I. Uh.
I.
I'm off hiatus? I had lost my muse for a long time, but one day my brain was all, "Hey, Rin, you know what you should write? FUCKING GOLDEN DAYS BIATCHHH." And before I knew it I was back in bunny hell. Here's chapter 2.
Vignette 2: "Solid wall o' jerk."
His name is Hauenkua Syoto. He's a few years older than me and stands several inches taller. He's confident, witty, and fortune seems to smile upon him no matter what he does.
He's also certifiably insane.
My name is Hien M. I don't like my last name so you don't get to know it, but I do have one. I'm twenty-one and a half years old, and of below average height for my age, but my long ears stick up so it looks like I'm on par with Hauenkua, sort of. I'm shy, awkward, and misfortune seems to spit on me even when I feel I've done something right with my life.
I am also certifiably normal.
No matter where I went in life, I always had a feeling that Hauenkua would rear his ugly head again and weasel his way in.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Hauenkua was still dragging me through the halls, blathering his head off at mach five. He rounded a few corridors, and only then did I realize that he was deliberately taking the long way to get to the main hall.
"… And that's how I heroically saved the day and brought my platoon back home. But let me tell you, those enemies will never walk right ever again after I makeshift-catapulted that vat of angry crayfish onto their ramparts! That is, if they survived. Aren't I amazing?" He flashed a toothy grin.
"Sure," I said.
Hauenkua frowned. "You're as grim as ever, kid." He looped his arm around my waist.
"You have ten seconds to remove yourself."
"Respect for the office, remember?" He indicated his badges and I cursed under my breath. It was just like him to abuse his power like that. "I know Naru is the most lenient DI we've got, but you've got to start acting like you're in the army."
"And don't call me 'kid.'"
"Oh? But it suits you so well!"
"Just 'Hien' is fine."
"All right, Just Hien."
"Ha-ha. Hilarious."
"Yes, I AM a comic genius, aren't I?"
"No, seriously, get off of me."
"Why should I?"
"Because…" I wrinkled my nose. "I have a girlfriend."
"Hah! Funny joke!" He laughed uproariously, making an overblown performance. Hauenkua was known best for his larger-than-life diva personality. Sometimes it's all right, but sometimes it's just really fucking annoying. "I didn't know you were capable of processing humor!"
"I'm… I'm not even going to try and fight you. How'd you end up here anyway?"
Hauenkua stopped and paused, right ear twitching slightly. "What do you mean by that?"
"How'd you end up in the army?" I cleared my throat. "Didn't you get a huge scholarship to the Central Kunnekamun School of Medicine?"
"… It's rude to be so forward with your superior. Mind your own business, Private."
What was he so upset about?
"Since when am I 'Private' to you?"
"You ought to be glad I'm this friendly to you," he snapped, "I call most of the other plebeians here maggots. Maggots! Do you want to be a maggot?"
"Sorry…"
"Since you're my friend, you can call me by my name when it's just us—otherwise I'm serious about 'Sergeant.' But fine, I'll humor you just this once. I got bored of school. It was all studying and no partying, and that's pretty bullshit, you know?"
… What else was he expecting?
"I figured I might as well not go back to that desolate wasteland my family calls a farm, and my only choice was the army, and I found I'm pretty good at being in the army, so here I am."
"Oh."
"How about you? Weren't you the one who always bitched about wanting to get away from the army brat life as soon as possible? Are you still playing the glockenspiel or something?"
"Piano. I play the piano."
"I can see why you don't like that Genjimaru though." Hauenkua rolled his eyes. "He's so boring! Blah blah Evinkuruga pride blah blah honor blah blah no fun allowed blah."
"You expected military service to be fun?"
Hauenkua abruptly stopped in his tracks, as though shocked by what I said. "And are you telling me it's NOT fun?"
"You… want to be here?"
"You kidding me? It's great! I mean, the parts with the boot camp and always having to have your space and personal uniform just perfect is a bore, but I love going on missions. I hear that the rules aren't as strict for the elite generals, though. I'm going to be one someday."
Hauenkua never really did have his feet on the ground. From the moment I met him I knew he was the sort to always aim way above his head and somehow grab onto what he was looking for anyway. He was a reckless man, of questionable morals and overbearing narcissism, but damn, did he ever reach for the stars.
If I said I was the same way I'd be lying. To think of it, I didn't really have a plan for my future. I don't know what I'm going to do after this.
And most of all I don't know which one of us is the reasonable one here.
"Don't think of me as some sort of failure just because I ultimately decided the whole doctor thing isn't for me. I mean, sure, my biology degree is pretty much moot now, but it's not like I was expelled or anything, ne? Besides, I start Officer Candidate School in a month. The future is only bright for me!"
"I've always wondered how you manage to stay out of trouble. I was certain you were going to get expelled back then, too."
"Back when?"
"When we met."
His eyes lit up in recognition. "Ohhhhhh. Well, I'm good at playing the system."
"You covered them in fire ants! How'd you not get expelled?"
He shrugged. "Oh, yeah, that was funny. Hien, I think I can safely say it was because I was student president…"
Fair point.
Hauenkua took another detour around yet another corridor that didn't lead to where we were supposed to go, and slowly, I spaced out, remembering the first day I met this asshole.
"Our glorious Emperor Okura wants to rank his countless amazing achievements. How many permutations are possible if His Excellency wishes to rank the top five out of his thirteen favorite accomplishments? Can anyone answer? No takers? That's a shame. Guess I'll have to pick one of you at random."
The math professor's eyes scanned the room like a hawk. Once, twice, they darted around until they locked on their target, head draped across his desk, clearly asleep.
"Hien, can you answer? Hien?" She raised her voice. "HIEN!"
I awoke with a jolt, feeling the stares of my classmates on me. A few errant giggles echoed through the room.
"I… um… twelve?"
"Not even close." The muffled giggles erupted into a full-out chorus of laughter, and she sighed, slapping her ruler against the wall to quiet everyone down. "Had you not used your precious class time to doze off, then perhaps you would have understood how to do the problem correctly. Shiirin, why don't you pick up the slack and give us the correct answer? Onbitaikaiyan knows I have already been disappointed enough today."
"I—yes, ma'am! The answer is one-hundred-fifty-four thousand, four-hundred forty."
"Correct! Our magnificent God Emperor would be proud! Next problem—." The loud ring of a bell tolled throughout the school grounds, and she sighed. "It appears we're out of time. Your homework for tonight is problems one through thirty in your text. Hien, don't leave yet. I want to talk with you."
More giggles.
They say that your teen years are the worst years of your life.
They were totally right.
I was an awkward teenager with ears too long for my face and old-fashioned braces that had been welded to my molars for two years and counting. My marks were average at best, but I had the blossoming social life of a schizoid hermit with chronic halitosis, and now that I think of it, the fact I'd transferred from the country to the capital right after my folks kicked it probably didn't help the matter.
I was everyone's martyr. I was the reject they needed.
Everyone filed out the door, leaving my painfully small frame crouched over in fear of my teacher.
. "Hien," she began, frowning. "Why aren't you taking my class seriously? You're falling behind."
"I…"
"It is an honor to be accepted to the Kunnekamun Royal Academy, but expensive as well. Don't you think you're wasting your parents' money?"
"Parents…" I didn't bother to correct her. It was my grandfather who got me in through connections. My being here wasn't exactly an "honor" because I didn't work for it. "I'm… I'm sorry," I said at last, gulping.
"If you're really sorry, then you'll try harder."
"Yes, ma'am. It's just that…"
"I don't want to hear your excuses. I want to know: do you want to improve your grade in my class? You are below the average right now."
"I really do want to improve, but math is so hard for me." I gulped. That wasn't a lie. Math was terrible. "I guess I've lost interest because I can't follow along?" I scratched the nape of my neck.
"I see. I'll do something for you if you promise to take the opportunity."
"What is it?"
"I'll set you up with one of my math tutors for one-on-one sessions." She folded her arms. "He's a senior. His schedule is already full, but he's brilliant. He's the best I've got. Me asking him to do this is a huge burden on him, so don't flake out on him."
"I-I-I won't!"
"Good. I'll set up a time for you two to meet. He'll make everything clear as day for you, and then hopefully things won't be so uninteresting for you anymore."
"Thank you, ma'am."
"That B- I got you in Algebra II is still one of my greatest achievements."
"Yeah, yeah. I still owe you for that."
"Call me 'Master'!"
"… I don't owe you that much." We went down another hall, and to my surprise, I heard the sounds of the assembly draw nearer. Perhaps Hauenkua was finally getting tired of wasting my time.
"What have you been doing all these years?" I was kind of amazed Hauenkua was taking interest in someone other than himself for once. "You asked me why I'm in the army, so it's only fair I should ask you!"
"I finished high school a half year early and went to the Royal Conservatory at Eastern U."
"The Royal Conservatory? My ex-girlfriend tried to get in—they rejected her. I didn't know you took your nerdy piano thing seriously enough to get accepted there!"
Was that a compliment? I think that was a compliment. Maybe.
"Prestigious conservatory or not, it didn't do much for me when I graduated. So that's why I'm here."
"You know we have jobs for musicians in the military, right…?"
What.
"You didn't know that?"
No. I didn't.
"Kind of figures you went there." He squinted at me. "You always struck me as… liberal."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that your personality is kind of-."
He was cut off as a blur of long brown hair shot around the corner and came barreling at us. It stopped itself inches before slamming into Hauenkua, teetering from the sudden brake. It came into focus, a small girl with soft amber eyes and an unflattering maid's uniform too big for her petite body.
"Watch where you're going, Pond Scum," snapped Hauenkua.
First she looked like she might cry, and then she scowled at him.
I didn't know my sister was capable of that.
"Don't block my way, you jerk! And my name is Sakuya!"
"Sure, sure, Pond Scum." He scowled right back at her. They held that position for several minutes. It was tense and stupid.
"Um… hi?" I offered.
Sakuya's head snapped around, and immediately her demeanor changed when she saw me. "Eh-eh!? Hien? What are you doing with the big jerk? Please tell me you're not under his mark!" She talked even faster than Hauenkua did.
"He will be soon," snarled Hauenkua. "And respect the office! Four hundred pushups!"
"You can't boss me around!"
"But I CAN tell you your stuffed bra looks fake as hell." He smirked at her, and she blushed.
"I-I'm not s-stuffing!"
"Then what are you hiding in your uniform?" I took a closer look at her. Now that he mentioned it, Hauenkua was right. She was hiding a precarious package inside it. "C'mon, Pond Scum. Lemme see it."
"Mind your own busi—" He grabbed ahold of her and shook her, causing the package to fall out.
"Hauenkua, get your hands off my sister!"
"You're related to Pond Scum? My condolences." He and Sakuya lunged for the package at the same time. Hauenkua swatted her hand away and inspected it, frowning. "You're sneaking food from the kitchen? Wow, wait until I tell your supervisor about this!"
"You wouldn't dare…!"
"Why do you need food, Sakuya?" I asked. "Don't they feed you…?"
"I have to go!" she cried, and snatching the bag from Hauenkua's hands, took off like a bat out of hell.
"I HOPE YOU GET FAT!" he shrieked after her.
"Well. I see you and sis have a lovely relationship."
"Whatever, I'm just glad I finally caught that little goody two-shoes on something."
The voices from the main hall began to taper down.
"Hauenkua—I mean Sir, uh…"
"Master."
"No. The assembly's starting. I'll get in trouble if…"
"Fine." He returned his hold on me and began dragging me once more. "Let's go, you big baby. Assemblies are such a bore, though…."
"Why do I always keep my promises?"
The sun was already setting in the sky as I waited on the steps of the Academy library. I was bathed in a sleepy orange light.
Ah. Sleep.
This tutoring thing was really cutting into my naptime, and I didn't like that. I tapped my foot impatiently, praying he would show up soon. Where was he…? He had to come before the others—
"Hey, half-breed!"
Shitshitshit-!
I felt a heavy hand push me into the stairs. My arm smacked against the stone and scraped it. Holding it, I looked up, worst fears confirmed. Four boys. Juniors. A pack of wolves on the hunt for the weakest caribou.
The metaphor is for me. I was the caribou.
"What do you want?" I hissed, feeling blood ooze past my fingers.
The ringleader sneered. "Hey, hey, that's not a very nice way to greet us!" He stepped on my stomach and pressed down, hard. "We just wanted to say hello!"
"Get off of me."
"Oi, don't go trying to defend yourself now. For someone contaminated with filthy Evinkuruga blood, you sure are weak, y'know?" I rolled out of the way before he could kick me and scrambled to my feet. Dropping the excess weight of my book bag, I stumbled and ran for my life.
These guys.
These. Fucking. Guys.
They bullied me for… some reason. The leader of the group was racist and unintelligent and kind of smelly. He was also twice my size and really had it out for me. I heard their shouts from behind me. Panicked, I ducked into an alleyway between two buildings… only to find myself trapped between them and a brick wall. I prayed they would make it quick.
"Hey, now, what are you doing to my student?"
The scene broke up momentarily as all eyes came to rest on the newcomer. He shoved the ringleader aside and stood between us. He was tall with washed-out hair, and in his hand he held a tube full of ants.
"The little fellows were in cold storage and I was hoping to dump them in their new habitat before they woke up! But no, you had to go chasing after my student, and now they're frisky and angry." He shook the tube.
"C-Class President?" The ringleader's face went white as a sheet.
The Class President was my tutor!?
Hauenkua Syoto, the Class President? The Hauenkua Syoto? The top of the class, winner of popularity polls, head of the Science Club, the Hauenkua Syoto?
"Yes, idiot. Class President. And I hate that you've cut into my schedule by making my student run. I'm not going to let any intellectually challenged prannock mess up my work-study, got it? Furthermore, for bullying an underclassman, I'm afraid I'll have no choice but to report you to the Disciplinary Committee. Actually, I'm not afraid at all. In fact, it's my pleasure. You smell like feet."
Was this real life?
"Why, you…!"
Hauenkua held up a hand. "Nuh-uh-uh! Shut up. I don't like your voice. Since I'm supposed to be teaching right now, how 'bout an invert ecology lesson? Do you know what these are?" He shook the tube once more.
"Fuck off."
"That's not an insect. These little bundles o' joy are Solenopsis invicta, also known as red imported fire ants. Charming creatures, they are." He shook the tube. "Wow, they sure are angry now, aren't they? It would be a shame if any were to get loose because their stings hurt." A wry smile curled up at the corners of his lips. "Whoops, I slipped."
Suddenly, he tossed the tube at the leader. The cap came off at impact and fire ants swarmed him. He screamed as they stung him and ran off, yelling for water. Hauenkua smirked, and I just watched, my jaw on the floor.
"You bastard!" hollered one of his friends. "You'll get in trouble for this… !"
"Me? In trouble? But he knocked the tube right out of my hand! And I needed those ants for a project, too! It's his fault if I have to take a B! Isn't that right, kid?" He looked right at me.
"Uh… uh, yeah." I nodded. "It was an accident."
"Not that anyone could prove anything otherwise. Hey, look at this!" Hauenkua's hands shot into his pocket and he produced another ant tube, his grin now very wide indeed. "This one has your name on it! Now, scram, you three! Have fun in suspension!"
They looked at one another, and ran off after their leader, tails between their legs.
Hauenkua watched them run away, then folded his arms, approaching me. "So, you're the one who stole my precious naptime away from me, ne?"
Touché.
"I… uh…"
He laughed and clapped me on the back. "Hey, hey, that was a joke! I apologize for being late, but I had to take care of my little ant buddies. Too bad that guy knocked one of my colonies right out of my hand, am I right? Hopefully he'll have an allergic reaction." He caught sight of my arm and brightened up, yanking it toward him. "Oh! Your injury! That's a beaut! They did a number on your arm, didn't they? Let's go to the science building! There's a first aid kit there."
"Why don't we just go to the nurse…?"
"No can do! I'm going to be a very famous surgeon someday, and you have the honor of being my first patient, uh… what's your name, kid?"
"Hien Mi—."
"Your name is Kid from now on, got it?"
"I…"
"It's settled then! Let's get you and the ants taken care of!"
"I can't believe they're making us run the obstacle course on the first day," the man next to me complained as we stood rigid in the overwhelming heat, privates from every mark lined up in neat rows. One of the DIs overheard him and administered discipline by means of a swift kick from his boot. He collapsed on the ground, yowling in pain, and the DI turned to me, scowling.
"Let that be an example to you as to what happens when you whine. You're not going to whine, right, Private?"
"N-No, Sir!" I stuttered.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
It was exactly like I'd read in books. Drill sergeants really did scream in your ear.
"NO, SIR!" I shouted.
He smirked. "That's more like it. Adjust your tie and give me twenty pushups! Go!"
Yep. It was like every cliché I ever heard was given life in this one man, and I realized Hauenkua's assessment of Naru was correct—he really was permissive. I looked around, and yep, there he was, still reading his book while the other drill sergeants actually did their jobs. His sheer indifference was almost beautiful, his absence of fucks given even at risk of dishonorable discharge inspirational. He really loved that book. Me too, Naru. Me too. I decided he was my spirit animal.
I was in good physical shape for a poor twenty-something who lived almost exclusively off the shitty junk the restaurant I used to work at served, and completed the pushups with ease. Figuring the DI probably wanted me to hustle, I got back up into standing position as fast as I could. He didn't say anything. He just yelled at the guy next to me to get up, and then he walked off to go yell at someone else.
Naru only set his book down when he saw the Sergeant First Class of Mark V (mine) come into view, and he yawned, looking us over with disinterest.
"A'ight," he stated, far more relaxed than a drill sergeant ought to, "this obstacle course. We're running it, or something." He indicated the land sprawling in front of us; just a mess of ropes and rock walls and mud pits everywhere. "This is to evaluate your physical abilities. Most of you will fail today anyway, so I don't know why we bother with the evaluation at all. Honestly, I think we do this just because we can. But by the time you graduate basic, you will all be able to complete this course in three minutes or fewer." He raised his voice slightly as his ranked superior drew closer, trying to make his tone less lackadaisical. "The course ends when you climb to the top of the bell tower and ring the bell. First private to ring it is the winner. Everyone in their mark will receive a honey roll with their supper tonight as reward for their comrade's competence. However, the catch is the Sergeant First Classes of every mark will be running with you, uh… maggots. If any of them reach the bell tower before a private does, then your free hour will be replaced with more physical training for one week. If you tie with a First Sergeant, then the honey roll… thing still applies."
He yawned.
That did not clarify anything at all.
Something about a… honey roll? I looked around for indication anyone else understood what the fuck he just said, eyes passing over the people in Mark III. At the very front of the line, I saw a dishrag stand at attention.
Wait.
That was Hauenkua.
He was standing rigid still, ears perked forward in determination. If I could see closer, he would probably have a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead—he was concentrating so hard. He really did stand out, didn't he? I bet he'd love it if I told him that. So I decided I wouldn't.
This was the first time I saw him actually look serious. Every few seconds, his shoes would scrape against the dirt, revving himself up for the signal to go. I wondered why he was so eager to get going.
Then it struck me.
This race was a thing to win, and when there were things to win, he was going to win them at all costs. Hauenkua had the greatest will to glory I'd ever seen in a person. It didn't matter that him winning wouldn't result in a sweet roll, it didn't matter he'd be screwing the rest of us over if he rang that bell. Every scrap of victory must be for him.
Why couldn't he be my spirit animal instead?
"On your mark!" yelled one of the DIs.
All eyes focused on the course.
"Get set…!"
I crouched into a runner's lunge.
"Go!"
We were off at breakneck speed.
Already approaching the first obstacle, Hauenkua led the pack.
"Hey, Kid!"
I looked up from my music theory homework to see my tutor jogging toward me at a leisurely pace. What did he want? It was the middle of the lunch hour.
"Oi, dum-dum! Did you forget your name?"
"Well, I have one, but it's not—."
"I got your attention, didn't I?" Hauenkua plopped right next to me on the bench, leaning over at my work. "What are you doing?"
"Transposition," I grumbled, snapping my notebook shut.
Hauenkua scooted closer to me. "You're a musician?"
I nodded. "Piano."
"Not one of the sexier instruments, is it?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't people become musicians to get chicks?" He shrugged. "You should try a more seductive instrument. Like the oboe."
"Okay, for one thing, do you know what an oboe is? Secondly, what do you want?"
Hauenkua smirked. "Just wanted to pop in and tell you your club application was approved!"
… Huh?
"What? I didn't join any clubs… There has to be some sort of mistake."
"No. No mistake. Because I signed you up. Welcome to the Science Club!" He patted me on the head.
"Wh-What the hell?" I shook him away. "I didn't consent to be in your club!"
"Well, too bad. You weren't in any club, Kid, and school rules say you have to join at least one. Since you're my responsibility, I couldn't let my cute little mentee fall through the cracks. So now you're in the Science Club!"
"I'm your responsibility…?"
"Obviously!" He got up, pulling on my arm until I had no choice but to stand with him. "Oh, I'm so glad you decided to join!"
"What sort of sick psychological manipulation is this…?"
"You see, Science Club's fallen out of vogue. Most of the old members graduated and I just couldn't seem to generate much interest. And you know, you need at least ten kids in a club to keep going. I was SO worried that the club would fall apart, but now that you've joined, we have ten people exactly!"
Oh.
So this was his nefarious scheme.
"I don't even like science…"
"That's your opinion, and your opinion is wrong. It won't be so bad. In fact, it'll be a lot of fun. We can dissect a frog! We can make a cell model! We can throw a bunch of chemicals together and see which combinations explode—oh, Kid! I've just gotten a brilliant idea!"
I sighed. "What's your brilliant idea, Hauenkua?"
"I'm going to rebrand the Science Club. I just realized how stuffy and lame it sounds. How do you like the name 'Explosions Club?' I love it! Ain't it badass? We'll have new members swarming in droves!" He pinched my cheeks. "And it's all thanks to you! I have a feeling you'll be a great new member. Well, I've got to go to class. Ta-ta! I'll see you at club tonight!" He let go and started walking off. "Thanks for your interest!"
"I'm quitting after the first meeting…!" I shouted, but he was already gone.
For some reason, I never quit.
Not then, not now.
I shuddered at the sensation of cold mud squeezing through my shirt. Several people behind me were stuck in the barbed wire fence we had to crawl under, and as soon as I hit dry land, I was off running.
There were only a few of us left. Most of the others had gotten injured in some way or collapsed from exhaustion. My limbs were on fire, but still I persisted, determined to get to the top of the bell tower. I couldn't give up—Genjimaru was watching!
A few people, mostly higher ranks, were ahead of me. I saw Hauenkua throw his weight onto the rock-climbing wall and scale it at breakneck speed. His ears trembled slightly as a few people passed him, and he jumped onto the line of barrels we were supposed to use to cross to the next platform without hesitation.
I reached the wall myself and saw some people wobble when they landed, losing their balance and falling into the weeds below. Damn, Hauenkua was light as a feather. He sailed onto the next platform and grabbed the swinging rope, propelling his body over the pit in the ground and latching himself onto the next rope with surgical precision. The man behind him couldn't grab the rebounding rope in time and he, too, fell into the pit, landing with a dampened thud.
And then there were three.
Hauenkua in front of me, one person behind me.
Fuck this course. I could see my free time's life flash before my very eyes. Hauenkua would win, and we'd all be punished for it.
I almost missed the second rope, but by sheer dumb luck managed to latch on. It propelled me forward, and I landed back on the path, my weight giving out under me. Behind me, I heard a scream and a crash.
So it was on me now, was it?
For a few brief moments, I tried to channel Naru's apathy, but alas, my spirit animal failed me. What did it matter if I didn't win? Why did I have to be some big hero? But then it dawned on me: if I didn't ring this damn bell before Hauenkua did, the recruits would hate me forever. And Onbitaikaiyan knows the stories Genjimaru's told me about unpopular privates.
Expelling all the air from my chest, I shouted and propelled myself forward, feet pounding at a speed I didn't know I had. Hauenkua looked back at me, and briefly, I caught his worried expression. Then he smirked and sped up.
Oh, it was on!
I grit my teeth and increased my speed, trying to keep pace with him. Every time I did, he would just turn up another setting on his insane cheetah legs and run faster. His hair flew in the wind, and I was less than a stone's throw behind him. He threw his head back, grinning like he won the goddamn lottery, and his cheeks flushed red.
He was having fun. He was having fun at boot camp.
What was wrong with him?
My heart pounded, I felt like I was going to pass out, hell, my everything hurt, and I—
I—
I was smiling, too.
"You're not as wimpy as you used to be!" Hauenkua called. The bell tower was in plain sight. The ladder was only wide enough for one at a time to pass through. We were shoulder and shoulder now, huffing and puffing with competitive fury.
"Why did you assume I was a wimp?" I taunted back.
"I'm impressed, Hien! I really am! Except…" He flashed one last shit-eating grin at me before he lurched forward in a final burst of speed, getting ahead of me by a yard. He grabbed onto the ladder and started scaling it.
That's it. I was done for.
I was our final hope, and I blew it.
But by now I just wanted to get this thing over with. I climbed up behind him, so close but yet so far. He reached the top and hopped up. He rose to meet the stone floor, but his foot missed the ledge.
The look of sheer terror on his face as he plummeted to the ground would be forever sealed in my memory. With a shriek, he fell, fifty feet to the bottom.
Shit…! Shit…!
Without thinking, I lunged forward as he fell toward me, catching his arm. He gave a bloodcurdling yell of pain as his shoulder dislocated from the socket, and the sheer force of his weight almost caused me to lose my grip on the rung.
"I've got you!" I cried, grabbing onto him for dear life. "Use your free arm to latch on to my waist when I swing you toward me. On the count of three. One… two… three!"
Practically threading my arm through the rung, I swung him toward me. Through his tears of pain, he remained competent enough to grab my waist. He slipped a bit, and I caught him with my free arm, supporting him.
"My god," he whimpered through gritted teeth. "I thought my ass was grass there for a second…"
"Can you climb?" I asked him.
He shook his head. "My fuckin' arm… I appreciate not being dead and all, but it hurts…"
"I'll take you to the medic."
I began to climb down, but Hauenkua kicked me in the shin, glaring at me. "Are you quitting, Private?" he snapped.
"Well, isn't it more important to…?"
"Finish this race, Private!" he hissed, kicking me again. "You're so close! Don't you dare give up! It's embarrassing! Forward, h'up! And that's an order!"
Truth be told, he was really heavy and I didn't want to carry him, but now I had no choice. So I dug my heels into the rungs and ascended, slowly. Hauenkua had a viselike grip on me, and I noticed he was shaking.
I guess that fall scared him more than he cared to admit.
I strained for breath. Hauenkua gave me a motivational kick with every rung I climbed. It didn't help.
At last, we reached the top, and I dumped him, collapsing to the ground.
"All right," I panted. "Go and ring the bell."
Hauenkua began to get up, but then he paused. "… What do you mean by that?" he asked.
"You technically won the race." I wiped some sweat off my brow. Water sounded nice right about now. "I mean, I wasn't going to let you fall to your death, but fair's fair."
Hauenkua just stared at me. He stood up…
… And kicked me again.
"What are you talking about, maggot?" He massaged his injured shoulder and grinned. "Get up."
"What?"
"Don't you know not to mouth off at your ranked superior? Get up, maggot! Ya damn filthy maggot! Hustle!"
I staggered to my feet, and he grabbed me, dragging me toward the bell. I had a feeling this would be a thing from now on, him dragging me. The DI who had been waiting at the top of the tower all along to record the winner raised an eyebrow at us.
"On the count of three," Hauenkua huffed, "we're going to ring this bell at the same time, and we're going to eat honey rolls for dinner tonight, and we're going to like it. That's an order!"
He nodded at me, and we placed our hands on the bell rope at the same time.
"One… two… three!"
A deafening ring carried across the palace grounds, resounding in my ears. We rang it once, twice, three times, basking in our victory. Even though I was tired and he was in pain, we flashed a look at one another.
Fun.
This was fun.
And I remembered why I ever became friends with him in the first place.
Hauenkua was amazing.
The reverb dulled and reduced to a throbbing hum, and we collapsed at the same time. I panted, sweating all over, every muscle screaming for sweet mercy.
"Hien," muttered Hauenkua, breaking the mood and trying to pop his arm back into place, "call a goddamn medic."