I'm still hyped up from the "Japanese Day" Festival on May 30th in Düsseldorf. That event takes place every year and it's just awesome. There's nothing like seeing the whole riverbank of the Rhein full of cosplaying people. I got to cosplay and meet other fans and scream around and fangirl and then it all ended with that grandiose fireworks. Really, those small little things we shoot into the sky at New Year's Eve would die in shame if they ever saw those explosions at the end of May 30th. I felt like a little Kimbley, getting all exited over the "BANG"s and the smoke. But that's enough of me going on about stuff. If you want infos on the "Japanese Day" remove the spaces and look here www .japantag-duesseldorf-nrw .de /en /and if you don't you may read the chapter now :D

Thank you for all the reviews!

(I will answer those from the last chapter tomorrow because I should have been asleep for hours by now. I'm so going to die at university tomorrow... XD)

Chapter 33

The Deal For Those You Don't Want To Ditch

"Adopt me."

Roy Mustang's reaction to that was simply hilarious.

At first he just sat in his chair completely frozen, not moving at all for what felt like two minutes. It was like processing Ed's sentence took up so much of his brain capacity that he couldn't even remember to breathe. Finally his mouth opened and closed a few times, like a startled fish that couldn't believe what just swam past it and only then did he gasp for air at last, taking in one hasty breath that nearly had him choking and ended up with a hiccup. Ed wondered if maybe he had given the man a stroke but he wasn't sure if those were the symptoms. Probably not.

Eyes still wide as saucers Mustang continued to silently gape like an idiot for a while longer though, until in the end he finally asked "Come again?" in a voice that was a bit higher in pitch than usual.

Edward wasn't sure if this was a negative reaction or if it was just Mustang being completely startled. He'd fully understand both reactions though. Opening his mouth to repeat what he just said, he faltered though as he realised the gravity of what he was just asking from the colonel. Not to mention he did so without any warning, practically randomly and on a whim.

But was it really just a whim? It might be the wrong moment but it certainly didn't feel like just a whim. It felt like just officially establishing an aspect that had silently made its way into their relationship all along, acknowledging that subtle change that had crept in ever since the colonel told him to get his stuff from the dorm room.

But then just because Ed was finally ready to admit that he had come to see the black haired man as family didn't mean the colonel acknowledged him in the same way. What if for Mustang, if he really wasn't just pretending, all of this was still on the levels of friendship? Would he accept that Ed saw him as something more or would it make everything awkward and ruin it all? Or what if Mustang just wasn't willing to admit any change? What if, unlike Ed, he didn't feel like they'd been through enough to warrant swallowing his pride?

So this time Ed's words were quieter and much shyer. "A-adopt me."

The colonel swallowed, taking a moment to shift his position, body-language signalling that he took this matter seriously. He cleared his throat once, then finally spoke. "Don't-... don't take this the wrong way, that I'm not immediately jumping up to hug you screaming "Yes!" doesn't mean I'm not... kinda... happy, but I-... I don't think I can make that decision right now Ed..." The colonel worried his lip, looking at Ed with unusually insecure eyes. Not receiving an immediate response made him continue. "Damn, I hate talking about this but-... I'm still in turmoil and you probably are too and just how do I know this isn't just your concussion or the aftermath of that nightmare talking? Who the hell would in his right mind want me to-" He stopped abruptly, then released a slow breath, trying to keep his calm. "Just- don't take this wrong but I need some time."

Ed nodded, signalling that needing some time was something he could understand.

Mustang sighed, partly in relief that Ed didn't want an answer right now, partly because of the stress, because now he was charged with making a decision that would have quite the effect on the rest of his life. Edward felt guilty about that. But he couldn't help being a bit selfish for once and just hope.

Because it wasn't like he asked Mustang to be the typical father. Edward would try to not interfere with the man's dream of becoming Führer and he was not going to ask more of him than Mustang already gave. He didn't even plan on calling the bastard 'dad' or something. No, all he really wanted was the knowledge that things would stay as they are, that he would not be left behind some day. He wanted that to be a safe thing.

A nurse came in, interrupting the thoughtful silence in the room. She made to check on Ed and the colonel stood from his chair and moved out of the way. He stretched, working out the kinks that came from sitting too long. Only now did Ed think about that the man probably sat there ever since Ed had his dramatic wakeup, and it gave his optimism a little boost. It would be okay if the colonel was just a grandiose liar. But still, he couldn't crush that little creature called hope.

They were released from the hospital after being checked over one last time and Havoc showed up with one of the military cars to collect them and a likewise released Hawkeye. The colonel and his subordinates talked business until they reached the apartment while Ed looked out of the window, remembering the very first time he'd been in a car on the way to Mustang's apartment. He felt a bit like having a dejavu, once again not knowing what would happen once they arrived at their destination.

But Mustang behaved perfectly normal. Since he didn't have to go back to work until tomorrow he lazily dropped onto the couch, surveying the room with the same disdain he would let the paper towers on his desk feel every morning. It seemed like during the time that Ed had been unresponsive to the world he had let housework slide a bit in favour for looking after his charge. So bossy Mustang did what he always did when the two alchemists needed to look after their living space; he pulled a face, then got out the cleaning supplies and commanded who had to do what.

It was surprisingly easy for them to start yelling friendly insults at each other again while Ed tried to convince Mustang that even with a concussion he could do more than wipe the kitchen table and sweep the wooden living room floor. All it took was a "And I'll dust off the high shelves in the kitchen since you can't reach them," from Mustang and Ed went off in a rant. The colonel laughed and despite his height just having been 'insulted' Edward couldn't help but eventually grin and then join in.

Mustang didn't trust Ed to stick to the doctor's orders to not read so he took Ed to work despite the boy not having to go there, making sure to keep him busy with 'tasks that don't require much concentration'. Edward was sure that if he had to sort another box of red and black paper clips he'd go crazy.

Luckily Havoc and Breda could be just as much of a slacker as their C.O and played cards with him every once in a while. It left Ed with a good stack of money and Breda and Havoc with a healthier living style because the former lost some weight due too losing his lunch money while the latter had made the mistake to bet his cigarette funding and was now sitting there jittery and smokeless. Mustang grinned at his subordinates and decided not to tell them about the aces up Ed's sleeve since it was for their own good.

But despite things being so normal, despite them bickering back and forth over paperwork and paper clips, there still was that ominous cloud hanging above Edward and Mustang. The boy felt it whenever the colonel sat at his small desk in the living room, looking through books and papers that didn't seem to be military, frowning and concentrating with a fierceness that proved he definitely wasn't just working on overdue paperwork. Those instances were short, never more than an hour, mostly only a half, like he didn't want to make Ed nervous, but Ed couldn't help but sit and stare anyway, waiting if maybe now Mustang would tell him his answer. Because he was quite sure Mustang was looking up stuff concerning adoption.

It was after two weeks that Ed looked at the calender and with a fist-bump exclaimed that yes, tomorrow he'd finally be allowed to read again, while Mustang instead of telling him to take it slow leaned back in his chair just staring into nothing for a while. Ed instinctively knew that this was finally the moment when the colonel would tell him he'd made up his mind. So he sat on the living room couch, watching as Mustang propped his feet up on the desk and crossed his arms in front of him, pulling off the incredible feat of looking serious and calmingly casual at the same time. His gaze flickered over for a second out of the corner of his eyes to make sure that he had Ed's attention, then he set on staring at the small map of Amestris pinned at the wall above the desk among other stuff.

"You know, I never planned on having children," he finally said, voice not quite melancholic but something similar.

Ed felt like lowering his head but he resolved into waiting until Mustang was done before he'd give up.

"Not because they're in the way of my career," the man continued, "but simply because I'm a coward." That was said with a bitter edge to it, making it clear the colonel wasn't too happy with himself. "I can't bear the thought of them finding out what being the "Hero of Ishbal" really means, I can't stand the thought of my kids starting to hate me, be disgusted of me, because I held them with hands that are covered in the blood and ashes of other children. I don't want them to know their father has killed hundre-," he winced and corrected himself, "thousands of people." Finally he turned to look at Ed. "And that's why I can't understand your request. Why would you want to be associated with me more than you have to?"

Ed blinked. That was the idiot's main problem? He'd expected a lecture on adoption laws and stuff, not something like this. Smiling ever so slightly he shook his head. "You should learn to practice what you preach," he told the man. "You keep telling me to go on and not look back, yet here you are doing the exact same thing."

"I also told you I'm a hypocrite." A small smirk, then Mustang turned serious again. "Though my looking back is still different from yours, you see, I need to glance over my shoulder every once in a while or I'd forget what I'm fighting for. For me it's a reminder. But for you it's only regret now. The goal you had is gone so looking back to remind yourself why you're marching on doesn't work anymore. But you're so used to looking back you just do it anyway and bring yourself down."

"You might have a point there." Ed defiantly crossed his arms in front of his chest. "But you're still an idiot who only looks at the bad things. Did you ever think about that maybe your kids will accept it because they know you? That I accept it because I know you? I think you punish yourself enough, so why would there be a need for me to do so? You're an annoying bastard but you're still a good person!" He glared at the colonel, unhappy with having to say stuff like that aloud, and finally finished with a, "There you have it, now get over your shit."

Mustang laughed a bit. "Your wording is as elegant as ever," he chuckled. Ed good naturedly rolled his eyes at him. The Flame actually smiled and Ed knew a silent thank you when he saw one. Feeling a bit warmer he snuggled more comfortably into the couch, waiting for what else was yet to come.

"Another point." The colonel finally resumed talking. "You are aware that officially belonging to my family will place you in rising danger while I climb to the top position? It's not uncommon for family members to get into harm's way when political concurrents fight for getting to become Führer."

"I think I can handle that. Knowing you you'll play the idiot womanizer and have them underestimate you until the final moment anyway so we should be relatively out of harms way."

Mustang nodded. "Good to see you know the game," he said with a grin.

"So, any other counter points?" Ed asked.

"You'll have to be transferred to another commanding officer."

"What?! Why?" He stared, not having thought about that.

"Because of the possibility that I might favour you and grant you unfair privileges."

"Like you'd do that, you have far too much fun commanding me around!" Ed huffed.

"That won't make them change the rules. Not to mention they already are a bit pissed because you get special treatment already in some ways. The only reason they didn't interfere already when I started sharing living quarters with an officer much lower in rank than me, meaning you, is because you're a minor and as long as I keep you functioning they will accept that as reason enough for an exception."

"Wait, so once I'm of age I won't be allowed to stay here any longer?!"

Mustang nodded solemnly, then grinned. "Though I don't think you'll still want to live here by then anyway, you'll probably want your own place where I won't get in the way when you bring a girl home and-"

"Mustang!"

The colonel laughed, and Ed huffed, bright red in the face. Though now that he thought about it the colonel was probably right. It wasn't that he wanted this so he could stay in this apartment forever. He wanted this to know that Mustang would always be there for him.

"Hmpf, okay I get this. But shouldn't they see that I won't care about regulations and get on your nerves more than my rank allows anyway? They're stupid."

"They're the top dogs. And usually those laws make sense so no changing them" Mustang shrugged.

Edward hung his head. "I don't want to be transferred," he said. And he meant it. Mustang's team was important to him, he knew he could depend on every single one of them and he'd help them with everything as well, they deserved it, they were good, kind people, his friends. They didn't give up on him. Not to mention they were fun, he had a feeling he'd die in some other chain of command that was so stiff he'd get a court-martial every time he forgot a "sir!"

"Well that leaves two options: You could leave the military... or we just continue as it is. Because I- I can't leave the military, Ed. I'm sorry... but I can't put off my promise to my subordinates, the greater good of the country and the debt I have to the remaining Ishbalans only for one single boy. I'm sorry." He raked his hand through his hair, staring at the map on the wall again before looking at Ed with apologising eyes.

Ed rolled his eyes once again, smiling though. "I'd never ask you to leave the military, moron. I don't want to get in the way of your dreams, I just..." he trailed off.

"You just want to know that I'm not lying, you want things to be safe." Mustang understood anyway.

They sat in thoughtful silence for a while, each one trying to find a solution. Then Mustang took his feet off his desk, the chair falling back down onto all four legs. "Would you mind going into your room for a moment? I need to make a phone call," he asked, picking up the phone on his desk with a questioning expression.

Ed didn't know how to take this but nodded, leaving the living room and sitting down on his bed for the moment. Now fiddling with his bed covers instead of the couch pillow he waited, hearing Mustang talk to someone but not able to make out any words. After what seemed to be quite a while the talking in the living room silenced and Mustang called "Edward, you can come back." So the blond walked back into the living room, finding the colonel rifling through his desk drawers, pulling out empty and written on sheets of paper, a few pens and a pair of ignition gloves. Then he came over to the couch, dumping the materials on the coffee table. Rolling up his sleeves he looked at Ed, black eyes serious. The boy blinked back at him, not quite sure what was to come.

"It's nothing official." Mustang said. "But it's the only thing I can think of to give you some assurance without changing your state in the military. Essentially it's nothing but an equivalent exchange: All of my trust for all of your trust."

"All of your trust?" What was that supposed to mean?

Grabbing pen and paper and starting to write Mustang said: "I want you to trust me to be there for you in the future so I'll put my future into your hands as well. I know your secrets so I'll give you all the dirt on me. And like this if I crumble on my way you know why and can try to help me, just like I'll make sure that you'll keep going on and live your life to the fullest. And if I stray off the path, well then you can put me down, just like I'll make sure that you'll never get lost." He looked down at the pieces of papers in his hands, then fixed Ed with those piercing black eyes. "We'll be on an equal level. What do you say?"

Ed looked at Mustang's hand that had yet to turn the papers to be readable. Would this knowledge assure him as much as a paper that officially said he was Mustang's family?

He swallowed. Then decided.

In the end even an adoption could be made out of ulterior motives, even though that was a grave lie that afforded lots of courage, it was possible. Yet sharing secrets...

You don't share secrets with someone you plan to ditch.

So Edward nodded. "All of my trust for all of yours."

And since Mustang knew that Ed could do his clap alchemy because he had seen Truth the colonel started by explaining that he could do his Flame Alchemy because he had seen Riza Hawkeye's back.

I am aware that this story has reached 300 reviews during the chapter before this one. I wanted to thank you all for this! I never thought it would come this far and you don't know how happy this makes me.

It also makes me even sadder that the next chapter might be the last one because, frankly, apart from an epilogue I don't have anymore ideas and I feel like it's better to end it now than push something half hearted in that would ruin things. Though I really want to thank you for all the support so I will try to think of a little extra to post along!