I haven't updated this story in forever and I feel so bad about it! First my laptop broke and then I had a lot of family things to deal with over the summer and since starting school again I don't have all that much time to write. This has been sitting around half finished for a while, and though it's shorter than I'd like it to be I finally finished it (and am somewhat satisfied). I think the show starting up again inspired me to get my shit together :)

Please let me know what you think, and thank you for reading!

"So, how are things going?" Shay asked, taking a sip of her coffee and glancing at me. I rolled my eyes, knowing what she was implying. "What? I can't wonder how my best friend is doing?"

"We see each other every day. You know exactly how I'm doing. You're wondering how Matt and I are doing."

"Well what do you want from me? I have nothing happening in the romance department right now."

I let out a snort, knowing how true that statement was from all of Shay's complaining. "Things are good. He's been, uh, sleeping over? I guess."

She sputtered on her coffee and turned to face me. "You two have been sleeping together and you didn't tell me?"

"Well, we're not having sex." I tried to explain. "He just like, sleeps over. We sleep in the same bed but nothing happens."

Shay's surprise turned into confusion and if I wasn't so confused about the whole situation myself I would've laughed at the expression on her face. "So you guys are like an old married couple?"

I shrugged. "Saying it out loud makes it sound weirder than it feels."

"You frustrate me Dawson. It's so grossly obvious how into each other you two are. Why can't you just suck it up and jump his bones?"

I sighed, leaning my head against the headrest and closing my eyes. "I don't really know, Shay? But can we not talk about this? It's stressing me out."

"Gabs," her voice had softened but I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to deal with any of my emotions at that moment. "I don't know what you're scared of, but don't be. Matt wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of something happening."

The radio crackled to life and I opened my eyes, not even listening to the call but answering and telling Shay to go. A call was a welcome distraction to the confusion I was feeling.

My morning hadn't started out well, waking up late and stepping in dog shit was enough to put a damper on my mood. Luckily I'd made it to work in time. I'd just gotten done changing and was in the kitchen when Matt sidled up to me while I was making coffee and started talking. "So, I know how much you love food trucks-"

I turned and gave him a confused look. It was only 9 and I hadn't had my coffee yet and despite the fact that it was Matt I was not one to be bothered in the morning. "When have I ever said that?"

"Well, you like eating and good food so-"

"Is that some sort of comment on my weight Matthew?" Cruz let out a laugh in the corner. "Because I don't appreciate it."

Matt rolled his eyes and followed me as I went to sit down at the table, pulling out my phone to check my messages. I had four missed calls from Antonio. My eyebrows furrowed in concern, and I checked the times of the messages while Matt continued talking. "It's just that this new Mexican food truck opened, and I figured that maybe tomorrow night we could go check it out?"

"Yeah sure" I mumbled quietly, calling Antonio back. My foot started tapping under the table, drawing attention so not only Matt but Cap and Cruz took notice to my behavior. Four missed calls couldn't mean a good thing, and the longer the phone rang, the faster and harder my heart started beating. His phone went to voicemail and I cursed quietly. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" Capp asked. Matt put his hand on my shoulder but I got up, walking out to my cot as I called Laura.

Biting my lip I waited, pacing until Laura answered. "Gabby?" She sounded like she'd been crying and I stopped pacing, taking in a deep breath.

"Laura! What's wrong?"

"It's Antonio," she let out a sob and my stomach dropped. I could feel tears coming to my eyes and I took in a deep breath, trying to get myself in control. "He was-" she took in a ragged breath, "shot earlier. I was calling you from his phone, he'd left it at home and I knew he was coming to-" she started full on crying. "I knew he was going to come see you."

The tears were slipping from my eyes and I wiped them away quickly, making my way to Boden's office. "Okay, okay. Laura what hospital are you at? Are you at Lakeshore?" She let out a teary response that I assumed meant yes and I nodded to myself. "I'll be there in a minute alright? Just wait, I'll be there."

I waited for her to let out a teary okay before hanging up, opening Boden's door despite Connie's protests. He was on the phone and was disgruntled at me walking in, but quickly the anger and annoyance on his face was replaced with worry. "Sir, my brother's just been admitted to the hospital. Could I-"

He held up a hand. "Say no more Dawson."

"Thank you." I mumbled quietly before racing down the hall to the locker room. Wiping the tears off my face I opened my locker with shaky hands. I bit my lip and urged myself to get it together before I left. I'd just pulled my shirt over my head when Matt and Shay walked into the locker room.

"Gabs? What's wrong sweetie?" Shay asked. Matt stood close behind her, his eyes laced with concern. I avoided both of their eyes and pulled my backpack on.

"Uh, Antonio was shot. He got admitted to the hospital, so I'm headed over there now. To be with Laura."

"Do you want me to come?" Matt asked.

"No, no. It's fine. I'll just see you both later okay." I walked by them both, walking quickly out to my car and driving as fast as I could to Lakeshore.

I blinked back tears as I made my way through the hallways. Finally finding Laura, I let out a sigh. She was sitting in a waiting room seat, her elbows against her knees and her head propped up on her hands. I kneeled in front of her and she brought her head up.

"Oh, Gabby." I got up slightly and wrapped my arms around her. She cried into my shoulder and I rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her.

"It's gonna be okay." I muttered.

"What if it's not?" She pulled back and looked at me, her eyes red from crying and her face absolutely miserable. I shook my head, not wanting to think about it. "We've been fighting, but I- what if I lose him? I can't lose him Gabby."

I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling, willing myself not to think about it. Antonio wouldn't die. He couldn't die. "I can't either."

The kids were at Laura's parents' house, so it was just the two of us waiting for Antonio. Once Laura had calmed down, I finally got her to explain to me what had happened. He'd been working an undercover job for a while, trying to get into a gang. Apparently he'd been coming in to check on one of the prostitutes that was dating a member. She was in the hospital after an overdose. On his way out he'd ended up the victim of a drive by.

It felt like it took ages, but eventually a doctor came out. Laura nudged me and we stood, and I let go of her hand, walking up closer to the doctor.

"Is he okay?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest.

"You're his sister?" I nodded. "There's a large amount of internal bleeding. We think we may have to remove his spleen, and it seems as though he has a concussion. We're thinking about putting him into a medically induced coma, if you'll sign off on it."

"It'll help?" Laura asked from behind me.

"We believe so. He's not in the clear yet, these next 24 hours are critical. But I can promise you we have some of the best doctors working on him."

"Can we see him?" Laura asked. She came up behind me and knowing his answer I just went to sit down again.

"He's being prepped for surgery now. We'll let you know when you can see him."

She nodded, and walked back to sit down next to me. I watched her face, and her lip started quivering before she burst into tears again. I wrapped her in a side hug over the arms of our chairs, taking in deep breaths myself to stay calm. I couldn't cry.

Giving her a kiss to her forehead, I got up to get coffee. I got about halfway down the hall before I saw Shay. Confused I walked towards her, seeing all of the guys from 51 turn the corner. I shook my head, giving them a small smile before letting Shay wrap her arms around me. I returned the hug, letting myself lean into her embrace for a moment.

Pulling back I walked over to Matt, and gave him a quick hug. I let myself go around, giving each of the guys a hug. Severide muttered something reassuring in my ear, and I smiled at him.

"Thanks for stopping by, guys, but you uh- you didn't have to come."

"Oh we wanted to," Shay came over and wrapped her hand in mine, tugging me closer to her side. "How's he doing?"

"Well, there's a lot of internal bleeding, and they're about to prep him for surgery to remove his spleen. He's uh, going to be in a medical coma after. So… the next little bit is critical." I took in a deep breath and avoided looking at their faces.

"If there's anything you need Dawson, you let us know." Herrmann said, looking at me sympathetically.

"Thanks. But I'm good for now." I nodded at them, giving a small smile and wave before shoving my hands in my pockets and walking towards the coffee machine. I could hear the sound of boots shuffling away, but also heard footsteps following me. Looking over my shoulder I saw Matt. I stopped, crossing my arms and turning to face him.

"I know you're gonna want to act like this is no big deal, but I know it is."

"Matt-"

"I'll be here once shift is over, alright? Don't argue."

I sighed, nodding and going to turn but being stopped by Matt's hand on my arm. He pulled me into his side, giving me a kiss on the forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment before pulling back and giving him a quick smile.

Forcing myself to turn away I didn't look back, and made two coffees. Carrying the back to the lobby and handing Laura hers I took a sip. It was bitter, and I thought about how well it reflected on my mood before I zoned out staring at the bright ceiling lights.

I hadn't wanted to go home, but both Matt and Laura were insistent. Eventually I gave in, letting Matt lead me out of the hospital. My eyes stung from blinking back tears, and I was hungry from only drinking coffee for practically the past 24 hours. As much as I wanted to be there for Antonio, I knew it was pointless for me to pass out in a hospital chair.

I hated having Matt baby me, but I was too exhausted to protest at this point. He unlocked my door and grabbed me a cup of water. I stood there drinking it while he grabbed me shorts and a sports bra to change in to.

He handed me the clothes and I went wordlessly to the bathroom, changing and splashing some water onto my face. The pit in my stomach was still there, and it wasn't from a lack of food. I'd bit my lip and kept from crying, for Laura's sake, for the kids' sake, for my sake because, fuck, I hated when people pitied me. But standing alone in my bathroom, looking at my smudged mascara and the way my chest was heaving from breathing so heavily, I looked and felt so pitiful.

The tears came quickly and I let out a sob, bracing my hands against the counter. Soon enough the tears were flowing freely down my face, and I was gasping for air.

It took barely a minute before Matt was opening the bathroom door, and I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. He felt solid. I could feel his heart beating, and it made me feel slightly better. Matt was always comforting, his presence made me feel safe and assured. I knew he wasn't going anywhere. It made me feel like an idiot for turning it down.

I felt lightheaded, and arguably wasn't in my right mind after finding out my brother was in a coma. But when I pulled back sniffling, he still looked at me the way he had the night that he'd kissed me. He looked at me the same way when I'd just woken up. The same look of endearment I'd brushed off when I thought that he was still dating Hallie. So I kissed him.

It was sloppy at first, his surprise and my eagerness making it nothing more than my lips mashed against his in a way that was not at all appealing. But he brought his hands up to my face, and pulled back slightly before kissing me again. His lips were soft and warm and it felt like coming home. It wasn't rushed, or passionate, or sexy. They were slow, soft kisses, that made me feel like I was melting into him. I wanted to be closer to him so I got closer, bringing my hands under his t-shirt and against his bare back. He was warm, and his callous thumbs rubbing slowly against my cheeks and our noses bumping against each other every once in a while made me feel calm.

I lost track of time, and by the time we were both pulled out of whatever trance we were in my tears were dry and I no longer felt as empty. I let my eyes open when he stopped and when they came out of the blur saw Matt's eyes. They were soft and I could've gotten lost in them but I pulled my eyes away and moved my forehead to rest against his chest, relishing in the feeling of his hands running up and down my bare back.

"How about we go to sleep?" He asked quietly. I nodded, and he wrapped his arm around me, flicking the light switch off as we walked out of the bathroom.

I climbed under the covers, watching as he shed his shirt and jeans before joining me. As soon as he got into bed I wrapped my arms around him, settling my head in the crook of his neck, he brought an arm around me, letting the other wander to my back and start rubbing it. Letting myself relax, I wondered by I hadn't done this sooner.

I woke up feeling well rested and happy, but the moment disappeared quickly once I remembered Antonio in the hospital, and I tried to distract myself from it. Matt's arm was draped over me, and I looked over at him. He was still asleep, and the look on his face made me smile.

Carefully removing myself from under his arm, I pulled on a sweatshirt and walked into the kitchen. Turning on my phone that Matt must have left on the counter, I opened up a message from Laura from the night before.

No change. Let me know when you're coming

Sighing I put the phone down, bringing my fingers up to rub at my temples. I was already starting to get a headache, and although I felt like I couldn't cry anymore after last night bile rose in my throat. Antonio had been injured on the job many times, but never this badly.

I decided that I'd make breakfast and head to the hospital, and started to pull eggs out from the fridge and got some bread out to make toast.

I was standing out the stove watching the eggs absentmindedly when I felt arms wrap around my waist. Matt's head came to rest on my shoulder and I smiled, bringing my hand up to touch his face.

"Hey."

"Hi." I brought my hand down to break up the eggs on the pan, and turned the stove off before turning to face Matt. He brought his hand up to my cheek, letting the other wrap around my waist, pulling me closer.

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Pretty well, actually." I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head against his chest. "I figured I'll go visit Antonio after breakfast.

"Sounds good. We should stop and grab coffee for Laura. That hospital stuff tastes like sewer water."

"You want to come with me?" I pulled back and looked up at him.

"Of course, Gabs."

I smiled and moved the pan off the stove, making us both a plate. We went over to the table and sat across from each other. Eating in comfortable silence, I waited until I was done eating to speak up.

"So uh, thank you for being there for me last night. And just all the time, I guess."

He smiled at me, and I could feel myself getting flustered. "You know I'm always here for you."

"Yeah, I know." He went back to eating and I could tell he was messing around with me. "So, are we like… together?"

Matt looked up slowly and I almost rolled my eyes at the smirk on his face. "I don't know, do you want to be together?"

"Matt, are you really making me do this? My brother may die."

"Hey, don't pull that card."

I was almost annoyed at myself for feeling happy when Antonio was in the condition he was in, but was almost relieved with how light-hearted it felt. "Yes I want to be together. I thought last night made that clear."

"That could've just been a reaction to the days stress."

"Mmm. I think the days stress forced me to realize who in my life was important." I looked him in the eyes, hoping he'd get that I was being serious.

"Well I've always been ready for this."

"Okay. I'm ready now."

"Yeah?" The smile on his face widened, and I smiled back, letting out a soft laugh.

"Yeah."