Hello! It has been forever since I've logged on but I'm done with school and have all the time in the world to write.

Also, I lied. I feel horrible because I haven't updated this since last year, and I kept insisting it would be only 3 parts, but there will be more. Whether it's one more chapter or three more after this one there definitely will be another update. So it won't just end on this sorta angsty note. I wanted to post the entire end but I thought of so much more I wanted to add and figured I'd stretch it out, so we'll see where things go.

Hopefully I'm not too rusty. Thanks for reading and please leave a review letting me know what you think :)

"I feel like we haven't hung out in forever." I glanced at Matt sitting on my couch before grabbing the two beers from the fridge and walking over to join him. Settling in next to him I handed him his beer before opening mine.

"Ugh, I know. Antonio has me babysitting all the time. I think him and Laura aren't doing so great, she's been spending a lot of time at her parents house."
"That sucks."

"Yeah. I feel really bad for the kids, I'm not sure they completely understand what's going on."

"You're a good aunt. They're lucky you're there for them." I nodded, taking a sip of my beer before grabbing a slice of pizza from the box laying open on the table. "How are things going with Jay?"

At the sound of his name I smiled and leaned back, taking a bite before answering with a full mouth. "Good." Matt looked at me with mock disgust for talking with my mouth full and I rolled my eyes, shoving his shoulder. "I don't know, he's the first guy I've dated in a while and it almost seems like thing are… too perfect? Like he's great and all but I think I just keep expecting things to blow up in my face."

"You need to give yourself more credit."

I shrugged. "I guess. How's Hallie?" I noticed him wince and sat up, paying careful attention to his expression. "What is it?"

"Why are you saying it like that?"

"Cause you have a look. What's going on?"

He sighed. "We ended things."

It was hard to hide my surprise, from what Shay had told me he and Hallie had been together for years before they broke up. Not only was I shocked but I felt bad, because I'd been so absent that I hadn't even noticed. "I'm sorry."

He waved it off, and it genuinely seemed like he didn't care. "It wasn't meant to be. We just had too many differences in what we wanted."

I leaned back, finishing off my pizza and watched him carefully. "What kind of differences?"

"Honestly, she didn't want kids. And that's always been something I knew I wanted, you know? I don't think it was fair to either of us to keep things going if they would've ended in the long run." I nodded, and then smiled at the thought of Matt with kids. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that you'd be a great dad." He looked me with a sort of hopeful look that I maybe previously would have interpreted as longing, but brushed off.

"Thanks. You'd be a great mom you know."

I shrugged, grabbing another slice of pizza to hide the giant smile that was creeping onto my face. After getting halfway through while ignoring the look Matt was giving me, I composed myself and asked, "how long have you guys been broken up for?"

"I don't know, about 2-3 weeks."

My eyes widened. "What!? And you didn't tell me?"

He shrugged. You've been in such a good mood. I didn't want to ruin that."

I rolled my eyes but remained serious. "Matt, you could've told me." He nodded when he noticed I was genuinely concerned, and to the lighten the mood I continued, "Shay ruins my good moods all the time. It's just what friends are for."

He simply smiled and got up to the kitchen to get another beer. I wondered to myself whether him and Hallie breaking up changed things, but shook it off. You're with Jay now.

"Okay, which one?" I held up two dresses. I was showing Shay my options for my date with Jay I was going on later, and she was curled up in my comforter with a glass of wine.

She thought about it for a moment before pointing to the black one. "That one. Cause you're going somewhere nice right?" I nodded and pulled my giant t-shirt of squeezing into the dress. "A bit tighter than you remember?"

"Ugh, yes. It'll do though." I stood in front of the mirror, and although the dress was a bit tight I loved the way I looked in it.
"You're so hot Gabs." I rolled my eyes at Shay and grinned, going to sit next to her on my bed.

"You better not spill that wine."

She ignored me and kept talking. "You know who would love to see you in that dress? Matt." I groaned and started to stand but she grabbed my arm and dragged me back down, pushing me around to face her. "You can't tell me that there's no way you haven't noticed it. It's been like two months since he started giving you those heart eyes."

I started to get annoyed and snapped at Shay "I really don't care. Can you drop it?" I bit my lip and avoided eye contact, but could see her nod slightly. It was quiet for moment, Shay joked around often, but she always knew when to stop if she struck a nerve.

"He treats you well, right?"

I glanced over at her with a soft smile. "He treats me amazing."

"Good, or else I'd have to go beat some sense into him."

We got up and she did my makeup, and were done by the time my doorbell rang. After having Shay tell me if I was planning on having sex tonight it better not be in my bed because she'd be sleeping in it I headed out for my date, happier than ever.

"Oh, man. I seriously can't believe Otis and Cruz did all those shots."

I giggled at the image of them all giddy, feeling a little dizzy myself. "Yeah. Did they really think that would impress those girls?"

"It might've, if they didn't start acting like a couple of highschoolers." I shook my head, smiling over at Matt. He was walking me home since the bar we'd all went to was only about 10 minutes from my house. I was kind of disappointed that Jay hadn't been able to come out with us, but he had to work. Matt must've read my mind, because he asked. "Jay couldn't make it."

"Nah, he had to work." I lost my balance, and grabbed on to Matt's arm, not bothering to let go after I regained it. "I get it though. I guess what they do is kinda like what we do. You know, for the greater good. They just don't always have a set schedule for it. I don't wanna talk about that though. That girl with the black hair, she was looking at you all night Matt."

"Oh was she?"

"Mm hmm. And you didn't even glance her way. Are you doing like a celibacy thing? Because you my friend could have gotten laid."

He snorted and muttered under his breath "good lord, you definitely drank more than I thought you did."

"Please Matthew, you know I'm right."

"Please Gabriela, let us walk in silence for the next few minutes."

We made it to my house without any major incidents and I turned to face him when we got to the steps. "Okay, seriously Matt. Are you doing okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, it's just that you and Hallie aren't together anymore. I try to talk about it with you and you brush it off like it's not a big deal or something."

"Trust me Gabby, it's not." I sighed and looked him in the eye. He grabbed my arm before leaning down slightly and repeating, "it's not. Besides, I uh- I got you, ya know."

I felt his hand come up and wrap around my neck and before I even realized what was happening he'd pulled me closer to him and his lips were on mine. It wasn't overcharged with electricity or anything cliche but I felt my stomach drop. His lips were soft and tasted slightly like liquor. It was tender, ridiculously mild compared to even my first kiss in middle school, but the feeling of it along with all the alcohol in my system made me dizzy and weak. He quickly pulled away and I was left standing there, slightly open mouthed to which he smiled. Shaking his head Matt took his hand off of my arm and said goodbye. I watched him walk away.

I wasn't really sure how long I stood out there in shock, but I snapped out of it when I felt my phone ringing. "Fuck." I could feel anxiety bubbling up because of what had just happened, and it only got worse when I pulled out my phone and saw Antonio was calling. The fact that it was past 12 at night wasn't exactly a good sign either. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Where are you at Gabs?"

"Outside my house, why?"

"Jay got shot."

"What? I mean- what happened is he okay?"

"It happened earlier, he's at the hospital and fine. Lindsay's with him now but she wants to work the case with us. Could you maybe go and keep him company, he's at Lakeshore."

I shook my head, overwhelmed by everything that was happening. "Um, yeah. I'll get there as soon as I can." I hung up and groaned, rushing into my house and downing a water bottle in a weak attempt to sober up slightly. Changing into more comfortable clothes I grabbed another water bottle and a banana and headed to my car. I drove to the hospital, thankfully I hadn't had as much to drink as Otis and Cruz so I was capable of going. Although the fact that Matt had kissed me and I found out the guy I was seeing got shot managed so make me snap out of my dazed stupor. Trying not to think about the Matt thing I drove to the hospital as fast as I could without getting pulled over and rushed up to the room number Antonio had texted me. I slowed after getting a glare from one of the nurses but walked into his room to see him sleeping and Linsday in the seat watching him. I smiled when he snored slightly, and made my way into the room. Lindsay turned and smiled at me, getting up.

"Hey Gabby."

I wrapped my arms around her and she did the same. I knew how close her and Jay were and I could tell she probably needed some comfort. "You okay?"

"I'll be okay once we caught the guy who did this." I nodded. "Thanks for coming. I didn't want him to wake up with no one there."

I nodded. "I'll text you when he wakes up, if you want."

She nodded. "That'd be great. I gotta go, okay. Keep him in check if he starts whining."

"You got it." I walked over to the chair, trying to get as comfortable as possible.

I dozed off and woke up to someone tapping my leg. Rubbing my eyes I yawned and looked over at the clock on the wall that read 5:45 before looking down at a very irritated Jay. I smiled and took his hand off my knee and into my own. "Hey."

"Have I ever told you how hot you look in sweatpants?"

I rolled my eyes and got up, giving him a quick kiss. He pulled me closer and kissed me deeper and I obliged. It quickly brought back memories of Matt kissing me last night, and feeling guilty I pulled away smiling before I sat back down. "Glad you still have that charm. Where'd you get hit?"

"Right in the gut. Bullet was lodged in and they had to remove it."

"Ouch. Were you brave?" I asked sarcastically and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Yes, very." We sat for a moment looking at each other before he spoke up again, rubbing his thumb against my hand. "Hey thanks for coming. I know this hasn't been going on for long and you didn't really have an obligation to come but-"

"Please. There's no way I wouldn't come." I thought about Matt and the kiss and the first time I met him and the fact that I was here with Jay made me feel nauseous for a second, like it wasn't fair to him. But I shook it off. "So, exactly what were you doing to get shot?"

By the time I'd made it to Shay and Severide's apartment I was a nervous wreck. I kept fiddling with the hair tie on my wrist to keep myself occupied, and let out a huge sigh of relief when she opened to door.

"Well you look like hell."

"Matt kissed me." Her eyebrows raised, but before she had the chance to say anything I continued "Also, Jay got shot last night, and I've spent all morning in the hospital with him, feeling all guilty because Matt and I kissed."

"You want to come in?" I trudged past her into the house and threw myself onto the couch face down. I felt her come sit down on the floor next to the couch and start running her fingers through my hair. "So, what exactly happened?"

After I explained to her what happened and she forced me to sit up, she considered everything carefully. "It's not your fault. Matt kissed you, you don't need to feel guilty."

"I'm just so annoyed. He knows I'm seeing Jay." I let out an annoyed huff. "I wanted for there to be something between us the whole time he was with Hallie. Even before they got back together. But I never said or did anything to mess up what the two of them had. Why would he think it's okay to kiss me."

"I don't know girl. I mean, you both did have a decent amount to drink. Maybe go talk to him, see if he actually meant it to mean something."

"The last thing I want to do right now is talk to him."

"Hun, you're gonna have to talk to him eventually."

"Yes, but eventually isn't right now."

Eventually ended up being two shifts later. I took off one to hang out with Jay in the hospital and then get him settled in at home with strict orders from Linsday to make sure he didn't over-exert himself. It was enjoyable, conversation flowed easily and I appreciated his sarcasm. But I couldn't get rid of the sinking feeling in my stomach whenever I thought about having to talk to Matt. I prayed it was just a mistake, that he hadn't meant anything by it. I thought I'd built up the courage to talk to him until I saw him in the locker room. Before he could turn and see me I headed to the bathroom. Changing in a stall I quickly grabbed Shay and told her we needed to get gas and that we'd go out to breakfast before practically running to the ambo.

"You still haven't talked to him?"

"I've been busy."

And I managed to stay busy for most of shift. Eventually though I ended up in my cot while the rest of the guys and Shay were out watching some game. I was about to doze off when I felt the end of the cot dip down slightly under someone's weight. Opening my eyes I saw Matt, and I sat up, giving him a small smile. "Hey."

"Hi. Have you been avoiding me?" I figured there was no point in lying so I nodded. "Why?"

"How about why did you kiss me?"

I think he didn't expect for that to be the first thing I brought up because it took him a moment to answer. I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say, choosing his words carefully. "I uh- it's been awhile, that I've wanted to." I bit my lip and started fiddling my fingers but he just took one of my hands in his. "Honestly, I think I'm falling for you. I know you're with Jay, and it's unfair for me to do this, but I couldn't go any longer without telling you."

It took me a moment to register. That was really all that I'd wanted to hear from Matt for a long time, but thinking it over and at the mention of Jay, I got irrationally angry. "You're right. It is unfair."

He looked somewhat shocked, he must've not expected me to answer that way, but I couldn't help but be pissed.

"Gabby-"

"Matt." I pulled my hand from his grasp, and laughed at the irony of all this. "You know how long I wanted something to happen between us. The entire time you were with Hallie, I was stupidly pining over you. But I didn't tell you, because I thought you were happy and I didn't want to ruin that. I'm happy with Jay. It took me so long to get over with you, and now I have and you tell me this?"

"How could I have known that Gabs?"

"You couldn't have, and I don't blame you for that. But I respected your relationship."

"And you don't think I respect yours." He looked angry now, but so was I.

"I don't know." I brought my hands up to my face and groaned before crossing my arms and looking them in the eye. "What did you expect me to do when you told me, or when you kissed me for that-"

"I don't expect anything-"

"- because now it feels like I have to make a choice, or something."

We both went silent for a moment, and I was careful to keep my eyes on Matt. I sighed, and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if that was ridiculously irrational."

"No, I get it."

"I could've responded better. It's just… I don't know. I really don't know what you want me to say."

"I don't want you to say anything other than how you feel." I smiled and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the bells calling Ambulance 61 out for a call. I stood up and grabbed my jacket, resting my hand on his shoulder quickly before heading out.