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Chapter 4. Making Memories

Olivia had arrived home and Nick had left quickly, sensing her need to be alone with Noah. It was still early and she was meant to be to returning to work, but she couldn't face it today so Nick had offered to make an excuse. She rocked Noah in her arms and whispered nonsense into his ear as he was rocked into sleep. He was a warm weight in her arms, and she was comforted by the fact that he was completely oblivious to the perils that had surrounded him for most of his life. Olivia paced around the flat, still cradling Noah in her arms. She didn't want to put him down. She was scared of letting go and never being able to grasp him again.

Her mind was swamped with questions about the future. Questions that she had no answers for. Noah was all she cared about at the moment. She wondered what would happen when she was gone or when she couldn't look after him anymore. She wondered if someone would love and care for him the way she did. She wondered if there would be someone he could run to in the night if the nightmares were too scary. She wondered about so many things, and she hoped for so much more.

A soft wriggle forced her abruptly from her thoughts. She glanced down at Noah and watched as he began to wake. He was beginning to get heavy now as he was no longer a small baby but a beautiful toddler, so she sat down with him and let him rise slowly from his slumber, so as to avoid any grouchiness later on. He yawned and Olivia smiled at him, wishing she could freeze this moment forever.

As it was still only late afternoon Olivia decided to take him to the play park for a while. She zipped up his little jacket and slid his feet into a pair of boots. As they left she chattered away to him, making him smile. The air was cool outside and everywhere you looked you could see winters inevitable approach. Olivia though it was beautiful. How the coloured leaves drifted to the floor, hiding the grey in mountains of different shades. The way her breath billowed in front of her face, reminding her that she was well and truly alive. Given her current predicament, this comforted her.

They played together for an hour or so. The swings held the most joy as Noah's giggles increased the higher he went. Olivia watched him with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Other happy families drifted in and out of the park. A whirlwind of faces that she would never see again. Each one seeming as content and the next. Olivia was sure that she appeared to fit in with these faces. To them she was simply another mother enjoying precious time with her child, and Olivia liked that they thought that because for now, whilst she still could, that was the person she was going to be.

Eventually it started to get later and the air cooled considerably. Olivia didn't like the idea of walking home alone with Noah during twilight, so she bundled him up and they walked back to the apartment. Automatically she fed and changed him. Then, they sat together watching silly cartoons until it was time for bed. As she stood over his cot and watched him drift to sleep she was reminded that he wasn't a baby anymore and that tomorrow she was going to have to start making some decisions, as well as telling the squad about her diagnosis. God she was dreading that.

For now though she watched as Noah slept, wishing that they had forever...

'A thousand words won't bring you back,

I know because I've tried,

Neither will a thousand tears,

I know because I've cried.'

- KILY DUNBAR

Sorry it's short, but I felt that was all it needed. Please review!