Dearest Father,
Well here's something I never thought I'd be doing. I received a letter from that templar Thrask. The one with the mage daughter I told you about? He wanted my assistance in convincing some apostates from Starkhaven to turn themselves in. Yup, you read that right. The templars are asking for a mage's help. Again. Carver's usual line? "So much for not attracting templar attention." I swear my brother stresses more than is necessary. So we went to check it out.
We met Thrask at a cave not far from the Wounded Coast. He wanted me to convince the mages to surrender. He explained to me that the Circle in Starkhaven burned down, and the mages fled. They ended up hiding in the caverns but the templars found out about them through some traveling mercenaries. Thrask also spoke of a Knight-Lieutenant Karras that works directly for Meredith, and he feared what Karras and his men may do to these mages should he find them first. I didn't have much time, Karras got word where the mages were and was on the way. Aveline was surprised that Thrask wanted to assist the apostates; honestly so was I. He doesn't seem like a bad guy the more I get to know him.
The leader of these mages, Decimus, apparently thought it was a brilliant idea to resort to blood magic to defend himself, his lover Grace, and the rest of the mages. Halfway through battling dragonlings and corpses we met a man named Alain who practically begged to go back to the Circle. He was afraid of what Decimus was capable of. We saw some of it; skeletal corpses continued to attack us around every corner. Amazing skills those corpses have; I wonder how they see if they're dead? Or even move their bones with no muscles or flesh?
Even though Grace tried to stop him, Decimus still attacked us, leaving me no choice but to kill him. I was hoping to save them all, but he didn't want to be saved. He'd rather consort with demons for power rather than go back to the Circle. Maker I hope I never have to make that kind of choice.
Grace asked me how I could murder one of my own. Tell me Father, how could I? How has murder become so easy for me? Carver argues that it has usually been a case of self defense and I am too hard on myself. I am starting to wonder.
Aveline suspected Grace was just as corrupted as her lover, so I did not agree to help her escape. Her plan involved killing Thrask, and there was no way I was about to start murdering more templars. I have enough blood on my hands; those templars I helped Anders kill still haunt me in my dreams. Grace wasn't happy of course, said she would tell the templars about me also being an apostate. I didn't bother to tell her that they already knew all about me and yet I still walk free. I don't like saying that out loud...I still don't know why they don't arrest me on sight.
I think Grace realized she wasn't going to be free; that she was either going to come with me peacefully or end up dead by my hands or the templars. She consented to turning herself in as well as those she was with, and we met up with Thrask outside the cavern. By this time though, Karras had showed up.
Thrask tried his best to deter Karras, but it was too late, he saw us. He immediately began threatening the mages, saying that Meredith demanded any rebel mage be killed if found. Thrask stood up for the mages yet again though, said he'd go all the way to the Divine if Karras tried to hurt the mages. Karras reluctantly left and the mages went back to the Gallows with Thrask. I'm heading there now to make sure they made it back safely.
Hawke had decided to take Aveline with her to the Gallows. Carver argued with her all morning about how she needed to stop going there, but she wanted to check in with Thrask and see how Grace and the others were settling in. Carver refused to go with her, but insisted she not go alone. Aveline was willing to take the trip; both out of need to escape the mountains of paperwork in her office, and to help keep up appearances between the guard and the templars.
When they entered the courtyard, Hawke nearly turned around and ran back home. Both Cullen and Sebastian were there; two men she had planned on avoiding for at least another few weeks. After the incident with Cullen the other night and her drunken antics with Sebastian a few nights earlier, she was both uncomfortable and embarrassed. Not to mention torn between how amazingly handsome both men were standing side by side.
Aveline gave her a quiet nudge when Cullen waved to her to join them, and Hawke reluctantly headed over to the templar and the prince.
"Knight-Captain," Hawke greeted Cullen cheerfully with the biggest grin she could fake without feeling foolish. "I hope you are well? And Sebastian? A pleasure to see you again."
Cullen nodded, smiling at Hawke and Aveline. "Hawke, a welcome surprise as always. Captain," he nodded towards Aveline.
Sebastian reiterated what Cullen said, but with a bit more concern. "Yes, a surprise to see you...here."
"I'm here to see Ser Thrask," Hawke informed them both.
"Ah yes, the Starkhaven mages," Cullen stated. "Ser Karras commends you for your aid in apprehending those apostates," he told her.
"Karras said that?" Hawke asked, surprised after the way Karras was staring at her outside the caverns. The only thing she could see in his eyes was murder, and it still sent a shiver down her spine. "Is that what brings you here Sebastian?" she asked.
"Indeed it is," he answered. "When I heard they had been brought in I wanted to meet with them, let them know that should they need any assistance in their transition, they had a fellow countryman as a friend in the Chantry."
"That's very kind of you," Hawke said honestly.
Sebastian's expression was one of concern. "They seemed troubled when I spoke to them this morning. I hope they will realize that this is the best place for them."
"Yes," Cullen agreed. "Perhaps they will find peace now."
Hawke shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny of both men. "Well, I should really get to speaking with Ser Thrask."
"I will walk with you," Sebastian offered. "I believe the Knight-Captain needs a word with the Guard Captain, yes?"
"While you're here," Cullen said to Aveline. "Unless I'm keeping you from other business."
"I have a minute to spare," Aveline replied as she gave Hawke a curious glance. "Meet you at the landing?"
Hawke nodded as she left her friend with Cullen. She and Sebastian walked a few feet away from them before Sebastian spoke. "I had meant to ask you the other night for your assistance with the mages, but you were..."
"Selfishly incoherent?" Hawke offered.
"I was going to say tired," Sebastian replied. "But now that you mentioned it, I don't think you even knew where home was or what city you were in."
"Sorry about that," she said. "It was a rough day. I don't normally do that type of thing, but...Anyway, I'm embarrassed enough by it and promise you it'll never happen again."
Sebastian laughed. "It's alright Hawke. Before the Chantry I was known to have a drink or few...dozen."
That got her to smile, and the tension between them seemed to dissolve a little. He stopped walking and turned to face her. "I saw you and your companions the other night outside the Chantry taking on that gang of thugs."
"Ah." It suddenly clicked in her head. "That explains your concern for me being here then. So you know."
"Aye."
Hawke looked up at him, realizing for the first time just how deep the color of his eyes were. Here in the middle of the Gallows courtyard, under the bright rays of sun, the man really was beautiful. She hesitated to ask her next question, given what she knows the Chantry feels about mages. But she had to know what his intentions were. "Does this change your opinion of me? Do you believe I belong here next to those mages from your home?"
I talked to Grace. She said I should've killed her in the caverns, that she should've fought me with her very last breath to avoid coming to Kirkwall. I understand Sebastian's concern now; whatever goes on behind closed doors to have her wishing for death...Father what have I done?
Even Thrask says it doesn't feel like a victory, that he wonders if bringing Grace to Kirkwall was a mistake. He told me that Meredith ordered three of the Starkhaven mages to be executed, to be picked at random, to teach the others a lesson. Those three mages would've been alive today if it wasn't for me. They maybe could've escaped, with Decimus' assistance, and been anywhere but here where they just ended up dead.
Sebastian was with me when I talked to Thrask. He got to hear how Grace would rather die then continue to be locked up. He says he will try speaking with her again, maybe provide her with some guidance. She's angry, sad from the loss of Decimus, and blames me for ruining her life.
And then we spoke to Alain. He told us that he had written a letter to his mother letting her know that he was alright, and later on he found that letter burning in a fire in the courtyard. He also says the templars beat them when they arrived, and hit them again this morning. And it gets worse Father, much much worse. Alain said that Karras visited him in his room last night. He refused to say what happened because Karras threatened him with tranquility if he ever said a word. I can only imagine what I've sentenced that poor boy to.
I thought Anders exaggerated. I thought Grace was afraid for nothing. I realize now I have judged these people unfairly and I had no right to do so. With your protection I never had to endure what they have gone through, what Grace and the others continue to go through. Bethany and I were lucky, and I should have remembered why you fought so hard to keep us out of places like this.
But people like Cullen and Thrask...how can good people be involved in something like this? They believe what they believe but turn a blind eye to the corruption within? I almost went back to the Gallows to speak with Cullen about what Grace and Alain had told me, but Sebastian convinced me not to.
After he heard what was going on, I do believe his opinion changed. I know he supports the Chantry and that goes hand in hand with the templars. Mages deserve to be locked up, and I am an apostate. But when he admitted to me that he would never want to see me in their situation, that gave me a little bit of hope. If I can continue to find good people within the corrupt factions, perhaps something can be done to change the way things are.
I'll need to speak with Anders more about this. I know he's very passionate about the subject; maybe he can tell me what we can do to help mages like Grace and Alain.