Please read the comment at the bottom and leave a review, as I need your opinions on my next chapter.
Ch. 21
Erik was aware of the knocking on his door shortly after his quarrel with Estella, but he had had no desire to answer it. Nevertheless, he certainly was not expecting a letter from her only half an hour or so after her attempt to communicate with him had failed.
He heard the sound of the envelope as it was slipped through the crack in the bottom of his door, and he saw the shadows of her feet move back and forth until they had disappeared. Even then, he did not wish to immediately get up to retrieve her letter, for he was reminded of what had happened, only hours ago.
He had spent the majority of his morning in a bout of depression as he thought of her reaction to realizing that she had kissed him the previous night. Of course he should not have expected her to be elated or even comfortable with the idea of it, but seeing her horrified expression had been more painful than he cared to have discovered.
He would make certain never to place her in such a position again. He would lock himself away for the rest of his days, if need be. Perhaps he really should not have forced her to marry a monster like him, after all; how could he expect the two of them to have the ability to coexist together?
Though she was also excluded from society, it was simply because of the color of her skin, and not some sort of terrible deformity or flaw. She was still capable of having similar interests and desires as anyone else in society, so how could he think that she would ever be able to understand him, let alone tolerate him?
Then he considered the fact that she had been hurt by another man. Perhaps she was only afraid to become affectionate after her experience? He could understand why she would fear him or shy away from the notion of romance.
But he simply could not believe it, himself. Deep inside of himself he knew that it was not the fact that he was a man that had caused her reaction. It was because of him.
He estimated that it was probably nearing five-and-twenty minutes after the letter had been delivered before he had gathered the willpower to pick it up. On the cover, written in scribbled and rushed handwriting, was his name.
"This morning was a terrible misunderstanding, and while I must speak with you about it, I have just received news from my one and only aunt-my dear father's sister-and I must respond immediately.
She has requested that I see her at once, but I am not afforded the time or knowledge to explain much else, except that I will be absent for a few days. I hope that you can forgive my taking leave on such short notice, and I will return as soon as I can."
Erik nearly ripped the piece of paper in half but instead, he threw it away from himself.
She had finally left him. While he had suspected that it would happen all along, he did not think that it would cause him so much grief, and he was infuriated by it.
One small kiss-and not even returned on his part-had been enough to influence her to leave, and he knew that she must have finally realized how foolish she had been to stay for as long as she had.
He closed his eyes tightly and buried his face in his hands as he felt the pain that permeated his chest. He knew that he was destined to be alone.
Erik held the hood of his cloak tightly to his face and clenched his teeth as the icy wind licked his skin. He was grateful when the door was answered and he was received inside by the head butler.
After a few minutes of patiently waiting, he was led to the familiar study in which he had had many discussions before, and there he found John hovering over various papers that had been scattered across his desk.
Once Erik had entered the room, the older man glanced up at him with a frown.
"I cannot pretend to be unaware of the reason for your visit this afternoon," John sighed.
Erik hesitated to approach the seat across from him, and he furrowed his brows at him in confusion.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
John set down his quill and looked frustrated as he sat back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap.
"Although I cannot figure out your reason for marrying her in the first place, I know that you must be regretting your decision by now," he explained.
Though it had been a week since Estella had left, Erik still found that there was a fire within himself that had been stoked by John's comment, and he attempted not to reflect the annoyance that he felt through his expression.
He would not say it aloud, but he was regretting his decision to marry her. Though before the marriage he had thought otherwise, he found that she had proven to be a disturbance in his life that he had not expected.
At first, she had invaded his privacy, much to his displeasure, and it seemed as if the two of them could always find something to quarrel about. And on the rare occasions when they could enjoy what little amount of time that they spent together, he found that he could not free himself from thoughts of her.
All in all, if she was not making his life miserable with her prying curiosity and heated temper, then she was causing him to think of matters that he never wished to revisit.
"If you wish to be rid of her, then I will not say a word about it. Perhaps it was wise of you, after all, to have remained anonymous during these past few years, for you will not have to worry about your reputation. But I cannot say that she is welcome to return, here, and I cannot assist you with where she is to go. I trust that you can handle the matter on your own," he replied.
Erik had no desire to tell John that Estella had left on her own, but even as it was, he found his blood begin to boil from John's words.
Especially if she had not abandoned him, then he would have been infuriated to hear of her being spoken of in such away. But even after what she had done, he found his temper still rising to her defense.
He threw down the papers that he had brought on the desk a bit more forcefully than necessary, though he knew that it would do no damage to them.
"I came to discuss matters of business," he muttered.
John was surprised to see the blueprints strewn out in front of him, as he had not expected them to be done for some time, but he cracked a smile nonetheless.
"What a grand surprise, indeed!" he cheered.
Erik, however, was not humored and wished to be done with discussing the particulars as soon as possible. He wished to stay far away from anything that would even remotely remind him of the wife who had left him, and being inside of the house that she had practically been raised in-the very same house in which he had first met her-would only be a hindrance.
Nearly two hours went by before Erik finally emerged from the room, and as he prepared himself to leave, he had the misfortune of meeting Hattie in the hallway. As soon as he saw her sly smile, he wondered if his week could possibly become worse.
"Mr. Destler, what a pleasant surprise!" she exclaimed.
He noticed how she slowly twisted a lock of hair around her finger as she stared at him.
"I expected you to return, but not so quickly," she admitted.
Erik was supposed to still be on hiatus, but he knew what she had meant-that it was nothing related to his profession that had brought him there, but rather, about his displeasure with Estella.
"I was just leaving," he announced, hoping that he could ignore her without repercussion.
Even as he passed her and was few feet away from the door, he could see the pout on her lips.
If he had not had wealth, then he knew that she would have had no interest in him. But even his fortune had not satiated Estella when it could nearly any other woman, he thought to himself wryly.
Yes, if he would give Hattie even a bit of his money then he was certain that she would do nearly anything for him. But the thought made him sick, for he could never respect a woman who could be purchased.
He knew that she had made some sort of offer to him and insulted her cousin in the process, but he paid no heed to her as he left. After all, she was not a Lady to deserve a proper farewell, or to even be worth listening to.
As he was met with the snow and frost, he inhaled sharply on his way to his carriage. He watched the snow fall from the sky and during the small stretches of barren fields, he could not decipher where the land ended or the clouds began in the horizon.
And the only thought in his mind was wondering what Estella was doing at that moment.
Ten days passed by since Estella had left, and Erik's mood had somehow worsened. Though accustomed to isolation and solitude, he had never felt so lonely in his entire life. The house seemed to be quieter than usual, and the rooms desolate. As absurd a thought as it was, it even felt colder without the fire being lit in her room.
He had attempted to convince Marguerite Thorson that her services as a Lady's Maid were no longer required, and that she could return to the duties of a normal servant if she wished, but she had been reluctant to give up the hope of her Lady returning. He could not understand why she would be so optimistic about the situation when he had faced reality long ago.
He knew that Estella would not be returning, and he did not know which feeling was worse-knowing that she was gone forever, or knowing how he felt about it.
Alright, so before I write the next chapter I would like your opinions. Should I write what happens to Estella during this time, or focus more on Erik's POV with Estella's dealings a small part in the background? Please let me know what you think. Thanks!