Thanks for all the reviews so far, here's another chapter :)

Chapter 5

Of sleep and leads

Around 5:30pm Havoc, Falman, Breda and Fuery got ready to leave for home. They thanked Edward very much because they were only able to do so because he helped them out. Edward grinned and blushed a little and shrugged in a "think nothing about it" way when they praised him to the heavens.

"You know, you are free to go, too. You did enough today and there's nothing you could help the Colonel with, 'cause he gets the more complex reports that you need to read whole to understand.", Havoc explained as he grabbed his things.

Edward nodded in understanding. Mustang had retreated to his inner office again some time ago, indicating that he didn't want to be disturbed. He was a little grumpy when they interrupted his train of thought to say good bye for the day. The others didn't seem to mind their commander's mood, though. It seemed that this behaviour was normal for the Colonel would stay at least an hour longer than they did almost every day. On some days because he procrastinated so much that he had to do all of his paperwork now in a hurry, on other days, like today, it was because he simply had more work to do from the beginning. Hawkeye usually stayed with him, to make sure he didn't burn the papers.

So they left headquarters and wished the others a nice evening when they separated to walk to their destinations. In Edward's case the dorms. The young alchemist walked into his room, kicked off his boots, and tossed his coat on the chair by the desk. Then he sat on his bed.

He could feel all the little bits of good feelings he had managed to collect during the day vanish. The room was quiet and he was alone, no chattering soldiers around him and nothing to do. Maybe he should walk to the library and get a book to read? But then what kind of book? Those about human transmutation or the Philosopher's Stone held no value for him any more.

Maybe he should try and sleep. Edward snorted at the thought. He knew that tonight he wouldn't get an eye shut. He had slept during the last night so his body would manage to stay up for the next 24 hours and his restless brain would make sure that it did so. With a shudder he pulled his legs up to his chest. He hated to know that he would start thinking soon. With nothing else to do and a whole, lonely night in front of him every thought he usually managed to push away would come up again, because his treacherous brain just couldn't forget on command. Sighing, Ed wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his chin on his knees. There was only one thing he could do now to save himself from the pain.

His breathing slowed, his eyes went dull and he stared blankly at the white wall in front of him, thinking about nothing but how many different shades of grey that wall could be when the daylight falling in through the small window lessened and then became more again. If he thought about that at all. Maybe he just dimly recognised it. He didn't know, he was numb again.

When the daylight had reached the level of dawn again he flicked open the lid of his pocket watch and watched the seconds tick by until he had to get ready to work. He felt relieve when he finally walked up the stairs to Central Command.

Mustang and Hawkeye were late. If only Mustang had slept in there wouldn't be any reason for worry but if Hawkeye was late too, then something must have happened. So when the two finally walked into the office the others immediately analysed their faces and posture, trying to find out what it was. They both looked grim and slightly pissed.

"Not again! Did that pig kill another one?", Havoc finally asked.

"Yes, they called us around four, some MP found the mess.", Mustang answered, his eyes narrowed in disgust. Though he was obviously less disgusted with the dead body than with the guy who did it.

"Any clues?", Bread wanted to know.

"No, nothing but the circle, again. And the victims still seem random." The colonel turned to Ed. "Though, thanks to Fullmetal here, we do have a lead in another way."

Edward blinked at the colonel, slightly confused. He had no idea what was going on and where he had helped. He watched as Mustang stepped between his and Havoc's chair and pushed some papers on their desks out of the way. He then flicked through the small folder he had tucked under his arm when he came in and finally laid one of the pages in the cleared up space for them to look at.

"You remember the array I send to you when you were in Resembool?", the colonel asked Ed. Edward nodded quickly. How could he forget those letters? He stopped the smile that threatened to climb on his face with the memory. This was not a situation to smile.

"Well, it turned out that there is only one known copy of the book you said it was from because it is less of a book and more of a handwritten journal. And it is not available for the average person or alchemist. It is part of the restricted materials the military owns. Even state alchemists can't just read it. You had to go through quite the procedure to get your hands on it, right Fullmetal?"

Edward thought about it. Yes he remembered, he had to go and get a lot of forms and those had to be signed by Mustang first, who then had to pass it on to the Führer before it was completely approved.

"Judging by your face, you do remember.", Mustang said with a smirk but he became serious again as he went on. "Well, the reason why you need your commanding officer's signature is that because of the dangerous contents of that book your commanding officer is supposed to do a security check on you and search all data and his own knowledge about you for the reason why you would want those informations. Only if he can't find a reason for you to use that knowledge for an attempt at human transmutation and deems it safe to trust you with that book the Führer can be bothered to give the final permission. This, and the fact that you will be put on an unofficial kind of black list that contains alchemists who are to be watched closely in case they loose someone, scares most alchemists away. Which leaves us with a rather small list of people who borrowed the book during the last five years. And also with the sad knowledge that the murderer is probably one of our own."

"So it's most likely one of those guys?", Breda murmured thoughtfully as they all leaned forward to read the list. "Well at least there are only six people on the list."

Ed read the names. He had heard them all before once, because they were state alchemists, but he knew nothing about them. Well except for the name of the person who borrowed the book last.

"I guess we can cross Fullmetal out.", Mustang said and took Havoc's pen. "And this one has been killed by Scar." he crossed out another name. His hand hovered over the name of the man who had the book first. The Fullmetal Alchemist watched as the colonel narrowed his eyes in thought.

"Sir?", asked Hawkeye, who could read Mustang best. The colonel emerged out of his thought process and seemed to remember that not everyone could follow his train of thoughts like the lieutenant did.

"That one graduated with me. He became a state alchemist in the same year as I did. Though, as far as I know, he's stuck in a mental ward now.", he explained.

"Well, you have to be crazy to make such a mess out of people.", Breda said.

"But it's wrong to immediately blame him, you don't know what his problem is!", Fuery with his kind heart protested.

"I think he's there for bad depression and constantly trying to kill him self.", Mustang remembered with a frown.

"In that case I guess he would be under strict surveillance and couldn't do things like this.", Falman said.

"I'll visit him and have a look.", Mustang announced and circled the name. "There's nothing else to do right now anyway, the guys from Investigation still need to find the others on the list."

"With all due respect, sir, considering the reason why this man has been committed to the mental ward, I don't think it is a good idea for you to talk to him.", Hawkeye said.

The colonel and the lieutenant stared at each other for a while, talking through looks none of the others could decipher.

"Fine, I'll have someone from Investigations check him for now. But I will go there myself if something comes up.", Mustang finally gave in.

Hawkeye nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Now that you're all updated, go back to work!" With that Mustang recollected the file and went into his inner office.

"Ugh, can't we start lunch five minutes early?", Bread whined.

After lunch they had been back to their normal working atmosphere and Ed had happily scribbled on his papers. He even felt a little more cheerful than yesterday because he knew that his knowledge about the book and the array were helpful in this murder case. Though during the last five minutes of work time he started to feel uneasy. He needed a moment to understand that he was nervous. Nervous because of the knowledge that he once again had no idea what to do with himself after work. He thought about staying here until Mustang and Hawkeye were ready to go, too.

Those two had a lot of work to catch on to because they had to be at the crime scene in the morning. They would surely stay very long. But then he remembered that Havoc said here was no way for him to help them and if he would just stay for the sake of staying Mustang surely would get angry and annoyed. The colonel had barely left his inner office today and he had been rather grumpy and sleep deprived during lunch, so Ed figured that the man wouldn't want to be disturbed during his work and therefore would not appreciate Ed's presence in his office any longer than necessary. So he walked back to the dorms at a pace that would allow a slug to get ahead of him.

Tonight he should be exhausted enough to sleep, though when he laid there on his bed he still felt he couldn't, no matter how much his body craved it. His eyes flickered across the dark room. These dorm rooms were usually made for two and even though he was glad that Mustang probably arranged that no stranger would be put in here with him, he still couldn't help but feel alone.

The last time he had checked in in a dorm room Al had still been with him. His brother couldn't sleep, but he would still sit or lie down on the other bed and talk to Ed until Ed was too tired to stay awake and started to fall asleep. Then he would grab a book and Ed would fully fall asleep to the sound of pages turning and metal creaking softly when Al moved.

Now though the other bed was empty and the room quiet. And it hurt Ed because he knew it was his fault. And it made him desperate because he had a feeling that even if he changed the dorm room or moved into a hotel this painful guilt wouldn't stay at bay because all of this rooms looked so similar, none of them would allow him to stay in peace.

The young alchemist buried his head in his pillow and grabbed his blanket tightly. He couldn't breath right like this, but then he was trying not to sob so it was all right. He hated this helpless feeling, he wouldn't let it overcome him, he'd suffocate in his pillow before he'd let it...no he wouldn't, if he suffocated he'd kill himself and that was no option because Al had told him to live on. So Ed lifted his head and breathed deeply. His head hurt now yet he didn't mind, feeling he deserved it and welcoming the distraction from all the other pain.

Though ultimately his hectic breathing reminded him once again that there was no other sound in the room, so he tried to breath slower since it suddenly seemed too loud. Finally, he was lying still. But that only allowed him to hear the faint ticking of his pocket watch, reminding him that this night wasn't over yet and that he would still have to endure falling asleep and waking up from a nightmare before he could go back to the office again. Ed tensed, waiting in fear for that to happen. Yet he waited so hard that in the end it kept him awake until the sun was up again. With a wry smile he got out of bed, showered the cold sweat away, made himself look as normal as possible, and then almost ran to HQ.