Red and Black – Chapter 11
And here's where the bombs drops.
The two brothers sat on the roof of Gordon's bedroom with two beers, knowing that they wouldn't be disturbed as they watched the sun set over the Pacific.
"So, you gunna tell me about this girl?" Gordon felt just about ready to throw himself off the roof. There were too many ifs and buts floating around in his head. What if Scott hated him? What if he told everyone else? The possibilities of personal destruction were endless.
"Actually that's more of the subject I need to talk to you about." But Scott still wasn't getting the hint. Gordon wondered if he could just bluff his way out, but knew now that he would just have to spoon-feed Scott information until he got there himself. Inside, Gordon was kicking himself; he could have lied and kept it all a secret, and never have had to put himself through any of this. His situation didn't matter now, he just had to hope for a positive outcome; or was he putting too much faith into his brother?
"Well, why not start with her name?" This was going quicker than Gordon had expected, his breath nearly got stuck in his throat; he felt his insides twist into a sickly knot and the sides of his mouth were being pulled down by panic, his face was red and burning like the fires of hell. Gordon felt faint, his head was spinning and his brain pounded against his skull, his feet became a dead weight with no chance of running away from his problems.
"Timothy Anderson." He said plainly, hoping that Scott wouldn't sense his fear, he dared not look into his eyes and instead stared away at the sun; Gordon wished that it would simply engulf him in its flames and have him leave this, but no.
"Isn't he that British swimmer you were against at the Olympics?" How am I not dead yet? Gordon thought, Scott wasn't even fazed by his answer; not even a blink or a second glance.
"Yeah?" He replied in a questioning tone, confusion had taken over his fear; with a mixture of relief and amazement painting his face.
"What?" Scott asked,
"Were you worried that I would be angry?" Wait, what? So he isn't?
"So, you're okay with me not being straight?" Gordon paced his words as his pitch continued to climb.
"Gordon," Scott said firmly, he turned to completely face him; and putting his hands on his shoulders continued;
"Even I am not straight!" WOAHWOAHWOAH WAIT A MINUTE HOLD THE FUCK UP THERE WHAT?! Gordon's entire face began to screw up with bewilderment, what the hell just happened?
"Hold up Scott, WHAT?!"
"I'm pansexual, Gordon." They both stared back at the sun and took a sip from their beers in sync. But Scott still knew that Gordon's expression hadn't changed.
"Remember when I dated Natasha?" Gordon nodded slowly, still not sure where of it was going.
"She's transgender. You only met her after she finished hormone therapy."
"And I thought that this was just my coming-out party." Gordon murmured lightly, giving them both giggles; keeping it down in case anyone heard.
"Does Dad know?" He asked, realising that this would be the next step.
"No, he can be quite 'old-fashioned', shall we say? I have no idea how he would react, I'd rather lay low and not have this go to shit, for both of us." Gordon's face flared back up to how it was previously, panicked and startled; the what-ifs and buts had caught up with him again. What if it did go horribly wrong?
"What if it does, Scott? What if it does? What if he makes us leave? What if everyone else hates us for it?" Gordon wanted to stop thinking about it, but it only made the water in his eyes rise.
"Then we will still have each other. Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen. He will still care about you, I promise." Scott leaned over and wrapped his arms around his brother, saying nothing; but holding on tight and never letting go as they watched the sun finally slip over the horizon. Taking time to plunge them into the darkness that Gordon felt was contained in the single tear that he let role down his face.
"Scott." He whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared."
"Me too, Gordon. Me too."
Phew, that was the most emotion I have ever personally felt in writing. If you have never experienced it, coming out is literally that scary.
Anyway, surprise from Scott! That's a headcanon I've had for a long time, and it's good for Gordon to have someone who will always be able to stand by him, right? Well, when I say that…
And I'm gunna go before people start throwing things at me okay bye
*Runs away very fast*