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Chapter 43

iAm so confused

~ * Freddie * ~

I lie in my hospital bed. I look around the room and sigh. I've been here for about 1,5 week now and I still barely know what happened to me, I'm so confused. The whole week 4 people have been visiting me. A woman in about her forties, a brunette teenage girl with a blonde teenage boy and then this gorgeous blond girl. and I have a feeling I know them, a very strong feeling. But I just can't seem to remember who they are and it sucks. They know me though I mean why else would they visit me?

I hate being here. I hate being in hospitals. I hate hospitals in general. I just wanna go home, but that's going to be hard cause I can't remember where and with who I live. I only remember things about myself. My name's Freddie Benson, I'm 17 years old and I live in Seattle. But where exactly and with who…I have no idea!

The doctor has told me what happened to me though. Apparently I've saved a little kid's life while crossing a road and got hit by a car myself. So I've been brought in here and they gave me brain surgery, and…I've got big memory loss. I sigh. It sucks cause I just can't remember my life. The doctor said my memory loss might or might not be permanent and I'm desperately hoping it's the last option. I've got some hope for that though cause those four people who have been visiting me, who are all super nice by the way, told me some things about my life. They told me I go to school at Ridgeway. When they told me that I suddenly remembered my locker, how my school looks and what kind of student I am. I usually get grades and I love technology.

I can't stop thinking about that blonde girl who visits me every day. I'm sure I know her, I'm sure we have some sort of special bond, I just feel it. She's so beautiful… and sweet and nice and funny. She looks sad though…like she just lost a very important part of her life or something. Wait…maybe…it's me… maybe she's so sad cause I don't remember who she is… what if…what if she's my girlfriend!? No…that can't be true. A girl like her would never wanna be MY girlfriend…

Then there's that woman though…I feel like I know her really well too…I try to picture her in my head. Brown hair, brown eyes…I think of the form of her face…woah, the same properties as I have… I imagine her in my head, I try to think of her personality and it suddenly hits me, SHE'S MY MOM! How could I forget my own mom!? Oh my goodness. Everything about her comes back to me her name, Marissa, all the memories I have together with her. I smile. This is good, very good, I'm starting to remember things again!

Then those other two teenagers…I feel like a have a less strong bond with them but still pretty strong. They're probably dating. They look pretty cute together. They're funny really nice and funny too.

Anyway, all these people obviously care a lot about me, I wish I could remember them and I hate that I can't. I hope I will soon though…

I wonder when I can go home… I'm still not really sure where I live though… I probably live with my mom, cause I'm starting to remember how my house looks. I look up and smile as I see my mom walk in with the blond girl.

''Hey…'' my mom says, smiling slightly.

''Hi mom.'' I smirk slightly as I see it. I look at her face lighting up, sparkles forming in her eyes.

''Honey! Y-you remember me!'' She smiles widely and hugs me.

I chuckle slightly and hug her back. ''Yeah. Everything about you suddenly all came back to me.'' I smile.

My mom starts crying as she hugs me tightly. I smile at the blond girl and she smiles back at me, but it's not a natural smile, it's a forced smile full of pain. I wish I could just remember who she is! This is so frustrating, UGH!

My mom pulls back from the hug and turns to the blonde girl. ''S-Sam he remembers me!''

The girl nods, putting up the forced smile again. ''Yes! I'm so happy for you!'' She hugs my mom.

She is just so gorgeous…I feel a really strong connection between us for some reason, I feel so attracted to her. I look at her closely. Just remember her Freddie, remember who she is, remember everything, come on! I sigh as nothing comes into my head. This SUCKS!

~ * Sam * ~

I sit in the car back to Marissa and Freddie's apartment. I stare straight ahead of me, trying to hold back my emotions and tears. The only person who knows everything about me, the only person who loves and respects me for who I am, the only person that made me a better person, the only person that makes me happy, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY HUSBAND, doesn't remember who I am. Life could not get any worse.

Marissa steps out of the car when we arrive back at the Bushwell. I stay in the car staring ahead of me. Marissa sighs. ''Sam… sweetheart.''

I don't reply to her, she sighs and sits next to me on the backseat of the car. ''Sam…I know you're hurt but…''

I cut her off. ''I'm not just hurt Marissa, you don't understand! Freddie's my whole life, he's the only reason I'm happy and he doesn't remember me!'' I can't hold back my tears anymore and burst out crying. I haven't cried this much in ages, my life is back to the way it's always been, miserable!

Marissa sighs and hugs me close to her. ''Sam you gotta keep hope sweetie, he remembered me! What makes you think he won't remember you? Did you see the way he smiled at you? He feels the connection between you two, and I'm sure he'll remember you very soon, it's gonna be okay.''

I sniff and wipe my tears. ''What if he doesn't?''

''Then we'll have to make him remember! What about tomorrow I go to the hospital alone, you stay with Carly for a day and I'll tell him EVERYTHING about you. Good plan?''

I bite my lip and nod. ''Yeah I guess…okay. Thank you Marissa.''

''No problem. Everything's gonna be okay, I promise.''

I bite my lip and gulp, wiping my tears and sniffing to try and stop me from crying. I get out of the car and walk back up to the apartment with Marissa. I hate sleeping alone without Freddie, I hate not having his arms around me and feel his protection for me, I hate not feeling safe. I hate that he isn't here!

I walk over to Freddie and mines bedroom. Marissa calls after me. ''If you need me I'll be right here okay, always.''

I smile slightly at her and nod. ''Thanks…'' I walk into the bedroom and flop down on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling, tears forming in my eyes again. I look at the time. 11:30a.m. there's no way I'm gonna fall asleep tonight.

I walk into the bathroom and take off my clothes. I get into the shower and sigh deeply, trying to clear my head. I let the hot water pour down on me, closing my eyes and trying to relax.

After about 45 minutes I step out of the shower. That's probably the longest shower I've ever had. I put on some comfortable clothes and blow dry my hair before walking back into the bathroom and flopping down onto the bed again.

The shower did kind of clear my head and make me more tired. Maybe I'll be able to sleep for a few hours. I close my eyes and slowly start to drift off to sleep.

After about 2 hours I get caught out of my sleep by a nightmare. I wake up covered in sweat. I'm not gonna take this for the rest of the night. I hesitate before deciding to go to the hospital. Freddie HAS to remember me, and I'm gonna make sure he will!

I stand up from the bed and fresh up a little, I fix my hair and grab some things that could remember Freddie of me and of us. I take some pics of us with me and my phone so I can show him more pics and videos of us. I can also remember him about iCarly. I can show him our wedding rings…he has to remember then!

I sneak out of the bedroom quietly and then walk out of the apartment. I guess I'll have to walk to the hospital…I don't even care. I'll do ANYTHING to make Freddie remember me.

After a long while I finally arrive at the hospital. Oh my goodness it's like 3a.m. they're never gonna let me in. I sigh deeply. I look at the hospital and search for the room Freddie's in. Oh yes, his room is right next to a window! I walk round the hospital until I reach the room. I look at the window and then pick the lock on it with an old trick, I guess some things will never change. I smirk slightly to myself and climb into the room via the window.

I bite my lip as I look at Freddie. He's just lying there, sleeping like nothing ever happened, like nothing is wrong. He looks so adorable… I gulp to hold myself back from bursting into tears again. I hesitate and bite my lip before climbing into the bed next to Freddie, I rest my head on his chest and I breath in his scent.

Tonight I'll sleep in the arms of my husband, and not think about the morning, when he'll wake up and find a girl in his bed that he doesn't remember.

I close my eyes and sigh deeply before slowly falling asleep.