"So, what made you leave the army to be a waitress?"

Of all the things she'd expected him to say when he'd sat back down at the table with their drinks, that definitely hadn't been on the list anywhere. She'd expected and got geared up to answer questions about why she'd pissed off the way she had, not that she had any sane sounding answer to give him.

"I'm not a waitress, Ronnie told you that I am just a casual, she's a sort of mate of mine, and I owe her a lot so I do a bit for her now and then" she giggled "Although what's wrong with being a waitress?"

To say that Ronnie was a sort of mate was an enormous understatement as Molly always felt that Ronnie had quite literally saved her life, she'd been a total mess, firmly on the slippery slope to self-destruction when Ronnie had come into her life and sorted her out. They had met outside a slightly seedy nightclub where Molly was, as usual, as pissed as a newt and leaning against the wall crying her eyes out. Ronnie had promptly dumped the bloke she was with saying there were plenty more where he came from and taken her home to Camden where she was trying to get her business off the ground.

"Nothing's wrong with it, sorry, I sounded like a patronising twat, didn't I? And how do you know what she said to me?"

"Ah, well, I was sort of sitting there listening"

"Why didn't you talk to me? Not that It matters" he shrugged quickly, even though he found that it did matter, quite a lot "But it's just that I sort of expected you to go on being a medic and to carry on being absolutely bloody brilliant at it"

"Yeah, well, I wanted to change what I was doing, I did another tour of Afghan after well ….you know, I did one where I was mentoring ANA medics and I saw Bashira and Quaseem, and she was doing alright….."

Charles shook his head as he listened, he'd lost count of the number of times he'd told her that none of what had happened had been her fault, and he swallowed hard as he remembered the sheer terror he'd felt when she'd stood in front of the little girl in the suicide vest.

"And then I came back and they bunged me up to Catterick for, well it felt like for bleeding ever, then I was posted to Pirbright which was just as bad, then the bastards sent me back to Catterick again for fuck's sake, so I decided to get out and do this access course and now I'm at South Bank Uni. They call me a mature student, only I'm not so sure most of the time, about the mature bit I mean. What I think they mean is that I'm bleeding ancient if you look at the other buggers on the course"

"Really?" He sounded dubious "Sorry did that sound patronising again? I didn't mean to, what are you studying?"

"I'm going to be a Social Worker" She smiled with the little self-deprecating smile that he remembered so well "I'm going to specialise in working with people with what they call mental health issues, and what we call 'nut jobs' "

"Bloody hell, Molly"

"What? You sound surprised. I went a bit nuts myself there for a while, I was a real mess, totally fragged, couldn't get any calm in me nut at all, so I sort of understand what it feels like to struggle and I wanted to do something to help"

"Is that when you met Ronnie?"

"Yeah, she sorted me out, so I really owe her"

She was finding it more and more difficult to avoid catching his eye, every time she looked up they seemed to lock onto each other, which reminded her of times gone by, times in the FOB, times she had worked very hard to forget, so that she had to keep looking away as she scratched around desperately trying to find a change of subject, but he got in first.

"Tell me about Smurf, I heard he was in London with you when it happened, when he died"

He had this vivid memory of being in incredible pain and being scared to death on that bloody bridge in Afghan and hearing her talking to Smurf about them going to Las Vegas.

"What about him?" She realised that he thought that her being fragged was due somehow to what had happened with Smurf.

"I was surprised you weren't at his funeral"

"He wasn't with me when it happened, he was just visiting, a bit like you are now" She took a large swig of her coke and wished that she'd asked for alcohol of some sort, any sort, she'd wanted to stay completely sober, but could do with some now "And I didn't go to his funeral because everyone, you know, the lads 'n that, would have expected me to be the grieving bloody broken-hearted girlfriend and I wasn't, and I couldn't pretend. He was my mate, I was never his girlfriend, and I was very sad that he was dead but we was never anything else, and were never going to be, anyway I sort of knew you'd be there and I was a bit worried about …. well, you know …."

"You didn't want to see me?"

"No Boss, I was a bit scared to"

"Charles, please call me Charles, and why were you scared to see me?"

"I don't know …. Charles" She lied "It was a long time ago now, and I can't remember what I was thinking"

Molly was wishing more and more that she'd done a runner when she still had the opportunity, before he'd got back with the drinks or that she'd obeyed her first instincts and let him remain somewhere in her history. She hadn't thought about this stuff for years, had successfully buried it and wanted, more than anything, for it to stay buried, she'd never discussed any of it with anyone, apart from those few words with Ronnie the other night, and she didn't want to start now, especially not with him.

"Miranda seems very nice"

"Yep, she is"

"Have you been together long?"

"A fair while. What about you, anyone special in your life?"

"Nah, I'm too busy, haven't got time for all that shit, what with Uni and studying and waitressing 'n that"

"That's a shame"

Another long pause saw Molly looking for yet another change of subject as she wondered why he wasn't making more of an effort to find a fresh topic of conversation; after all he was the one who'd wanted to meet for this chat.

"How's Sam?"

"Growing up fast, he's just gone off to boarding school"

"That sounds like shit, poor little bugger"

He laughed "He loves it"

"Really?" It was her turn to sound dubious "Can't think of anything worse, meself"

"He's eleven, that's a lot older than I was when I first went, I was only eight"

"Well, that explains a lot, dunnit?"

"What do you mean? You cheeky mare"

Another silence, another attempt to avoid catching his eye and a surreptitious peep at her watch as Molly wondered how soon she could escape and go home, when, much to her relief, he initiated another topic of conversation, a relief which proved to be very short lived.

"Bit of a coincidence that, both of us being at that party on Saturday"

"I wasn't exactly at the party was I?" She started to giggle "I don't think I'd make Mrs. Brigadier's guest list somehow"

"You know what I mean, it was really good to see you, it is really good to see you"

"Was it? I mean, is it?" She could feel the colour beginning to sweep up her neck as she blushed, unsure whether to say it was good to see him as well, and deciding not to "I suppose that's what you used to call Lady Luck when we was in Afghan"

"You remember that?"

"Of course I do, I remember all of it"

She looked around wanting desperately to change the subject again and feeling another flood of relief as he started talking again.

"How's your family? Do you see much of them?"

"Yeah, quite a bit as it happens, I've moved back home to live" She smiled at the expression on his face "You've heard of poor students, well I'm one of 'em. Why else would I spend my Saturday nights dressed up like something off a French film and waiting hand and foot on a load of posh twats in someone's back garden?"

"Now you sound like the Dawsey I know and …..." He paused and corrected himself quickly"knew and loved"

"Yeah, well I'm not the same person now as I was then, the one you knew, a hell of a lot's gone on since then"

"I know, but you're still as disrespectful now as you were then"

"You cheeky bugger, I don't know what you mean" She laughed "I don't have to be respectful to you, you're not my bleeding boss anymore"

"I didn't notice you being exactly respectful when I was" He smiled at her "Your boss I mean"

"It's a bit bleeding late to start moaning about it now"

"I'm not moaning, I'm just remembering"

"Well don't"

"I can't help it" He took a deep breath and started to bite his bottom lip as he stared into space across the lake in front of them "For a long time before I met you, Molly, there was nothing. And then there was you, disrespectful and bloody disobedient but you got rid of all the clouds and the remaining shit that I'd been carrying around since Rebecca. I was over her by the time I met you, of course I was, but you reminded me of who I was, or the person I used to be, which was a total dick, by the way. Actually, I think we were both total dicks, you and I, you scared the flaming shit out of me with some of the stunts you pulled, but you made me laugh too, you made me fucking happy, and I thought that when we got home we'd be happy together. Then you found out about Rebecca. It was my fault because I knew I should have told you a long time before, but I was a coward, so everything got very badly fucked up ….."

"That weren't all your fault" She interrupted, wondering how the hell they'd got into this conversation "I had something to do with fucking things up as well"

"That's what I'm trying to say, Molly, none of it, none of it was your fault, it was me that screwed things up and then you were gone and I never got the chance to tell you any of it"

Molly sat and stared at him and wondered where all this had come from, when it had all become about her and fought the temptation to pull him towards her and give him a hug to make it better, then reminded herself that she was a grown up and he was a grown up and they were, supposedly, having a grown up conversation about their shared past, a past which couldn't be magically wiped clean of hurt by a hug. And anyway he was with Miranda now, he wasn't free and he didn't need a hug from her.

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt, I mean, you told me in that bunker about me being all you wanted, well you know what you said when you thought we was all going to die, …. But you never said about me making you happy and that was all I wanted to hear really, that I made you happy, you said that you wanted to make me happy, but that was because we'd had a fight, but you never said anything else"

"I wanted to protect you, I suppose, I didn't want anyone to know how I felt, not even you, it was hard enough hiding it as it was, and in the end I didn't actually do a very good job of that, did I? But anything more and it would have been impossible"

"I'm sorry about what happened, about what I did"

"I told you, it wasn't your fault, but why didn't you call me, or write or e-mail me or something? Let me know that you were okay"

"I'm sorry, it weren't like I planned it or nothing, you know, the way it happened. I never meant to leave you hanging like that, but I just couldn't handle any of it, Rebecca and you and the way I felt, and then the longer I stopped away, the harder it got to …. well I was just too young I s'pose"

"What, not 'mature' like you are now?"

"Are you taking the piss?"

"Would I?"

"Yeah"

"Come on" he laughed as he got up and put his hand out to help her to her feet "Let's go for a walk". He was still holding her hand as they started to walk slowly across Hyde Park towards Marble Arch tube station and the bus routes.

They walked in silence, sharing the occasional smile as Charles squeezed her hand, then tucked her arm through his, pulling her body closer to his side so that she could feel the heat radiating from him as they walked and she felt an alarming urge to put her hand up and stroke his face, the way he'd stroked hers once upon a time. They got to the road and stood looking at each other, knowing that this was the end of the line as far as they were concerned, that they both needed to get on with moving their lives in the directions they'd chosen, Molly to start doing what she was training so hard to do, and Charles to carry on building his career in the army, and his life with Miranda. They couldn't, or wouldn't, be able to do that if they kept on seeing each other, too much time had passed and their lives no longer had anything in common, Molly had been right about that, so even though nothing was said, they both knew that this was the end, that they should say their goodbyes and mean them.

"Can I kiss you goodbye?"

"Course"

He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her towards him then bent his head and kissed her gently, feeling her soft lips part slightly under the pressure of his kiss as he fought against the almost overpowering urge to pull her in tight against him and to kiss her properly, the way he'd longed to kiss her when they were in Afghanistan, and the way he'd longed to do all afternoon.

"Bye, take care of you, stay safe for me"

"Ditto"

Watching her walk away towards the tube station he wanted to run after her and tell her that they were making a mistake, that this was a huge mistake, but she didn't look back at him, just kept on walking, so he turned and walked in the opposite direction, telling himself that his mistake had been in trying to turn the clock back. He should never have called her, shouldn't have met her this afternoon, definitely shouldn't have kissed her, should have been content with the life he'd created for himself after she'd gone the first time and that the wisest thing he could do now was to try and get back to that life as quickly as possible. What he was going to do about Miranda he had no idea, except that he needed to think very long and hard about whether it would be fair to keep on with doing things the way he had for almost the last year.

-OG-

"You cow, you didn't tell me you'd called him or that you were going to see him"

"I'm sorry, Ron, and I'm telling you now, aren't I?

"Details, the least you can do is to give me details, I need to know, come on, did you jump him?"

"What, in the middle of Hyde Park? No, course not" Molly giggled "What do you take me for? You really do need to find another bloke, you know that don't you? You're getting obsessed"

"No chance, I'm always bloody cooking or waiting on people who are at some party with some person they're already shagging, and there are never any spare blokes at these things"

"Oh poor you, just remember your serious profits"

"Oh yes there is that. So, how do you feel now you've seen him?"

"I dunno, okay I guess, maybe a bit sad"

Molly had gone straight to Camden after leaving Hyde Park, she hadn't looked back when she'd left him, she didn't want to see him walk straight off, most likely straight back to Miranda, and she didn't want to go home and pretend that nothing had happened. Home, where they would have ripped the shit out of her if she'd told them that her posh boss out in Afghan had once the hots for her, and that she'd walked away from him four years ago and that she'd seen him again this afternoon. She wanted to talk about him to someone who knew about them, the way she'd always longed to be able to talk about him before.

So she told Ronnie about meeting him and relayed a lot of what they'd said by the Serpentine, although not all of it by any means, some of it was private so that she doubted that she would ever tell anyone, but she also didn't tell Ronnie that he'd kissed her goodbye or that the kiss had re-awakened all sorts of feelings that she'd been supressing for years. Apart from anything else, Ronnie would have renewed her attack on her single status, encouraging her to find someone to make a lie out of her being a born again virgin. As far as Ronnie was concerned there was nothing that couldn't be solved with a bloody good shag, preferably with a reasonably good looking bloke with no strings attached who knew what he was about. Molly made a resolution, as she had done a hundred times before, to stop being quite so picky and to make a conscious effort to look around the campus when the new term started, there must be some bloke there who didn't leave her stone cold, or make her feel that she'd rather stay in and cut her toenails than go out for a drink with them. She needed to focus on finding someone to fill a void in her life; a void that she hadn't been aware was there until today.

"Are you still up for working on Saturday?"

"Course, it's not the bleeding army again though, is it?"

"No. So you're not going out for a drink with lover boy then?"

"Of course not, I told you, I won't be seeing him again, it was a one-off"

-OG-

Author's notes: Even longer! Thank you so much for your reviews I am really glad that you are enjoying this (sorry if I'm annoying when I say I hope you enjoy what I write, it's something I do I'm afraid, even when I'm talking about making someone a bog-standard cheese sandwich).