Thank you so much for the reviews, and I apologize for the wait.
Ch. 5
Erik waited most impatiently in John's study for the answer to one of the most important decisions of his life, and enough time had passed that he nearly regretted it. He had risen from his chair and begun to pace the room back and forth, furrowing his brows at the foolishness of his decision.
He had even considered calling the entire proposition off, for he feared that his idea was illogical at the thought of wedding a woman. Not even Christine could endure the sight of a wedding dress that had been associated with him, so how could he possibly expect any woman to be thrilled in receiving the news of marrying a monster? And if it should transpire, how would his emotions ever remain unscathed throughout it all?
No, he was beginning to think that he had just dug his own grave.
John suddenly entered the room, appearing a bit flushed and out-of-breath.
"You may speak to her in the setting room," he announced with a weak smile.
Erik could not imagine that she had taken to the idea well, and that John had quite enjoyed her displeasure, and he felt worse than he thought he could about it all.
Yet, as he left the room and made his way toward where she would be waiting for him, his heart pounding at the thought of finally speaking with her, he knew that removing her from her current situation would be best. Thinking about his own similar circumstances, he reassured himself with the thought that, even if he had not been entirely pleased by how it was done, he would have been grateful to be removed from a bad situation.
But why is she any bother to me? he wondered.
He could only blame a natural empathy for her suffering that he found within himself. He knew what it was like to be different from everyone else in the world, to be confined and locked away because of something that could not be controlled, and to have no one in the world to care. Even he felt at times that he wished to be a part of society and to enjoy the association of others.
And somehow, he thought that, if the two could learn to be friends, then they would not have to endure these difficulties alone.
Meanwhile, Estella was brooding beside a window in the setting room, wondering what this mysterious man could possibly want by desiring her hand in marriage.
She hardly knew a thing about him, let alone the fact that they had not even spoken to each other. Why would he wish to wed a woman whom he did not know, not to mention the color of her skin and low place in society?
She knew that he worked in partnership with her uncle, but that was not a detail that had pleased her. Though she was uncertain of exactly what the two men did for an occupation, she could only fear that this mysterious man-Mr. Destler, as her uncle had told her only few minutes ago-was similar to the cruel and wicked man who was bonded to her by blood. After all, if anyone had become wealthy with Mr. Abraham, then certainly he was not a gentleman by any means.
What would she say to him? It appeared as if she would have no choice than to be forced to become the wife of a stranger. Such was the punishment of being a woman and an undesirable.
You should be grateful that he has even taken an interest in you! John had spat at her, moments ago, and his words still rung in her ears. But why should she be grateful? His interest could not be an honorable one, and she shuddered to think of what her future now held.
Would she trade her current prison for another? Was she to be enslaved by the obligations of a wife-to breed whenever he so requested it of her and to obey his orders with no questions asked (but perhaps he did not want a mixed-race child and would treat her cruelly because of it)? Even if he was not as terrible as she thought him to be, the idea of yet another man controlling her was nearly unbearable.
She heard his footsteps as he stood in the doorway, and she slowly turned to look at him with an unfriendly expression.
The intense and unwavering glare in her light brown eyes felt as if they were piercing Erik's very soul, and he was thankful to have practiced the art of disguising his own emotions-after all, he did not wish to look a fool, now, by showing his reluctance and regret. No, for it was too late to go back, now.
Though a little fearful of what lay in store for him when he observed her cold demeanor, he was somewhat glad that she at least had a backbone and would not require nurturing of any sort. At least he would not make that mistake again.
She was the first to speak.
"My uncle has told me that we are to be married."
It was not a question; she was being forced to accept her reality. Hearing those words come from her full lips made Erik feel even more absurd than he had felt before.
Was he really forcing her to marry him-he, a monster and a disgrace to the world?
Whatever he looked like or not, at least he would treat her better. He would not degrade or look down upon her, of that he was certain.
But was he really to expose his home and himself to another person? Yes, he had servants, but they were paid employees who could somehow overlook his mysterious mask (though, not without bribing a few into silence with a hefty sum before they had left out of gossip or fear). How was he to coexist with a wife? Certainly they could remain in seperate quarters and perhaps only share a meal together if they had become friends, at best, but how could he risk it?
He was determined not to allow any feelings to result from the matter, though he groaned inwardly at the thought that she had clearly affected him enough to have gotten himself into the situation of marrying her. Could he not have just left her alone?
No, he could not, for he had found a fellow sufferer and someone who could, quite possibly, understand him. It was his only chance of companionship and friendship, even if it would never involve romance. And having a friend was better than being alone, was it not?
"Yes, in a fortnight," he answered dryly.
He could see the displeasure written on her features, and he thought it because of his face that she should feel that way. Still, he could only hope that she would grow accustomed to seeing his mask and would eventually see the improvement of her situation with time.
Estella could feel the chill that swept up her spine after his response.
In two weeks she was to be married to a man whom she did not know. Would he take her honor from her? Certainly he would take her pride and happiness, but was she to become a play-thing for his own amusement?
The tears began to form in her eyes and she looked away, cursing herself for allowing the emotion to consume her. Upon returning her gaze to the window and seeing the bright autumn sun shining through the red and orange colors of the leaves, she swallowed her tears and determined that she would be strong. She would not show weakness in front of him, for then he would know that he had won.
Still, she had to ask the question, "What is it that you want from me?"
Erik could see her internal struggle before she had hidden it with a blank and calloused stare. She, too, must have been required to show strength and composure even when she did not feel such inside.
Erik understood what she had meant by her words, and he was somewhat horrified. Had she thought him to be so monstrous as to ask her to share his bed?
"Friendship, if that is possible," he responded.
Estella snorted at him in disbelief.
"You are marrying me because you wish to be friends?"
Erik was growing angry at the insistence that she thought him to be no better than a rapist, and his patience was wearing thin.
"You will live in the room furthest from mine, if you wish, and I will ask nothing of you."
She still found it difficult to believe that any many would not wish to consumnate his marriage, for she knew that he had the normal desires of anyone else.
"And you do not want children?"
"No, I do not want children!" he snapped a bit too harshly.
Of course he had wished to have a family of his own and to experience what it felt like to be normal, but he would never ask that of her. And he would not allow himself to think of it, either.
Estella felt the sting of his words, thinking it to be the color of her skin as the reason why he would not ask her to have his children. Even to her own husband she would be undesirable.
But if he meant what he said, then at least she knew she could escape the confines of her uncle's house, but she feared that Mr. Destler would prove to be no better. Still, she knew that she had no choice.
Well of course she had no choice, unless she took matters into her own hands! And she nodded to him slowly as a plan had formulated in her mind.