A/N: I never expected to invest so much time on this fic. It was supposed to be something for me to keep up with my writing so it would help me go back to continuing my other stuff. I wasn't expecting it to turn into a 15k+ word fic I mean wow.
un-beta'd
He leaves.
He leaves to protect them.
He leaves Marcus and Jimmy and everything he calls home.
He leaves because Asgard will come searching for him.
Even now he senses Heimdall's golden gaze as he moves through the cosmos. He knows the only reason the gate keeper had finally noticed him was due to the influx of magic he used to help Marcus. He doesn't regret it though. His discovery was bound to happen sooner or later.
It's exhausting to travel in the in-between with his small pool of magic but he continues. He gathers his courage to face his past and if they allow him to live, well, he's not sure what he'll do yet. He sways when he lands awkwardly on the Bifrost. He gasps for air as exhaustion finally settles over his ragged frame. A flick of his hand has the doorway behind him close with a loud thud. When he straightens he takes off the mask of Tom. The residents of Asgard would probably find it insulting saying he's trying to mimic Thor. He hesitates because he's not Tom but he isn't Loki.
Not really.
That Loki split apart when he let himself fall. The stronger half of Loki that roamed this universe met his end on Svartalfheim.
He knows because he felt the surge of power and bits of memories whip through him not long after he fell into the other universe. The distance between the worlds had deadened the bond and had been the only reason he did not follow his other half to his death.
He takes a deep breath letting his skin turn indigo as the ice in his veins moves freely. He'll go to Asgard not as Tom the human or Loki of Asgard but Loki the Jotun.
Loki isn't surprised at the level of disbelief and hostility he receives from the citizens when he enters the city. He is, after all, wearing the skin of Asgard's worst enemy. It's only a matter of time before a group of soldiers stop him. He expects it but it doesn't make it any less humiliating. After he's cuffed they continue to the palace at a slower pace.
He doesn't flinch when several warriors draw their weapons at him. He tries not to feel upset at the whispers and hisses sent in his direction. It's difficult, however, after trying to embrace his emotions as Tom but he shuts them out like when he was whole. He can't allow himself to show weakness. Asgard would have destroyed him a long time ago if he had.
Loki grinds his teeth when he's jerked through the streets like some mindless beast. He doesn't keep the scowl off of his face when he's forced to kneel before the throne. This isn't his kingdom or his home. He shouldn't have to suffer kneeling before someone who has no power over him.
Not like before.
Odin frowns, "You are not Loki."
The court whispers in confusion before the yelling begins.
"Of course it's Loki", they scream, "He's a traitor!"
The echoing thump of Gungnir against the floor silences their screeching.
"You are only a fragment of Loki."
That only brings a new wave of cries.
"He tore his soul!"
"It is forbidden!"
Loki grimaces as the crowd becomes wild. Soldiers step forward to keep citizens and warriors back in case they become bold enough to attack him.
"You are correct I am not Loki," he says, almost shouting as he stands, "I am unsure of how-"
The sound of the throne room doors slamming open cuts him off and the crowd startles. Thor enters, his face angry and hammer gripped tightly as he approaches. Loki can't help hunch in on himself and looks away to avoid eye contact.
"What is the meaning of this?"
Loki winces at the harsh tone. He gulps at the way Thor points his hammer at him. He hopes he won't die of a crushed skull.
"Is this a trick from Jotunheim? They believe they can send a spy with the face of my deceased brother into Asgard? I will not stand for this ridicule!"
Gungnir crackles with barely restrained energy when Odin glowers. The mass steps back feeling their king's power thrum angrily through the air.
"This is no trick, Thor. Loki was torn when he fell from Bifrost," he says, stepping down from the dais, "He is the only remaining piece of the second prince of Asgard."
::O:O:O::
He's not sure what to do.
Loki rubs his wrists and neck now that the chains are removed. He had thought he would be executed or imprisoned but instead he's free.
Somewhat.
It's overwhelming being in his old room. He walks through his chambers trying to drink in the sight of his old belongings. It's almost too much to bear as he stares at everything left untouched. He runs his fingers over the spines of his well-kept books before heading towards a window leading out into a balcony.
'They are not mine,' his mind whispers.
He tries to imagine what his other half, the twisted version of himself, was like in captivity. Was he vicious and full of insanity until his last breath? Was he still loved by his once family even after all his crimes?
Loki frowns when he thinks of his Asgardian family. He wonders about Frigga. She wasn't in the throne room and there haven't been any visits. He feels a memory of grief hook itself in his mind and he staggers. He shakes himself to pull himself away from the remaining feelings of the dead Loki. He struggles through the lingering ghost of memories from his other half only to bury them deep in his mind. He's on the floor shaking as he builds walls to separate everything. The barriers feel brittle and it tempts him to break them down. He's afraid he'll lose his mind if he strays too close to the memories of his other half.
::O:O:O::
"Thor, do not let your love for your brother cloud your judgment."
Thor paces in front of Loki's room in order for his anger to settle. He does not like the way his friends keep warning him about Loki. It bothers him to see their eyes fill with distrust and revulsion. This Loki is different. He knows there is goodness and redemption within this man.
"Do not let your hatred for my brother cloud yours, Sif."
He's not even sure if he can face Loki. Last time, Loki was dying in his arms asking for forgiveness and he was powerless to save him. Thor runs a hand through his braided hair wondering what he should do. He wishes his mother was still alive. She would know what to do and how to mend their broken family.
Thor straightens to give two loud knocks only pausing briefly feeling uncertain of whether or not he would be welcome. It's too late to run away because the door opens and Thor recoils slightly at the sight of red eyes. Loki looks away trying his best to blend in to the door.
"Loki, may I enter?"
He cringes at his words because that's not what he wanted to say. He wants to hug Loki and ask him if he's well and why he didn't return if he was alive and why his skin-
"-like some tea?"
Thor blinks as he steps inside, "Ah, no, thank you."
Thor wonders what he should say that won't dredge up old wounds. He pauses briefly when he passes the doorway leading to Loki's bed chambers. The bed is untouched. The thunder god frowns at the unkempt chaise when he enters the sitting room while Loki quickly tries to fold the blankets.
"Why do you sleep here?"
His words startle his brother. The barely there flinch is enough to claw his heart open.
"I am no longer accustomed to the finer ways of life," Loki smiles hesitantly, "It's just as well since I do not expect to be kept here. I trust that I'll be moved to the cells below eventually."
Something in Thor snarls at the suggestion of Loki behind bars.
"You will not be placed in the dungeon."
Loki's eyes widen in genuine shock. His mouth opens briefly but he decides to stay silent.
"Father has told me of your condition. He fears you would only be driven to the unthinkable should you be imprisoned."
Thor watches his brother fiddle with the blanket before he reaches over to pull it out of his grasp. It hurts because Loki doesn't deny that he wouldn't take his life. He feels sick when Loki's hand trembles under his because this is fear and the last time Loki was afraid was right before he died.
"Loki, I cannot thank the Heaven's enough that you are alive. You may not be whole but you are still my brother. You are still family."
He feels no shame when tears streak down his face. He doesn't know how but he ends up grasping Loki while he sobs. He doesn't bother to worry if he'll be burned by his brother's skin because it doesn't matter. Loki stays tense in his arms but the shudder Thor feels through their embrace causes him to pull back. Thor watches in worry as his brother cries silently and tries to wipe away his tears in vain.
"Loki, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry…"
Loki bites his tongue to keep from saying, 'I'm not sorry, Thor.'
::O:O:O::
Loki avoids Odin. It's not difficult since he's pretty sure Odin is avoiding him, too. Before, he would have been angry but now he resigned to whatever fate the All-Father bestows upon him. It's for the best, he thinks. He's not sure what he would do if the king decides to grace him with his presence.
Thor tries to take him outside in an effort to socialize with everyone but it doesn't work. His fear only causes Thor to be burned every time the thunder god tugs him towards the doors. He never leaves his self-imposed prison. It would mean his end if he were to leave the safety of his rooms with the amount of animosity the city holds against him.
Yet, he misses the sight of the universe that leads to Jimmy and Marcus. It's all he can focus on as the days turn to nights because he needs to see them. The longing in his soul is too much that he hides among the shadows until he makes it to the Bifrost. Not once does he think to use his magic as he dashes out of the city.
It's dark and peaceful on the Rainbow Bridge. The raucous noise of Asgard is a murmur now that he's so far away. He sits on the edge, legs swinging, and humming to himself as he stares in the direction of the universe he wishes to see again.
He wishes things were different.
He wishes he wasn't bound to Asgard.
He wishes he could return home.
The sound of galloping horses draws his attention. Loki looks over and sees Thor and his merry band of followers approach. He's surprised it took Thor so long to realize he was missing.
"Loki, why are you here?"
Ah, anger. Loki feels it simmer deep within him. He continues to stare out into the sea of stars before him as he tries to keep calm.
"If you wished to leave your rooms I would-"
His anger arches up until the ice under his skin throbs to lash out. He takes a calming breath before speaking.
"Thor," he turns to smile, "I miss home."
"I could-"
"No," he whispers, "I miss the universe I was born from. I miss my home."
Thor frowns, "But this is your home."
Loki pats the area beside him and waits for the thunder god to accept.
"Loki, this is your home."
"Tell me," Loki murmurs, "Did you mourn?"
Thor recoils at the question almost slipping when he tries to sit beside him. He thinks one of the warriors behind them hisses.
"Forgive me, I don't mean to pry. I just find it difficult to believe I would be wanted here. I have seen the looks and heard the whispers. I am an abomination."
He raises a hand to keep Thor from shouting how he still loves and missed Loki.
"Asgard has no love for a trickster. Especially one who's magic is in tatters. The Loki I was before is gone and it pains me to say that this is no longer where I'm supposed to be."
"You can't," Thor grips his hand tightly, "I cannot lose you again. I will not lose you again."
"Oh, Thor," Loki sighs, "I lost myself centuries ago."
::O:O:O::
Loki falls to his knees unsure if he should stand to fight back or submit.
"Not so cocky now, are you?"
He spits out a glob of blood, sneering at the speaker and his goons.
"We'll put you in your place. The king and the royal prince might not have the guts to do it but we do."
Loki draws himself inward to ignore the aches. The few shreds of magic he manages to curl around his fingers do very little to dampen the blows. He grins as each hit meets its mark and he cackles at his attackers.
"Was that meant to hurt?"
He can feel the walls in his mind waver. Each crack grows bigger as he snarls and taunts the warriors surrounding him.
"Is this the best you can do? Pathetic!"
He manages to drag his broken body out of the city. He collapses in the same place he sat with Thor a few weeks ago and he stares at the stars. The Bifrost is cold against his face but it's not enough to soothe his bruised skin. His breathing evens out as sleep tries to claim him. A hand wraps itself around him to lift him and he moans in pain. He had hoped no one would find him until after a few hours rest.
Loki whispers, "You should let me fall."
The gold eyes before him harden and the face of the dark skinned Asgardian turns into a scowl.
"No one would know," Loki giggles, "Do not deny your wish to see me dead. After all, you attacked me while I was king of Asgard. Why not try again? Hmm?"
Heimdall grunts when Loki shoves him away. The guardian tenses when he sees the trickster teeter dangerously near the edge of the bridge.
"I wonder, I wonder," Loki grins, "If my soul will be extinguished if I tear it again. Third times a charm!"
Loki throws his arms out, laughing, as he falls backwards.
::O:O:O::
There are voices somewhere nearby when he wakes. He's pulled from his dreams of Jim and Marcus with a groan. For a brief moment he thinks he's in his lumpy bed back home. His chest prickles and he wonders briefly if Marcus is in pain, too.
"My lord, his mind is deteriorating at an alarming rate," a voice says in a neutral tone, "The best we can do is make him comfortable until-"
"No!"
Loki almost rolls his eyes at Thor's shout. Honestly, the best outcome of whatever is happening to him would be death.
"I will not stand by and watch him die again."
Loki doesn't have the strength to snort and sleeps.
And sleeps.
And sleeps.
Thor visits Loki as much as possible. Every day the blue skin turns a little paler and Loki's breathing slows. It's worse, he thinks, so much worse than when he died in his arms. On the fourth day the bed is empty and the thunder god scrambles as he searches every room in his brothers chambers. He's about to send the guards to search the castle when Odin summons him.
"Father! Loki is missing!"
The All-Father sweeps by leaving Thor confused. He almost yells in anger because maybe Loki is right. Maybe Odin doesn't care.
"I have received word from Heimdall. Loki is on the Bifrost."
The thunder god nods and they both set out to find the trickster. A group of soldiers flank the All-Father and warriors three and Sif join them before they exit the city. They ride hard and fast because Loki might succeed if he attempts to throw himself off the edge, again.
In the distance they spot Loki pacing. As they draw nearer they hear him muttering to himself as he bites his fingers.
"Loki," Thor says as he approaches slowly. He pointedly ignores when several warriors draw their weapons. "Loki, do you hear me?"
Loki's eyes dart around and he mumbles nonsense around his bleeding fingers. Thor frowns when he sees bloody signs painted on the edge of the Bifrost.
"They need me need… I can feel it… need a door…"
Thor reaches out to pull Loki's arms down.
"Door… door… need a door…"
He frowns at the dazed and unseeing look in his brother's eyes.
"You are not well, brother. Let us return home."
Loki's eyes focus on him for a brief moment. His stained hands clench as he tilts his head in thought.
"Yes," the trickster whispers, "home..."
He slips out of Thor's grasp only to lunge forward. Thor reels back but is unable to avoid the red hand as it smears a bloody 'X' across his face. The thunder god stumbles trying to keep Loki in his hold when they whirl over to the painted symbols. Thor feels his skin burn and stretch as if he about to be ripped apart. He shouts in pain as a cold feeling washes through him before a roaring wind scalds his skin. He clutches Loki as they tumble painfully through space. Thor thinks he's being torn to pieces as light cascades around them.
Thor's yell is cut off as he crashes through branches. He yelps as bark whips his face and cuts into his skin. The landing is painful and he groans taking in the scenery. He blinks the daze out of his eyes, frowning when he sees he's surrounded by trees. A hand covered in dried blood appearing in front of his face causes him to blink in surprise. He follows the arm up until he sees Loki leaning forward to help him out of the crater he's in.
Thor winces when he's hauled up to stand on his own. He staggers for a moment before reaching down to make sure Mjolnir is still clipped at his side. When he looks at Loki the other is scrubbing his face and arms until the blue skin and black hair flake away. He stares in shock at the blond curly hair and pale skin not knowing what to say.
"Finally, my mind is clearing," Loki sighs in relief before taking off, "Let's go."