Ch. 3
Estella Rose Crawley smiled to herself as she read the final pages of her most cherished novel. How blissfully happy she was whenever she should indulge herself in the fictional stories of romance and passion!
And how terribly disappointed she became whenever she was not absorbed in a book, for then unforgiving reality took the opportunity to rob her of any pleasant thoughts. Love was not really what literature had portrayed it to be, and she was decided that she would never find a man of good character in the world.
No, for no gentleman would be interested in a crossbreed. A woman who did not belong in society did not belong in a marriage.
Estella attempted not to allow her sour opinions to taint the wonderful feelings of a happy ending that she had just read, and she lost herself in the daydreams that followed, staring into the embers of the fire that was slowly dying and yet not truly seeing them.
Not even two minutes later, she was startled and interrupted by her cousin's return. Estella held onto the book tightly in her lap and pretended not to see the other woman, though she knew that she was visible to her from the hallway.
Hattie pranced into the setting room with her nose tilted into the air and a smile played upon her lips. With a dreamy sigh, she boasted, "My, my! What a lovely evening!"
Estella did not give her cousin the pleasure of gazing at her lovely dress with envy, instead; she focused her eyes on the clock, noting that it was well into the night. She had forgotten how tired she was, and the presence of her self-righteous cousin had only increased her desire to retire to her bed for the night.
"Do you not wish that you could have been there?"
Neither was it an honest question, nor did her voice contain a hint of sympathy in it. Estella could practically feel the smirk coming from those velvety red lips, and she fidgeted with her fingers in order to control her own emotions.
Of course she wished that she had been there! How unjust it was that her younger cousin was out in society and able to attend any gathering that she had wanted! How wonderful it must have been to wear a beautiful dress and primp herself until she looked stunning, and then to dance with men who had an interest in her!
Estella was not even allowed to dine with the family. While urged to take her meals in a spare room, she often preferred to eat in her private living quarters. If she was to eat alone, then she would not sit in an empty room and be reminded of it in such a humiliating way.
"Is that a new dress?" Hattie taunted.
Estella did not need to glance down at herself to know that she had worn the same dress on multiple occasions, as opposed to her cousin, who hardly wore the same dress twice.
"No, of course not!" she giggled. "Sometimes I forget that your father never left you any money, and you have not a penny to your name. Perhaps if you at least had a dowry then someone would take interest in you..."
Estella gripped the stiff edges of her book firmly and willed herself not to lash out at the girl, silently praying that the brunette would just disappear on her own. Or perhaps it was only a nightmare, and she would wake up at any moment?
No, for that would be too good to be true.
"There were so many fine gentlemen to dance with, but I suppose it would have meant nothing for you, anyway," she continued. "What was the name of that one man who thought you to be a lady, once? Oh yes-Mr. Roberts! Well, there were no men like him there."
Estella rose to her feet, and left the room, even brushing past Hattie in the doorway a little too-harshly in an attempt to flee to her quarters.
Once there, she closed the door and locked herself inside. She laid in her bed, crushed a pillow tightly to her chest and allowed the veil of composure to fall, soaking the fabric with her unhindered tears.
A few hours later, Estella awoke with a gasp. She sat up in bed, heart pounding, and wide-eyed as she surveyed her surroundings. She felt herself relax, albeit slightly, once she had noticed that she was still in her own room.
She glanced towards her window and saw the bright moon in the sky as it cast rays of glowing light on the wooden floor. The fresh night air was much more welcoming than sleep, and so she put on a light cloak and left her room.
Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she tiptoed her way through the hallways, careful not to make a single sound so as not to wake anyone. If her uncle should find her roaming about in the night, then he would never let her live it down, and the small rush of adrenaline that she had felt as she passed his room was enough to make her both giddy with excitement, and ill with anxiety.
Once outside, she set a great distance between herself and the estate, choosing a spot among the green grass to lie down and gaze at the stars.
How calming it was to her nerves and soothing to her soul to watch their burning and flickering in the darkened sky above her, even catching a glimpse of a shooting star, at times. The sheer multitude of them all, combined with the soft chirping of the crickets, was enough to distract her temporarily from the disconcerting thoughts that she had suffered from.
After what felt like hours of staring at them and fighting the urge to close her eyes with sleep, she allowed her mind to dwell on what had plagued her most in life.
Oh, how she missed her dear father and mother greatly! It had been sixteen years since their passing, and hardly a moment passed when she did not think of them.
And yet, with the fond memories that she could recall, she could not understand why her father had left her no inheritance. Of course, wealth did not matter to her, for she knew that it could not buy happiness, as evidenced by the behavior of both her uncle and cousin and everyone in society, but it pained her to think that her father did not wish for her to live even a somewhat-normal life.
After all, they had not lacked in finances. She remembered the large house that they had once occupied together, and how her father would take her on walks among the forest and play pretend with her. She even smiled to herself when she thought of how he would conjure up some sort of treasure-hunt for them to participate in.
Her parents had always taught her that the color of her skin was not important. Her father was an English Gentleman, but he was not ashamed to love her ebony-skinned mother greatly. Even when ridiculed about their marriage by those around them-even family!-their love had not waivered.
And it was ultimately their downfall, she thought to herself, remembering the news that the two of them had been shamelessly attacked and killed, cornered in an alleyway in town, for having "disgraced" society with their morals.
After their deaths, her uncle had been burdened with the task of bringing her up, and she was reminded of it on a daily basis. Upon first arriving at his estate, at the tender age of eight years, she was welcomed with the statements that she would never be a part of the family and the rules that she was to follow in order to seperate herself from the two of them socially. And while she did not have the status of a servant, she almost felt that her lot in life was worse, for she was hated far more and humiliated for it.
Estella was much too exhausted to cry anymore, though she most certainly felt like it. Part of her blamed her parents for their decisions to show their love and disregard for social expectations, yet she knew that she could not truly hold it against them. If she could have even an inkling of the happiness, love, and courage that they had, then she would have a much more satisfying life.
And yet, she had been in love once but had been reminded that she did not deserve a husband. What a mistake it had been to ever even think it!
Estella fell asleep among the grass and drifted off into a wonderful dream of love and happiness, nonetheless.
A few weeks later, Erik had spent countless nights and sleepless hours completing his designs so that he could submit them before the deadline. He had not seen John in over a week, much too preoccupied and confined to his own estate to have time for any socialization.
Now that he was finished and had submitted his work days prior, he found that he did not know what to do with himself. John had suggested a vacation of sorts, but what could he possibly do? Where could he go, if he could not even walk among town or run errands, himself, for the fear of being seen?
And so, he found himself wandering around the courtyards of his business partner, waiting for an idea to strike his fancy. John was probably inside of the house somewhere, noticing how Erik paced about back and forth among the shrubbery, and scheming a plan for his daughter to catch Erik's eye.
Though at times he felt as if Hattie was practically throwing herself at him, he reassured himself with the thought that, once he had decided what to do with his leave of absence, he would be done with their estate for a while.
It was as if Fate had read his thoughts and decided to play a cruel trick, for Hattie peered around the bushes with the batting of her eyelashes and a giggle, before she revealed herself to him.
"I thought that I might find you here!" she grinned.
Erik had half the mind to ignore her and walk away, but the sight of that mysterious woman forced him to stop pacing, and he watched the brown beauty casually taking a turn among the gardens, a little distance away. She was completely unaware that he was watching her.
Hattie noticed that he was distracted, and she looked in the direction of his gaze to see that he was watching her cousin, if she could be called family at all.
"Oh, don't mind her!" she said, a hint of venom in her voice. "She is an impish little thing, prancing about the yard as if she were a lady!"
"And she is not a lady?" he asked slowly, hoping not to sound too curious.
He had found that, despite how busy he had been, he could not get her out of his thoughts. At first, he had chided himself for even entertaining the idea of a woman in his mind, knowing that it would be foolish, at best, to feel something romantically for anyone. He was determined not to make the same mistake, and felt his anger internalize at the thought that he perhaps had not learned his lesson, else he would not have her image in his head.
But after a few days, he reasoned that it had only been natural to be curious about her, for he knew her to be John's niece, but yet she had become a prisoner in her own home.
That moment when he had caught her gazing longingly at Hattie before she left for the party was when he realized how lonely she must have been, and it angered him to think that anyone would inflict such painful solitude on a young and beautiful woman. Was she a dog to keep locked away?
And she had more of an opportunity to live a normal life than he did, for she had a flawless face and had been blessed with beauty that far surpassed other women. It was cruel to keep her hidden away, as he was forced to do to himself!
"No, she is not. I suppose that she is my cousin, but she is not out in society."
Erik was drawn from his thoughts and turned to look at the expression of repulsion on Hattie's face. How confusing and infuriating it was to see her look at someone else in that way, especially since she had never even seen his face, which was far worse!
"And why not?" he asked, though he already knew the answer.
Hattie scoffed. "Do you even need to ask? What man would ever be interested in Estella, let alone a gentleman?"
Estella. Somehow her name and the confession that she was desired by no one made her even more soft in appearance in his eyes.
Perhaps she was someone who would understand his own emotions? To be treated as less than human, locked away from the eyes of humanity? Without compassion, and mistreated?
It angered him to think that she had to endure such trials, and yet piqued his curiosity even more at the thought of how alike their circumstances were.
"Father hates having her around, but he had promised his brother long ago to look after her. She has not a penny to her name," Hattie explained. "But enough about her, for I am far more interesting!"
Erik ignored her last remark and thought about Estella's situation. Without a dowry, let alone the fact that she was not even out in society, and with her uncle's obvious dislike towards her, she was destined to be alone for the rest of her life.
Or perhaps, she isn't, he thought to himself, as an idea struck in his mind.