Jennifer stayed in the nurse's lounge for several more minutes nursing her cup of coffee. She desperately wanted to fix things with Jack. She felt awful—between the slap, running out on him, and the horrendous line of questioning last night; she was sure she was pushing their future to the breaking point. Why did she ask those questions last night, why? Was there some latent resentment about his past that she felt? Jack's past had been, well not irrelevant, but not an insurmountable barrier for her when they first got together. However, Lawrence had intervened and hijacked their lives. His past was now laid out before her. She needed to reconcile her present and his past in her mind. She knew she needed to do it and all the wishful thinking and bridal magazines couldn't push away that necessity. Could she do that on her own?

The foundation of her life was based on three fundamental pillars: 1) her love for Jack 2) her love for her friends and her family; and 3) her pursuit of truth and providing a spotlight to social injustices through her work. Lawrence had knocked out those three legs from beneath her and he had toppled her equilibrium, her entire world view and her closeness with Jack and her friends and her family. With this secret, she was separated from them and was finding it nearly impossible to function at work. Lawrence had uprooted, upended and upset everything that was sacred about her life. She could not speak of it. She could not be around her friends and family because every moment she did, was a moment that she did not tell them the truth and therefore every moment felt like a lie.

She needed to see Gram though; whether she felt like a liar or not. She needed her hugs, and she knew that this moment would feel like one more lie heaped on top of the hell that Lawrence had made of her life.

As if dictated by the fates, the door opened at that moment and in walked Alice. Jennifer could not hold it together any longer. She teared up and rushed towards her grandmother and gave her a long hug.

After a long moment, Alice leaned back and put her finger under Jennifer's chin to study her better, "What is happening, Jennifer Rose?"

"Everything is falling apart, Gram." Jennifer confessed. "I feel like I'm being pulled down this giant vortex and I—."

"Let's sit down," Alice led her over to the couch by the windows and sat them both down. She gave Jennifer a tissue. "This can't be just about Jack, is it?"

"Gram, he loves me and I love him, but I don't know if that's enough. I just keep hurting him. He's opened up to me in ways that I never dreamed he would six months ago and I've stomped on him. I've hurt him too many times. I can't ever forgive myself. What is wrong with me, Gram?"

"You're hurting too. I see that. I don't know why, but you are." Jennifer shook her head no.

"Uh-uh, Jennifer Rose," Alice wasn't going to let her wiggle out of that. Jennifer put her head down. She wiped at her tears and then squeezed her eyes shut tight.

"Jack invited me over last night for dinner. Despite everything of...before, he was sweet and then I went and hurt him again. I had an awful morning and I talked to Kayla and she made me smile for a few moments, but I'm living on a knife edge, Gram. The least little thing can knock me off."

Alice brought Jennifer's head down to her chest and just let her calm down for several minutes. "Can you tell me why?"

Jennifer didn't answer, but Alice could feel Jennifer shaking her head no. "Can you tell Jack?" Again, Jennifer shook her head no, "He knows…now. But I still can't speak of it. I just can't get the words out."

In that instant, Alice knew the truth. Alice understood and her heart broke for her granddaughter. Once more, she put her finger underneath Jennifer's chin and Jennifer looked up into her eyes. "None of this is your fault. None of it. I love you and nothing you ever tell me with ever change that. Understand?"

Jennifer nodded, but she didn't tell her grandmother anything. They sat like that, hugging on the couch for a long time.

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Jack ended up at the docks. He didn't know why he had come here countless times; but he always seemed to naturally migrate here. For years, when he was troubled, he would come here to the dark, usually isolated place and look out over the water. Regardless of all the changes in his life, the water never changed, the water had no memory. The water was always flat, peaceful, calm.

Jack struggled against Lawrence's words. Lawrence wasn't right about him. He didn't choose Jennifer because she was innocent and virginal and wouldn't be able to compare him with other men. He wasn't that insecure. He wasn't that traumatized from Kayla choosing Steve over him. Lawrence was just trying to poison everything good and decent in him. The truth was Kayla didn't reject Jack as her husband because he was lacking anything; she just could never love him because Jack wasn't Steve. The same way that Jennifer couldn't love Emilio, despite her best effort, because Emilio wasn't Jack. Their actions weren't about right or wrong or about who was married to whom. They were just about love. The truth was Romeo and Juliet were destined for each other and Count Paris or some other interloper just could never compete.

Jack stood there, fighting the memory of Lawrence's words. He would not let that man blacken, overwhelm, or overtake his mind.

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Steve knew where to go to find his little brother. He found him there on the docks the night he had found the adoption papers. He found him on the docks when Steve had returned from Italy and it was on these docks that Jack had told him that Kayla was pregnant. It must be a Johnson trait because he gravitated to this spot as often as Jack did.

"Jack?"

He turned and saw his brother. Jack smiled, "You know, I did leave the office because I wanted to be alone and think."

"Yeah. And you were alone. Now you're not. Deal with it."

"Fine. I'll deal. But seriously, you've got to have better things to do than babysit your baby brother."

"Not today. Let's go get a beer at the Heart."

Jack looked back out at the water, "I can't drink right now."

"We need to talk. The Johnson brothers have got to come up with a plan together to nail Alamain."

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"So what's your plan?" Jack asked after the pints of lager were dropped of at their corner table.

"I don't have a plan, yet. This ain't my rodeo. You tell me what you know about him."

"I know that he hates Bo for intervening between him and Carly. Carly and Lawrence both happened to be living under assumed names though Lawrence knew that Carly was Katerina and his betrothed, but Carly didn't know that Lawrence was."

Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's tough for me to keep it straight too. And the guy that I call Francois and you call Franklin and everyone else calls Frankie, he's Carly's brother and has a fortune in cash. The Von Leuschner fortune that Lawrence had to forfeit since the marriage arrangement never occurred."

"So, the Von Leuschner fortune. That's something that Franklin has that he wants. Jack, think this through logically, what does he have that we want?"

"His freedom. I want him to go to prison, of course."

"Besides that."

"The marriage annulment with Jennifer."

"Annulment on what grounds?"

"That it was under duress. Jennifer didn't even get married with her legal name. It should be no more legal than two actors getting married in a movie."

"We'll that's here in the U.S. What about in Lawrence's country? Could it be a legal marriage there? If Lawrence went through with it, then I'm sure he made sure the legalities were in order."

"Yeah, but it was never consumm—." Jack squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Is that why?" Jack asked in a small voice.

Steve shrugged. There was nothing else he could do.

Jack stood up and paced around the table, trying to get his thoughts back in order. He picked up his beer, down the rest of it, and put it hard back on the table. He swung his chair around and straddled it.

Steve wanted to bring Jack to focus, "What are his weaknesses?"

Jack rolled his eyes, "That he's a jerk?"

"Seriously here, Jack."

"Umm, Leopold was. He cared what Leopold thought of him. He did show that he cared about his father. Now that his father's dead, he likely blames us. He has nothing left to lose. Also, he knows that all of us—Jennifer, me, Carly, Bo, Frankie, Julie—we all have people we care about. He's got nobody. How is such a man to be worked on?"

Steve shook his head. "Everybody's got somebody. We just need to find who or what his weakness is. Why don't we work it like this? I'll talk to Bo about Lawrence's past and see what more we can find out and if Carly is still a weakness for this guy. I'll also talk to Franklin and see about this von Leuschner business and what he can tell me from that angle."

Jack looked confused, "What about me?"

"Well, you know, I probably have better relations with Bo and Franklin than you do," Steve smiled as he was stating the obvious. "Best I talk to them. I want you to do some investigative digging and see what else you can pull up."

"I want Jennifer to stay out of this for now. Let's just keep this between you and me for now."

"Sure. You might talk to Mickey also," Steve suggested. "He's handling Jennifer's marriage. He should know how truly despicable Alamain is. He should make sure that she stays protected legally and that Lawrence doesn't try to blackmail her into signing something."

Jack nodded, "Of course. You know, I just don't understand Lawrence. When I first heard about…the rape...I couldn't help but think that maybe we were similar. Maybe that could help me get inside his head and destroy him. However, I've tried doing that since—getting into his mind and I just can't. His father was kind and loving, heroic even. Leopold died saving our lives. How could someone so coldhearted and mercenary be raised by someone like that?"

Steve set down his glass, "You're thinking of Harper and Duke, aren't you?"

Jack nodded.

"When you did the majority…of your crap…you didn't know you were Duke Johnson's kid, you didn't know Harper was a psycho killer."

"No, but I had Duke's blood in my veins and Harper's lessons in my head."

"You did those things yourself. You. Not Duke. Not Harper. You. Stop deflecting it on to them."

Jack shook his head, "I'm not trying to deflect it or excuse it. I'm trying to understand it."

"Well what I'm saying is that you should probably look inside yourself and that the answers of all the nasty stuff you did can't just be simple answers of nature or nurture. You've said as much about Lawrence. Stop looking to them, to Duke and Harper, as the answers and look to yourself. And maybe when you do, then you can answer some of these questions better about Lawrence."

Steve looked up from his pint to the door and then looked to Jack. Jack had his back to the door and didn't notice who had just arrived at the Heart. It was Jennifer.

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Jennifer was scanning the bar. She did that every time she entered into a place. She had to always look for strange men, suspicious men now, and the one man she wished she had never met. She didn't think she would find him here. He wouldn't come to the Cheating Heart for a drink. He would go to Wings or the Salem Inn, not this dive bar. And she needed a drink.

In the corner, she spotted Steve looking at her and immediately recognized the back of the head of his brother. Jack. Then she remembered Kayla saying at the hospital that she was meeting Steve here later. Damn, where is her head these days?

The instrumental version of When I Fall in Lovestarted playing. Her attention turned to the jukebox. She was surprised that song was even on the playlist. What was fate trying to do to her? Jack is here and that song is playing? That is the song they danced to the night she got engaged to dear, sweet Emilio. She still couldn't believe he was dead and gone. With everything that had happened, she hadn't even been able to start processing that. If Jack hadn't kidnapped her on her wedding day, then they would have been married and she would be a widow. It all seemed so impossible how fickle and cruel is fate—to her and especially to Emilio. Even on that night when she got engaged Emilio, her attention had been on Jack. He asked her for one last dance with her "ex-boss" and she obliged. She had appeared reluctant, but inwardly she felt so electrified and alive, alert to any hint of possibility for them. This song was playing and they shared a magical moment and then the song was over and he turned away…

Jack turned towards her; seeing her, he stood up. He glanced at the jukebox; he remembered the song too. Was he going to ask her for a dance like last time? She couldn't handle that right now. She just couldn't let herself be touched. Not yet, not even in public, not even by Jack. It would be weird and awkward and she would disappoint him for the hundredth time. He didn't move.

He bit his lip. She bit her lip. He took this as permission. He walked slowly towards her, hands behind his back. He stopped about two feet away from her. Her eyes were filled with trepidation and regret about how far apart they had drifted. He was nervous and suddenly feeling shy. But loving her had made him impulsive and had made him trust the notion that he did not love in vain. He relied on that now, though his heart was beating wildly.

"And so I quote Shakespeare regarding the gulf that between us lies:

With love's light wings did I o'erprch these walls,

For stony limits cannot hold love out,

And what love can do, that dares love attempt."

The song still played in the background, providing additional resonance and power to his words. Hands still behind his back, he spoke with no look of expectation, just a need to be heard, just a need for her knowing. That for him, knowing the truth or not know the truth about Lawrence changed nothing. By repeating the poetry from the night he proposed, he hoped she knew that he would have still proposed regardless.

He stood there, not moving, letting the moment draw out, not allowing himself to get embarrassed or shy. She would choose. Stay or go. Dance or leave. Whatever she wanted; he was willing to break down those walls. This moment—he was daring all, attempting all. The choice was hers. He was hers.

Jennifer looked at Jack, hearing his words and hearing his unspoken message. She loved him; she hoped with the look of forlorn hope in her eyes that he could see her love for him. Despite everything, past and present, she loved him. She said none of this though. She couldn't move. She was frozen, timid; her mind still hijacked by that monster. She looked around and felt suddenly conspicuous. Everyone was looking. Everyone except Steve who had his beer tilted to the ceiling and was taking a long, long drink.

She couldn't take all the eyes of the other patrons on her. While feeling conspicuous, she also felt exposed, naked, judged, on display. Just like when Lawrence had torn off her wedding gown and looked her up and down. She recoiled from that memory; she couldn't handle that feeling anymore. She pointed at the door, mouthed the word 'sorry,' and bolted out of the bar.

Jack stayed motionless; he ran his hands through his hair after the bar door slammed and she was gone.

"Run after her," Steve told him.

"No."

"She wants you go after her. "

"Doubt it."

"You ran away for six months from her. Didn't you want her to chase after you?"

Jack thought about that for a long moment. "I wasn't ready to be caught. I am forever grateful that she waited though. And that's exactly what I will do. I owe her. I owe her everything. All I have is from her."

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Kayla entered the Heart and saw Steve and Jack in the corner, huddled in conversation, with their pints of beer before them and their empties pushed off to the side. Kayla took a long breath—a long inhale and exhale—since this would be the first time she had seen Jack since her doorknob-clutching, soul-bearing speech to him. She hadn't spoken of it to Steve and hoped he hadn't also. She knew she should say something to re-establish equilibrium and the status quo between them.

Thinking back to all the things he had done, to the long journey they traversed to get from there to here, and all the ways Jack had sought atonement, it just still astounded her. In all of the group counseling sessions she had been in, not one of the other victims had ever reported that her rapist had ever apologized and had ever taken responsibility. All of the other women reported that those men either disregarded it as nothing or blamed the woman—as Jack had done in the immediate aftermath. She had come far since those black days, but so had Jack. She remembered her nightmare of the 'one-kidney brothers' she had a few weeks after the rape. In that nightmare, Jack and Steve were heading off to the Heart from the hospital for some beers to blow off some steam and to blow off Kayla.

Kayla walked over to the table and gave Steve a long hug and kiss. She didn't shorten it because Jack was there and it might make him uncomfortable. She hoped he was long past that and she had no desire to accommodate that discomfort anyway.

"Hey sweetness," Steve said after they pulled out of the kiss, foreheads still touching. "Good day?"

"Umm hmm, better now though," she said.

While they were talking and kissing, Jack focused on his beer. Specifically, drinking his beer so that he would have a reason to leave when he reached the bottom. The Johnsons were so wrapped up in their reunion after being apart for five hours that they didn't notice him chugging his drink.

After a long enough time, Jack cleared his throat, "Ahem, sorry but I have to get back to the newspaper. We're on deadline—like everyday. Steve, so you remember what you're gonna do and I'll remember what I'm doing. Thanks again. Nice seeing you again, Kayla." He drank the last bit of his beer. "Well, bye now."

Before Steve has a chance to respond, Kayla spoke up, "Jack, before you go. I'd like to say something."

"Okay," Jack replied warily. He eyed Steve wondering what he knew and if she would bring up her visit to his office.

Kayla continued, "I want to say this in front of both of you so that there's no misunderstanding. A few years ago, the idea of you two sitting here in a bar, sharing beers—well, I had nightmares. I had actual nightmares about it. I woke up screaming just from the thought of it." Both Jack and Steve stayed frozen in place, but Jack did sneak a glance at Steve and could tell this was news to him too. "Seeing you two just now as I walked in reminded me of that nightmare from long ago and reminded me how much has changed since then. Now I'm glad to see you two like this. I truly am." She turned to face Jack, "Jack,.."

"Yes?" Jack said in a barely audible whisper.

"I want you to feel welcome in our home. You have a standing invitation for Sunday dinners or to come over whenever to watch football games with Steve or play blocks with Stephanie. You don't need Jo or Jennifer to come over with you as a buffer, you don't need to wait for a time that I'm not at home, and you don't need to stay on the front porch if I am home. I've noticed you do all that. I want you to feel comfortable in our home. You are an integral part of Steve's life and Stephanie's life. Clear?"

Jack nodded, stunned and amazed once again at this wonderful woman. "Thank you. I will remember."

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Jack went back to his office, hoping to struggle through the thick stack of neglected work piling up on his desk. It was late; past normal quitting time when he arrived back at the office. When he pushed open his office door, he was surprised to see Jennifer, in his chair, her head down on his desk, fast asleep.

She looked so amazingly peaceful and beautiful sleeping there; her hair falling forward and partially shielding her face. He sat down in the visitor chair in front of the desk and checked his watch—6:30. She must not be sleeping well at night if she can't stay awake at this hour. Of course he realized why she couldn't sleep and it hit him again how completely, how overwhelmingly the rape had infiltrated into all aspects of her life and her mind. He remembered again Kayla's talk to him the other day when she revealed how much she had hidden back then of the effect the rape had on her. He was seeing it now.

You're going to live with it for the rest of your life. Kayla had said that night. She was right. He knew that when he stood before St. Peter on Judgment Day that night would be the first charge he would be required to account for.

Stop mixing Kayla's rape and Jennifer's rape, he told himself. That doesn't do Jennifer any good. It just makes you wallow in self-despair and she deserves better.

With fresh determination, he picked up the top sheet from one of the stacks of papers that Jennifer wasn't resting her head on, and dug into his work.

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About thirty minutes later, Jack noticed her stirring. She partially lifted her head and was surprised to see Jack's kind, bemused eyes staring back at her.

She flipped back her hair from her face and sat up fully. "I'm sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought," Jennifer said.

"That's okay. I don't even mind you drooling on my work."

She wiped her mouth and checked his papers on the desk. Both dry. She realized he was teasing her and rolled her eyes. This moment felt nice, almost normal…almost.

"Do you want your chair back?"

Jack shook his head. "You're fine."

"It's not fine. Just let me speak."

Jack held out his hand, gesturing her to go ahead.

"I have to apologize for last night. I have no excuse. I've treated you…horribly...lately. Last night was…unforgiveable."

Jack leaned forward, "It's okay." He hoped he sounded sincere, not dismissive. He did mean it. "That wasn't unforgiveable." He was thinking about what he had been, what Lawrence was now. He didn't mean to give that much emphasis and hoped that Jennifer didn't catch his meaning.

Jennifer picked up his red marking pencil and started thumping it nervously, "Look, I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to talk and I…I don't want to hear you talk…about that. Truly. Could we just be here and not talk about the last few days?"

Jack nodded.

"I've missed you," she said softly.

Jack's heart just melted at those words—that tiny admission that conveyed everything. So much was contained in those three tiny words!

"I've missed you too," Jack admitted. He hoped that she could sense everything that he felt.

"How was your day?" Jennifer asked, hoping to transition into something lighter.

Jack looked chagrined. What could he say? All his confessions to Steve? Lawrence's visit? Kayla's invitation? "It was fine," he answered anemically. "How was your day?" he asked in return.

A cloud passed over her face. What could she say? Her paranoia of riding in that news van alone with the cameraman? Her talk with Kayla? Her breakdown with her grandmother? "It was fine," she answered, equally unenthusiastically.

A wide chasm still existed between them, but a narrow, rickety bridge was slowly being built.

Their non-committal answers hung in the air for several moments until Jack finally broke the silence. "Are you hungry?" Jack asked. That was a safe question he assured himself. No potential landmines there.

"I could eat. You offering?" she replied.

"I'm offering sub sandwiches and a bench in the park. How does that sound?"

He wanted it public, casual, and non-romantic. He didn't mean for it to sound so cheap, but he could be very, very cheap if it would make her happy. Jack grinned at the thought.

"Sounds good," Jennifer agreed.

Twenty minutes later, they were on a park bench with their sub sandwiches. It was a little too cold outside to be eating and most people just rushed past them as they tried to get out of the cold. Both Jack and Jennifer didn't mind the temperature though. If this was what it took to be okay to be here with him, Jennifer thought.

The conversation was stilted though. They struggled through with Spectator office gossip—something they hardly ever did. Jack, desperate for conversation, even threw a few story leads her way. So many topics, so much of what needed to be said, remained unsaid. They were here together though and it was enough.

Jack wanted to ask if he could hold her hand, help warm them up since she left off her gloves because she was still eating her sandwich. He felt wary of asking though and felt silly for even thinking of asking Can I hold your hand? like he was a fifth-grader or something. He looked down and noticed she was still wearing her engagement ring and he felt so grateful and relieved that she hadn't allowed him to take it off her finger that day after she had slapped him. If it had been taken off her hand, who knew how long it would take before it got back on?

Mid-bite, Jennifer felt something on her shoulder and immediately jumped off the bench and spun around to see who had touched her. The impulse of flight and fight both instantly flooding all her senses. Seeing nobody, she looked at Jack with half-questioning, half-accusing eyes.

Jack's eyes sad, he pointed up to the trees. "It was a seed pod or a leaf or something." Jennifer looked up, looked around, and then looked down at the remnants of her sandwich in the dirt. "It's okay. Why don't you have the rest of mine?"

"I have to go home." Jennifer said suddenly. The hopeful, tentative, baby-step mood of the evening was ruined and she needed to go before his eyes turned to pity or worse, he started questioning her.

"I'm going to walk you."

Jennifer, imagining the unbearable awkwardness of the walk home, shook her head. "I'll be fine. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice."

Jack stared at her for a second, comprehending her meaning. That she would be fine walking home because now that she had been attacked and raped once, the chances of it happening again were quite remote. She provided the opening so he asked, "Do you want to talk about…the lightning?"

Jennifer shook her head. "No," she said, embarrassed at her statement.

Jack let it go, "If you don't want me to walk you, that's fine. But I will follow you and make sure you get back home okay."

Jennifer shrugged and started walking in the direction of her home. She couldn't let it end like that, "I'll be in touch," she called back.