Chapter Two

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Lily knocked on the door of Connie's office, mascara reapplied and fully composed. To lose control in front of Alicia was appalling enough but for Connie to see she had been crying was a situation too horrible to think about.

'Come in.'

Connie continued to write as Lily slipped inside, desperately trying to look confident. Hands by her sides she felt herself gripping the fabric of her trousers as Connie looked up, measuring the situation calmly.

'So. Lily. Where have you been?'

Lily looked her firmly in the eye, determined to give the Clinical Lead an unflinching apology.

'I am very sorry Mrs Beauchamp. I appear to have fallen asleep in the on call room and missed my alarm. I have no excuses.'

Sighing, Connie looked down at her desk and then back up at Lily raising her eyebrows.

'Thank you for your honesty, Dr Chao,' she said carefully. 'Do you think you are able to get back to work?'

Lily felt almost nauseous from relief and her hands gradually relaxed until they were limply dangling. She was almost certain Connie must be able to hear her anxiety; her body seemed to be rattling with tightly restricted emotion. Focussing on keeping her voice level, Lily looked her directly in the eye and said:

'Mrs Beauchamp I can assure that I am thoroughly capable of working today. There will not be a repeat of my actions this morning.'

Connie nodded, 'Ok. Good.' She picked up her pen and glanced back at her paperwork as Lily to leave before having a sudden and entirely unexpected change of heart. 'Actually Lily, wait.'

Lily turned back to her swallowing hard. She had expected Connie too be furious, if Alicia had slept an hour into her shift she would have been on the phone to her university within minutes. And she, Lily, was a registrar. Her performance this week had been unforgivably poor; God only knew how she would make up for it. But then again, what it matter really matter these days? Her immense drive had stemmed from desperation to impress her father and now that her main focus was gone Lily felt drained, like somebody had run her dry.

'Lily, you've…you've had a tough week. Come on, sit down and we'll have a little chat.'

Looking at Connie Lily hesitated until she got up from behind her desk and came round, pushing her door shut as she gestured towards the couch. Lily took a seat, perching awkwardly on the very edge as the Clinical Lead came and sat down next to her.

'So,' Connie said gently, trying to inject her tone with approachability rather than intimidation, 'what's going on in that head of yours, eh?'

Lily pursed her lips, fear of crying climbing up her throat as she realised that she wasn't getting away. She scratched lightly at the edge of the leather with the hand furthest away from Connie as she forced herself to hold on to her composure.

'Mrs Beauchamp I can assure you that my head is completely clear,' Lily said doggedly, 'I understand that the incident this morning may have left me looking less than reliable but if you let me get back to my shift I can assure you I will be at my best.'

Connie sighed and looked Lily directly in the eye, 'Lily all I'm saying is that sometime we all have to ask for help, even when we don't want to.'

Taking a moment to steady her voice Lily said, 'I do not need to ask for help, I just need to get on with my work.'

Reaching over Connie tentatively rubbed the back of Lily's hand.

'Ok,' she said leaning back as Lily stood to go. 'Fine, Lily. Just…. You know where I am.'