What kind of a man are you?
What kind of a man are you?
The words just kept echoing in his head, like a hammer pounding out against his skull.
Ever since Bella had said those words he couldn't stop thinking about them. Since she had walked out the door the day before he hadn't answered his phone or checked his messages, instead, he sat there, staring into space as he repeated those words over and over again in his mind.
"What kind of man am I?" he thought.
The truth of the matter was that the more he pondered on the question, the more that he didn't like what he saw.
He had originally taken his job with Aro because despite the fact that he loved politics, he hadn't wanted to work with someone that reminded him of his father, and there was no doubt that Senator Aro Volturi was practically the complete opposite of who Edward Masen Sr. had been. When he had graduated and been offered jobs in politics left and right, he knew that most of the jobs were being offered for one of two reasons: Some politicians wanted him because they were friends of his fathers; others wanted him because they wanted to be associated with that magical political dynasty that was the Masen clan. In the end he didn't want to work too closely with anyone that had been close to his father or was too much like him. It had been too hard. At the time he felt that by taking a job with someone like his father or with someone that had been closely associated with him, would have been a betrayal to his father's memory, as if he were trying to replace him.
So, instead he had chosen to work for a man that was nothing like his father. His father had been in politics because of his love of government and his belief that the system was there to help the people. He had wanted to make this a great country and that, more than family legacy, was the reason he had sought public office.
Senator Aro Volturi was a completely different man. He was a man who sought office in a quest for power. His need for it was like an unquenchable thirst that could not be sated. He had no interest in helping people unless he could get something in return for it.
He had known this when he had started working for Aro, but he figured that the Senator was the type of man that was going to be in a seat of power no matter what and that by taking a position as his chief of staff he could still follow his own ideals and steer Aro in a good direction in the process.
He had been wrong and nothing showed that more than this incident with Bella.
No, he didn't like the type of man that he had become. Rather than influencing Senator Volturi and steering him towards good, he had been the one led astray. While he still honestly couldn't say why he had bowed to pressure and handed over the speech, he figured that part of him was just too worried about what the consequences would be for his career. He just hadn't thought about how he would lose Bella in the process. If he had, he would have happily let his career go to hell in a hand basket.
But, now he had a career…but he had no Bella.
The phone started ringing again, but it stopped after a few rings, going to voicemail. Then there was a knock on the door.
"Edward!" Emmett's voice boomed along with the pounding that rattled the heavy door on its hinges. "Edward, open the damn door!"
For a moment Edward considered not moving from his place slumped on a chair in the living room.
"Edward! I'm a fucking ex-Navy S.E.A.L., open the door or I find a way to get in there anyway and I can guarantee it won't be pretty!"
Edward took a deep breath and moved to get up knowing that Emmett wasn't bluffing. He unlocked the door and opened it a bit before he headed back to his seat. Emmett came in, closed the door behind him, and locked up.
"You look like shit," Emmett said with an arched brow.
Edward shrugged and stayed slumped in his seat letting his head fall back against the chair he was in as he closed his eyes.
"Senator Volturi called me," Emmett said as he moved to sit on the couch adjacent to where Edward was sitting.
Edward just shrugged again.
"Said you hadn't come into the office today or even called in," Emmett continued. "Also, asked why I hadn't come in or called. Apparently he hadn't heard about my resignation. Can't say that he was too pleased."
Edward didn't acknowledge any of what Emmett had to say and just sat there with his eyes closed.
Emmett sighed and watched his friend, a man he considered a brother and shook his head. "You have to figure out what you're going to do, Edward."
Edward opened his eyes and looked at Emmett for a moment before speaking quietly, his voice hoarse, "What can I do, Em? She's gone."
Emmett frowned. "Well, for starters you can stop being a pansy ass and figure out what you're going to do to get her back."
Edward seemed to get angry at his words, stood up, and started to pace in front of the couch were Emmett was sitting. "Get her back! Do you think that's even possible after what I did? I broke us, Emmett. I broke her! She'll never forgive me for what I've done and the sad truth is that I hate myself for doing it! I can't forgive myself! It's the worst thing I've ever done in my life! I've destroyed the best thing that's ever happened to me! For what!? For who!?" His voice was growing louder and louder with each word that came out his mouth till his screams were bouncing off the walls.
He ran his hands through his hair and then grabbed fistfuls of his locks as if he wanted to yank his hair out as he heard Bella's words in his mind again: What kind of man are you?
He shut his eyes tightly again and made a sound like a wounded animal. "What do I do? Just tell me what you think I should do to make this better."
Emmett let Edward rant and rave, figuring his friend needed to let it out. At Edward's question he frowned, "I can't tell you what to do, Edward. That's a decision you have to make for yourself." In fact, Emmett had some ideas about steps Edward should take, including resigning as Senator Volturi's chief of staff, but he also knew that Edward had to come to that conclusion on his own.
Edward visibly swallowed and nodded at Emmett's words.
"I also spoke to Senator Cullen," Emmett said after a bit of silence.
This obviously took Edward off guard. "You did?"
Emmett nodded and continued, "He called me late this morning."
"He called you?" Edward said, moving to sit down again, "Why?"
"He wanted to see if you were all right actually," Emmett said, watching Edward closely. "He also heard I might be looking for a new job."
"He offered you a job?" Edward asked.
"Yes," was all Emmett said, not adding whether or not he planned to take it or what the job was.
Edward just blinked a bit. "That's…that's good news. Congratulations."
"He'd like for you to call him," Emmett responded. "He really did seemed concerned and wanted to make sure you're all right."
Edward felt shamed by Carlisle's concern after what he'd done to him.
"You should give him a call," Emmett continued.
Edward nodded a bit as he sat quietly and then he said, "Yeah, I think I'll do that, but there's another call I have to make first."