Emma

I was dying to get out of my bed when Henry woke me up. It's a relief Neal left while I was sleeping, I can't bear to see Henry collapse or run toward him for an embrace. Me being trapped in bed, not to mention still a bit drowsy, is a lot to take in.

Henry embraced me in his arms as the two of us lied down face to face. I stroked his hair with my fingers and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Have you been home alone back at the apartment?"

He shook his head. "No. Your boyfriend took care of me. And by the way, I sort of know about you and that Irish ascent guy."

My pulse start; I can hear the cardiac monitor beeping faster and louder. Henry sat up and grabbed my shoulders.

"Mom, are you okay?"

It took a few long breaths for my heart rate to return to its normal speed. I gave him a shaky nod.

"I'm sorry, mom. I didn't mean to shock you."

"No. No, Henry. It's my fault, I should have told you sooner or later instead of keeping it a secret. But it was hard of the thought of telling you about my relationship with Killian, I feared you'll hate me for suddenly replacing your father's place."

"Mom, I miss dad and I still love him. But I also hate him for not trying to see us, the two of us waited for him for eight years. The past still haunts me; the day dad picked up his suitcase and didn't even smile at me when he left the door. I try to hide it, mom. But since we're being honest here, I feel that you should know how I feel. I love dad, but I also know we need help mom and if you think that you want a man in your life to help us, and also for you to start loving someone again, then I can accept that...Heck. I like Killian, personally. He's pretty cool and seems so easy to be with. And I feel like I don't have to shut myself up, that I can be open and tell him how I feel. It's a little weird that I feel this way all in just one day, but its really true. You picked some guy, mom."

I gave him a weak smile. The two of us had this kind of conversation before, but this one is different, there's a positive solution to it. Killian really surprises me; I didn't expect him to get so close to Henry in just 24 hours.

"I'm so happy to hear that from you, Henry. But I think there's something else I have to tell you, I'm also seeing –"

"Am I interrupting something?" A voice started.

The two of us turned our heads to the doorway. It's Killian. Crap, so much for keeping everything a secret.

"K-killian...Hi."

He walked up to me and gave me a kiss. I almost slapped him on the face, he's lucky that Henry is here to stop me.

"How do you feel?"

"F-fine."

"I just saw the doctor, it looks like you have to stay here a little longer."

This is way too freaky. Why isn't he yelling at my face? Why the hell did he take care of Henry in the first place? What does he care about him, or me now? After what I did, what else is there that he wants from me, or start with?

Killian sat on the side of the bed. "Hey, Henry can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

He took out his wallet from his breast pocket and removed three ten dollar bills. "Why won't you get something for your mom in the cafeteria?"

Henry took the money from his hands and crawled off the bed. "I'll be back then."

I wanted to pull him back so bad, but before I could do anything Killian grabbed one of my wrists. When Henry went out the door, silence started in the room.

I always knew that I'll be caught one day. I tried my best to be prepared for this...But why am I so scared? It was my decision to agree to this. This whole mess is my fault and mine alone. But I don't know why I'm trembling, or why I'm so speechless? What is wrong with you, Emma Swan?! Why can't you just speak and get this over with?! It's obvious everything is over, so just say something!

Killian lifted his head and looked at my face. I forced my eyes to swallow the tears, it's not easy to look at him. But when I lowered my head, one of his hands quickly grabbed my chin and lifted it up.

"Why?"

I grinded my teeth tightly to prevent any words to escape.

"I said why. Why did you do this to me? Huh. Were you that desperate for money? Is that it? Was everything we did, everything I showed you, how I felt useless, just nothing or not enough for you?"

Of course not! Everything we did together are all meaningful to me. They worth so much then the cost of your own club or my dept.

"Emma, do you even love me? Was it too hard to choose between Jefferson and me because you don't know whose money can last longer for you to use in the future?"

I want to speak. I want to say something...But what can I say? What is there that I can say to him?

He leaned his face closer to mine. Tears finally rolled down my cheeks. He's scaring me even more, this man isn't Killian, he's just not. I never seen Killian like this before. His eyes are darker and fierce, his teeth grinding so tightly I can see his jaw flinch, and his eyebrows knitted tightly together. His hands grabbed my arms.

"Answer me! Answer me now! Do you love me or my money? Answer me that!"

I closed my eyes, and waited for a moment to calm myself down. "...Y-you really want to k-know?..."

"More than anything."

"...I did it for the money. It's obvious that part is true. But I...I am not a gold digger. I'm not. I know it doesn't make sense, but I don't intend to be some crazy woman wanting to marry off for money in greed. I was planning from the beginning to marry a rich man for Henry's sake, because I-I'm a terrible...No horrible, the worst mother in the world. I just can't raise him properly or take care of him, I just can't afford a good life for him. So I was determined to marry someone to make Henry happy and also I planned to love that man till the day I die. What happens to me doesn't matter. I don't care if that Mr. Billionaire turns out to be the worst husband for me; he could sneak into a night club or a hotel with bunch of bimbos, or bring them home for all I care. Or people who hears about how my marriage turned out can talk about me behind my back all they want. As long as I see my son happy, live in a decent home and go to school well fed and educated, then it will all be worth it for me. Henry's care and happiness is everything to me. Mine is something that I hardly care. I had it once anyway in the past. Now that's over, its Henry's turn now."

"What are you? Are you even human?...H-how can you say such things so easily? Don't you have a life too?! How can you say that you'll sacrifice yourself for your own son? Honestly, can you imagine your future a living hell and still say that you can endure it? Well can you?!"

I opened my eyes, blinking away large drops of tears. "Yes. That's why I came to you and Jefferson. The two of you gave me hope to give me an opportunity for Henry. That was my only intention."

"Was? It was? What's your intention now?"

"Killian, stop. I don't know if you're just mad at me or have some kind of crazy faith that I love you, but I don't want any part of it anymore. I surrender. It's clear that I lost the war, so just...Just leave me. And I promise I'll leave your life also. Same for Jefferson."

"You don't seem to understand, Emma. Yes you lost. But in this type of situation it is never easy to step out of it. There is still more that I want to know about." His hands slowly released my arms. And his face finally softened.

I wiped my cheeks with my hands, and sniffled a couple times. "What else is there you want to know? I already told you everything."

He shook his head. "Not everything. There is this one question that I have been dying to know about since we got close. Now be honest with me when I ask you...Do you love me?"

I froze. To be honest, I can't answer that question. All I've been thinking about Killian and Jefferson was how they could be good for Henry, I never thought if they might be good for me. They both are amazing and good to me. Each one of them I think thoroughly, both the negative and the positive side...But Killian, he proved himself a lot. I'm not sure if he still loves me, but if he still does...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think - no I will accept him. I'll respond to him a thousand times, actually. But of course, I lost that chance long time ago, so what's the point of telling him my feelings now. It'll just hurt him even more and make this situation even more complicated.

"I liked you when we were together. But I never thought how that feeling could be love."

Killian's face instantly fell. I can read the disappointment in his face. Part of me feels like I'm just telling myself I'm not myself right now: what is the matter with me? I don't want to let him go, why am I saying this to him? But the other side of me is haunting me with the truth: I already hurt him too much, why should I do it even more by loving him? I have too much problems in my life that'll be too much for him to endure, and Bae is clearly one of them.

He can't let me go, neither can I. But someone has to before someone gets hurt even more...Although I regret this, it is what's best for Killian.

"Killian, I'm sorry for saying this, but I never loved you. I admit that all I told myself was that your money is what's best for Henry, and I kept telling myself that I like you and that I can...I can live with you for the rest of my life."

Killian stood up from the bed. "Well, you should think again about that. Goodbye, Emma." He turned around and went out the door without looking back.

I kept thinking and thinking things through all this time, and even kept saying that I made my mind up. But now I realize that all that was useless and just pointless. I was too naive from the beginning that everything will be kept quiet, I should have known better that once I'm caught all that I could succeed is pain and incurable scars...I guess this is the end. Even though it didn't turn out well between Killian and me, and I'm sure Jefferson will find out soon too, every moment we shared will be memorable and something I'll cherish. And something that'll hurt me too for the rest of my life.

Hey guys! So before you guys are like screaming "No!", I have to explain a few things. Many of you must be confused why Killian started off in a furious tone, its because he wants to know if Emma loves him and find out the reasons of the situation by her own words. I'm trying to build up how Killian wants to be with Emma, but also I'm creating obstacles that is preventing him to do that. So I hope you all enjoy this and wait patiently for the next chapter because it might get a little interesting.

P.S. The age is really getting confusing for some of you, and to be quite frank its confusing me too. So let me just get this straight, Emma is thirty five, I know I mentioned somewhere in the beginning that she's in her mid late twenties, but I didn't know that I wrote that, so I messed it up. I really apologize for that mistake, well along with hundreds of other errors I made in this story. NOW Olivebe mentioned how Henry sounds a little older, so let me just get it clear that he is eleven. Yes, I know Henry sounds like a fifteen year old teenager. But I want Henry to be oddly mature so the readers can see how Bae leaving his life really effected him to stay stronger. If some of you are still confused about Henry, feel free to PM me I'll be happy to explain a little more thoroughly. And now Killian is the same age as Emma and Jefferson, just like in the story is in his 30s but younger than the two characters. Okay I realize that is a long P.S. note but anyway, enjoy. Byee.