This chapter shall be dedicated to my new and first beta xIcyChanx

Chapter 8

Security blanket

Ed wished there was more tea in his cup because the warm drink was very soothing, and cradling the warm mug stopped his hands from shaking. He also wished that there was more coffee in Mustang's cup, because the moment Mustang finished drinking would be the moment he started talking with Ed. Or rather started talking to Ed, because Ed doubted that he'd be able to participate in a conversation.

So, he bit his lip and eyed the colonel nervously when the last bit of the black coffee vanished down the man's throat. Mustang made a move to put his cup down on the small table between the couches, but then decided against it and kept it in his hands, absentmindedly toying around with it.

"So...that picture reminded you of your mother and Alphonse, huh?" the Colonel finally asked, his voice low. Ed nodded slowly.

"Well...it is understandable that this has...upset you, but..." Mustang fiddled with the coup and Ed watched him, waiting for him to find the words to continue. How come silver tongued Roy Mustang couldn't find the words to tell him that he had become too dangerous and crazy to keep around?

Finally, Mustang put the cup on the table and straightened his back. Ed flinched. Now, here it was; he would be told to go now. Black eyes met his golden and held his gaze firmly.

"This might be cruel, Fullmetal, but I can't think of any other way to tell you. Your mother and Alphonse were...are precious to you. But you know that you can't bring them back, you've tested and proved that. They're both gone for good. And because of that, you will never be in that place again, and you will never have to fear Truth again. You have no reason to open the gate again and that is why it can't get you. So you need to understand that no matter what you see in the future, be it a picture or be it real, it can never be your mother or Alphonse, because they have already been taken away. And it can never be that Truth is after you again, because you have already payed the price required and you know it's futile to try another human transmutation. So, no matter what corpse you see in the future, it can't harm you and if the gate is involved, then not because of you. You are safe as long as you don't do something stupid. Remember that and think of it when you feel frightened again. If you do so then neither you nor anyone else will be harmed."

Mustang took a deep breath, released it slowly, and then looked at Ed again, waiting for a reaction or a sign that Ed got the message or that he had to try and explain it in another way.

Ed gulped and gripped his mug tighter before lifting it to his lips and swallowing the last bit of his tea. The colonel's blunt words hurt but, if he thought past that, then he could see that Mustang was somehow right.

Al and his mother were gone.

There was no way for them to come back.

Truth couldn't harm him as long as he didn't provoke it.

Edward started to calm down. He couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't freak out again if he were to see one of the corpses this killer left behind but, as long as it was just a picture and people warned him about what it depicted, he thought he could handle it now. Even so, he had the feeling the others would keep those pictures away from him from now on. And he was glad for that, for he didn't want to test himself just yet. He looked back at Mustang, who was still watching him and waiting for his reaction, and nodded.

Mustang sighed and combed his fingers through his hair. "Could you at least voice your opinion?" he asked, the stress causing him to lose his patience a little.

"I...I understand," Ed mumbled. He tucked the colonel's coat tighter around himself, partly to hide himself and partly because it still felt reassuring. Mustang had already found his calmness again and even looked a bit contrite for losing it for a second.

"Okay," the colonel said. He smirked a little, albeit friendlily, and made it look almost like a smile. "Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" He leaned back and looked down at his hands for awhile. Edward watched him as he collected his thoughts. The boy placed his empty cup next to the colonel's mug and cuddled a little more into the coat and the couch. It felt nice, comfortable and safe here. Mustang looked up again and gave him another one of his almost-smile smirks. "You look like you'll fall asleep any second."

Ed hesitated but then glared at him.

The colonel regarded him thoughtfully. "You think you can sleep on this couch?"

The younger alchemist blinked and stared at him in confusion.

"Oh, don't worry I will pester you about your sleeping on that bench, but I promised you two nights to think about it, so I'll wait until tomorrow because you look like you'd rather sleep than talk right now," Mustang assured, his smirk turning a little more mischievous.

When Ed just continued to stare, the colonel stood and made to leave the inner office. "Just sleep, Fullmetal. We'll be on the other side of the door if you need something. I'll ask Hawkeye to get a real blanket."

And then, finally and much to Ed's surprise, he graced him with a real smile and walked out of the office.

The baffled little alchemist watched the colonel's back as he vanished through the door. It somehow ached a little, but he fisted his hands around the fabric of the black coat and it eased the pain somewhat. After all, his already sleepy brain concluded that people who left others behind would be too egoistic to walk away without their coat to keep them warm on their way away. So he lay on the couch and closed his eyes, and when someone tried to take the coat away in exchange for a blanket, he mumbled something that sounded like "Bastard can have it if he stays in the office," and turned over without opening his eyes or releasing his grip.

When he awoke there was the white ceiling of the dorm above him, and he was still clutching the black fabric of one Roy Mustang's coat, instead of a blanket. Red in the face, he shoved the coat off him, embarrassed that he had acted like a five year old with the coat as his security blanket. He glanced over at his desk, noticed the edge of a folded paper under his watch, and thought that he would probably have to read something like that now. He jumped from his bed and eagerly unfolded the note nonetheless.

You should thank the weather forecast for claiming there will be no rain today otherwise I might have had to burn you off my coat. But because they said there will be sunshine, I was, as you like to call me, lazy and let it be. Though I hope the fact that today I want an answer about the sleeping on the bench thing won't scare you too much to come to work because it'll probably be raining tomorrow and therefore I'd appreciate it if you gave me back my coat today.

Sincerely,

Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, has carried you to your dorm for the last time.

Edward was a little surprised that there was no mentioning of his clingy behaviour towards the coat, other than that Mustang wanted it back. He read the note again, checking for a joke about little kids and their security blankets, but found nothing. That was odd. Well, maybe the colonel felt like he had already wasted enough energy on Edward to think about some witty comparisons between Ed and a kindergarten kid. Or he was actually being nice. The young alchemist couldn't decide.

Finally, Ed carefully folded the note so he could put it with the rest that were all stuffed between the pages of his journal. Once that was done, he just as carefully folded Mustang's coat and tucked it under his arm before leaving for work after getting ready.

As he walked past the bench, he realised that he felt much better than he ever had after falling asleep there. That might be because he had only missed one night's sleep instead of two, but he had a feeling that there was something else. Though he couldn't for the life of him figure out what that something was.

He walked into HQ and straight to Mustang's outer office. He swallowed as he gazed at its occupants. Were they angry with him, hated him, or thought of him as crazy because of yesterday?

They looked up when he shuffled into the room, and greeted him just like they always did; cheerfully, waving, and yelling across the room when they felt they were too far from the door to be heard if they spoke normally. Ed felt he didn't deserve it.

"Hey, something wrong boss?" Havoc asked, looking at Ed's face in concern.

Ed felt his lip quiver but tried to suppress it. "I'm sorry!" he blurted out, waving his automail a little to show them what he meant. Then he stared at the ground, trying his best not to let the tears free and waited for the others to tell him they didn't care, because they couldn't trust him anymore.

"Hey boss, you don't need to be sorry!" Havoc exclaimed gently. "I put that picture there even though I should have known better, so I should be sorry. And I am."

"And we shouldn't have grabbed you so roughly, but we couldn't think of something else to help you snap out of it," Fuery added softly and Falman and Breda nodded their agreement.

"Everyone does things they don't mean to when they're afraid. It's okay Ed. I mean, we're all fine, aren't we?" Hawkeye came over and lifted his chin so he could see her smile.

He lowered his head again though. "Yeah, 'cause the colonel told you to back off," he murmured.

"The colonel told us to back off so he could get past us and turn that picture over. I don't think he really thought you'd hurt us," Havoc tried again.

Edward sceptically lifted an eyebrow at him. Havoc held his gaze though, not backing down. The younger blond still didn't think that was entirely true, but if Havoc was so set on making him believe it, then maybe he and the rest of the team really weren't angry and really still cared for him. Ed hesitantly smiled a little and, when no one looked angry, it turned into a grin.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"Pfff, just don't beat yourself up over it and we're done." Havoc grinned friendlily around his cigarette.

"And bring me a sandwich."

"Breda!"

"Just kidding!"

They all laughed and watched Havoc try to smack Breda over the head.

It turned out that the Colonel was called to some meeting, and had to inspect the fire station afterwards, so he wouldn't be in the office until sometime after lunch. Ed didn't know whether to be relieved that he had more time to think about how to approach the matter with the colonel, or whether to just hate it because now he was sitting here, nervous as hell. He tried concentrating on his work.

Hawkeye had suggested putting the colonel's coat with the others on the coat rack in the corner, but Edward kept the still folded coat rested in his lap instead, feeling that he should give it back in person, and hoping that maybe he could cling to it during that dreaded talk. He hated himself for the last thought, but he knew he would need one part of the colonel he could absolutely be sure that wouldn't think badly of him so as to get through this. And if that part was his black coat, so be it.

When Mustang finally walked in, Edward waited until the colonel had greeted everyone and exchanged some information and then wet his lips and stood. Mustang looked a little surprised, but also relieved. He nodded for Ed to follow him, tossed some last orders about work at the others, and went for his private office. Edward walked after him, hugging the coat tightly to his chest.

Even though he just practically stated he was ready to talk and wanted it, he was nervous and had no clue about what to do or say once he was seated in his spot on the couch. There was no way he could explain how he felt, it was just so...he couldn't even understand it himself, so how would Mustang be able to?

He felt the urge to just cover himself with the coat and try to sleep again, but one look at Mustang's face told him that he wouldn't be allowed to.

Roy Mustang wanted answers. And Edward Elric had no doubts that the colonel would get them out of him somehow.

So, defence mechanism number one kicked in. Go numb...