Yay, so many reviews!
I realize that Estella resembles the lead character in "Belle", but I hope that as the story progresses, the plot-line is different. I just thought that it would be unique to have a mixed woman in the story, since she would be a woman who Erik deserves but can still understand the feeling of being an outcast. This is not a cross-over from that movie.
Anyway, the wedding will be in the next chapter. :)
Ch. 8
As soon as Erik came into view, Estella immediately felt the blush rise to her cheeks and she looked away out of nervousness.
How ashamed she was to have behaved the way she did during the last time the two of them had spoken! Though she did not know much about him, and she still didn't trust the honor of his intentions towards her, she could not deny that he had defended her in front of her cruel cousin, even going so far as to tell her not to speak of even herself poorly, and she owed him the credit that was due for his kindness (whether it be genuine, or not).
Though she had chosen not to partake in much of the wedding planning and left it all to Mr. Destler, she had felt the anxiety of her upcoming wedding, and combined with the embarrassment and remorse that she felt from their previous heated conversation, she felt it necessary to pay him a visit.
In his own environment, he fit in quite well. Glancing around them, she saw the most ornate and intricate details and decor in the hallways alone than any other place she had been (and while she hardly left her uncle's estate, she had both read and heard about the grand palaces and homes of the wealthy and royal and imagined them to look similar to the house in which she had just entered).
He was, yet again, well dressed, and what little of his home that she had spotted was so elaborate that she wondered if it was all for show. Was his grandiosity simply to display his wealth, or was he a man of passion?
"Ms. Crawley; a pleasure," he bowed slightly in a polite greeting but kept his arms behind his back. Save for the small and brief smile as he said the words, he maintained a cool reserve to his composure and an emotionless face.
Not only was he good at hiding whatever was beneath his mask, and his identity, but he also hid his thoughts and emotions well, and she hoped that it would not prove to be a great mistake by marrying him. Was he hiding something terrible that could ruin her life? Would he turn out to be just as all of the other men whom she had been acquainted with?
She found it hard to believe that anyone could be so kind and remain uncorrupted by the vast amount of wealth that he had obtained. Perhaps she would discover his true personality and intentions after they were married?
Regardless, she forced a small smile and curtsied in response, though she was unaccustomed to being greeted so formally. No one had ever showed her even the smallest of consideration, and she could not help but to question his motives with suspicion.
"I came to apologize for my behavior the other day," she announced, unable to look him in the eyes.
Not only was the light that streamed into the hallway playing upon his features in a most handsome way, but she would not admit to herself that he was rather pleasing to look at. Because he hid part of his face with a mask-though she could not find fault in his appearance-her curiosity for the reason of him wearing it increased.
Even so, she did not wish to gaze at him in a pleasant way or allow her eye to wander at all, for she knew that it would only prove to be disasterous for her. No matter how well-mannered, gentle, and handsome he appeared to be, she knew that there must have been some quality that would make him a terrible person. After all, no man was truly of such good character without having a selfish intention behind it.
"You were so kind to me, and I should not have reacted the way that I did," she continued meekly.
Erik was shocked by her confession, as he had certainly not expected the reason for her visit to be an apology.
She had taken the time and effort to travel all of the way out to his estate-for it was quite a distance from that of Mr. Abraham's-and wished to gain his forgiveness. Never before had anyone admitted to a mistake in his behalf, let alone apologized for it.
"There is no need to apologize," was all that he could think to say.
A few moments of awkward silence filled the room as Estella gazed at her surroundings.
"Whatever it was that persuaded my uncle in all of this has truly worked, for he allowed me to take a carriage in order to visit you. That is a privilege that I have never experienced," she stated with a tone of genuine gratitude. It had been a pleasant occurrence to enjoy the fresh air of leaving the estate.
Erik was reminded of the injustice that she had faced during her life and knew that his conscience could rest better once she was out of that dreadful atmosphere.
"Yes, well; you will be afforded the luxury of a carriage as often as you'd like while you are here," he replied.
This only increased her distrust in him, though a part of her so desperately hoped that he was telling her the truth.
"Are you busy, at present?" she asked curiously. She could not help but to look at him now, for she wanted to attempt to read his expression.
"For you, I can make time," he replied.
How gentle and wonderful he seems, but I know that it cannot be true, no matter how much I wish it to be, she thought sadly to herself. Oh, if only he was sincere! If only a man was capable of being so, for then she could have a bit of happiness in her marriage to him!
How sweet his words sounded to her, how flattering the attention that he gave her! He spoke to her as if she were an equal, no; he treated her as if she were a prized and sought-after lady of class.
She ignored the light fluttering in her chest that had resulted from his words and cleared her throat, deciding that the silence was suffocating her with depressing thoughts.
"Would you care to show me around? After all, this will be my home in a matter of days."
How many times did Erik have to hear the reminder of his wedding before it would sink into his mind and he would realize the reality of it? Even from her lips it sounded like a far-away concept.
"But of course," he replied, gesturing for her to follow him.
Erik did not show her the entirety of his estate, for it would have taken far too long to explore all of the rooms, and he found that most of them were both unused and unnecessary. When one acquired much wealth, they were nearly forced to purchase an estate that contained multiple rooms, even if they were to be unoccupied.
Estella admired the furniture and decor in each room, stunned that everything had been chosen with such care and good taste.
She could remember setting eyes upon his estate for the first time, seeing the long and winding path that led to his property among thickets of trees and rolling hills. A large building constructed of light gray stone, she had also spotted the vast lake that hid in the back of the property, and she was eager to see it.
In the meantime, he led her through a guest dining hall in which would be occupied if visitors were to be recieved in large quantities, a more private dining room that she imagined he might have taken his breakfasts in, a medium-sized study that looked similar to the one her uncle had often occupied, a few other rooms, and a ballroom, though she was almost certain that he was not one to hold gatherings.
During all of this, Erik would casually glance at her out of the corner of his eye in order to see the expression on her lovely features. A small part of him even gloated with pride mentally when he could see the awe and admiration that she had for his home.
Out of the many rooms in which she had seen, one stood out to Estella most.
The Drawing Room consisted of golden decorations that crawled upward toward the vaulted ceiling, and crimson-colored carpet that contained gold floral patterns. Various paintings of scenery and landscapes adorned the walls, along with golden oil lamps, though she noticed the various candelabras that were placed on nearly every surface.
A cream-colored divan sat behind a small tea table beside the fireplace, and she imagined herself enjoying a nice book with the warmth of a fire in the winter. A few matching chairs were scattered throughout, accented by the hanging scarlet-colored draperies that dressed the windows. But what most caught her eye was the large pianoforte and beside it, an expensive-looking and meticulously-detailed harp.
Before leaving the room, she could not help but to ask, "Do you play any music?"
Erik inhaled sharply and did not turn to look at her.
"I used to," he replied, hoping that she would not persist in the topic of conversation.
She could hear it in his voice that he did not wish to discuss it, and she silently cooperated by following him without another word.
The two of them found themselves near the front door once again, and she noticed that on either side of her were two large staircases that led up to a second floor. She could either go left or right, and an entire section of the house could be further explored.
Erik gestured toward the one to their left and explained, "My quarters are upstairs. Yours can be accessed by the other staircase."
Estella was surprised to hear this as she turned around to look at the identical staircase in the opposite direction.
She was to occupy the opposite end of the house, even to have her own sleeping quarters? The idea shocked her, as she had imagined that he would want what any other man would want and request that she share a bed with him.
Perhaps even he thought her to be undesirable, but then why was he wishing to marry her? Was he performing some sort of charity for her, out of pity for her circumstances?
The thought did not appease her at all, for the last thing that she wanted was his pity. Was she to be isolated and continued to be reminded that she was unwanted, even by her own husband?
"So we are to occupy the opposite ends of the estate?" she asked. She already knew the answer, but she was hoping for some sort of explanation without having to ask it or approach an intimate topic of conversation.
"Yes; you will be free to roam the premises as you please, but I ask that you respect my private quarters."
She knew what he meant-that she should not disturb him or wish to see his room. Of course he was a mysterious man who hid some sort of secret, so why would he wish for her to be a bother to him?
"You will not..." he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and looked away from her, finding the words difficult to speak. "You will not be obligated to fulfill any...any wifely duties..."
Estella felt her shame increase, though she was relieved to hear it. Was this another attempt to woo her, to convince her that he was a gentleman? Were these false words to be spoken to her, so that she would think that all would be well?
She had to be blatant in her response, for the question was something that had begun to confuse her thoroughly.
"So I am to believe that you desire no children?"
Of course he would not desire children with her; how could he, with the color of her skin? She could not expect him to wish the curse on their vanity and to suffer the mistreatment of others as she had.
Perhaps he would take a Mistress in the future, one with cream-colored skin and of good breeding? What a shame it would be, and she feared that almost nothing could be worse than proving to be a failure as a wife.
"I do not," he nearly stuttered. "It is not a topic that I wish to discuss."
It was difficult enough for him to have a wife that he could never feel the affection of, to be so close to obtaining the love of a woman and to live the rest of his days in blissful companionship without being able to do so. He could not fathom the idea of having a family, when even the idea of the two of them becoming friends was still uncertain.
He could never ask that of her. He could not endure the horror that he would inflict upon her, the disgust that she would most certainly feel to have him even touch her. How could he ever force that upon her? No woman would possibly desire to feel the lips of a monster, and he would hate himself for it.
Estella was somewhat frustrated by his secrecy and the way in which he seemed to avoid important matters. How was she ever to trust him, if he would not trust her? How was she to feel comfortable with him, if he would not give her reason to be?
Still, she persisted in her questioning, for she was at a loss as to his character.
"May I ask, if you do not wish these things, then why am I to be your wife? Why not allow me to continue living with my uncle as I have? I do not want your pity!"
"It is not pity that persuades me," he replied. "I could not live with myself with a clear conscience while knowing that you are suffering the same fate that I have been destined to, and I have the power to change it."
How was he destined to the same fate as she? He was wealthy, of far greater rank, and could probably have nearly anything that he desired. What did he know of suffering, that he had not inflicted upon himself with his secrecy and isolation? If he had not sought out the company of others, then certainly he could not expect to be a part of society.
But in her circumstances, she did not have a choice. It was out of the question to think that she could ever live a normal life. She would repulse those around her if seen in public. And while he clearly had something to hide, and there was something beneath his mask, at least he could hide it. Her skin was so noticeable that no amount of powder or clothing could hide the fact from others.
Still, perhaps he did know what it was to suffer at the hands of others. After all, whatever was beneath his mask was probably not desirable, or perhaps he simply wore it to hide his identity; she was not quite certain which.
There was a lot to learn about her soon-to-be-husband, and she only hoped that she could discover his secrets and that they would not be too unpleasant.
"But why?" she asked. "Why change my circumstances when you do not know me; when you owe me nothing?"
"We are both shunned by the society and people around us. Perhaps it is absurd for me to think it, but I was hoping that we could draw comfort from each other's friendship. If we do not have to face our hardships alone, then maybe it would not be as burdensome..."
Estella was both surprised and fearful to hear that he was not welcomed in society, for she could not imagine why. Was it because of his mask, when everything else about him boasted of wealth and finess? Or had he done something terrible and kept a horrendous secret? Was she to endure an even worse fate?
She said nothing more and only nodded her head in acknowledgement before she voiced her desire to return home. It was getting late in the day, and she had much on her mind that she wished to ponder in the safety of her room. If it was only to be her room for a few more days, then she would take pleasure in occupying it during her final moments of remaining unmarried, before she would need to face the uncertainties and fears of her future.
Erik accompanied her to the door and told her that they would not meet until their wedding in a little over two days.
Estella thanked him for his time and for showing her her soon-to-be home before he watched her disappear into the carriage that led her far away from his estate.