I do not own Naruto. What makes you think that I do?
They said that it was not worth it once upon a time when they hated and scorned him
That he was not worth the pain that she'll experience.
Well, they were wrong. She deserves the pain that comes with being with him. Being his teammate, being his closest ally, being his secret keeper, being his best friend, being part of his family, being his almost-lover.
She supposes that she might be a crook. For what? She asks herself.
She bitterly laughs at that, she damn well knows for what.
She stole his heart and broke it and shattered it and-
She did not take care of it.
She was too stubborn, too self-centered, too short tempered, too selfish, and too herself that in the end, they (she) only caused misery upon themselves (him).
He soon leaves her, upon the order of the village's elders because they still hate him even though he became a hero.
Even though he saved them without any hesitation.
And she lets him, his eyes begging her not to do so but she remained stubborn and convinced him to leave her, to let her go.
Some even accused her of being a bad (bitchshedevilhellwoman) person for it when they realize how much of a good person he is (and she can't help but to regard them with disgust because of how plastic they are) and she acknowledges it. She knows it. She accepts it. She welcomes it with open arms.
She deserves it.
He is soon ordered to marry someone from an important clan because of politics and all damnable reasons.
He begged her to stop him, pleaded to let them be together but she was a very stubborn woman.
And it didn't help that she believed that he would be happier this way.
And now she is here, in a room filled with people. So many people. Wearing a deep emerald dress that's too stuffy, too formal and shoes that hurt her feet but she had no choice but to wear. It was a special occasion after all, a special day for him. A day that he awaited for so many years, strived for and worked so hard upon by him that she had- has to go. It was what she can do at least.
She glances at his distant back and tanned skin.
Oh how she wishes she could touch him again without feeling that hot soaring pain in her heart, to see that look in his eyes that screams 'please stay away, please' and feel like someone had punched her in the gut and treated her like dirt.
Maybe she was.
Maybe she is.
She shakes her head, to chase away these troubling thoughts, pink tresses swishing with grace that she does not feel.
She gasps as her green, green eyes meet with bright blue eyes across the room.
A room filled with so many people that are less important than him.
But she soon recoils her gaze when something flashes in his eyes, something that she does not want to dwell upon because she knows that the guilt and sadness flowing in her veins will drown her and-
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
When she opens them again she can't help but be surprised that her eyes meet his again, his eyes that are filled with love and sorrow and guilt, but it catches the woman by his side all the same.
A woman that was more talented than her, more beautiful, more graceful, stronger, kinder, and much more deserving of him compared to her. A woman that has not scorned him, supported him from the start, admired him, never gave up on him, and loved him so much that she was willing to die for him.
A woman that deserves everything and his love.
A woman that was the complete opposite of her.
She can't help but feel that she pales in comparison with the long haired beauty that shines so brightly and who smiles so warmly and so honestly that it endears anyone that meets her.
She soon tears away her gaze from the well-loved and favorite couple too quickly that she misses the look of longing and guilt that the young man gives her.
Her hands shake and her breath hitches as she makes her way to a table to sit down.
She can't burst out crying in front of a crowd and definitely not on this occasion.
He deserves so much better than that.
She finds a seat somewhere secluded. It was near a balcony and no one would see her if she breaks down and she feels thankful for the small mercies that are bestowed upon her. She sits down and takes quick deep breaths to stop her from actually breaking down.
She soon stabilizes her quick breathing and her moist eyes soon lose their glassy surface.
She sighs and buries her face on her hands, thinking of how and why she ended up in this situation. She tenses up when she feels someone sit next to her. She was away from the crowd, why would anyone follow her here?
She glances towards the stranger and lets out a gasp of surprise because it's him in all his bright glory and sunny grin.
She tries to get up, to get away lest she returns to her previous state but is stopped by a warm hand on her wrist and then he is wrapped around her, his warmth seeping into her cold, clammy skin and his familiar scent sends shivers down her spine and something spreads into her heart.
"Please, don't go."
His tone was so broken, so filled with sorrow that she sags against his hold. Her arms were shaking and her breath quivers and she tries her best not to sob against his expensive and well prepared formal attire. He only tightens his hold on her and breathes in deeply, taking in all of her. Humming a song he once sang to her and it only makes it so much harder not cry.
They stay that way for a while.
Her, a shaking mess, and him, humming a familiar tune and basking in her presence.
It was soon broken; it was how they were after all. Unintentionally breaking moments to make the other one feel bad.
"I'm sorry."
His voice was so small that she's surprised that she even hears it but it soon breaks her heart because he sounds so not like him and that tone should never be in his voice and she can't-
She shakes her head and gets out of his (safelovingwarm) hold and smiles at him.
He flinches at how fake and sad it is but she continues on.
"What brings you here, Hokage-sama? And where is Hime-sama?"
It's torture on him hearing her say that and it tears her apart to see how much damage she wreaks saying those few words to him.
She supposes that she has to get used to that, she has been hurting him ever since the day they met and yet why was she still hurting when she sees that face he makes?
"Ah, please, Sakura-chan, please not yet."
She briefly winces and gives him a soft, broken smile.
"Don't dwell on what we had, Naruto. Please."
His face fills with hurt and she suddenly finds herself pressing against his warm chest and back in his arms again.
He buries his head on the crook of her neck and lets out a sound akin to a sob but she refuses that notion. It'll only hurt her so much more if she does. She sighs and closes her eyes and let's herself savor his warmth before opening her mouth.
"It's for the best, you know that."
He makes a noise at the back of his throat and buries himself in her, holds her tighter as if she'll disappear if he doesn't. He is not wrong with that regard because she is ready to bolt and run away. To hide from this pain and the intensity of his love, to give her a chance to bury her feelings because it is for the best. For his beloved village and his dreams.
"You know that I can drop all of this for you. Just say the word and I will."
She brings her hand to his jaw and he leans on it. His stormy blue eyes begging her to say just that but it filled with pain and sorrow when he sees her shake her head and the resignation in her eyes.
"You can't and you know that. You worked so hard for this and look at you! Changing the village for the best, achieving your dream, and having a beautiful fiancé by your side."
She smiles at him and scorns herself. She feels as if she is tearing her heart apart by saying the next few words.
"You'll get your dream and a family that you wanted to have for such a long time."
She is surprised when he shakes his head and buries his face again. He mutters something that shocks her down to her core and lights a fire filled with hope deep inside her heart but she refuses it, extinguishes that fire and buries everything.
"You became my new dream. So please, let me love you. Let me stop this and be with you."
She finally lets the tears drop and sobs against his shoulder.
"You know that I can't." She manages to say but soon reverts to the sobbing mess that she is.
"I know, but I had to try, right?"
He smiled to himself for that and it is agony upon her heart when he does.
"You baka." She mutters against his shoulder and sobs harder because it is not fair.
Life is not fair.
Her crying soon stops and she is then looking at his blue, blue eyes again and offers him a shaky smile.
"I'm sorry."
He smiles in return but it looks so off in his face. The small upturn of his lips is so different from the grin he always had that it strikes something in her heart that she chooses to ignore.
"I'm sorry too."
She gets out of his hold and steps back until they were at distance that is more appropriate for a ninja and her Hokage.
"It's for the best." She whispers. Hoping that if she repeats it enough it'll mend her broken heart.
He offers her that smile again and walks away.
She ignores that he didn't agree with her.
She ignores that her heart is screaming for him to come back.
Ignores that it hurts so, so much.
It was- is for the best, after all.
Haha. I'm on a roll.
Am I decent at writing angst?
I don't know to be honest, but I like to think that I am.
Oh, and this is loosely based on the song called 'Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men' that I've been listening again and again. And also maybe 'Shiver by Lucy Rose' which was the opening of the 2nd season of Mushishi. I love that anime.
Great songs, the both of 'em.