Three hours later and Molly rang Ronnie knowing that she would be on the finishing stretch of the party and longing to share the high spots of her evening with someone who would find it as funny as she had, although how much of her amusement was a direct consequence of the amount of vodka she'd drunk since she'd got home was debateable. She'd had a sort of paralysis of the facial muscles by the time she'd got on the train home from the amount of fake smiling she'd done at him, he was without doubt one of the most boring fuckers she'd ever been forced to spend an evening with and he'd kept his money in a purse, which was one of the gems she couldn't wait to share with Ronnie.

"Hello, you nearly done yet?"

"Yep, I'm in the van on my way home, what's up, you sound like you're crying?"

"Nah, I'm pissing myself here; I hope you're on hands free"

"Course I am, otherwise I wouldn't have a hand free to hold me fag, would I? What's funny?"

"He had a purse"

"Shit, Molls" Ronnie started to laugh; Molly's giggle was very infectious.

"Yeah, he kept counting out his pennies, I don't think he's got any money Ron, so maybe I won't run off with him after all" She took a deep breath trying to control her laughter "And before you ask, I definitely didn't get a look at his dick. You remember what I said about teeth, well I never noticed in the library when we was chatting and I decided that he'd do, but when he really grins he's got these fangs like Dracula, I kept waiting for him to sink them into me neck all evening"

"Oh shit, he didn't, did he?"

"Nah, he was too busy counting his money in his purse"

"Stop it I'm driving and I'm going to wet myself" She took a deep breath "So, it's my guess that you won't be buying new knickers any time soon"

"Yeah well, maybe not" Molly sniffed and asked the question that was consuming her and was the real reason for the call and the reason Janesk had never stood the slightest chance "Tell me about the party, how did he look? Bleeding over the moon happy I'll bet"

"No, he didn't, he didn't look happy at all, I don't think I saw him really smile once, mind you he didn't look that unhappy either, just sort of nothing really, he's not really an emotional sort of bloke, is he?"

"Nah, guess not"

She wanted to shout, 'Yes, course he bloody is, he just hides it all the time because he hates people to see how emotional he is, thinks that it shows some sort of weakness or something, so he bottles it all up and pretends he doesn't care, but he does, I should know.

-OG-

"Don't do it"

"Why not?"

"You know why not, because you'll get upset all over again and if you see him then you'll fuc… have sex with him and then what? And don't tell me that you won't, because we both know that you will, and he'll still be engaged to bloody Miranda No Tits, won't he? He'll still be marrying her"

"We don't know that, do we?"

"Yes we do, just don't call him back"

"He might not still be engaged, they might have split up or something, maybe that's what he wants to talk to me about"

"Well, let him bloody phone you again then and tell you, and they were still engaged a week ago, weren't they? and they had a shitty party to prove it and remember what you said to me about sharing someone who's already taken?"

"Yeah"

"Sorry babe, I don't mean to ….. you know, put a downer on things, piss on your parade, it's just that I care about you, you know that, and I don't want to see you get messed about by some posh tosser that you once had the hots for, about a hundred years ago. Remember what you said, that he made you feel like you weren't good enough? Well, listen to Auntie Ronnie, he's the one that's not good enough, you don't need someone like him"

"You don't know him"

"No I don't….. Do you?"

Ronnie couldn't help worrying that he'd called Molly as a direct result of her telling him that she'd gone somewhere special with her boyfriend, that the expression she'd seen on his face had been jealousy, but she couldn't tell Molly that without owning up to telling him that she'd got a boyfriend in the first place and insinuating that it was some sort of long standing special relationship, not a casual date with a bloke who kept his money in a purse.

-OG-

For a few days after the party Molly had kept telling herself that he hadn't, apparently, looked ecstatically happy at his engagement, which surely he should have done, then she'd slowly faced the truth that she'd known all along, that just because he hadn't been emotional didn't mean that he wasn't actually potty about her, he could just as easily have been hiding all that behind that bloody poker face of his.

His message had come out of the blue when she was trying hard to get through her reading list for the new term which had started a week ago and for which she'd done absolutely no background preparation at all. His call meant that she'd ended up going over to Camden again instead, something that was fast becoming a habit these days, a habit she was going to have to break, because apart from anything else she couldn't really afford the fares to keep getting there and back.

"It's Charles; I wondered if I can see you, I need to speak to you. Call me" there was a long pause " please"

She knew that every word Ronnie had said was right, just as she knew that her mate was spot on about her going to bed with him if she got half a chance, and how that would definitely be a complete and utter mistake. Not only had she had to get over him once before and it had been bloody hard at the time, but he was engaged to someone else this time and she hadn't even given him a single thought for the last year or so. Last time they hadn't got as far as having sex, so she was pretty sure that if she carried on the way she was she was in danger of having to get over him all over again, and if she'd slept with him it would be far, far more difficult than last time.

They'd been reporting on the Today programme on Radio 4 that morning that UK troops were being sent to Syria and her first thought had been whether or not he was going to be deployed and then when she'd got his message, she'd wondered whether or not that was what he was calling her about, and how dangerous was it exactly? a worry that she hadn't had to contend with for four years now and she certainly didn't want to start living with that, especially not over someone who was, apparently, in love with someone else. Ronnie was right, it was more than time to let it go, to let him go, she shouldn't return his call, she shouldn't arrange to see him again and should try very hard to get the calmness back into her life that she'd had before the Brigadier's bloody garden party.

The trouble was that she didn't want to move on in the way that Ronnie kept encouraging her to, she really wasn't interested in a meaningless or loveless shag, she'd tried that when she was eighteen before she'd joined the army, and before she'd been posted to Afghan, and she had no intentions of ever going back there again.

-OG-

The engagement party had been a disaster as far as Charles was concerned, the moment he'd walked into the marquee and looked to see whether Molly was there, he'd woken up to the monumental mistake he was about to make. He couldn't quite believe what a fuckwit he'd been, that he was actually about to screw up Miranda's life as well as his own by marrying her when he had no emotional involvement at all, except for a bit of affection and a bucket load of guilt that he'd let it get as far as this. He couldn't turn round and walk out of the party, that would be unforgivably unkind to her, not to mention incredibly rude to her parents, so he had to go through the motions and deal with the repercussions afterwards.

-OG-

Miranda also hadn't enjoyed the party that she and her mother had worked so hard to make into the perfect celebration because he'd been totally distracted all evening so that she'd known that there was something worrying going on; she was just hoping that whatever it was would disappear by the time he got home from Syria so that they could get going with the wedding plans.

"Tell me, Charles, what on earth is the matter, what was wrong with you tonight?"

"I'm sorry" He took a deep breath "But I think we need to take some more time to think about this, whether it's the right thing for us to be doing"

"Don't be ridiculous, you've just got cold feet about Syria that's all. Everything will be fine when you get back, stop panicking"

"No, that's not it; this has got nothing to do with Syria"

Up until today she'd had this wonderful rosy picture of their future life together which she'd visualised as being very like the one her parents' enjoyed, where they were unfailingly polite and considerate towards each other, without any passionate rows or commotion, and where they lived in some lovely house somewhere in the Home Counties. A marriage which didn't lurch from one drama to the next like so many of her friends and acquaintances and one which didn't include the sort of overtly tactile behaviour which she found exceedingly embarrassing, especially when Charles was there as well.

She felt a sudden burst of anger, an emotion that she normally ruthlessly suppressed, how dare he start expressing doubts about their future like this, he'd been a bit distant for a couple of weeks however much he'd kept denying it and she knew that he'd been getting increasingly irritated with her asking him what the matter was all the time and whether there was something wrong, but she couldn't believe how badly he was behaving tonight. Her parents had just spent a small fortune on a party for them and she'd spent a fortune on a new dress and now here he was saying that he needed more 'time', that he wasn't sure any more that he wanted to get married, so what the hell was she going to say to all her friends and family?

They had never had any real discord before, they had always been very amicable about everything and they'd got engaged because they'd been talking about a future together for months and maybe she'd panicked a bit and accelerated what she saw as inevitable when she'd suddenly begun to sense that his feelings towards her were changing, but she wanted to marry him. He was perfect, everything she'd ever wanted in a husband, tall, much taller than her which was a bonus when you're nearly six foot tall and female, and he made her feel dainty which was a novelty, he was good looking, very civilised and well-spoken and very undemanding, just quietly affectionate.

"What do you expect me to tell people?"

"Whatever you like, I'll go along with whatever you decide or just tell them that you've changed your mind about marrying me"

"And that's it, isn't it Charles? That is it in a nutshell; you've changed your mind"

"I'm so sorry"

The guilt he felt about what he'd just done was tempered with this huge sense of relief, she didn't love him any more than he loved her and getting married had to be about the sort of emotion that he'd been so determined to avoid; getting married and knowing that neither of them felt any of it at all would be a recipe for disaster. He had one broken marriage behind him already so he knew how painful that sort of failure was, and at least he'd loved Rebecca when he'd married her. He wished he could explain it to Miranda, tell her why he had to do what he was doing, he was exceeding fond of her and they'd enjoyed each other's company for a long time so that he'd never wanted to hurt her, but he was pretty sure that she wouldn't even begin to understand what it felt like to have that feeling that you can't live without someone.

-OG-

He was lounging back in his chair in his office, rotating a pen between his fingers as he listened to his 2nd Lieutenant and the two platoon Sergeants arguing fiercely about some of the logistical arrangements they had to make, when his phone, which he'd put on the desk, started to vibrate and skid around as the screen lit up indicating an incoming call. He wasn't expecting it to be her, he'd left a voice mail message and a text for her and she hadn't replied to either of them, so he'd given up. He pulled the phone towards him and idly checked the caller's I.D. not anticipating that it would be anything he'd need to deal with straight away so that the call could go to voice mail and he would deal with it later when this meeting was over.

The name on the screen made him sit bolt upright and grab the phone, swiping the answer icon and putting a hand up to the men in his office, indicating that they should stop talking for a second.

"Hello, hold on, I'll just be a second"

He turned to his colleagues and apologised, saying that he really needed to take the call and asking them to leave, saying that he'd give them a shout later when he was free and that they could re-convene. He ignored the raised eyebrows of the 2nd Lieutenant who obviously thought that nothing was quite as important as the discussions that they had been having, something that Charles would normally have 100% agreed with.

He rested his chair back on its back legs and crossed his ankles as he put his feet up on the desk and smiled with anticipation.

"That's better"

"Are you busy?"

"No, well, yes a bit, but it doesn't matter, I'd given up hoping you'd ring me back"

"I can't be on here long, I'm almost out of credit" she lied "What was it you wanted?"

"Just to talk to you, to wish you a Happy Birthday"

"How did you know?"

"What, that it's your birthday? You're not the only one who remembers things"

There was a very long pause when he began to wonder if she'd hung up or if her credit had run out on her phone.

"It's not my birthday till the weekend"

"I know, is your boyfriend taking you somewhere nice"

"What boyfriend?"

"Your mate Ronnie told me about him"

"Ask her then"

"Why?"

"Because she made him up that's why" She giggled "He don't really exist"

"Why would she do that?" He could feel the smirk spreading across his face at what she'd just said then started to laugh.

"You really don't know? She giggled again "Never mind"

"I miss that, you making me laugh"

"Doesn't she make you laugh?" She paused then shook her head at herself; dumb cow that she was, flirting with him wouldn't make things any better at all, especially not drawing attention to the existence of bloody Miranda "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that Charles, it's none of my business"

"No" He paused "but no she doesn't"

There was another long pause, as Molly suddenly realised exactly why he'd wanted to talk to her and why he'd wished her a happy birthday today and not on her birthday.

"You're being deployed aren't you? You're going to Syria"

"Yip"

"When you going?"

"Thursday"

"Shitting hell, Charles, you will be careful won't you?"

"I'm always careful" She could hear the smile in his voice

"No you're bleeding well not, and I should know if anyone does"

"I will be this time, I promise"

He sounded as though he was promising her, not just promising in general or promising because he was getting married to someone else, and even though she knew it was wishful thinking, she couldn't help smiling to herself.

"How long you going for?"

"Just a short one, three months"

There was another long pause as she heard him take a deep breath.

"Molly, about Miranda …."

"No, don't, I don't want to bloody hear about …"

"Will you shut up and listen for a minute, God, you're so impatient" he paused "Miranda and I are finished, over with, must be the shortest bloody engagement in history"

There was another even longer pause which made him wonder again whether she was still there or had ended the call, as Molly thought about what he'd just said and wondered what he expected her to say to that, and then couldn't for the life of her think of anything appropriate at all.

"Hello, are you still there?"

"Just be careful out there, alright, and don't get yourself bloody well shot or nothing, don't be a bleeding hero, okay?"

"You take care as well, look after yourself"

"Me? I'll be fine, the people I meet don't usually want to kill me, you know, take a machete to me head or shoot me or nothing, thank God"

"I'm glad to hear it"

"Go on, piss off and get back to yelling at people and bossing them poor little sods about, I gotta go, Bye"

He could hear the smile in her voice as she disconnected the call and whispered 'Bye' even though she'd already gone.

-OG-

"You rang him, didn't you?"

"Yeah, sorry"

"Trollop! And you don't have to say sorry to me do you, it's none of my bloody business, is it?" Ronnie handed over an envelope and a small parcel "You'd better have these early then, might come in handy, Happy Birthday"

Molly ripped open the envelope which contained a very 'arty' and expensive looking birthday card with three condoms sellotaped inside; and inside the tissue paper wrapped parcel, a pair of oyster coloured silk knickers.

"Ronnie!" She held up the underwear "They're gorgeous, thank you, and for these, I s'pose" She held up the card with the condoms and giggled.

"The knickers are for you, not for him, and who says I don't do romance?" Ronnie shrugged as they both now giggled "but we don't want any little slip-ups, do we?"

"Look, I know you care about me but I'm not going to need any of this, I'm not going to see him or nothing, I was right, he's going to Syria so he just called to say goodbye"

"Molls, and I know you don't want to hear this but he needs to stop dicking you about, is he with No Tits or not? Did he say? Because it strikes me that he doesn't know what he bleeding does want from one minute to the next and you need a boyfriend, not a sodding train wreck"

"He's not with her anymore, he said so, happy now? And anyway that's got nothing to do with anything; I can't help not wanting him to go out there, can I? It's bloody dangerous and I don't want anything to happen to him"

"Of course you don't"

"Talking of boyfriends, which is something I definitely don't want by the way, what the fuck did you say to him about me and some boyfriend who don't even exist?"

"Can't remember"

"Liar"

"Come on Molls, let's get out of misery central for a bit and go and get pissed"

"What have you got to be miserable about?"

"It's official, it's a drought, three months and not even a hint of any action, and on top of that my best mate is dicking about with the some posh tosspot who doesn't deserve her"

"Do you good to go without for a bit, but Ron, if we go to the pub we're not going to do "Ten Reasons why we've decided he's a Wanker" okay?"

-OG-

Thursday morning, twenty minutes into the first lecture of the day and Molly hadn't yet listened to a single word the lecturer had said, she was far too busy surreptitiously composing and editing a text, which she'd written and deleted several times already in an agony of indecision over whether or not to send it.

-OG-

Author's notes: Thank you for your kind reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for all your good wishes for our weekend break away which was lovely, even managed to get a bit of a tan yesterday, it was a gorgeous day with a wind blowing off the sea so we are definitely a bit sunkissed.

I know that these chapters are getting longer and longer so I have to keep telling myself that I need to keep a better eye on the word count at the bottom of the screen when my fingers are getting carried away