She paced outside the clinic doors for what seemed like hours. Her feet were killing her; dried mud and bits of dragon scale clung to her shoes. Her robes stunk of fire and ash. She cared little about the filth that covered her face, or the blood that matted her hair. Her only concern was that of her brother, left in the hands of the healer.
When Hubert had asked her to go to the Bone Pit and check on the miners, she never could've imagined what they would end up facing. Corpses littered the camp and fires burned in the distance. Varric and Carver cleared out the few looters that were on site trying to find coin, and then they all entered the mines.
Dragonlings; not so difficult in small groups, but when accompanied by an actual dragon, it was a challenge. Still, with two healers present, the group managed fairly well; Carver rounded them up, Varric and Anders took them down, and Hawke stayed in the background making sure everyone was well taken care of. It seemed almost too easy, until a survivor warned them of an even larger dragon up ahead.
"He'll be fine Hawke," Varric offers as she continued her small strides. "He walked in here on his own remember."
"Barely," Hawke reminded the dwarf as she started to bite the nail of her thumb. The fight with the dragon only lasted about three minutes, but it was an eternity for Hawke. Carver kept the beasts attention the entire time, his battleaxe slashing and splicing through the dragons scaled skin. No matter how many arrows Bianca sunk into it, or how many spells it absorbed, the creature continued to fight back.
One mistake was all it took; one brief second, a badly timed shield, and the dragons fire had consumed Carver. The scream that poured out from the depth of his soul caused Hawke to react, foolishly, by leaping towards him and knocking them both to the ground. Quick reflexes by Anders had her protected when she jumped in the way of the flames. Carver immediately rolled out from under her, a few more times to put out the fire that had caught on his armor, and then was back in the fray again. One more well placed swing and the dragon was dead, Hawke still on the ground in shock.
Both mages had nothing left by the end of the battle, and neither had lyrium potions to replenish lost mana. They'd have to return to Kirkwall before Carver could be healed; massive claw marks opened the flesh of his stomach, and some skin was badly burned. He barely allowed Hawke to bandage him before their journey back; his pride as damaged as his armor. Little brother was angry and in pain; a deadly combination when it came to his attitude.
The door to the clinic swung open and Carver stood in the doorway. His armor all but destroyed, but the color had returned to his cheeks and he was standing straight again. Hawke went to hug him, and he immediately took a step back away from her. "I thought I told you to go home," he hissed.
She instantly stared at her feet, much like she had whenever her father had scolded her. "I wanted to make sure you were okay," she whispered, unable to meet his gaze.
"I'm fine," Carver snapped back as he moved past her. "And I'm going home." No further conversation could be had as he hurried up the stairs and away from his sister.
Dearest Father,
I came to Kirkwall with nothing but the clothes I was wearing. Now I own half a mine, where other Ferelden refugees work for me (and at least they seem really happy about that!). Don't ask me how I came about this odd investment; somehow I got talked into it by some guy from Orlais. I think he only wanted to add my name to the deed so I could take the blame for everything that goes wrong there. So far a lot has gone wrong...dragons for one.
We almost lost Carver today. I wasn't fast enough, wasn't prepared enough, he'd say I wasn't trained enough, but I know not to blame you Father. I screwed up...and that split second screw up nearly cost me my brother. I know we argue and we fight like cats and dogs, but I can't imagine not having him in my life. Things are hard without Bethany; not a day goes by that I don't think about her, or see the sadness in Mothers eyes and know that I caused that too. If I had been quicker then, if I had been quicker today...
And he hates me even more now. I reacted, maybe overreacted? All I saw was my brother on fire and I jumped on him to try and protect him. How quickly I run out of energy when healing and attacking! I need to pick one or the other and not do both. But I saw Anders doing it, thought I could do it too, and my pride nearly killed Carver.
And now his pride is killing me. He's not speaking to me again...something I am painfully used to. Father I am so alone here. Mother and Carver and Gamlen...they are family, and yes I see them every day, but I still feel alone even when I am near them. All Mother can talk about is getting the estate back. All Carver can do is hate me for being the older sister and the one who he thinks stole all of your attention. Gamlen just sees us all as a burden, the family that never cared about him or Kirkwall until it was our last resort. When it comes to family, now that you and Bethany are gone, I feel like I have no one.
Everyone else I know is also busy doing their own thing. Anders has his clinic, which he spends all day in unless I ask him to come out with us. Aveline's new promotion keeps her very busy and she rarely has time to come out or to talk. Varric has his guilds and his secret whatever it is he does. Isabela is hardly ever at "home" at the Hanged Man, and honestly I don't want to know what it is she's doing. Fenris likes to be alone and Merrill...well she isn't one for friendship. She's a sweet girl, but not really someone you can count on for support when you need to talk. And I'm afraid of whatever damage I have done when it comes to Sebastian...but in truth, I barely know him anyway.
I have followers. I have family. But I have no friends. Even this, what I am doing with you, they all tell me it's foolish and I need to just let you go. But if I didn't have my words Father, if I wasn't able to sit down and write what's going on inside me...what else do I have?