Delusions

At night, the desert transformed from a mercilessly dry, hot hell to a shiver-inducing cold wasteland. Naruto watched Temari and a small team leave the caravan under the cloak of night. He silently fumed. He should be in that group. Sighing, he looked up at the night sky. Stars littered the inky black sea, so numerous in number they looked like glitter. It was truly a beautiful night.

It happened then. It was inevitable of course, especially since he'd thought about it earlier, but it still cut him deeply every time.

Shit.

The pain, sweet and sharp, making his heart ache. Something was missing. Someone was missing. A certain, dark-haired, irritable Uchiha was absent. Naruto bit the inside of his cheek to keep the tears from falling. He quickly blinked them away, recalling memories. Things friends had said. As if Sasuke's death was somehow advantageous to Naruto's development as a person.

Right. Because that made so much sense, and wasn't cruel at all.

You need to grow up.

You're naïve, Naruto. Now you'll know better.

He used you, don't you get it?

Oh yeah. Naruto got it alright. Just rub it in deeper, cut him closer to the bone, while you're at it. Make it even more obvious, more painful. Naruto knew. He didn't want to believe it, but he fucking knew, thanks.

"Damn it," he cursed quietly. He removed his head scarf to run a weary hand over his face. The sadness then gave way to anger. White-hot, blood-curdling rage that made him want to punch something hard. He took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists in tune with his exhales.

What had been the point of loving Sasuke? What was the point of pining after him now?

What was the point?

But gods…Gods damn it all, Naruto missed the bastard more than he had missed anyone in his whole fucking life. Losing Jiraiya sensei had terrible. Painful. The first little while, it was like losing a father he'd actually known. And Naruto still missed him. Still imagined what his sensei would say or do when situations reminded him of Jiraiya, and it always left him with bittersweet memories. Losing Sasuke? He just felt dead inside sometimes.

The baby kicked him hard in the bladder, reminding him that he was still very much alive contrary to his beliefs, and Naruto winced at the odd sensation of being kicked at and feeling like he was going to wet his pants from it. Being kicked in the bladder? Yeah, it wasn't fun.

Little bugger was getting bigger, and its kicks had more strength.

That's Sasuke's spawn for you, kicking where it hurts-or at least, where it's most uncomfortable. The life inside him was growing, it was coming, and Naruto was going to be alone for it.

He'd always been prepared (somewhat) for this. But he'd never imagined Sasuke wouldn't be alive for it. He frowned, suddenly thinking of words from a nightmare.

Will you allow others to die for the one curled in the pit of your belly?

Sometimes, only sometimes, Naruto had to wonder if he was doing the right thing. This child was more than a powerful human weapon; it was just the right precursor needed for civil war to brew amongst the Shinobi Alliances. This child was more or less a political statement. A mine's bigger than yours type of threat with the hidden villages. He might as well be smuggling a weapon of mass destruction inside of him.

Well, that was how they all looked at it, didn't they? This child was bigger than any Jinchuuriki the hidden villages could have ever made, and the general purpose of a Jinchuuriki had been for war. That had been how Sasuke had viewed the baby. A weapon that needed to be destroyed before it could be stolen and activated.

Promise me. You'll forgive me.

Naruto's gut twisted at the mere thought of him

Sasuke…Sasuke….Sasuke…his mind chanted.

He took a breath, thinking, maybe Gaara was right…I was naïve, and what happened could have been avoided if I had done something. Naruto closed his eyes and shook his head at the memory.

Grow up.

Naruto thought he had grown up. He had fought, he had seen death, he had known the bitter burn of hatred; he knew how to be the better man in ways some men still hadn't figured out, even with their age. In those ways, Naruto was a man. He was hardened by the hardship and complicated life he had led, by the duty he served to his country, but in the ways of love…

Well.

He was clueless. He was passionate almost to a fault. A fatal flaw, if you will. He couldn't afford to lose the love he had so carefully cultivated and nourished. Sasuke had become a part of who he was. In that way, Naruto did need to grow up.

Gone were the days of childhood before the Academy, where crushes were simple and consisted of cooties and dandelions and check-yes-or-no love letters. Gone were the days of his and Sasuke's innocent friendship. He may be in love, but love doesn't excuse the reality of a situation. Naruto could love, and love someone damned good, and still be knowledgeable. He could still protect what he thought was right, and he should have, even if meant having to stop the person he loved. He should have known.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Regrets don't change the past. Wallowing in his own mistakes would do nothing but make him feel worse, and more than a little more useless. Sighing deeply, he stood up. Briefly, he thought of Sakura, and her tears.

You're supposed to be stronger than I am when it comes to him, she'd said.

Naruto retreated into himself a little, shaking his head.

"I thought I could be," he whispered, to no one but the wind that raked cold fingers across the barren land and sand dunes. He stared ahead at the tents that awaited him. A mad impulse coursed through him, and he acted upon it before he decided against it. He was being reckless, but he didn't give a damn. He sprouted a clone, gave it orders, and disappeared into his tent faster than a shadow flitting across the ground.

Hooded and dressed normally, Naruto exited the backside of his tent, glancing at his clone, which had engaged some nin with some (lame) jokes. He moved quickly, and before long, he was alone in the desert.

He walked the five miles to Saka. It was an uneventful and boring walk, and it only made the emotional pain within him that much more sharper and acute. He kicked up clouds of sand, finally seeing the town up ahead, and felt relieved.

It didn't take much to get into the town. He was let in easily enough. The police ninja at the gate was tired and bored. He gave Naruto directions to a pub called Dunes in town that he particularly liked.

"If you gotta blow off some steam, there's a good place to do it. Good ale, curvy women, amiable atmosphere, and good ramen."

Naruto perked up instantly at the thought of ramen, seeing as how alcohol could do nothing for him in the state he was in and he hadn't tasted the noodles in weeks. He thanked the nin and wandered into town.

Dunes was a pleasant enough place. Naruto swung open the double doors and was surprised to find the place packed generously, the hum of voices making Naruto feel more comfortable, less noticed. He walked up to the table, and fished money out of his pocket after asking for a bowl of pork ramen.

In a matter of minutes, he was slurping up the salty noodles, and practically swooning over the bowl of comfort food. Nothing like a good bowl of ramen to temporarily dull the pain of a lonely heart! A peal of laughter sounded from his left, and Naruto kept his head bowed, his hood on, as he listened idly to the chit-chat.

"…Shoulda seen the Chief's face!" a man guffawed. Another chuckled deep in his throat, his deep voice carrying over the genial hum of the pub.

"We done good, Huang. We done good. Soon enough, we'll have enough followers to stay out of the shadows. Akira's already recruited a group from the little village adjacent to this."

"Ah yes, Akira. Where's that mopey little fucker, anyway?" The first man growled.

"Still bitter about him, are you?"

"Prick broke my little girl's heart, Norio. Yeah, I'm bitter. I'm a father with a vengeance. When I see that kid I'm gonna drop kick him in the balls-!"

"Easy, Huang, easy." The man called Norio said with a laugh. Naruto was listening intently by now. The manner of the talk suggested that the men were possibly tied in to the resistance group that was rumored to be forming. Naruto slurped his noodles.

So the group was recruiting here in Saka. Naruto may have just stumbled across the leaders (or more recruiters at the very least) and soon, he didn't doubt, the recruiter Akira would walk through the doors, and Naruto was going to get a good look. He would have to report this to Gaara.

Although admitting that he had sneaked off probably wouldn't earn him any brownie points with the Kazekage. Still, he grinned in anticipation, rolling his shoulders. Finally, something to get his mind off his troubles and woes. He hadn't felt like a ninja in months. He slurped up more noodles. Naruto listened intently, feeling his senses sharpen as he heard the unmistakable sound of the doors opening. He hunched over a little more, practically wriggling in his seat, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Gotcha! he thought.

"There's the little fucker now!" Naruto heard Huang say quietly. Akira was directly behind him. Naruto grew still, sensing the looming warmth of the body as it moved to the side of him. He ate some more, looking inconspicuous, but noting the shadow that fell over him.

"What'll it be?" the bartender droned. Naruto watched a hand slap coins down on the table. Still, he didn't look up from his bowl or at the face. Only the hand, with its long fingers, ragged, bitten down nails with a bit of sand stuck underneath.

"A beer," a man's voice drawled, and suddenly every nerve in Naruto's body was on edge. Naruto's heart picked up pace, slamming in his chest. For a moment, for one insane moment, he almost leaped from his seat, expecting to see Sasuke alive and waiting for him. He swallowed his noodles too hard and coughed on them, banging on his chest.

He resisted the urge to whirl around and grab the person behind him by their cloak. The bartender placed a mug of beer on the table, and the body wandered away. Naruto stared into the bowl, his heart racing so quickly he felt sick.

Maybe this had been a bad idea. Was he going crazy? Was he going to be one of those people who saw and heard dead loved ones all the time in strangers?

He stared into his mess of noodles, still coughing, but suddenly, all he could think about was Sasuke. He bit the inside of his cheek. Naruto took a couple deep breaths, closing his eyes.

"Hey, kid, you alright?"

Naruto looked up. The bartender was looking at him through narrowed eyes. Naruto nodded jerkily.

"Fine, old man," he assured with a too-bright smile. The bartender harrumphed and let it be.

Naruto sighed, wondering if he should leave, when the voices picked up again. He composed himself.

Right! Sasuke was gone. He wasn't here in this bar. Naruto needed to get a grip if he was going to get a good look at this group. He listened in again.

"-Heard there was a riot in town today," the voice drawled to his left, directed towards the men Naruto had been listening to. His heart fluttered. Oh gods. That voice. There was something so familiar about it. Low, slightly husky. Naruto couldn't help it. Slowly, he turned, his gaze sliding over to the men sitting in the shadowed corner, slumped over beers.

For a second his heart dropped into his shoes, but then he shook himself.

The young man that had ordered the beer was sitting down at the table, black bangs concealing a handsome face. Naruto watched in apprehension, trying to ward off a foolish hope, waiting for the man to lift his face.

It wasn't Sasuke, Sasuke was dead, but…

Then it happened, the young man looked up, and locked eyes with Naruto. The blond's breath caught. The young man, who had to be Akira, locked dark eyes with his own. Naruto quickly looked away.

Sasuke...? He shook himself, thinking, Get a hold of yourself. But that face! Naruto waited. The seconds that trickled past felt like hours as he waited for the raven haired youth to move, to call out to him.

If Sasuke were here, Sasuke would seek him out. Sasuke would find him.

But no one came looking for Naruto, and he wanted to slap some sense into himself.

He looked back, just once, to convince himself. Akira's dark eyes had lowered and averted their gaze. He continued to speak with the two men beside him, as if nothing unusual or momentous had happened.

Naruto's heart fell.

He'd wanted it to be Sasuke so badly. He needed the young man to be Sasuke. He looked like he could be him, sounded like him, but there had been no recognition in that dark gaze. None at all. Plus, the young man's hair was longer than Sasuke's, and this guy had a dusting of facial hair. Even his face, though it could have been familiar, seemed different. More weathered maybe? A little darker, more rugged. Sasuke had always been clean-shaven. The guy had some sort of vendetta against facial hair.. He would have never allowed himself a coating of stubble like that.

The stranger was still handsome, and still like Sasuke in looks. It was truly beginning to bother him. If only he could get a closer look-

Naruto moved before he thought. Before he knew it, he was passing the table. The talk around the men died instantly, and they looked up at him suspiciously as he walked past.

"Got something to say, blondie?" A gray, tough-as-gristle older man with an eyepatch over his left eye asked in a gravelly voice. He crossed thick, muscled arms across his chest. Naruto looked pointedly at him before sliding his gaze over at the younger man, who scowled. Once again, there was no flicker of recognition. Only genuine curiosity, with a hint of suspicion. He noticed, as heat snaked up his neck from embarrassment (what was he doing? what was he going to say?), that the young man was slowly assessing him with those captivating dark eyes.

So Naruto said nothing, only frowned at them like it had been a mistake, and turned to keep walking, when Sasuke's look-a-like spoke.

"Do I know you?" the stranger asked suddenly. Naruto looked back, trying to ignore the pain. Could it be possible that he was so delusional in his grief that he was beginning to think he could see Sasuke in other people? It made him wonder, and it kind of freaked him out a bit. He blinked owlishly before finding his voice.

"Sorry. I guess I thought…I mistook you for someone else," he muttered. Naruto turned away, but he knew the dark haired young man was still staring at him.

Naruto left as quickly as he could, nearly stumbling over a chair in the process and cursing himself. He could still feel the burning gaze boring a hole in his back as he hurried through the doors, staggering into the night.

Breathing raggedly once outside, Naruto leaned against the wall of the pub, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, and his throat thickening with the sobs he was holding back. He swiped at his face. Dammit. Fucking dammit.

He tried to calm himself.

But…but that person looked like Sasuke! Just like him! With long hair and stubble and a bit of a tan, but still Sasuke! Naruto kicked at the trash can, cursing loudly. He had to face it. He had to come to terms with it.

Sasuke was never coming back.

Akira watched the handsome blond stranger stumble over a chair and make a hasty retreat out of the pub. Huang chuckled.

"Got an admirer, Akira? Kid looked about ready to either piss himself or kiss you when you locked eyes, and here I thought only the ladies fell over themselves for you."

Akira rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Huang. Don't forget that those ladies include your daughter." He hadn't slept with Huang's daughter, only turned down her advances, but no one had to know that. Akira didn't bat an eyelash when Huang rose with such ferocity that his chair skidded back across the floor, causing the locals to look up in alarm. Akira continued to drink from his mug, as if nothing interesting had happened. Norio tried to diffuse the tension.

"Huang. Sit. Down. Now!" the burly blond man hissed. Eye twitching, Huang slowly gathered his chair, set it upright, and sat down, flashing his middle finger at Akira. He smiled grimly.

"Don't roll that way, eh? Could've fooled me, covering your face with that long prissy-ass hair of yours. Must take you most of the morning to get it right." Huang said with a barking laugh. Throwing him a scathing glare, Akira didn't answer, and his thoughts were occupied anyway. He wouldn't admit that something about the blond stranger had set his body on fire, his heart to racing, and that voice…gods that voice…he had heard it somewhere before...

Eyes widening, Akira stood up abruptly. Norio and Huang started.

"What, what is it?" Norio asked.

"Nothing," Akira muttered, walking to the doors. With a purpose, he threw the double doors open, stepping out into the night. He looked around quickly, his heart in his throat. But he saw no one; just an old homeless man singing with gusto as he swung a can of beer over his head. He spotted Akira and grinned toothlessly.

"Looking for someone, eh, boy? Ain't we allllll lookin' fer that lost love of ours?" The dirty, disheveled man called out, throwing his arms up and collapsing backward into his pile of rags in the dirt. Akira turned around, ready to walk back inside. For one moment, for one insane moment, he had thought that voice was the voice that haunted him in his dreams.

Sasuke, the voice whispered.

Akira sighed, rubbing his temples. That voice…it was so similar to the one he dreamed of! He looked around for the young blond man he had seen, but in vain. Where had he gone to so quickly? Disheartened, Akira was about to turn inside, when he sensed a presence. He hesitated, and looked to his left.

A woman was staring at him. An old, ugly woman with so many wrinkles her leathery dark skin looked as gnarled as tree bark. When she said nothing, Akira decided to forget about her perturbing stare and move on, but then the hag spoke.

"Murderer," she said. Akira stopped cold. He turned, glaring at the woman. Why was she looking at him like that? The way she stared at him, as though he were a demon wrought from hell, made him pause.

"Murderer!" she shrieked, falling back, as though a vengeful ghost stood before her. Akira gritted his teeth.

"Senile old bitch," he muttered, annoyed at her antics.

"You're him! You're Sasuke Uchiha!" the hag snarled. Akira froze.

Uchiha?

No. No, it couldn't be. Time seemed to slow.

Who is he? Akira had asked Eiji once.

Not someone you'd want to cross paths with. He's part of the Akatsuki.

The Akatsuki…the ones behind his foster family's murder. He thought of Kaoru's dead eyes. Kanako's sacrifice. Eiji's sad end. Emiko's disappearance, and a bitter rage brewed within him. He felt sick.

No.

No!

He wasn't one of them. The hag was wrong. Fear of who he could be and anger bit into him like shards of glass in his veins.

By now the old woman was screaming, flailing her arms in the street. "Uchiha! Sasuke Uchiha is in Saka! Rally the nin! Call the Chief of Police! Call-"

Akira was about to run forward, silence the old woman with a forceful word or two, but suddenly she stumbled, hand going to her chest. Akira's eyes widened as he saw the blood seep from between her fingers and spread across the front of her dress.

He rushed forward, catching her before she fell heavily to the ground. She gaped up at him, trying to twist weakly away from his hold.

"Rot in hell, you monster!" she gasped out as the light dimmed from her eyes. Akira watched as she died. She tried to claw him in the face, but she had gone still in his arms. Dumbstruck, he stared at the shriveled old woman. He stared at the handle of the dagger embedded in her chest and he almost dropped her, stunned.

What the hell-!?

Before he heard Norio's voice, Akira's body was already preparing to fight.

"Get up. It's time to go. Put her down now." Norio's voice jarred him, and he started. He looked over his shoulder.

"Well? You going to give me my knife, boy?" Norio asked, an edge to his voice. Akira dropped the woman's body, plucked the dagger from her chest and brandished it. Norio chuckled at his antics.

"Gonna kill me, are you? What's with the noble act?" he asked darkly.

Akira was too high on adrenaline to think. "What the fuck is wrong with you? She was just an old woman-!" He tried to keep himself from shouting, his body buzzing.

Norio snorted, like Akira was being ridiculous. "That old bitch was screaming like a banshee. Need I remind you, we aren't exactly welcome? Can't have anyone calling us out now, can we, Sasuke?" Norio asked with a bitter laugh. He was toying with Akira by calling him 'Sasuke', trying to get a rise out of him. Akira blinked, white-hot anger boiling his blood.

He wasn't. No way was he affiliated with the sick fucks who were responsible for killing the Yammagatas!

"I'm not-" he started to spit, but Norio cut him off.

"Forget it, kid. Let's go. Now give me my fucking dagger."

Akira hesitated. Around them, the streets were deserted, and the drunken homeless man was still singing raucously, "Oh, I was pining for my lady love, the sweet and lovely Lin, but she couldn't stand my singing, and stabbed me with a pin!"

"Come, Akira," Norio called. Seething, Akira followed. Norio turned his back to the youth, and they met Huang in an alleyway.

"Oi, boy, you tell me if you ever find that sweetie of yours!" The old drunk man hollered as he watched Akira disappear. Huang eyeballed Akira, but he ignored the look. As they weaved through the alleyways, Akira kept his eyes focused on Norio's toned back, the muscles rippling beneath his shirt as he moved. He was a powerful man, Norio. The old woman's angry chant buzzed in Akira's head like a hornet:

Murderer. Murderer!

Akira imagined plunging a dagger deep into Norio's back. But maybe not powerful enough.

Murderer, indeed.