Hahaha I do (not) apologize for the cliffhanger-torture ^^

This story shall be rated T from now on. I am (really) sorry to disappoint those of you who only read K/K+

Chapter 13

Aftermath

So he clapped his hands, turned and leashed out with his blade.

The blood was the first thing that made it through Ed's panicked and blurred vision. Dripping and red.

Red that was soaking through blue. Blue cloth. Military blue cloth. Military Uniform.

...Truth didn't have black, tousled hair, didn't wear a blue uniform...

His eyes widened as it hit him.

If Colonel Roy Mustang hadn't pulled back and raised his arm to protect himself in time, then Edward Elric would have slashed his throat.

The Colonel stood frozen, his eyes just as wide as Ed's. Slowly, like he couldn't believe what had just happened, he looked down at his bleeding right arm. He must be shocked, for he didn't say a word. He just looked at it like someone who just saw a God he didn't believe in and now was trying to figure out whether he had been hallucinating.

One part of Ed's mind was just screaming in a high pitched, pained and desperate tone while the other, barely able to make itself be heard, told him he needed to help, needed to do something about the wound he just inflicted. He stepped forward, and raised a hesitant hand but Mustang stepped back, away from him.

Ed needed a moment to understand that in his stupidity he had raised his automail hand, still equipped with the blade. The blade that was now smudged with the colonel's blood. He stared at it in shock. He had raised it against a friend, someone who only wanted to help him. Had raised it against Mustang, who just backed away from him like he was expecting Ed to want revenge for interrupting his human transmutation. Ed didn't know whether he wanted to scream, to cry or throw up.

He backed away from Mustang until he was almost standing in the transmutation circle on the floor. This seemed to bring life back in the colonel. The pale face looked up, having an empty expression that told nothing about the thoughts running behind the façade. He turned, marched over to the kitchen and grabbed a clean towel from the stack under the sink before tying it around his arm. Once he was done he pulled a bowl from the cabinet and filled it with water. He snatched a rag before taking the bowl and carried it over to the array on the ground.

The water splashed on the floor, effectively smudging the array. Ed flinched at the sudden sound. Without a word or a look at Ed, Mustang knelt and started to scrub at the array. He slowed his movements when he came closer to Edward, but didn't stop. Edward could see the colonel's muscles tense though, like he was waiting for Ed to try and defend his array once Mustang was within his reach.

A few drops of blood fell from the makeshift bandage around Mustang's arm, but he just wiped it away with the water and the chalk, his face still blank. Once again Edward felt the urge to help, to wipe away the array himself and erase his horrible mistake. But the way Mustang got ready to jump backwards when Ed made a step towards him left the boy frozen. He remained like a statue, automail arm stiff at his side, until Mustang had finished cleaning the floor and stood.

The colonel went over to the book Edward had dropped on the floor when he found the transmutation circle on the note within it. He picked it and the various papers that had fallen from it up, stuffed the notes back in and closed it, not caring that the blood he dripped on it would glue the pages together once it dried. With the book tucked underneath his uninjured arm, the colonel brought the bowl and the rag back to the kitchen. Afterwards he made his way to the bathroom. It would have been much faster to just walk past Ed, but Mustang chose the longer way and walked around the couch.

Ed stared at the colonel's back as he vanished through the bathroom door. He remained in this position for a while, only now he was looking at the closed door, tears brimming in his eyes. Blinking them back, he dropped his gaze, but now it fell on the bloody automail blade. Ed swallowed hard and then ran over to the kitchen. He held the blade in the sink, watching water run over it for what seemed like hours. After a while he managed to pull it away, dry it and transmute it back.

Shaking, he made his way across the water and chalk smudged floor, collapsed on the couch and cried himself to sleep.

Mustang talked and yawned like normal as he woke Ed up, but he didn't poke him in the shoulder. He asked what Ed wanted for breakfast and didn't place the filled plate in front of Ed like usual. Instead, he leaned over from the other side of the table and put it down in the middle of the wooden surface, leaving it to Ed to pull it closer. He didn't roll up his sleeves to do the dishes, but pulled on some rubber gloves that reached to his elbows so he wouldn't get his wounded arm wet. On their way to HQ he wouldn't just walk closer to Ed when an oncoming pedestrian needed to get past them, but would let himself fall behind and walk after Ed until the sidewalk was clear again. And Ed couldn't hate him for it.

But it still hurt. The colonel would act perfectly normal towards him, but there were all these small things that kept some distance between them and destroyed the illusion. Mustang had lost his trust in Ed. There might have been a day when Havoc was right with saying that the colonel never believed Ed would hurt any of them, but these days were over now. Because selfish and stupid Edward Elric had failed again.

The other soldiers could sense something was wrong, but received no real answer, neither to questioning glances nor to voiced questions. Ed would just shake his head and bury his head in his arms and Mustang would only say "Just a bad dream, nothing more," before dismissing them with a tone that shut up any further questioning. Only Hawkeye dared to march into the colonel's private office after Mustang had retreated there. After a while the both of them left the office. Ed knew she was dragging the colonel to the infirmary to get his arm looked over.

It was too much for the boy. He excused himself and went to the men's bathroom where he splashed cold water into his face, trying to wash away his exhaustion and fear and every other evidence of what had taken place last night. Once he felt his face was clean enough he tried to let himself become numb. Easiest way to get through the rest of the day, and easiest way to avoid thinking that the other soldiers of the team might find out what he had done. He knew he couldn't take it if he lost their trust, too. He also knew he didn't deserve their trust, but he needed it because if there was no-one to help him, then how should he ever manage to get back on his feet and redeem himself?

But then, could he really force his presence onto them anymore? He was dangerous, uncontrollable. He had proved that yesterday. And he was useless to them because he knew he wouldn't manage to take on a mission at the moment and even though his helping with paperwork was nice for them, it wasn't exactly necessary. So there was no reason for him to stay that would outweigh the danger he brought upon them. He should just run and keep them safe. Search for a nice cave in the woods far away and live there, no contact with anybody, just some letters to tell Winry he was all right so she wouldn't cry. He tucked his red coat tighter around himself, dried his face that wasn't only wet from the water from the sink and left the men's facilities. Left HQ.

Ed didn't have an exact plan about where he was going. He just followed the streets in hope that at some point he would reach the end of the city. When he crossed the same street a second time though and realised that his subconsciousness had him running in circles because his heart still couldn't grasp the fact that it would be better if he stayed completely alone from now on, he ducked into the next alley, sat against a wall and buried his head in his arms.

He remained sitting there until it was almost completely dark, trying to make himself get up on his feet again and leave the city, but he was too exhausted, too tired of everything. But then he heard a car hitting the brakes hard.

"There he is!" the MP who exited the vehicle called out to his comrades. Edward's head shot up. No! What did they want? The MP made his way over to him and Edward panicked. He couldn't let them drag him back; he needed to stay away from everyone! He jumped to his feet and ran. Funny how he couldn't even convince himself to get up and make a single step forwards only a minute ago and now here he was racing away from the yelling MPs.

Edward dashed through the alleys, jumped over fences and whatever else came into his way. He saw more MPs and other military personnel and knew they were trying to corner him. His lungs burned as he tried to escape them all. But then he turned a corner and crashed right into one of the blue clad figures. He stumbled backwards one step, but caught himself and immediately tried to run past the officer. The next thing he knew his head snapped to the side from a well placed slap.

Blinking in confusion, he touched his stinging cheek and looked up at the officer.

"Don't you ever dare to run away again!" a panting and seething Roy Mustang hissed. "Do you know how worried you had us? I thought you were out here trying to kill yourself or do that damn transmutation again! Couldn't you just lock yourself in the bathroom to sulk?!"

Ed flinched from the tone of voice, but wasn't really listening. He could see the colonel's hands twitching yet Mustang didn't grab him by the collar to yell in his face properly like he would have if Ed had upset him that much two days ago. Instead he stayed almost three feet away from Ed and was satisfied with just yelling. Ed let his head drop and stared at the floor, not able to face the broken trust anymore, and Mustang finally ceased his angry lecture.

"Get in the car," the colonel ordered feebly, one hand pressed over his eyes, his voice sounding tired.

Edward did as he was told. Would the colonel take him to some mental ward now? Well, at least it would keep Mustang and the others safe if Ed was locked away, so the boy actually hoped for it.

Mustang got in and sat in the passenger's seat a minute later. He reached for the radio most military cars had in the front. Ed didn't notice that the colonel was calling the other search teams to thank them and tell them to go home because he had found Ed. He only noticed that Mustang was keeping a distance and wasn't in the back seat with him.

Finally, they reached the colonel's apartment. They had once again collected some take out on the way, but neither alchemist felt like eating. Mustang just left it in the kitchen and walked over to Ed who was huddled on the couch, the blanket tightly around him. The boy felt cold and tired and desperate.

"Mind if I sit?" the colonel asked calmly.

Ed felt a lump in his throat. Mustang was asking if he could sit on his own couch. Had he reduced the bossy colonel to this? He nodded, desperate for any kind of attention Mustang was still willing to give him. The colonel sat on the other end of the couch. He looked tired.

"Why did you run away?" he asked, trying to catch Ed's eye but the boy looked away and shook his head. Mustang sighed and scratched the side of his neck, like he just didn't know what else to do. He sat like this for another minute, sometimes opening his mouth like he wanted to say something but then decided against it and closing it again. In the end, Mustang stood, went to the kitchen and got a mug filled with water. He sat it on the coffee table next to the couch for Ed and looked at the curled up boy with tired eyes.

"I guess you won't talk today, huh? Well maybe if you had some sleep. I'll pester you again tomorrow, maybe then I'll even know what to say..." With that, the colonel turned and went to leave the room and Ed couldn't take it anymore. He scrambled off the couch and followed him.

He reached out and grabbed Mustang's shirt. The black haired man froze when Edward fisted the smooth fabric with his left hand. Slowly Ed stepped forward and rested his forehead against the right side of Mustang's back. The boy felt the colonel stiffen in surprise and insecurity and it made him grab the shirt even tighter. He hated to hear that his voice was so weak but he couldn't help it, he needed to say it, no matter how it sounded.

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so sorry I cut your arm! Please, please, don't ever think I wanted to do so!"

Ed felt the warm body his head was leaning against shift and brought his automail hand up to fist it in the colonel's shirt, too. He couldn't feel the body's warmth or the fabric with this hand but at least it would make it more difficult for Mustang to pull away.

"Please don't be afraid of me!"

Mustang's arm moved and Edward tensed and buried his face deeper in the colonel's back, waiting for the arm to push him away. But all Mustang did was very slowly and very tenderly put the arm around Edward's shoulders and turn as far as he could with his shirt gripped tight, until Ed was leaning against his side instead of his back.

"I'm not afraid of you. In fact I thought you were afraid of me. I stayed away from you because I didn't want you to feel cornered. I thought it would help if I gave you some room to calm down, I know you don't want to hurt anyone."

The boy slowly lifted his head and looked up to see the colonel give him a sad smile.

"I'm not very good with comforting people," Mustang admitted.

Ed just buried his face in Mustang's side again and slipped his arms around him.

"Just don't make them feel pushed away, that's all people want from you," he mumbled into the colonel's shirt.

Edward felt Mustang's arm tighten around him. "I'll remember that."

The boy nodded, and relished the warmth he felt for a moment, but then pulled away, remembering something. "I should go," he whispered.

Mustang hesitantly loosened his arm enough for Ed to be able to get away, but didn't let go completely. "What makes you think so?" he asked, thoughtfully staring in the air in front of him.

"I'm dangerous," Ed simply said.

Mustang snorted. "If you were dangerous you would have ripped me to pieces and used said pieces to fuel the transmutation. You're just an upset idiot."

"I hurt you!" Ed gripped Mustang's arm from where it was around his shoulders and pulled the sleeve up to reveal the bandage.

Mustang hissed in pain from the rough treatment of the arm, but shrugged again."I had it coming. I mean, if I hadn't panicked too I could have guessed what would happen if I grab you from behind in a panic, couldn't I?"

Ed hung his head and let go of Mustang's arm. He couldn't deny the fact that Mustang did have a warning when he first tried to turn his blade against his friends in the office.

"What if it happens again?" he asked quietly and shivered at the thought.

"It won't," Mustang stated firmly.

He stared at the colonel with big eyes. So there really was trust in him still? "How do you know?"

"It is said three is a special number. You failed with that transmutation three times. Don't you think you've learned your lesson?" Mustang asked with a raised eyebrow.

Edward clenched his fists and nodded. He would never touch that transmutation circle again. He would feel the watch with the two dates in his pocket and see Mustang's blood on his automail whenever he even thought about that array.

Mustang smiled. "Well, then you're neither dangerous nor do you need to go."

Ed just stared at him with wide eyes for a while, then leaned forward again and let the colonel hold him in their awkward side hug for a while longer, smiling into Mustang's shirt until he almost fell asleep standing and the older alchemist guided him back to the couch with a small chuckle and a warm, "Good night, Edward."