A/N: Hello! I'm posting this story because I have it ongoing on Wattpad but would like to expand my readership so I decided to put it up here as well! I hope you like it :)
Trigger warnings: Self harm; mentions of suicide; depression; bullying; eating disorders; sex; and sexual violence. Oh and high school.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.
It's a Jungle Out There
Chapter One
First things first, I did not try to kill myself.
I know how it looked, I know how people thought that it looked, but if you understood the circumstances then you'd realize that it all really was just a misunderstanding. A great, big, steaming pile of misunderstanding.
I'll back up a little, to the day before the alleged 'suicide'. It started off as any day does, in Registration Class listening to Mrs. Trinket ramble on and on about the student targets for the day. Every day it's something new. Tidy uniform; get to class on time; respect teachers; no fighting, etc. It's basically just regurgitating the school rules, as if we'd forget what they are.
"And that's why it's important to understand why homework is given, and why it should be handed in on time . . ." Three missed homework's equaled an after school detention, however I never worried about this. To keep up my Grade A average I have never missed a homework. If I want to be accepted into college then I need to keep my grades up. However, I am still teetering precariously on the edge of falling into my third missed homework. All for the one subject: math. Why was math even necessary? I can add, subtract, multiply and divide, isn't that enough?
Glimmer leans over the space between our desks and whispers, "Are you getting any of this?"
"Not a word," I whisper back.
"I suppose it's just as well," Glimmer replies. Her golden hair slips over her shoulders and shielded her face, hiding the fact that she was talking from Mrs. Trinket "Besides, no one listening to Trinket except the nerds."
I snorted. "True."
A paper airplane clips the side of my ear. I yelp in surprise and glance at Mrs. Trinket, who was too busy outlining how homework shapes the successors of tomorrow to notice. I lean over and picked it up of the floor where it landed, unfolding the paper carefully so it doesn't rustle or crinkle too loudly.
U cumin' 2 cheerleading after skul?
~Clove
I close the paper up in my fist and drop my hand below my seat so Clove can see it a few seats behind. I give her a thumbs up, keeping my eyes locked on Mrs. Trinket so she doesn't suspect anything. Her passionate rant was reaching its end, the signs evident by the fact that she was slowly making her way back to her desk to call the role. Most classes have the ten minutes of registration class to chat and catch up. Not us, oh no, not us. We're forced to listen to the daily pile of Horse Shit, supplied by the mouth of Mrs. Trinket. Homework shapes the successors of tomorrow? Please.
"Katniss?"
"Here!" I call. The role call is completely tedious to listen to. I wish we had one of those electronic registers. It would make everything so much simpler. The District is so behind when it comes to technology. The Capitol Grammar School uses ipads instead of books. Ipads! Why can't we have ipads? Oh wait, that's right, Principal Snow spend last year's school fees on curtains for the stage. Curtains. They weren't even the right bloody colour!
The bell drives through my ears like the screech of a banshee. There isn't relief in release as once I have pushed away from my desk, I remember that today is double math in the morning day. I groan and smack my forehead with the heel of my head. What is it we're even doing now? Algebra? Wait, or is it that Pythagoras stuff?
"It's Trig, Katniss, we're doing Trig," Clove snickers. I lean against the locker beside hers, waiting for her to retrieve her books from inside. My own math textbook is clutched in my arms, weighing at least a ton. There are over 500 pages in the damn things. How could there be so much for just one subject? An infinite amount of numbers? More like an infinite amount of pages!
"Trig? Is that the triangle stuff?" I ask.
"Nope, that's Pythagoras," Glimmer grins.
"Oh man, that's not a good sign," Clove laughs.
She's right. It isn't. Oh well, I don't need math where I'm going. All I need is to pass most of my other subjects to get into College and then focus all my attention on becoming an actress. Or a singer. I haven't decided yet. One thing's for sure, it's going to be big.
Gale Hawthorne passes us and I straighten up. He's with the usual suspects; the rest of the football team. He smiles at me and my insides heat up in excitement. I return it, maybe a little too enthusiastically, and brush the stray hairs back away from my face. When he's completely passed, Glimmer and Clove squeal.
"Oh my god, he was totally checking you out!" Glimmer gushes.
"You think so?" I reply, staring after Gale in longing. Gale and I have been exchanging looks and signals ever since school began in fall.
"Mmm-hmm," Clove confirms. "You lucky duck."
"He's soooooo hot!" Glimmer sighs, twiddling her hair while staring after the football team, like every other student in the hall. District High practically worships the ground the football team walks on and I don't blame them. They're Gods among humans, that's all there is to it. I'm blessed to be deemed worthy enough to cheer for them.
"You think he'll ask me to Prom?" I ask.
"He'd be an idiot not too!" Glimmer laughs.
I flick my braid over my shoulder and grin. "I know," I say. "Let's just hope he realizes that too." The second bell rings and dread fills me like a disease. "Well, it's time to enter the gates of hell."
"May God have mercy on us," Clove sighs, slamming her locker shut with a flourish. "We're going to need it."
~IAJOT~
"Katniss, you're failing Math."
I snort. This isn't fair. I've done my time, I should be released out into the glorious arms of break. Why is Mr. Abernathy wasting his time telling me things I already know? "Tell me something I don't know," I say.
Mr. Abernathy leans back in his chair and takes a drink from his metal flask. It's no secret that there's Vodka in there but no one would dare point it out. Especially since the school's grade average for math has soared to 95% A*-C ever since Mr. Abernathy started teaching the subject. "I don't think you fully appreciate how dire an issue this is," he says.
"Dire? It's Math," I say flatly. "I won't be needing it anyway."
Mr. Abernathy narrows his eyes. "Katniss, you do realize that most schools won't accept you if you have an F in Math? Unless, of course, you're willing to re-sit it in College, which would require learning the whole course all over again."
"What?! You're not serious!" I exclaim.
"I'm always serious, Katniss."
"But . . . but that's . . . that's . . . what?!"
"Math is an essential topic, just like English and Science," says Mr. Abernathy. "If you don't pass this exam in June then you'll most definitely have to take the course again in College."
"That's not fair!" I know how childish this sounds but it's the only thought that comes into my head. Besides, I think I deserve to be petulant. Why couldn't someone have informed me of this earlier in the year? So, you know, I had more time to prepare. "I can't pass! My chances of passing are as common as pink Ostriches flying to the moon!"
Mr. Abernathy chuckles at this and I scowl. The bastard is finding this amusing! "I know it may seem impossible, Katniss, but if you put in a little extra work, maybe get a tutor"-
"I can't afford a tutor," I scoff. "My allowance is already taken with more important matters. Like my new cheerleading uniform."
"There's a school tutoring program. No charge. I can assign someone to you," Mr. Abernathy explains.
"One of those nerds? No thanks." I think of the outcasts who sit at the table by the bins in the canteen at lunch. Those losers wouldn't know what it takes to be cool if the whole cheerleading squad and the football team sat down with them and gave them a crash course in it. I wasn't going to be seen with one of them.
"Do you want to pass, Katniss?"
"Obviously," I mutter.
"Then I'll assign you a tutor." Mr. Abernathy pulls a sheet out of his desk drawer and scans it with squinted eyes. "There's only one tutor in the field of math."
"Let me guess, someone from Loser's End?" I deadpan.
Ignoring the comment, Mr. Abernathy signs my name beside said Geek's name. I snatch the paper off him and stare at it. All the nerds are on this list.
Johanna Mason: Physics.
Annie Cresta: English Literature.
Finch Hannigan: Biology.
Then there's my name. Beside Math.
Oh my God.
~IAJOT~
"Peeta Mellark?!" Glimmer exclaims. "As in fatboy Mellark?!"
"The very one." I groan and throw my head into my arms. My lunch sits on the table, isolated and uneaten. The last thing on my mind right now is eating. "I can't believe this. I can't bloody believe this. I should just quit now, while I'm ahead, focus on my music or something."
"I can't believe you have to be tutored by fatboy Mellark," Clove says. I lift my head and shoot a scowl at Loser's End, where all the nerds sit eating their packed lunches. Fatboy isn't there, probably in the queue for his lunch. He always buys his lunch, greedy bastard.
Okay, I'll admit, Mellark isn't fat. He used to be fat, that's the point. Back in third grade he ate too many cupcakes or whatever and was a tubby blob with pink cheeks and yellow hair. However, the summer before Junior year he lost a ton of weight and came in looking like a completely different person. I think it took a week for anyone to actually realize who he was. The nickname of 'fatboy' just sort of stuck, I suppose.
Mellark is actually quite attractive. When he lost the weight, he had the option between flaunting it and staying in the shadows with his geeky friends. He chose his friends. I suppose this is viewed as noble or whatever but I don't see it. I think it was stupid. Now he's forever branded a nerd. He wears these thick rimmed black glasses and everything. Once a nerd, always a nerd, I suppose.
"Try and look on the bright side. Mellark passed his Math exams with the highest grades in the country," Glimmer says, trying to be helpful. "He's probably going to pass these final ones too. And you will too."
"He has to sign this," I say, pulling the permission slip out of my jeans pocket and slapping it on the table. "Can you believe it? I actually have to approach him. Everyone's going to see me with him!"
"I'll admit, it will dent your rep," Clove agreed. "But you can't fail Math. Not now when we're so close to ditching it for good."
I know she's right. They're both right.
Mellark appears and sits with his friends, completely nonplussed to the knowledge that he must perform a miracle and help me pass Math. I might as well get it over with now, since everyone is going to see me with him anyway so if I make it clear what the parameters of the encounters are in front of everyone now then they will understand that the interaction is not my choice.
I get up and reluctantly make my way over to Loser's end. I can already feel eyes on me, people wondering why I am going towards these geeks. Maybe they think a brawl is coming. By the time I stand by their table, you could hear a pin drop it's that quiet.
Johanna is the first to see me. The thing about Johanna is that she has bi-polar and can't control her emotions. If I were to bet that anyone would defend the others, it would be her. "What do you want, Princess?" she sneers at me.
"From you? Nothing," I say sourly. I turn to Mellark and wave the slip under his nose. "You have to sign this."
Mellark takes the slip and lifts his glasses to read what's on it. Johanna smoulders at me and I give her a dirty look in return. "You want me to tutor you?" He looks at me incredulously, letting his glasses fall back onto his nose.
"I don't want you to, I'm being forced," I say, making this clear.
"Don't do it Peeta, let her flunk," Johanna hisses.
"Will you shut up, Mason?" I snap.
"Mr. Abernathy's signature is on this," Mellark sighs. "No choice, tragically."
What's his problem? He should be honoured to be given the opportunity to spend time with me. It might do him a favour, boost his own rep a little. Although, judging by the huge Algebra book and the notepad sitting beside his lunch, this is unlikely. "Can you just sign it already?" I ask in exasperation.
Mellark reluctantly signs his name onto the slip. "Meet me in the library after school," he says.
"After school? I can't. I've got cheerleading."
Johanna snorts and the other two girls snicker.
Mellark's blue eyes burn into me as he tries to decipher whether I'm being serious or not. "Do you want to pass?"
"Duh." I roll my eyes. "How about tomorrow?"
Mellark mirrors my sarcastic action by rolling his eyes. "Whatever."
Anger fills me up and I grind my teeth together. "Might want to ease off the fries, I'm already seeing the flab again." I spin on my heel and march away.
"Bitch!" Johanna yells after me. Her anger makes me smile. I half expect her to come after me but she doesn't. She must know that Clove would be on her like a ton of bricks if she did.
Urgh, I'm already tired of this and it hasn't even started.
A/N: I know Katniss is a little hard to swallow right now but trust me, she's about to go on a very long journey. Just like my other Everlark story, I can't guarantee regular updates but I'll do my best.
I have already posted up to chapter five for this on my Wattpad account so if anyone is interested you can look me up. My name is the same as the one for this account and my profile picture is of Jennifer Lawrence/Katniss.
Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts :)