Chapter 4: Rage
Sakura knew Shikamaru was talking. His mouth was moving, spitting out words despite the obvious discomfort he was in. But everything he said seemed distorted, warped into something sinister.
"What?" Sakura said dumbly, fear making her heart clench. Her fingers felt stiff, and she fumbled as she worked quickly to stitch up a deep gash across a ninja's chest.
"Naruto is missing," Shikamaru repeated with a wince, blood slowly trailing down his face from a deep cut across his eyebrow. Sakura finished, gently pushing the wounded ninja down into his bed before turning to face Shikamaru.
"Let me get that." Her voice was shaking. She dabbed at his eyebrow with a swab, and he sighed.
"Sakura," he tried again, his voice grim. She finished cleaning the wound.
"You won't need stitches," she assured him, reaching up to bandage it.
"Sakura." Shikamaru's voice was firm, and he stayed Sakura's hand. She bit her lip. Outside of the village walls, pandemonium reigned. Every now and then aftershocks from a large blast rippled through the village. Children wailed. Women cried. Seasoned nin were white-faced and praying under their breath. The northern side of the village had seen the brunt of the attack. The hospital was packed with nin and citizens alike, and Sakura barely had time to think, let alone cry and feel afraid as she attended to burns, puncture wounds, amputations, broken bones, jutsu-inflicted wounds, and death.
"When was he last seen?" She prided herself in the false strength of her voice.
"Sasuke appeared, and Naruto ran off after him. Something happened, we're not sure what, but it's apparent that the two ended up in the bordering forests after the force of a collision. We weren't able to track them immediately. We needed to tend to the battle. Now their whereabouts are uncertain. Madara just retreated, and there is no sign of Sasuke," Shikamaru finished. Sakura swallowed the large lump sitting painfully in her throat.
"Retreated?" she echoed, wondering if she could allow herself, just this once, to crumble and think of the worst.
Shikamaru nodded. "He fell back. We're unsure as to why, but the absence of Sasuke is my guess. I'm thinking he gave Sasuke the task of retrieving Naruto."
Sakura felt sick. Could Madara have fallen back because Sasuke had successfully captured Naruto? Still…
"How could anyone miss a fight between those two?" she wondered, daring to hope. Such a fight was sure to be devastating and obvious for miles around. It was odd. Shikamaru seemed to share her thoughts.
"I was thinking you would want to join the search party." He got the point, and Sakura nodded.
"How is Tsunade taking to the news?"
"Not well. She's furious, but she gave you leave from hospital duty. If we find him and he's gravely injured, it's best to have a medic nin in our ranks, and since Tsunade trained you herself, she trusts you for the job. We all do."
Sakura nodded, looking back at her patients. Shizune appeared around the corner, waving her away. "Go. Lady Tsunade commands it. I will fill your position."
Sakura nodded mutely, hurrying out. They were joined by Shino, Kiba, Ino, and Chouji. Akamaru growled lowly as they exited the village, the smell of blood and burned flesh making Sakura want to gag. Other medic nin and volunteers from the village were helping to remove the bodies and the injured. Once they reached the border of the forest, Kiba leaped off his great white dog, sniffing the air carefully.
"I have already located him." Shino's deep bass informed him. Kiba arched an eyebrow, looking annoyed yet relieved.
"Where and how?" he wanted to know, looking a little put out.
"He is approximately four miles into the forest by now. How did I come to this conclusion? I had scattered my insects prior to battle for long range attacks. Some have hidden away in the forest. With their chakra sensing abilities, I have already gathered from one in particular the approximate location of our friend. His chakra is so immense, my insects buzz with excitement when he is near." He turned to Kiba, eyes hidden behind the glossy black goggles. Kiba nodded, seemingly annoyed but nonetheless relieved.
"Yeah, I would guess it would be a few miles in, because the scent isn't that strong," he grumbled. He climbed back onto Akamaru's back, and Ino giggled a little despite the situation.
"Alright then, let's go." Shikamaru ordered. They bounded forth, seeming to fly through the trees. All the while Sakura's heart thudded painfully against her chest. Her thoughts were riddled with the horrible what-ifs. She wouldn't put it past Sasuke- hell, he had tried to kill her with his own hand once. She blocked the memory, not wanting to relive it.
Sasuke…she bit her lip. No, she shouldn't care about him anymore. It was Naruto who mattered. Naruto. Naruto, who-
"There!" Kiba cried, pointing, and Sakura lost her train of thought. Sure enough, there was the orange and black suit, the tall and tanned blond figure she knew so well, walking through the trees slowly, hands in his pockets.
She wondered when she'd ever felt this relieved, or so grateful to see Naruto's face.
It made her wonder.
Naruto lost sense of time as he walked. Most of the sunlight had disappeared, only strongest of the sun's last rays were visible through the trees, but it was just enough to see. He sniffed, reached up to touch his face. Dried blood ringed his nostrils where Sasuke had struck him. Something ripped inside him at the thought of Sasuke, but he kept walking.
"Naruto!" A familiar voice rang out, choked with relief. He looked, suddenly wishing no one had found him. He would preferred to travel back alone, in silence, with his anger. He smiled weakly.
"We couldn't pinpoint your location during the fight. Sasuke-" Naruto cut off Shikamaru in a flat voice.
"Sasuke is gone." Naruto deadpanned. There was a stunned silence.
"Next time," Shikamaru said quietly, "You shouldn't fight him alone." He sounded defeated, and Naruto winced at the thought that he'd let a friend down.
Shikamaru frowned. "Wait a minute, he didn't try to take you?" He sounded incredulous. Naruto sighed, kicking at a twig on the ground.
"Our fight didn't go as planned," he muttered, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose again. He didn't look his friends in the eye. He stiffened when Sakura approached him, touched his arm. She leaned in slightly.
"There's a cut on your neck," She started to say, reaching up to unzip his collar to get a better look, but he gently swatted her away.
"It's not deep enough to look at," He said. Sakura looked pleadingly to the others, who said nothing. This Naruto was eerily similar to the depressed Naruto they had had to endure when he'd found out that the Leaf had authorized Sasuke's assassination. Something had happened between Naruto and Sasuke, obviously.
"Naruto," Sakura began, falteringly, blinking away the sting of tears. "Naruto, it's not your fault. He's lost to us, he's never going to come back and there's just nothing you can do-"
Naruto made a frustrated sound, interrupting her and walking away from the group for a moment before looking back.
"How do you know he's gone for good?" he growled at her. "How do you know that he's beyond saving, that it's impossible for me to bring him back?"
"What the hell is your problem?" Ino piped up shrilly. "It's not her fault that you've dedicated your life to a lost cause!"
"Ino, hush!" Chouji chastised, trying to placate her by gently touching her shoulder.
"It's true!" she went on, folding her arms across her chest.
"Naruto, she's right. It's not going to get any better. There's no bringing him back." Kiba agreed, not ungently, when Naruto waved them off.
"I said I would fight him, and I will! I said I would bring him back, and I fucking will!" He finished angrily.
Shikamaru shook his head. "If you were going to fight him, why did he get away tonight? Naruto, you and I both know that after tonight you can no longer be entrusted with that task. You're too emotionally involved."
Naruto quieted, trying to smother his anger, but it was difficult. He paced back and forth before continuing, "No one is going to lay a hand on him but me." Ino and Sakura shrank away, Kiba shook his head sadly, and Shikamaru exchanged a knowing look with Chouji.
"That's enough." Shikamaru said quietly. "Naruto, you're sorely missed. We have to head back to the village. You're not safe out here." With that, Shikamaru Nara turned, hands in his pockets, not looking back to see if he was being followed. He was sure he wouldn't have to. Naruto followed, head bent, avoiding the gazes of his peers.
As they neared the village, Naruto's sadness deepened. Debris littered the ground, bodies were still being removed, and a deadly hush had fallen over the village. The cut on his neck began to sting, and his eyes watered suddenly, but he rapidly blinked away the moisture. I should have been here, he thought.
By now, the stars glimmered brightly beneath the dark veil of the night sky, and the moon graced the Earth with only a sliver of her pale face. Night was reigning. He looked to the charred buildings, and wondered what had happened. The back of the village seemed intact, the buildings untouched. He blinked, trying to pay attention, when he realized Shikamaru was talking to him.
"-You're lucky." Shikamaru was saying. "Your apartment building is still standing. Others have not been as fortunate."
Lucky! Ha! Naruto sneered. He was pretty damn lucky alright. His head began to throb dully. He began to anticipate the cool sheets of his bed and a dreamless sleep.
"Tsunade wants to see you," Shikamaru continued as the others dispersed to help out in various parts of the village. Only Sakura and Shikamaru remained. Naruto grunted, following them to the Hokage tower. Shikamaru pushed open the doors for Sakura and Naruto, and followed in last. The building was mostly quiet, save for the sound of scurrying interns, the rustles of paper, and the hushed, excited whispers of a few nin. All stopped when they caught sight of Naruto, but he paid them no mind. They climbed the stairs to Tsunade's office, and he wondered what fury awaited him there. Sakura knocked timidly on the door.
"Enter." An Anbu black-ops guard opened the door for them, staring down at them from his ivory bird mask. Naruto wondered if he meant to look unnerving. Tsunade had her back to them, staring out of her window. She turned, her pink glossed lips pursed, a blue-green vein popping in her forehead from all the stress.
"Naruto," She began in a firm voice. Naruto kept his hands in his pockets, and his eyes averted. Tsunade frowned.
"Look at me." She ordered brusquely. He did.
"You fought Sasuke Uchiha?" She asked. He nodded mutely.
"Then why," Tsunade paused, as if trying to swallow her anger. "Why is he not in our custody?" She demanded. Naruto said nothing. She continued after a short pause, "would you disappear with him knowing the dangers? He could have captured you, and the Nine-Tails is the last demon on Madara's list."
Naruto bit his tongue, opting to say nothing still. He knew she wasn't finished.
"Naruto, did you let him go?" She asked quietly, her eyes boring into him. Naruto gritted his teeth, fighting against his anger. He was right. She hadn't been finished with him. Not yet.
"He disappeared." Naruto said flatly. The vein in Tsunade's forehead seemed to pulse.
"Sasuke Uchiha is wanted world-wide. You would be doing him a kindness bringing him to face justice in the Leaf. Yet you say he disappeared? You're strong, Naruto, stronger than anyone could have ever anticipated. Surely you could have surpassed Uchiha in strength? Naruto! Look at me, dammit!" She was beginning to yell. Naruto looked at her, her golden eyes burning like embers with her anger.
"What the hell were you thinking? You put our security at risk, you put the world's security at risk by fighting him away from our eyes. I'm grateful you're here and alive, but I've seen enough, and I've known this all along, yet I allowed it. I can see now I was wrong. You can't be trusted with the task of bringing Uchiha back to the Leaf. Not in the state our country, our world, is in now. You're too emotionally invested in him-"
"I can fight him!" Naruto objected heatedly.
"I don't give a shit what you think, brat. You had your chance and you let the enemy escape. You were blindsided by your care for him. I'm amazed he didn't take you with him. Your place was at your village, your job was to protect it! Not release a dangerous criminal back into the wild! We needed your strength, and not only did you disappear, you released Sasuke Uchiha!" She was shouting now. She stopped, running a shaking manicured hand through her hair."You could have been caught. It is only out of care for you-"
"Care for me? You're just pissed I didn't bring you Sasuke on a silver platter," Naruto growled. Tsunade's eyes gleamed dangerously.
"Careful, Naruto," she warned.
"Go ahead, bind me to the village, forbid me from chasing after him. I don't fucking care." He turned to leave. The Anbu guard turned to block his path, but Tsunade held up a hand.
"Let him go," she said wearily, blinking away sudden tears. The door slammed loudly behind Naruto, and Sakura jumped. Tsunade looked to the Anbu guard.
"Take a small team and watch him tonight. I'm afraid of him acting rashly." The masked nin nodded at her commands and vanished. Tsunade looked to Sakura and Shikamaru next.
"You two, you're some of Naruto's close friends. He needs good friends to keep him under control during this tumultuous time. Watch over him, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. I didn't want to anger him, but he needs to understand that as a ninja his village comes first." Wearily, she dismissed them, plopping down in her seat.
Sakura kept her composure as she walked out of the office. She even paused long enough to listen to Shikamaru sigh, but after a minute longer, she felt fit to burst.
Sakura flew down the steps, leaving Shikamaru behind with a quick "sorry" and a wave. Bursting through the doors, she ran down the street, searching desperately for a glimpse of Naruto. Finally, she found him walking through an adjacent alleyway.
"Naruto!" She ran after him.
Memories of a time spent together with him what felt like an eternity ago ran through her mind.
Naruto inwardly groaned at the sound of Sakura's voice. He really wanted to be alone at the moment. He turned to face her, and she eyed him with concern before speaking.
"Are…" She paused, "Are you going to be okay?" she finished lamely.
"I'll be fine." Naruto replied, weary. "Go get some sleep, Sakura. You need it." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder then began to turn away. She grabbed his wrist, stopping him. His eyes widened momentarily. She looked at her feet before meeting his gaze, green eyes dark in the moonlight.
"I don't want to be alone tonight."
Heat snaked up Naruto's neck at the implication. He said nothing, only stared as she intertwined her fingers with his.
She opened her mouth to speak. "Naruto-" she started to say, but he cut her off, none too nicely. The next day, he would feel terribly about it.
"Funny," He said suddenly, "After all that time I spent waiting for you. You finally came to me one night. After we had sex, you avoided speaking to me about it for the longest time. Even acted like it hadn't happened. Then finally, an entire month later, you came to confess to me. Of course, you only used our past to try and take my mind off of Sasuke. You used that to your advantage, because you believed I was only after Sasuke because of you. Do you remember what I told you?"
Sakura's hand fell limply from Naruto's, her eyes wide and her face pale as milk. She didn't answer.
"I told you," Naruto continued, "That I hated people who lie to themselves. Don't lie to me, Sakura, not now, and don't think I could use a pity fuck. Didn't it ever occur to you that I know you love Sasuke more than you could ever love me?" He said it roughly, pulling away from her. Sakura stood in the moonlit alley, dumbstruck and still. He didn't look at her face. Naruto was afraid of what he might find there.
"Asshole!" Sakura cried after him, tears streaming down her face. When he didn't turn around at the sound of her agonized voice, the sobs racked her harder. He almost stopped to turn around.
"Naruto!"
He hated hurting her, he really did, but he didn't look back. Today, old wounds had made a habit of ripping open and bleeding fresh. He had never admitted it to her, but Naruto still felt bitter about Sakura. Still felt sore over her seemingly unreturned feelings, had spent nights brooding about it, only to see her the next day and have nothing come of it. He shut his thoughts to it.
He climbed the steps to his apartment, ignoring the fact that he sensed the Anbu guards on his roof. He was too tired to care.
Everything was just as he left it before the battle broke out. A carton of milk that had probably gone bad by now sat next to a half-eaten muffin on the table in the kitchen. His bedroom was littered with clothes, and the sheets on his bed were in a pile in the middle because he rarely ever made it.
He shrugged out of his jumpsuit, and collapsed on the bed, burying his face in the cool side of his pillow. There, alone in the dark, the pain in his heart seemed to swell, burn, and swallow him whole. He clutched at his chest, breathing raggedly. His head throbbed more painfully. He was glad no one was around to see him. From the darkest corners of his mind he thought he could feel the Kyuubi as it paced, or even broken fragments of its angry train of thought:
Should have worked...why...it seemed to lament. Uchiha...murder him next...
Naruto closed his mind to it, and suddenly he was all alone, with nothing but the shadows and the occasional wail or barked order from outside. There had been a few moments in his life he'd ever been able to hear the demon inside of him if he listened close enough without journeying to it himself. It didn't strike him as odd enough to remember.
He didn't know how long he laid there in the dark, listening to the tick tick tick of the clock on his nightstand. Seconds. Minutes. A couple of hours, maybe. The thought of Sasuke still heated the slow-burning rage he was brewing, still rattled him, but finally his eyes were beginning to droop. Before long he couldn't tell the darkness of his room from the black behind his eyelids.
Maybe he'd been dreaming before he woken up. It had only felt like seconds since he'd closed his eyes. Later, he wouldn't be able to remember if he'd dreamed at all. The window in his bedroom slid open with a sigh, and before Naruto had a chance to think about it he had jackknifed upright. He grabbed the kunai he always kept under his pillow, heart pumping so fast he felt sick.
A masked white face stared at him impassively from a darkened corner in his bedroom. The figure, an Anbu guard, had slipped in from the window. He'd hidden his chakra impressively well, and Naruto had only barely detected him as he'd opened the window and slipped inside. Naruto's eyes narrowed. The guard was hiding behind a fox mask. Somehow, this observation made Naruto nervous, his nerves electrified until the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.
"You don't need to watch me sleep," he said slowly, not lowering the kunai. The figure said nothing. Naruto stood, taking on a threatening stance. It was time for this guard to take the hint.
"Get out of my room."
The figure didn't move. Alarm bells were sounding off in Naruto's mind. He gripped the kunai tighter. Then the figure raised his hands, and Naruto had to stop himself from flying forward as a knee-jerk reaction. Slowly, so slowly Naruto could have screamed as he waited, the figure removed the mask.
Naruto dropped the kunai as Sasuke glided forward, and everything seemed to stop, even his heart.
He wanted to ask many things: How did you get past the guard waiting around the apartment? Why? What's going on? Why are you looking at me like that? Why did you come here? What did you do to the guard that belonged to?
But he didn't want to ruin the silence. The tick tick tick of the clock in the background as Sasuke reached for him; the surprised oomph that escaped Naruto's throat when they collided clumsily and so heavily Naruto could feel the rumble of Sasuke's voice in his chest. Their mouths met; the gasps of breath between kisses so ravenous Naruto didn't have time to think, let alone come up for air. The muffled thud of Sasuke's stolen Anbu cloak as it fell to the floor; Sasuke's murmur of "you still taste the same", referring to all those time they'd accidentally (of course) kissed as boys. The rumble of their quiet laughter filling the dark.
He didn't want to ruin the heart-bursting feeling of victory, of euphoria, of thoughts like so this is what it feels like to be close to him that he'd pushed away too often and had felt embarrassed about too many times before.
Then Sasuke lips were on his neck, on his shoulders, trailing back up his neck to his lips, and he stopped thinking somewhere along the way. It was all too surreal, and at one point, he wondered if he had been dreaming.
They fell on the bed, and Naruto had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing too loudly when Sasuke ripped his shirt.
He didn't want to ruin it by holding Sasuke too tight, to keep him from bounding out of his window, never to be seen again except behind enemy lines. He didn't want to ruin it as his hands slid down Sasuke's bare back, fingers kneading skin, by saying "you better still be here after this" or "Don't leave again. Ever". They rolled, and Naruto pinned Sasuke beneath him.
Naruto said nothing at all, only held Sasuke close, pausing when the passion became too much to bear and his hips bucked against Sasuke's.
He'd only done this once before. And with a girl, at that. A sudden, seemingly irrational fear at the thought of intimacy took hold. Before he had time to feel embarrassed, Sasuke smirked, and Naruto bit back a surprised yelp as they flipped.
"Don't think too much," Sasuke whispered in his ear. "Not now." He hissed in a breath through his teeth when their cocks brushed against the other tantalizingly.
Naruto exhaled. He didn't want to let Sasuke go. His thoughts drifted to their earlier fight. How death threats had fallen short, only to give way to a different sort of passion.
"You better still be here in the morning, or I fucking swear, Sasuke, next time -"
He shut up the moment Sasuke gripped him in his palm, sending sparks up his spine. Those sparks gave way to a sharp hiss of pain later as they began to rock in the dark on the pile of sheets in the bed Naruto never made. He kept thinking of Sasuke's hands on his hips, how tightly those fingers were sinking into the crevice of his hip bones and skin.
Sex set his brain, and his ass, on fire. Sasuke was moving too fast, and dammit, it made Naruto grind his teeth and want to punch Sasuke-
But before he could say anything it gave way to more sparks. Warm, tingling, unraveling sensations, and Naruto didn't want it to stop. He buried his face in the pillow. He almost laughed at the awkward thump of the headboard against the wall, but all that came out was a guttural moan. All he could do was grip the pillow tighter.
He lifted his head as Sasuke whispered his name into his back, and Naruto looked at the moon as Sasuke slumped against him, heavy and spent. He remembered thinking it looked so bright.
Sasuke was wrapping arms around his waist, pulling him closer, breathing hard, and Naruto sluggishly felt himself comply. He looked at the moon and wished it would never give way to the sun as he finally succumbed to sleep.
The moon had moved across the sky by the time Sasuke had awoken and perched himself on the bedroom windowsill, hesitating before leaping into the night.
What was he doing here? Why?
The breath caught in his throat when he heard Naruto begin to snore, and an unbidden grin stretched across his lips. He looked over his shoulder, watching the blond flop onto his stomach in his sleep.
This tryst had been a stupid, reckless move that any self-respecting nin would cringe at. The minute Naruto had gotten too close, Sasuke had retreated, old thoughts and feelings resurfacing that he believed he would have rather kept buried and dead.
Sasuke had gone behind enemy lines for this. Risked Madara's rage for this. All for a boy he'd been friends with once. He didn't bother to think that this boy had been someone he would died for instantly. Once.
The minute he'd attacked the guard with the fox mask and put him in a trance by the village border, he'd wondered what his next move would be as he walked into the village, disguised. Getting into the village had been tricky enough, and he'd almost been noticed.
Almost.
He'd waited for most of the evening to pass, posing as a stationed guard outside the apartment before risking it and going in. His thoughts drifted, and he thought of Madara. Naruto twitched in his sleep, and Sasuke knew then.
Madara would have to be eliminated, as he stood in Sasuke's way. It was obvious, the more Sasuke reflected on it, that Madara believed him to be under Susano'o's control, and therefore, easily influenced and manipulated. The thought made him grimace.
Sasuke had the means to kill him. Or, at least, he believed he could with time. His eyes swept over a sleeping Konoha, and briefly, he entertained the thought of walking through its streets once more.
He didn't deem it possible, or even remotely likely. No, the village was forever lost to him. No future lay here. No peaceful one at least. He looked over at Naruto once more, a tight feeling in his chest. it was something ragged and deep, a feeling he'd felt all those years ago stumbling away from an unconscious and bleeding Naruto as he ran into the woods, searching for Orochimaru.
There were things Sasuke knew he'd never be able to give to Naruto. He'd never be able to return to Konoha, would never be able to give Naruto back that old feeling of security and camaraderie from their genin days.
He'd already crossed the lines of camaraderie the instant he'd stolen the Anbu clothing and waited outside Naruto's window, pacing and brooding and at odds with himself, unsure of what he would do or say in Naruto's presence. Or why he needed to be in the blond's presence, anyway.
He watched Naruto sleep, not knowing when (or if, should fate decide to deal him an unlucky hand) they'd meet again. He drank Naruto in. All of him, from the scar Sasuke had kissed on Naruto's chest from their fight at the Valley of the End, to the mole on his right shoulder and how his yellow hair stuck up in the areas Sasuke had mussed it up.
A gust of wind whistled past the rooftops, through the streets, and Sasuke leaped away with it.
Naruto batted at the sunlight warming his face, as if he could swat it away like a fly, but it didn't work and he rolled over. He fought at the sleep still edging in on his thoughts, making him feel sluggish and unaware.
Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he scrambled upright, fighting against the tangle of sheets before realizing he was alone. The clock on his nightstand still rang tick tick tick, and the sheets were as messy as ever, pooling around his legs, but everything had changed.
For a long, long while, Naruto didn't get out of bed. Instead, he sank back down slowly, like an arthritic old man, and rested his head on the pillow Sasuke had slept on.
It still smelled like Sasuke.
Naruto closed his eyes like it would make the tears hanging in the corners go away. He bit his lip and punched his pillow; tossed the sheets from the bed when he couldn't get comfortable and threw the clock against the wall when it didn't stop ticking. But it didn't make the anger go away. He sat up again on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
Someone was knocking on his door. Kiba. Naruto could hear the voice from outside, grating on his ears.
"Oi! Naruto! Wake up!"
Naruto found his jumpsuit on the floor. Dressed and zipped up and looked at himself in the mirror: worn, tired, and red-eyed.
He didn't see the same person he thought he knew.