I was growing more apprehensive by the minute waiting for a chance to talk to Octavia one on one. But first I had needed to go back to the boy's apartment to get my stuff and drop off the pumpkin.

"I can't believe she thought Monty was the father." When we showed up with Octavia, Jasper had been all over us asking question about who she was, of course out of the whole story the part that suck out the most to him was the accusation Octavia had directed towards me and Monty being together.

"Hey I'm offended by that comment, I would make an amazing father, right Clarke?" Or maybe he knew exactly what he was doing, lightening the mood by focusing on something irrelevant instead of brining attention to the fact that the sister of my baby's father was standing in his apartment.

"Of course you would, Jasper leave Monty alone."

"Yes mom, should I go lock myself in my room as punishment."

"Very funny Jasper."

"What it's not my fault if you're already acting like a mom."

"If the two of you stopped acting like children I wouldn't have so much practice." I heard Octavia giggle behind me, bringing me back to reality. "I guess we should get going we've got a lot of catching up to do."

"If you need anything call us."

"Don't worry boys she's in good hands, I'll return her in one piece." Despite her words they both were a little apprehensive at letting me leave with Octavia. I had explained to both of them that she was my friend, but for them she was the sister of enemy number one.

During the short walk back to my place, Octavia caught me up on her life a little. She was in Chicago visiting colleges; she didn't want to move so far away from home but the university of Chicago had some interesting programs and offered many scholarship opportunities. Lincoln had accompanied her on the tour, but had to stay back at the hotel to finish an assignment for school while she explored the city. She asked a few questions about the pregnancy, but I could tell she was holding herself back, probably waiting for me to tell her the whole story.

As soon as we stepped into my apartment I let out the question I had been holding in since realizing that she didn't know why I had left town.

"What exactly did Bellamy tell you?"

"Nothing, that's the thing he hasn't talked about you since you left. And even before that, the week before your graduation he was acting incredibly strange."

"I remember, I barely got to see him that week and when I did he was distant and barely even talked to me."

"Exactly he was doing the same to me, and then out of nowhere, on the day of the graduation ceremony, he started acting like his old arrogant self. I couldn't understand what was happening and neither could Lincoln. When I got home and saw your letter I was even more confused." My letter to Octavia had been really simple; thank you for being my friend and I wish you the best in life but I can't stay here any longer so this is goodbye. "When I showed it to Bellamy his entire face drained of its color and he left the apartment in a rush. Since that day he's been moody and angry with everybody. My mom and I keep asking about what happened, but he won't tell us anything. We were worried about you."

"That didn't stop you from thinking I had cheated on him."

"I'm sorry, but when I saw you and Monty together I couldn't help but assume the worst. Bellamy's been acting heartbroken for the past couple of months, barely comes home anymore and when I do get the chance to see him he looks terrible as if he hasn't been sleeping. I should have known that you wouldn't do anything to hurt him."

It didn't make any sense, why was Bellamy acting like that? Was he consumed by guilt? Did he regret his actions? Then why not contact me once he got my letter, was he too ashamed? As I recounted the events of that horrible day to Octavia I hoped that she could shed some light on the situation, but she was as clueless as I was. She was angry with her brother as she learned about his cavalier attitude towards me, and couldn't understand what had caused him to return to his old habits. The only person that had the answers to my questions was miles away. However, he was about to get a very angry phone call from his sister, hopefully with her help we would get to the bottom of this.

-:-

Four months ago…

I cursed under my breath as I saw the light turn red, I was already running late and it seemed the entire universe was working against me. Clarke was waiting for me and I was excited to share the news of my acceptance at a pretty decent college in Connecticut. I knew she was still struggling with her decision of which school to attend, but I knew Yale was still a strong contender. Not only did her mother go there, but if she ever got to courage to pursue art they also had a pretty good program.

College had never been a huge concern of mine, but after actually being able to get my grades back up I realized that studying wasn't so bad after all. I was even considering going into teaching of all things. Clarke liked to point out that it wasn't thanks to her that I changed, that I always had the potential in me. And on some level she might be right, but if it weren't for her I never would have found the motivation to want to be better. The reality was that the person you were with was meant to encourage you to be your best possible self without trying to change you and that's what Clarke had done for me. My hope was that one day I could inspire her to do the same and find her own path in life that didn't revolve around pleasing her mother.

As I entered the café, Clarke was nowhere to be seen, instead I was surprised to find her mother sipping an espresso and looking out of place in her overpriced clothes. I hadn't met Abby yet, Clarke made sure our paths never crossed. At first I thought it was because Clarke was ashamed of me, which made me angry. I had welcomed her into my life, introduced her to my sister and mother and she was keeping me away from the only family she had left. When I confronted her about it, she explained she was protecting me and the more I learned about Abby the more I understood what she meant. Her mother was a very strict woman and without Clarke's father to balance her out she had become very controlling of Clarke. I couldn't imagine what she would do to me if she ever found out Clarke was involved with me, and I had hoped I wouldn't have to find out for a least a few years until I was ready to make an honest women out of Clarke. Unfortunately my luck had come to an end and for the first time I was about to face the fury that was Abby Griffin.

"No need to look for Clarke she's not coming, I stole her phone in order to get you to meet me." I had a bad feeling about this; if she felt no regret at taking her daughter's phone to lure her boyfriend out what else did she have up her sleeve. "It has recently come to my attention that you and my daughter are involved. Is that correct?"

I wanted to lie, I felt I needed to do so in order to protect us, but Abby was smart if she took the trouble of setting up this meeting it was because she already knew about us, denying it might anger her more.

"We are."

"I'm guessing you love my daughter and you think the two of you have a future together."

"I do, and I understand why you felt the need to come out and meet me. But there is no need to warn me not to ruin Clarke future I have no intentions of doing that. If Clarke goes to Yale I'm not going to hold her back, rest assured." Clarke had warned me her mother hated when people interfered with her plans, so I was hoping that by telling her in good faith that I would support Clarke no matter where she decided to go that she would just leave it at that.

"You think you're both being so clever, acting like nothing's change while scheming behind my back."

"I don't understand."

"Don't act dumb, I know she applied for the art program at Yale. Was she planning on lying to me for the next couple of years hoping I wouldn't realize that she's not going to become a doctor."

"I didn't know." I was trying to keep a poker face, but I was so proud of Clarke at that moment that it was proving rather difficult to keep the smile off my face.

"And I'm queen Elizabeth, don't take me for a fool."

"I swear I didn't know she had applied for the art program. I knew that she was torn between her passion and your ambitions for her, but she didn't tell me anything."

"If she was torn it's because you made her that way, put ideas in her head that shouldn't be there. Clarke will become a doctor, that was always the plan." This women was completely delusional, it's like she didn't know Clarke at all, even my mother knew how much Clarke loved to paint and draw. How could her own mother be completely oblivious?

"It doesn't matter anymore because once you break up with her, she will return to her senses." Completely delusional, there was no way she could ever convince me to leave Clarke.

"I have no intention of breaking up with Clarke, so you've wasted a trip."

"Please you didn't think I would come unprepared. People like you only ever want one thing from people like Clarke."

"And what's that?"

"Money, so what I'm going to do is write a big fat cheque for you to leave my daughter's life for good. Easiest money you've ever made, that's probably what you were after from the start." I loved Clarke, but right in front of me was the reason why I hated rich people and why I had tormented her so much before I got to know her. Always thinking they're above others and that everything can be bought with money.

"I'm sorry but I'm not for sell." I keep my voice stern hoping she would see how serious I was. I could feel my refusal was frustrating her, clearly she hadn't expected me to put up a fight.

"Playing hardball are we? I'll double the money, maybe this way you can send your sister to a decent college. Consider this carefully boy, because you're not going to like what comes next if you refuse."

"My sister will manage fine without your filthy money. I love Clarke and I'm going to protect her and her dreams." I slid the cheque back towards her and as I looked up she was so red with anger it felt like she was a volcano about to erupt. She collected herself before glaring back at me.

"That's a nice sentiment and all, but you don't have what it takes to protect her and how are you going to protect her when you can't even take care of your own family." I was confused, what did my family have to do with this? She smirked at my bewildered expression, as she placed the cheque back into her purse.

"I'll say this in terms you can understand, because you clearly look very confused. You either break up with Clarke within the week or I will destroy your family. Telling all my friends that your mother's a thief won't be very difficult and once the rumors spread she'll have a very hard time finding a job. And your precious sister still so young and innocent, I'll make sure she can't get into any decent schools." She couldn't be serious, this wasn't a movie, real people didn't act like this.

"You're an evil women, they haven't done anything to you."

"I will do anything to protect my daughters future, she was born to privilege and she deserves better than the life she will have if she stays with you. The choice is yours, but think about it carefully are you really going to risk your family's happiness over a high school romance with an uncertain future."

How was it even possible that Clarke had managed to grow up into someone so kind and open-minded with someone like this as her role model? Five minutes in her company and my entire world was being destroyed. How was I even supposed to make this kind of choice, Clarke owned my heart life without her seemed grim and I knew despite Abby's words that we had a future together. But how could I be selfish and keep Clarke if it meant everybody else I loved would have to struggle to survive.

"You should have taken the money." That was the last thing she said to me before walking out. Leaving me uncertain as to what I should do next.

I couldn't go home and talk to my mom or Octavia because they would likely put my happiness before their own, so I ended up driving to Miller's for advice. Murphy would probably be thrilled by the news using it as a way to convince me that Clarke and I were from two different worlds and that we didn't belong together. Miller on the other hand liked Clarke so he would be more objective.

"Fuck that women is a complete bitch."

"No kidding. What do I do now?" Miller was staring at me with a look of pity; I had a feeling I wasn't going to like his answer.

"What would Clarke do?" My heart sank at his words; I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself but knowing Clarke she would never want to be responsible for the hardships of others, and if we stayed together two people I knew she had come to care for would suffer. "Just tell her the truth, she'll understand that you have to protect your family, maybe give her mom time to cool down and get back together."

"When? In a few years? When Clarke becomes a doctor? No after seeing her mother it's clear that she'll never accept us. I can't do that to her, live in limbo like that unsure of our future, hoping that one day we might be able to be together."

"What other option do you have, if you break up with her with no explanation she's going to know something's up." There was only one thing to do, I needed to break her heart and make her break up with me. It might sound like a cruel thing to do, but it was to give her, her best chance at being happy someday. She would get over me, move on and find someone else. That very idea broke my heart, but I was stuck regardless of what decision I made someone was going to get hurt.

I called Abby to let her know I would do as she asked, but that she better make sure Clarke lived a happy life or I would return in her life and take her away. I was just bluffing of course, there was no way Clarke would ever take me back after what I had planned to push her away.

Abby told me that she was going to confront Clarke about our relationship later that week and that Clarke was likely to come looking for me, I was to break it off with her at that moment, when she was at her worst. I honestly didn't know who was the cruelest person at this point; Abby for thinking up a way to make her daughter so miserable that she would run back home to her or me for agreeing to go along with it.

The week following my conversation with Abby was pure torture. I should have enjoyed my last moments with Clarke, but guilt was eating me up from inside and I couldn't even look at her without feeling terrible. Everyday I wanted to tell her the truth, but I kept reminding myself of the consequences if I did. Once the time came I made sure to get my mom and Octavia out of thehouse, sending them to the spa. After that I only needed one more piece to complete my deceit. I walked over to my next-door neighbor hoping I could convince her to help.

"I need you to pretend you and I sleep together." She looked at me utterly confused; I was really hoping she would agree to this because she was my only option. I could have asked any girl from school, but somehow I felt that would be worst and then rumors about Clarke would start flying around again and I didn't want to cause her more pain. My neighbor, Harper, was in her late 20s, but she looked young enough that anyone would buy that we slept together.

Once I explained the situation she looked at me with sad eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this? In my experience girls that get cheated on aren't very forgiving, if you do this you might blow any chance with her in the future."

"I know, but if I don't she might keep hope about us getting back together and not let herself fall in love again. If I can't be with her, I at least want to make it so she goes to someone else, instead of pinning over me."

"I'll do it, but for the record it's a terrible idea."

We waited in my apartment until I got the call from Abby saying Clarke was on her way. Then we both got undressed, keeping our underwear on. She got into the bed and I spread our stuff all over the apartment for effect, leaving the door slightly open for Clarke to walk in without knocking.

This was it, I knew it was going to hurt but I wasn't prepared for the look of total despair that Clarke had on when she found us in bed. Feeling my own heart break at the sight of her in so much pain I called out to her out of habit, halfway up to run after her when Harper pulled me back down.

"If you chase after her now you'll make it worst, you'll give her hope that you still care. You came up with this plan at this point the best thing to do is to carry it through." She was right of course, after seeing her out I sank to the floor unable to stop the tears that were flowing out of me.

When Octavia and my mother returned home I stayed in my room unable to move, they must have sensed my mood because I only needed to tell them once I wasn't feeling well and they left me alone for the rest of the night. I spent a restless night with nightmares about Clarke being in trouble and calling out for me, but I was unable to go after her trapped in a room with Abby laughing at me. I had every intention of bailing on the ceremony, Clarke was giving the valedictorian speech and I feared if I showed up she would be too miserable. However, after hearing the voicemail Abby left me I changed my mind. She was asking if everything had gone according to plan, she was worried I had backed out because Clarke still hadn't returned home.

That woke me up pretty fast; worried about Clarke I got dressed, I needed to see that she was all right. She didn't have any friends, apart from Octavia and if she had gone to Miller he would have told me. If something happened to her because of me I would never forgive myself, I was slowly starting to realize how stupid this whole thing was, Abby couldn't possibly have that much power maybe I could convince my mom and Octavia to move so they could be safe.

Once I got to the ceremony location it was already packed with people, I was frantically looking for Clarke but there was no sign of her. I bumped into Miller and his cousin Maya; he took one look at me and knew that I must have carried out my plan. Maya unaware jumped in my arms happy to see me. I couldn't blame her whenever she visited Miller the three of us always hanged out together. She couldn't have known that behind the brave face I was trying to keep in place I was slowly failing to pieces. I barely had the energy to hug back, but I figured the faster I got over the pleasantries with her the faster I could go back to searching for Clarke.

An hour into the ceremony I realized she hadn't come. When they called out her name to come and give her speech and she didn't show up I realized how badly I had screwed up. I made it back to my apartment completely defeated, my mom was going on about how handsome I looked and how proud she was of me, I tried to smile at her but my heart wasn't into it. The only reason I was able to graduate was because of Clarke and she hadn't been there. I was sinking further and further into depression when Octavia burst into my room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, and why the hell did I just get a letter from Clarke telling me goodbye."

"What?" I grabbed the paper out of her hands reading it over quickly. The words can't stay and this is goodbye popped out immediately. Clarke's mother had miscalculated; Clarke didn't go running back to her. Instead she was running away pushed past her breaking point by the two people that should have been protecting her.

I needed to fix this, even if Clarke never forgave me I needed her to know that what she had witness wasn't real, that the two of us were real. Fear of the consequences for my family had driven me to listen to Clarke's mother. But I couldn't ignore the fact that part of me had been afraid Abby was right, that I was destroying Clarke's life. I should have had more faith in her, more faith in us. I would never repeat that same mistake again if she ever gave me the chance to be with her again.

I was trying to contain my anger at Abby and at myself as I knocked violently on Clarke's front door. A stunned Abby answered.

"You said you would keep her happy and now she's ran away." I threw the letter she had given Octavia in her face. "Now I'm going to find her and make sure she's happy and you better stay out of my way." I was expecting her to remain impassive, but as she read over the letter her features turned into a panic. I didn't let that stop my rant.

"She deserves better than you as her mother, you should have support her instead of trying to control her life and now she's gone perhaps out of reach to both of us forever." Once I was done giving her a piece of my mind I left her there alone to pounder over her actions.

I tried reaching Clarke, but she wasn't answering her phone. I left message after message hoping to convince her to come back home. On my 19th attempt she finally picked up and my heart skipped a beat, but it was a male voice. He claimed he had found the phone in the parking lot of a motel. Whether she had dropped it or left it behind on purposed didn't matter at this point, the fact that she didn't have her phone meant that I had no way of telling her I was sorry.

Two days after she left the reality was slowly sinking in, I wasn't going to be able to find her. For days all I did was work, sleep and eat. Whenever I was around O and my mom I tried to act as normal as possible, but I could tell they knew something was wrong. I picked up a second job in order to avoid them; I couldn't stand the looks they were giving me. I couldn't tell them about Clarke or what had happen because they would feel partly responsible. They couldn't ever find out the truth, this was my mistake I would need to fix it on my own.

I eventually settled on a local college to attend in the fall, I was feeling unmotivated by the whole idea of going to college but I felt I owed it to Clarke and her hard work. Abby eventually got in touch with me, she didn't apology for her actions but I could tell by the sound of her voice she was worried about Clarke. She was calling to let me know that Clarke had left with her money so there was a strong chance that she was planning on attending school in the fall. She had already called all the colleges she knew Clarke had applied to with no luck; she was hoping I knew of others where she could look.

I lied and said I didn't, I had failed to protect Clarke from her mother once I wasn't going to repeat the same mistake again. I called all the remaining school on the list myself, but Clarke remained nowhere to be found. This made me work twice as hard; I needed to make extra cash to hire a private investigator or something. Time seemed to slow without Clarke, but I was determined to find her. Miller was trying his best to cheer me up; but it was no use apart from working I didn't have the motivation for anything else. When school started in September I tried my best but I was struggling to keep up with everything.

I could tell my mother was getting worried about me, which is why I was glad I had decided to get a dorm room. Murphy and I were in the same room together; it was nice to be able to get away from the constant looks of concern I was getting at home. I could tell every time I saw Octavia she was dying to ask me about what had happened between Clarke and I, even Lincoln had tried to get information out of me, but I remained silent.

Miller and I were studying, preparing for midterms that were coming up when Murphy barged into the library like he owed the place.

"Guys come on its Saturday afternoon, we should be out having fun instead of surrounded by dusty books. I heard about this party being thrown at one of the sorority houses."

"Sorry Murphy, but if I don't pass this exam I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail this class. I can't afford to go out."

"Please even if you didn't have to study you wouldn't come, I thought that once you got rid of Clarke you would go back to your old self, but now all you want to do is be left alone in your own self pity." I wasn't surprised at his words, he had been supportive at first of my heartbreak, but he quickly tired of taking care of my emotional baggage, as he liked to put it.

"Good grief Murphy."

"Forget it Miller, he's right I haven't returned to my old self nor do I have any intention of doing so. I was an arrogant ass in the past, I much prefer the person I am now." Even if all I do is mop around all day, but I keep that last part for myself.

"At least you were fun."

"There are more important things in life than having fun."

Miller sent me an apologetic smile, as Murphy turned his attention towards him. Since I had declined he was now trying to convince Miller to go out with him. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocked and I took it out to check the caller ID. Octavia, I had too much studying to do to worry about coming up with excuses as to why I hadn't come home to visit in the last month so I ignored her call. It wasn't the first time I had resorted to screening my calls in order to avoid her, but this time she wasn't taking no for an answer. She called three more times, before sending me a text.

I found Clarke pick up your goddam phone.

She found Clarke, that's the only thought I had in my mind as I walked out of the library in order to be able to speak with her freely, ignoring Miller and Murphy's calls.

I didn't give her a chance to say anything when she picked up I had too many question.

"Where is she? Can I see her now? How much does she hate me right now?"

"No, I'm sorry big brother but you don't get to ask questions right now." She sounded angry, of course Clarke had probably told her what I had done, or what she thought I had done. "How could you do that to her, she loved you so much."

Loved, past tense, was I too late? Was Clarke lost to me forever?

"I know O, but there are circumstances that you aren't aware of."

"I don't care what the circumstances are, you screwed up. And if that wasn't bad enough, ignoring her letter was an excusable low." Letter, I didn't get any letter, what was she taking about? Had Clarke reached out to me?

"Octavia I understand you're mad, and you can yell at me some more, but I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't get any letter." I don't know what made Octavia calm down but as she heard my words her anger seem to dissipate a little. She explained that Clarke had mailed me a letter in August and then a friend of hers had sent another one a few weeks after that. I knew my mother had been forwarding my mail to school so I should have gotten everything, and in August I was still at home so there was no reason for me not to have received it.

"Son of a bitch, Murphy!" I hadn't felt this angry since I had confronted Abby about Clarke's disappearance.

"What does Murphy have to do with this?" I suddenly recalled my mom telling me she had given Murphy a letter addressed to me when he had showed up unexpectedly at my place, I had been staying at Miller for a few days, so she didn't know when I was going to return home. Murphy had never given me anything, when I questioned him he had claimed it was advertisement and had gotten rid of it.

That was months ago, I could have been with Clarke all this time. He was going to pay, but first I needed to know that Clarke was all right.

"I think he got rid of the letter, it doesn't matter, I'll deal with him later. How's Clarke? What was in the letter? Does she want to see me?" Octavia remained silent on the other side of the line; I could hear her whispering to someone that was probably with her. Was that Clarke? Could she hear my voice?

"Bell she's pregnant and it's yours." It took a few seconds for the information to sink in, but once it did my first thoughts were of happiness until I realized that Clarke's been dealing with a pregnancy on her own with no support.

She was never going to forgive me.

Ok so finally you have Bellamy's explanation. I felt so bad after reading your comments to leave you with a cliffhanger that I've been working on this as fast as I could (my updates won't be as fast as the last two from now on, but I will try my best not to return to monthly updates). I'm not sure how you guys are going to react to this. From the comments it seemed a lot of you had different expectations of how this would go. I know its impossible to please everybody, but I hope this explanation at least make most of you less angry at Bellamy.

And if you find Abby over the top you can blame my overconsumption of Korean dramas. I never intended for Bellamy to cheat on Clarke, as many of you pointed out it would have been out of character. A quick congratulation to Atheandra who guessed that Abby was involved in someway.

We're still not back to being lovey-dovey, Bellamy still has some explaining to do and despite his intentions who knows how Clarke will react to the truth…ok I know, but I'm not telling ;)

Lastly, the scene with Bellamy in bed with the girl was inspired by an episode of Roswell, The end of the world. I couldn't say anything before on the off chance that some of you have seen the show.

Thank you for all the reviews. I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter as well.