Chapter 6: Fighting Myself
The game has been going smoothly for a while now and it was nice everyone seemed to get along well. I was making a fool of myself on stage but everyone seemed too enjoy it so I didn't mind, but thats when things took a turn for the worst. I finished talking to a group a guy from my own initiate class who were telling me how great i was and how we should hook up some time soon. I smiled and agreed lying through my teeth. God you could never survive in Candor I thought to myself.
I make my way back to the group to hear: "
Figures with Seven she doesn't recognise my talents, women," Eric sneered. No one but Peter laughed. Marlene and Lynn looked read to cut pieces of his body off, that I'm sure he'd miss. Zeke, Shauna andthe other newbies pale when they see me. I school my features not wanting them to know they've gotten under my skin. How I hate that law saying we cant kill initiates. Maybe if it looks like an acident... I wonder to myself. Humm...
"Okay, okay my turn, back to the room," I smi order. Uriah smiles at me his twisted crooked smile that I hate. The one that means he has an evil plan and I have paper work to do to cover it up.
"Nope!" Uri Smiled. "My turn! Eric I dare you to fight any full fledge member of dauntless." H smiled at his plan. I laugh to knowing where this is going. No one in training can beat a full member, and no one in Dauntless knows the meaning of the word restrant. I can see Lynns eyes light up and I silently pray he chooses her. She would kill him for me. Happy thoughts!
"You beat anyone and I'll make sure you come in fist for your first strand of training" Lauren said. We all glance around knowing that woun't happen. Eric doesn't even question how she could do that when she's not his instructer. I can hear Dare and Arrow muttering about how unfair that is and how he could take some one. Stupid boys.
"I pick Six!" We laugh not being able to keep it in. from the look on Uri's face this is what he wanted. I'm easily the smallest target here and my muscles aren't quite as dominate but you think that being a dauntless leader would give him some pause or question my abilities. Appearently not.
"Are you sure" Will asked. Eric nods smugly, Peter looks proud. Aww looks like he found a prodage, seems if he can't beat me he'll get a sixteen year old boy to. How sweet. Eric and Peter lead the way to the training room, followed closely by the initiates egar to see there first real fight. the rest of us drifted a little further back so Peter wouldn't hear our conversation.
"20 points says he cries," Uriah says.
"You're on Six will knock him unconcious, no time to cry," Christina says. "Easy money."
"No he conceds before the fifth minute," Marlene agruges.
"No way that pansycake takes five miniutes." Lynn sneers.
"Yeah, two tops,"Laren agrees.
We arive in and everyones huddled around the traing mat. "You ready for this Eric it's not to late to back out."
"Bring it on." I hear some one say go, and we start circling each other. I decide i'll play this fair and only use the moves I taught them in training. I wait wanting them to make the first move. I aims a punch to my face that I neatly dogge. He kicked my side but I catch his foot and use it as leaverage to flip him over. He gets up quickly, and I turn to the initiates.
"If you're going to kick make it fast." I take a side step and watch Eric stumple past me. "Did you really think i wasn't paying attention?" I glance at the timer amazed that it's only been forty-five seconds. I get a good kick in Eric's gut knocking him backwards. "You're elbow is you're strongest weapon, observe." I take my elbow and hit it anywear I can, him stomach, his head. I flip him over and imobalize him.
"Six he has fights tomorrow, you can't hurt him." Peter yells.
"That's not a rule," I snap. "Consede in the next ten seconds or I knock you unconcious." I hear the our "audience" counting down for me. "Eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four... Three... Two... On- "I concede," he whispered.
"Not good enough louder," I said cheerfully.
"I concede,"he yelled. I let go of his arms and we make are way back to the room.
We finish playing two hours later, almost everyone is drunk or nacked. "Okay initiates you have training tomorrow, back to bed." they started to gather up there clothes with out another word. Christina stoped them. "You can only wear what you have on, no adding clothes no covering your clothing will be returned tomorrow. they all groan and I can hear the girls start to complain, they look at Lynn and she glares at them, it silences everyone. I grab my clothing and stumble back to my apartment.
The fight should start in three minutes. I look at my watch it's 07:57, and Four is no where to be found. Most of the group has arrived, Eric is warming up in the corner sparring with Conner, he has a black eye and a busted lip, I heared he told everyone he got it beating up a drunken fence guard. I roll my eyes if only they new. I look at the timer it's 07:59. "Everybody warm up," I call as I quickly make my way down to the dinning hall, he's not there. I go back to the training room and peer into the window. To great surprise most people were practising, to greater surprise Four was there too.
"'Kay guys sorry i'm late, Four, Eric, start!" I call out. Everyone gathers around no wanting to miss this. I can tell by others reactions that this is the most anticipated fight. these two have been fighting for first and second since training started and It's exciting to see who would win.
I look and see the cocky grin Eric had last night is gone, he is now cold and calculating. Four looks focused and determined as they circle eachother, seeking any weakness they can find.
Eric charges and Four trys to block but fails. They begin to mock eachother.
"So... what not so tough are you stiff?" Eric sneered.
"Maybe maybe not. Maybe I should tell people what really happened to you." Four threatenned. "How tough would you been then?"
"And maybe I have to tell them what your real name was? Tommy? No Tob-" I was about to yell at them to cut the bickering and fight but something came over Tobias, he was making quick heavy punches to all Erics vunerable areas jumping back when Eric lashed out. With one finial punch the the head a single tooth fell out of Eric's mouth and he calsped on the floor. Four seemed to be unaware of this fact he kept hitting him. I moved in unwillingly to push him off Eric.
"That's enough, take a walk. He huffed and moved out of the room. The next fight started and I didn't pay much attention i didn't really need to. I was glad fights ended today and we didn't come back to them till next week. Sunshine beat Ruth quickly. Connor conceded exapeing the hospital but loosing massive points for cowardence. It's almost not worth it. Suprisingly Quinn beat Greyson. I send them all for water and tell them to come back in after five minutes as I write the new scheduale on the board.
1. Four
2. Eric
3. Sunshine
4. Elijah
6. Ruth
8. Connor
When the reenter the room they head straight for the board. Most seem please but do not understand the line seperating the name. Thankfully they are smart enough to know it is not good. "If your name is under the line there is a very good chance of you being cut after the end of the first leg of training. I suggest you but in more practise, those who do not pass are fractionless." I glance and see the faces paling in responce. All but Four he seems almost like he's in pain. "you are desmisted." I call out holding glares with Four. When he's moves to walk away I shack my head slightly but enough that he notices.
"Are you okay." I ask. He nods in response. I look at him but his eyes look vacant, he looks likes he's being haunted and I want to know what put that look on his face, to hurt whoever hurt him. I smile at him and see the sweet little Tobias I used to play with. "Come to this adress after lunch." I say as sweetly as I can. Tobias just nods.
He begins to walk away when I call out again to stap him. I hand him his spoils of war woundering if he really wants it. H e continues again out of the room pausing slightly at the door before leaving.
4POV
I sit down at the table with all the dauntless born initiates and listen to how gun trainings going. I explain the fights and show them my tooth. Well the one I took from Eric and they all seem impressed. They want to run the emergency to see how messed up he is but I have to go to that room Six told me to go to. I look at he adress again and stare at it confused. I have no idea where this is. I haven't really explored much of the compound. I show Zeke the adress at he stares at me blankly. Zeke asks why I have to go to Uriah's apartment and I'm stund that that's where Six is sending me. It makes sence now why she didn't care to give me what building it was. I can't help asking Zeke if Six lives with Uriah and him but he just starres at me dumbfounded.
"No she doesn't all the leaders have there own building? Why are you going there? And why are you asking about Six and Uriah?" he asks confused and I shrug it off trying not to look as confused as I am. So they don't live together does that make her single, wait no I dont care do i? No shut up Tobias.
I pause my own internal monologue that name sounds forgin in my own mind. I guess I am truely four now. Huh weird.
I move again slowly trugging closer and closer to the door. I raised my hend to knock on the door not knowing what to exsect on the other side.
6POV
My job never ends, instructer, leader, and consellor. though i've never had to do much for the last one I cant shake the look Four gave me at the end of the fight. It was worse than the end of his fear simulation. I've never seen someone so scared after a fight. Before sure, but after you
win you feel happy or guiltly not scared I don't understand. I send a quick text to Uriah.
Don't come home uzing ur apt for couns sesh-6
he's quick to respond.
u no u have 1 2 right?-URIIII :)
I smile at the phone.
Using urs so no 1 nos where I live.-6
kk-URIIII :)
I unlock his aptment and set up my office. I smile as all my stuff is here. I practiclly live here. We all do, Uri throws the partys and this is where we hang out. He was living with his brother before Zeke was choosing so it's also the biggest. I've taken to this place as a second home. No one knows where I live and I like to keep it that way, all they know is I live in the leaders building.
I pulll up the couch and the lazy boy all in black leather, I make a pot of coffee some hot chocolate and put the kettle for tea. I realise I'm going over board but have no idea why. I try to remeber the little boy I use to baby sit. Before everything happened. I would play with Tobias while his parents were volunteering. He was four and I was seven, eight, but in abnegation thats like twenty. Your made to grow up very quickly. I'm still convinced that the only reason children are given toys is to play with is so they can give them up and learn to be less selfish.
I scowl in memory and pile all of Uriah's cake onto a plate. I write a note that says Sorry I'll replace Tris. I clear my head when theres a knock at the door. I place on my best let's do this smile.
4 POV
The door opens and she stands there smiling. the light coming from behind her giving her a heavenly glow. My little angle. Wait no bad Four.
6 POV
I open the door smiling and invite him to come sit and make himself at home. I almost laugh at my joke. Make your self at home I sure have. We sit there in comfterable silence. Abnegation style. I deside to brake it noting that it's not good to spend to much time with Tobias, he has me turning back in to my old self. That shy little girl who hid behind her past. Not anymore, I drop the smile and break the silence starring into the mirror trying to rebel from my past in the simplest ways. I will not go back.
"Four, I'm a little concerned," I start he perks up looking confused. "Four you looked terrified after your fight. i'm here talk to me." He abrubtly looks away. "i'm not leaving, neither are you so you might as well talk." I know now this was the wrong approach. I groan internally.
"Okay scrap that, lets try something else." I suggest, he looks more apprehensive."Ok so I'm the transfer counslours and nothing said in this space gets repeated. This will have no impact on your training unless you refuse it. Nothing said will make you look week or cowardly but those who hide from help are the cowards." I give my speal and he starres with the a look of no expresion.
"So just try you can say yes no or pass okay?" I ask. "Did you have fun last night?"
"Yeah," he says.
"Good favorite part?" I wonder.
"You singing" I scowl at the memory but smile that he seems willing to answer longer questions.
"Are you making friends?" I ask curious.
"Not so much with the transfers, but the dauntless born are cool. It doesn't make sence to make friends then try and beat them." He shrugges. I nod that seems perfectly understandable.
"Do you miss you friends back home," I read from my list not thinking. I reliase this list was not written for abnegation in mind.
"What friends" he scofts. I nod along. the closest you hand was akward acquaintances.
"I had friends I used to play with in Abnegation" I say. He looks shocked. "You were one of them." I add. He doesn't say anything.
"You mean you dont remember me at all?" I ask feigning hurt. he shakes his head.
"I remeber very little, playing outside, hiding from-" he stops talking.
"From Marcus," I finish for him, he nods. He's turned pale and I wonder what he did to him. No i've seen the fear lanscape I know.
"Tobias," he flinches at the sound of his old name, "I know what he did to you. I saw the fear landscape, I saw th marks on you and," I can't say her name. I don't want to force Tobias remember her it will just make him worse. "I know but he's not here, he can't hurt you here, and if you let me i'll help you make sure no body can hurt you in that way again, but I need help" I confess. He seems intreseted egar to help. "Why were you so scared? After the fight, please tobias let me in." I try pleading with my eyes wanting to help his little boy whose been through so much.
"I'm not scared of him, i'm am him." he whispered into his hands so quite i'm not sure how to respond.
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"When I foght Eric he said thing that got me mad so I lost it. I couldn't control my anger, I just saw red. the sick part is...is I liked it. I liked having power over him" he said shoving his head further into his hands.
"I can help you control that. " I offer, "Your fears, your anger, I can give you the power of control over others and more important yourself, but you have to want it."
He nods.
4POV
We sit me on the couch, and Six on the lazyboy. The silence is easy and nice. No one tries to fill it. I reminds me of my time in Abnegation. I look at Six and wonder if she's thinking of it too. Something flashes across her face and she begins.
"Four, I'm a little concerned,"she starts.I stare at her confused. Why is she concerned? I'm doing well in initiation aren't I? I beat Eric, oh thats it. She saw the monster I became. Did I scare her? "Four you looked terrified after your fight. I'm here talk to me."
I silently curse myself, that's not very dauntless, and there no way I can tell Six why I was scared. No I can't do that. I can't even look at her.
"I'm not leaving, neither are you so you might as well talk." She says sternly. Works for me, i'll stay I'm not talking.
"Okay scrap that, lets try something else." I suggest, She must have gotten the responce she wanted because she keeps talking."Ok so I'm the transfer counslours and nothing said in this space gets repeated. This will have no impact on your training unless you refuse it. Nothing said will make you look week or cowardly but those who hide from help are the cowards."
I starre at her, 'kay so i'll be factionless I think to myself. T hat sucks. I'm still not talking to her about this. Why would she want to. Let's just not and said we did. Simple.
"So just try you can say yes no or pass okay?" she asks. "Did you have fun last night?"
"Yeah," I say smiling at the stupid things we did.
"Good favorite part?" she asks.
That's not a yes or no question. I think to myself but answer it anyways not seeing the harm.
"You singing" She scowls at the memory but smiles to so I don't think I'm in any real trouble. "Are you making friends?" she asks sounding curious.
"Not so much with the transfers, but the dauntless born are cool. It doesn't make sence to make friends then try and kick them out." I shrug. She nods in what i hope is understanding.
"Do you miss you friends back home," She asks and this is the first time I question if she really was Abnegation. If you had friends you were doing something wrong. You had people who worked on the same volunteer projects and thats it.
"What friends" I scoft the closest I had was akward acquaintances.
"I had friends I used to play with in Abnegation" she whispers. I stare in amazment. "You were one of them." I don't say anything.
"You mean you dont remember me at all?"She asked sounding hurt but was smiling. All I could do was shake my head. I do remember but not all are nice, I was very young for most of it. I start to think of real memories
"I remeber very little, playing outside, hiding from-" I can't say his name.
"From Marcus,"she says the name I flinch. She might as well called the devil there.
"Tobias," I flinch at the sound of my old name, "I know what he did to you. I saw the fear landscape, I saw the marks on you and,"Is she talking about my mother? Evelyn was a second mother to Beatrice and I know she misses her to. "I know but he's not here, he can't hurt you here, and if you let me i'll help you make sure no body can hurt you in that way again, but I need help. Why were you so scared? After the fight, please tobias let me in."She's practicly pleading, and I can't refuse her as much as I want to. I feel this need to keep her happy.
"I'm not scared of him, i'm am him." I admit in defeat.
Why do you think that?" She asked.
"When I foght Eric he said thing that got me mad so I lost it. I couldn't control my anger, I just saw red. the sick part is...is I liked it. I liked having power over him" I said shoving my head further into my hands.
"I can help you control that. Your fears, your anger, I can give you the power of control over others and more important yourself, but you have to want it." she says.
I nod oh god do I want that. I will not be him. I can't be.
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please :)