Dearest Father,

I have declared it elf day! I decided to stop by and see my two new companions. I don't see calling them friends yet, I hardly know them. And at least one I doubt we'll ever be friends. I will explain.

First I went to see Merrill. Varric scolded me for visiting her on my own since she isn't exactly living in the best part of town. But it's right around the corner from where I am staying. Is Varric implying I am not in the best part of town either? Ha, who am I kidding. Of course I live right near Merrill. The rejected and forgotten section of Kirkwall. Well, at least it's not Darktown.

I feel bad for Merrill. She seems really lonely. She says she isn't, but I know the look of loneliness when I see it. It's in mothers eyes, Carvers, in the mirror each morning when I brush my hair. It's hard not to notice. Merrill claims she is used to it, that she didn't even have friends among her own clan. When I asked her why, she said because she was in line to be a Keeper and she was too busy spending her time studying magic and the history of the Dalish.

I wonder what it's like, living with a bunch of different families in the woods; growing up with them, traveling with them. I would think you would have plenty of friends. To know these people your entire life? Not one of them you call a friend? I think there's more to her story that she isn't sharing. Maybe her clan isn't happy with her dabbling in blood magic. She still refuses to admit we heard something humming when we first met her, but we couldn't have all been crazy…could we?

As soon as I got up to leave, Merrill made me feel guilty for doing so. I think she thought I would stay all day with her, but I wanted to go see Fenris too. She even asked if she could come, but I wanted to talk to him alone. He doesn't like mages to begin with so I didn't want to ambush him in his own space with Merrill. At least he talks to me; he just kinda…growls at her.

When I went to see Fenris, I don't think he was in the best of moods. First off, he was drinking, and the smell in the room almost reminded me of Gamlen. He didn't continue drinking long however; he threw the bottle of wine at the wall! I admit it, I was scared. He's very intense, and apparently very violent! The conversation didn't exactly go as I had planned Father. I went there seeking a foundation for a friendship. I'm not sure that's what I left with.

"Danarius used to have me pour it for his guests," Fenris explained of the particular brand of wine he had just decorated the walls with. "My appearance intimidated them he said, which he enjoyed."

"You were his servant as well as his body guard?" Hawke asked, trying to understand a little more about the life he lived.

Fenris narrowed his eyes at Hawke. "I was his slave," he stated angrily, "I propped up the furniture when he was so inclined."

"Wow, nothing like a bit of fear to go with your wine," Hawke said lightly, trying to brighten the mood a bit.

"That's what Danarius used to say," he responded, sitting down across from her. He kept his distance Hawke noticed, but she didn't say anything about it. He didn't trust mages, she knew this, and respected the boundary he placed on them.

"Were all of his guests frightened of you then?"

Fenris nodded. "None of his guests were like you though," he added. "They wouldn't dare speak to me, or seek me out as you have."

I really stuck my foot in it huh Father. He just seemed so serious. So angry. I don't know how much he had to drink before I got there, or if this is always how he is. I guess I am still learning. There's so much pain in his eyes though. It makes me sad.

"You've had a difficult life," Hawke stated softly. It wasn't pity for him she was feeling, but more like understanding.

"I'd rather not speak more of it," he told her.

"Are you certain?" To have so much anger and sadness inside, Hawke didn't like anyone feeling like that. "I'd be willing to listen," she added.

Fenris nearly laughed. "To my whining? That's very charitable of you."

She assumed his comment meant he wasn't interested in her sympathy, so Hawke moved on. "Is getting back at your master all that matters to you?"

He seemed to relax a little, or maybe was just a little more resigned. "There are days that it feels that way. I have wanted to leave my past behind me, but it wont stay there." He looked at her curiously. "Tell me, have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?"

Hawke eyed him suspiciously. "How did you know I was from Ferelden?"

"A very hairy dwarf felt the need to tell me your life story, or what he knew of it," Fenris answered. "Well?"

Hawke turned away from him. "I have no home left to return to," she answered. It was the most honest answer she could give.

"And that's it, you leave it behind so easily?"

Hawke shrugged. "I lost my sister to the blight. There is nothing left but painful memories."

"And now she no longer matters to you?" Fenris asked sharply.

How could he say such a thing Father? Bethany was everything to me. She was my sidekick, my support, everything. I have been so lost without her, without you, without my home. I know my life isn't nearly as hard as his has been, but how dare he! He knows nothing about me and now he tries to judge me? He only knows what Varric told him, and Maker knows what that was!

Fenris saw the tension in her jaw and the tears stinging her eyes. "I apologize, your life is your own. It simply...sounds very familiar."

I didn't forgive his comment so easily Father, but I suppose he does understand a little of what it feels like. He's on the run too. Three years he told me. I asked him where he was from and he didn't seem to know. I guess he was young when he left; he dodged any question I asked about his personal life. Maybe it's the trust thing again, I don't know.

We talked a bit more about his former master Danarius. He thinks he may come to Kirkwall looking for him, that he's always come looking for him. Fenris insists Danarius won't give up, but claims he won't wait forever. "I will not live with a wolf at my back," he said. He had said something similar when I first met him; about facing the tiger. You were right Father, we all have ghosts from our past that we have to deal with eventually. I know mine is still out there.

"So for my next visit, will it be this intense? Or will you find something positive to say," Hawke teased Fenris before leaving.

"I can be positive," he insisted, though not convincingly.

Hawke smiled. "Prove it."

Fenris thought for a moment. "The wine was tasty?"

That got her to laugh, and in turn so did he. Hawke was hopeful; maybe there was a chance for the slave of a mage to trust another mage again.

Maybe.