The slap had stung, not so much because of the force behind it—Bella was a petite woman after all—it stung more due to the fact that she had delivered the blow at all. But, more than the slap, the thing that sent a lance of pain right through his heart was the look on Bella's face.
Bella looked tired and gaunt, as if she hadn't slept well or eaten well since he'd last seen her, but the look in her eyes as she gazed at him, the hurt he saw there, made him feel as if he wanted to die.
Quickly after slapping him, Bella let out a gasp of shock, as if she could not believe in her own action, and her large brown eyes quickly filled with tears. "I'm….I'm s…sorry," she managed to stammer out.
Edward didn't even have a chance to say anything before Rose stepped up and rubbed Bella's back lightly, whispering soothingly, "Shh…it's all right."
Bella covered her face with her shaking hands even as Alice, who had a completely shocked look on her face, looked from Bella to Edward and simply said, "May we come in?"
Edward didn't take his eyes off Bella as he stood to one side, holding the door open. Alice stepped in and Rose led Bella in. Emmett, who was already in the apartment, but who had missed the slap came up to them. "Hey, girls."
He looked at Bella and Edward with concern and hesitated before saying, "Uh, maybe we should let Bella and Edward talk?" Rose pursed her lips a bit, but nodded tersely as Alice looked to Bella and asked quietly, "Your stuff's in the bedroom, right, Bella?"
Bella let her hands fall away from her face and nodded. Rose squeezed her shoulder even as Alice reached out and squeezed one of her hands before they followed Emmett into the bedroom to get Bella's things.
Edward stood there quietly, just looking at Bella, feeling shattered by how hurt and frail she looked. Without looking at him, Bella whispered, "I'm sorry. I've…I've never hit anyone in my life. I…I shouldn't have done that."
"I deserved it and more," Edward responded quietly.
Bella didn't respond at first and just stood there, looking quietly out into the living room. The silence hung like a heavy fog around them for a few more moments before Bella's broken voice finally was heard, and all she said was, "Why?" He knew that she wasn't asking why he thought he deserved more than a slap. He knew she was asking about what had happened with the speech.
At the simple, one word question, Edward groaned and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "I…I don't know what happened…"
Before he could say anymore, Bella interrupted and finally turned to look at him, "How could you do that?" and though the hurt was still evident in her voice, the anger was becoming clearer in her tone.
Edward didn't know what to say. He wanted to deny that he had taken the speech. He wanted to say that it had been Alec who had given the speech to Aro, but in the end, he knew that he was just as guilty for handing the speech to the Senator after he realized what it was. All he could choke out was her name, "Bella…" His hands fell away from his face and his head fell forward as his shoulders slumped, feeling as if the weight of the world was bearing down on him so that he could barely breathe.
He was at a loss for words. He wanted to make sure that he said the right things so that he wouldn't lose her and therefore he was afraid to say anything at all out of fear of saying the wrong thing.
Bella looked at him for a moment and then she stepped forward and reaching up a trembling hand she rested it on his cheek and she moved to peer up at him as he continued to bow his head and she asked again, her voice broken with unshed tears, "How could you?"
Edward closed his eyes tightly as he felt her warm, trembling hand against his face and reaching up he rested his hand over her and turned his head slightly, inhaling the scent of her even as he tried to find the words.
The anger slowly started to overcome the heartbreak that Bella felt and she snatched her hand away. "Tell me! Why did you do it?!"
Edward felt his heart break a little bit more as she pulled her hand away and he looked up at him and choked out, "Bella…I...," he stopped and cleared his throat of the unshed tears that seemed to be lodged there. "I didn't know. I didn't know that Alec had taken the speech when he came over."
"Alec took the speech?" Bella asked as she wrapped her arms around herself. It was apparent that she wanted to believe that he had nothing to do with this, that he hadn't betrayed her. And, it would have been easy enough for Edward to let her believe that and say nothing more, but he knew that he couldn't hold the rest of what happened from her forever.
"Yes, he took the speech and gave it to Aro. He must have taken it when he came over that night," he responded, even as he saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "But, Bella, oh sweetheart, there's more."
Bella's brows drew together as if she didn't understand and she just looked at him in confusion as he continued.
"Right before he went on stage I had the speech in my hands. I…I read it and I knew it was yours." Despite the sharp intake of breath that Bella took at his words he continued, "I could have kept it, stopped the Senator from using it, but I didn't. I was the one that handed it back to him right before he went on stage."
A single tear slid down Bella's cheek after his confession, but she hastily reached up and angrily wiped it away. "I see," she responded, her voice almost cold, void of emotion.
"I don't know why I did it," Edward said in an anguished tone as he took a step towards her, reaching out to her even as she took a step back, trying to avoid his touch. "I know I shouldn't have. I just…I handed it over and I felt sick doing it…"
Before he could say anything else, Bella interrupted him, "But, you did it anyway."
Edward let his hand fall, no longer reaching towards her, but his eyes never left hers. Both their gazes reflected the betrayal that he had committed; hers showed hurt, his showed regret.
"I would do things different if I could," he said quietly.
"How can I trust you again, Edward?" was all she said in response.
Bella wanted to cry, she wanted to burst into tears. He hadn't explained why he had done what he'd done, and frankly it didn't seem like he could, but the fact that he had done it made her feel as if he had taken the already fractured pieces of her heart and shattered them into tiny pieces of powder. She wanted to scream. She wanted to sob.
She did none of those things.
Instead, she took a deep, shaky breath as if steeling her resolve for what she had to say and what she had to do.
"How can I make this better?" Edward asked in an anguished voice.
"You can't," she said softly, "You can't make this better, Edward."
A sob escaped the back of Edward's throat as he lunged forward and snatched her close, pulling her into his arms in a tight embrace. "Don't…don't say that," he choked out between the tears that were starting to course down his face.
Bella's whole body began to shake and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to soothe him and let him comfort her in return and take away all the hurt they were both feeling, but things weren't that easy.
"Please, Bella, we can fix this. I know we can," he cried softly into her ear.
She had to force herself to stop from putting her arms around him as he continued to cling to her, but to stop herself from doing so, she clenched her hands into fists at his side and just shook her head slightly.
"Please," he continued as he felt her negative response to his words. "Please. I love you."
Instead of having the effect that he had hoped she yanked herself away from his embrace and looked at him, her eyes reflecting anger. "You love me?" she replied, anger apparent in her voice. "You pick now to be the first time to tell me you love me?"
Edward looked shocked by her reaction. "Bella…"
She didn't let him continue. "Did you think that that would make it all better?" Tears were now openly streaming down her face. "Did you think that saying you loved me would change what you did?" her voice was loud enough that their three friends in the bedroom stopped the last of the packing to look at each other, Emmett wondering out loud if he should go out there.
"If you loved me you wouldn't have done what you did!" she screamed, "I wouldn't be worried about my career, about the candidacy of a man I happen to care for! A man who could do good for this country unlike that lowlife scum that you work for!"
As the screaming continued, Emmett, Alice, and Rose came out of the bedroom, the first two's faces filled with concern while the latter's was etched in anger.
"He wouldn't have been forced to send me away!" Bella continued. She stopped screaming then and visibly tried to swallow back the sobs that were caught at the back of her throat.
Edward just stared at her, not knowing what to say.
"No, you don't love me, Edward Masen. All you care about is yourself," she ended softly then made a sound that was a cross between a sob and a whimper. With that Alice rushed forward and wrapped her arms against Bella, effectively blocking Edward from getting anywhere near her even as Rose spoke to Emmett without taking her glare off of Edward. "I think it's time for us to go." Emmett seemed hesitant, but he nodded and came back out from the bedroom after hastily closing up the luggage containing Bella's things.
Alice continued to hold Bella in her arms, trying to calm down her almost hysterical friend. It was as if the flood gates had finally opened and Bella was letting all her pent up emotions out.
Edward wanted nothing more than to grab Bella from Alice and soothe her himself, but he figured at this point that would probably make things worse rather than better. Emmett came out of the bedroom and looking around uncomfortably for a moment he said, "I'll take this downstairs."
Rose nodded and moved to follow him even as Alice began to lead Bella out of the apartment, whispering softly, "C'mon, Bella."
As they walked out Edward whispered, "I wasn't just saying it, Bella. I really do love you."
Bella halted as she was being led out and she looked at him and said, "I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse, Edward. If you really do love me and you were capable of this…," she stifled a sob. "What kind of man are you?"
Alice frowned in Edward's direction even as Bella seemed to collapse against her in another bout of tears and then she led Bella out right before Rose slammed the door as she walked out after them.
Yes, I know it's been forever. I really am sorry. I do want to continue and finish this story. The good news is that I'm now settled in my new house and my teaching schedule seems lighter this semester so I should be able to write on a more regular basis!
I know this chapter was a complete bummer! Please remember that I do believe in HEAs.
Please remember the 3 Rs = Read, Review, & Recommend.