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Chapter 3

Get back the silver memory

Edward trudged down the stairs and sat on the couch where Winry and Pinako were already waiting for him. He had a faint feeling that whatever they wanted today was a bit more important than the usual reasons they asked him to come downstairs for. They looked at him with serious faces and finally Pinako started to speak:

"Edward, I thought that with time you might get back on your feet on your own but it does seem like you are determined to stay like you are. I thought that Colonel person would be able to get you going again but I now see that I was wrong in thinking that he could do it alone. He can only work if there is something for him to work with, so Winry and me decided, that we will give you both a nudge in the right direction."

"We noticed that you came out of your shell a bit when those letters arrived, especially the last.", Winry continued for her grandmother. "And well...it made us think that maybe you want and need to go back to Central."

Edward stared at her. Oh great, they discovered his dilemma, now Winry would cry! He shook his head frantically to prevent that from happening. Winry sighed. "Ed, I can see you're lying."

"Don't...Don't want you to cry.", Edward forced himself to admit.

"Edward, I won't cry if you leave.", she said with a small smile.

Edward swallowed hard and looked down at his feet. They wanted him to leave, had he done something wrong? He thought he had behaved well, he had done all chores, never complained, never caused trouble. Winry seemed to sense his thought process because she came over and sat down next to him.

"I will be sad and I'll miss you, but I won't cry because I know that it'll make you feel better if you go. And you can always come back if you want to but don't come here just for my sake." She leaned over and hugged him. "I want you to be happy just as much as you want me to be happy. So if you need to go to Central it is okay."

Ed wrapped his arms around her too and pulled her close. " 'M sorry.", he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Don't be.", she smiled a little and leaned back to face him. "So will you go?"

He pressed his lips into a thin line but nodded.

Resembool is a quite unimportant place in the view of an average Amestrian, so the train that connected it to Central City didn't arrive every day. Ed would have to wait until the morning of the day after tomorrow to board it. But that was quite all right. Winry used most of the day he had to waste waiting to tinker with his automail, making sure it was in the best shape possible and every mechanism in it was updated. Afterwards he started packing.

Most of his clothes were just another version of his black pants, black top, black jacket look. Once he had these in the suitcase he added the few pyjamas he owned, mostly consisting of some shorts and some plain white t-shirts. Socks and boxershorts followed. He would grab his toiletries in the morning after getting ready. But there was still some unoccupied space in the suitcase that he kept staring at, not sure what to do about it. Usually it would contain some books and the few personal items he and Al had allowed themselves to keep along. But there were no books at the moment. And without Al there was no stuff for Al to pack. Somehow Edward felt like the suitcase. Like there was some empty space inside of him that used to be filled with something but would have to remain empty from now on.

He looked away, across the room. There was his old journal on the desk. It was the only personal item Edward thought might be good to take with him. It contained so much information, it would be helpful if he regained his job. He had coded it to look like a simple diary about his journey with Al, that might be hurtful to look at, but most of the stories were altered to fit the code so it would be bearable. He snatched the journal and stopped, thinking. Then he pulled the desk drawer open and gathered the two notes from Mustang. He carefully folded them twice to make them the right size, then he put them between the last page he had written on and the next one that was still empty, waiting for him to scribble on it. Finally he put the journal in the suitcase. It didn't fill very much of the empty space but it made it better, nonetheless.

After shaking the dust out of his red coat, putting it on and saying good bye to Winry and Pinako with a hug, Ed started on his way. He still didn't like to speak up but he managed to say "Central", when he bought his ticket. The man in the ticket booth looked a little bit confused because he was used to a more cheerful Edward but luckily he decided not to pry into Edward's business and just handed over the ticket. Finally, he boarded the train.

He tried to sleep, but it didn't work. His sleeping pattern had consisted of dropping onto his bed from exhaustion every second night for quite a while now. It wasn't that he didn't try to sleep, it just wouldn't work because either his stupid brain refused to back down, and therefore made him think about everything he managed to push away during the day, or he had a nightmare.

After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep he settled to watching the passing scenery. It was boring and mind numbing because he had been on that train enough times to know the fleeting landscape quite well, but then it was his goal to keep his thoughts dull. Otherwise he would remember how many times he and Al had used the time on the train to talk or play a game of cards.

After what seemed like forever his dull eyes registered the platform of Central City Train Station behind the window. He jumped up and gathered his luggage to get off the train. Once on the platform he just stood there for a while. Finally he decided that it would be best to go to Central HQ right now. There wasn't much time left before the workday there ended, but he could make it. So he started walking, ignoring red traffic lights and such things, only coming to a stop in front of the gates of the military headquarters. The guards waved at him and let him pass. It felt funny that they still knew him, even after such a long time. Though how long had it really been? Ed didn't know. He was also slightly amazed that his feet found the way to that particular office without him actively leading them. He stared down at them, watched them as they walked him to his goal. And then there was the door. Dark, sturdy, a messing plate that read Colonel Mustang and a dent where Ed used to kick it open. Today Edward used the handle.

His entrance was quiet enough that the office's occupants actually didn't realise it. But Ed didn't mind. He just watched them with a small grin as they proceeded to act like the funny guys they were when there was no reason to act serious. Currently Breda and Havoc seemed to be engaged in a contest about who would blink first, leaving them staring at each other with wide eyes and a twisted face. Considering that Fury was watching them with a stopwatch in his hands they also seemed to try for a new record. Falman was holding their infamous book of bets and from time to time read out whose records they had already broken. The contest was successfully ruined when Hawkeye came out of Mustang's inner office. The four men jumped and tried to find an excuse why they weren't working. When they realised that Hawkeye wasn't looking at them they turned to find out what she was smiling at and jumped again when they saw Ed standing there.

"Boss!", Havoc finally yelled, sounding surprised but happy.

"Found your way back here?", Breda asked, grinning.

"It's nice to see you again!", Fuery piped up.

"I agree with Sergeant Fuery.", Falman said.

"I guess you want to see the colonel?", Haweye asked, still smiling.

Ed nodded and made his way over to the door. He took a deep breath. He could tell that the others waited for him to kick the door but once again he chose to slip in fast and silent. He didn't want to annoy Mustang right away, the colonel might decide that he didn't want Ed in his team again if he did so. The Flame Alchemist sat behind his desk, staring at a paper in his hand with a rather bored expression whilst his other hand supported his head. After a minute or so he put the paper down, sighed and scribbled his signature before he put the paper on top of the smaller of the two piles on his desk. Then he reached for one of his desk drawers and pulled out some other paper. He laid that paper on his desk like he was presenting it to Ed. And a second later he looked up with a smirk, revealing that he actually did so. "Came to sign those?", he asked.

For a second Edward felt the urge to say something sarcastic but he thought better of it and instead walked over to grab Mustang's discarded pen and the papers. The colonel reached out and placed his hand over the space where Ed was about to sign, effectively stopping him. Ed's eyes shot up. He new he looked pathetic with the fear that showed in his eyes but he couldn't stop it from showing fast enough. He swallowed, staring at Mustang with pleading eyes. He needed to sign this, or he'd end up hurt in Resembool again. Mustang blinked and actually looked shocked for a brief second, but then he slowly moved his hand away. "Well, at least there's a spark." he murmured.

Ed quickly signed the paper. He put Mustang's pen back in the place on the wooden surface where he had taken it from and then stood awkwardly in front of the desk. He felt relieved because he had his place in Mustang's team back but he didn't know what to do now. The colonel picked up the paper and put it back into the drawer. Before he closed it again he pulled something else out of it. He pushed it over the desk and Ed caught it. It was a silver pocket watch.

"It's your old one. You can choose if you want to keep it. If not I'll put in a request for a new one. You don't need to choose now."

Every one else might have sounded pitying and/or might have started to give a speech about how sorry he was about what had happened on the date that was etched inside the watch, but Mustang didn't. And Ed was grateful for it. He nodded, the corners of his mouth lifting ever so slightly, and put the watch into his pocket. It fit there very well. Maybe the cloth of his pants remembered the bump the watch caused there.

The colonel thoughtfully regarded the papers on his desk for a while, causing Ed to feel awkward again. "I don't have a mission for you right now.", he finally admitted. "But you can come to the office and help us with our normal work until I get some assignment that fits. If you don't have any important research, that is." Mustang raised his eyebrows in question. Edward hung his head. Without Al there was no research to put above military stuff. He missed Mustang's pointed glance at his automail arm.

"Well, if you don't say whatever you think aloud, I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what you'll do." the colonel paused, giving Ed the chance to speak up, but the boy was busy with stopping his brain from thinking about how he failed with the original goal that lead him into Mustang's office. Numb, go numb, he told himself. Don't think about that there is no Al waiting in the outer office for you to come back with a new lead on the stone. Deep in his thoughts he must have turned to face the door because he found himself staring at it when Mustang's gentle "You may go.", brought him back to reality.

He turned to face the colonel but then ducked his head, ashamed that he had spaced out like that. It was his intention to stay numb and not think too much about the world, not to make those few who in some way cared about him think that he'd gone crazy and lost his brains somewhere. He would disappoint Winry and he'd end up in Resembool again if he was thrown out of the military because they thought he had some mental issues. So he nodded once and made his way to the door.

"So, you got your job back?", Havoc asked excitedly when the boy closed Mustang's door behind him. Ed patted the watch in his pocket and smiled a little.

"Congratulations.", Breda said. Fury and Falman nodded happily.

"Will we see you tomorrow?", Hawkeye asked. Her tone was uncharacteristically gentle but not that horrible I-think-you're-made-of-glass-and-I-am-afraid-I-might-shatter-you-tone. Edward shrugged a little.

"All right, decide whenever you want to. We start here at eight."

Edward nodded and waved good bye before he left.

He trudged down the stairs in front of HQ and found himself at a loss. What was he supposed to do now, where was he supposed to go? There was a bench not far away, at the edge of the decorative lawn that was supposed to make the place look friendlier and less like a fortress. He went over, sat on it and put his suitcase, which he subconsciously remembered to drag along, next to his feet. Watching the sun prepare to vanish for the night he tried to think. Unfortunately his sleeping pattern decided to interrupt his thoughts about what to do next and he closed his eyes not five minutes later. When the sun was down and the first officers left HQ to go home, Fullmetal was asleep.