Alec, to beg him to forgive him, but the Shadowhunter spoke first.
"You… have no right to complain… about the state of my heart…" The Nephilim whispered in a broken voice, feeling the Warlock's cold words twisting like a jagged knife in his chest. When he dared to look at Magnus, he saw him staring at him with wide eyes full of anguish, gleaming with unshed tears. 'It hurts…' Realising what he said, Alec drew a sharp breath and curled closer on himself. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean… I didn't want to bother you again…" he whimpered not looking at the Warlock, and unable to stop his tears hid his face in his hands again.
"Alec, please look at me." he reached out and gently moved his scarred hands away from his face, but the Nephilim just looked away. "Alexander…" he begged, and Alec felt his heart lurch. He still called his name like he was something precious… Something beloved… There was no anger, or hate, or coldness in his voice anymore. Only love… and sorrow. "Please…" Magnus' voice broke and Alec looked up wide-eyed and saw the Warlock crying too. "Why? No… Please don't cry…" He realised, that no matter how much pain he was in, that was true agony. To see his beloved in pain, crying, and even more, because of him. Tears flooded his eyes again. "No… I'm sorry… Please don't cry…" Instead of responding, Magnus just hugged him, and he froze momentary, but then relaxed. 'This might be the last time I can touch him…' He thought and clutched at the Warlock desperately. "I can't do it…" he heard Magnus whisper and his heart broke. 'So that's it.' Alec gasped, stifling a sob, 'He's leaving me again…' "I can't live without you…" Magnus said and Alec's eyes went wide "Then don't." he whispered before he could help it, and waited anxiously for the Warlock's answer, bracing himself for the moment when he'd say they couldn't be together anymore… That it's impossible… Instead, Magnus hugged him tighter, and whispered in his ear; "I don't plan to…" Alec released a breath he hadn't realised was holding and fresh tears left his eyes, but now they were from relief. 'Everything is really going to be okay…' Alec held on to him, breathing in his scent, feeling his torn heart mending the longer they were together.
'Don't ever leave me again… I can't survive another minute without you…' he wanted to confess, to plead, but he couldn't burden his beloved Warlock with these feelings, so he only held him tighter, and whispered one last time, "I'm sorry… I really… wouldn't have…" Magnus softly disentangled himself from the boy who still gripped his shirt desperately, and caught his face in his hands, touching their foreheads "No… I'm sorry… I hurt you so badly, and almost caused your death… I almost lost you…" the older man said, tearing up at the painful memory. "You didn't… You saved my life again… If it wasn't for you I'd be dead a long time ago. Thank you… I love you." Alec retorted sincerely, blue eyes staring lovingly on green-gold ones.
The Warlock smiled through his tears. "I love you too… So much…" And hugged him, relishing in the feeling of his heart being in one piece again, and realising he couldn't bear to live without him anymore. 'Once was too much.'
'Don't let go… If you let go… I'll shatter into a thousand pieces… I will… I'll just die…'
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Did you like it? Or was your waiting for naught? xD Please let me know! {I wish I could use colours on the text, it would be Glorious!}
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P.S: Now, how do I phrase that… I did explain it a bit inside but anyway. What I wanted to say was, If you think it seems wrong that they alternate so fast between crying and then pulling it together and comforting the other one who is crying, hear me out. I can assure you, that there can be a case when, if you're crying about something and someone dear to you cries too, suddenly your problems become unimportant, and all that matters is that your beloved won't cry anymore. Thus your own pain is forgotten, because their pain hurts you more, so you need it to stop.
Do you get what I mean or was my description bad? :/ I couldn't exactly put it in words… (Sorry for the long rambling!)
[When re-reading the chapter (and some previous ones) I realised that many parts have serious continuation issues. Sentences seem to be fragmental or not 'bound' properly with each other etc. I will work on it, I hope I can fix it! Please let me know if you think it's too bad :/ ]