Sorry you have had to wait and thanks to for the idea for this chapter... Enjoy!

Chapter 5: Preparations

It was late. So late in fact that it had become early. Noah had been asleep for hours and Olivia was sat on the couch in the silence. She cradled a large glass of red wine in her hand and by the pool of light that the lamp threw out she took occasional sips. Once upon a time she had drunk to forget a particularly bad day at work, she didn't need any help forgetting now. Instead she drank because she could, and because she was dying.

She was dying.

This thought shocked her a little. She had never seen Alzheimer's as something that would kill her, but as something that would wipe her memory. Now she realised that this condition was slowly eating away at her and eventually it would see her demise. Her head turned towards Noah's open bedroom door as she heard the infant sigh contentedly in his sleep. As she sat there listening to her son she made a decision, and with this decision she got up and pulled out her laptop. She opened it facing her and placed it on her lap and then set the camera to record.

'Hey guys. If you're watching this it means I'm either dead or a vegetable. I'm sorry I couldn't stick around to see the end of the performance but I guess there not gonna let me back in after the interval. Anyway, I guess that this is what you would call a 'casual will' and I'm giving it to you guys because aside from Noah you're the only true family I've got. So here we go...

... I don't care what happens to me. Let my name fade into the darkness and forget about who I am. But I will ask one thing of you. Make sure Noah is safe. He will be too young to remember me so leave it that way. Make sure he never hears my name again and I will simply become a blurred image of the lady who once used to visit. I don't want him to suffer. He can find a new mom. Someone fit enough to give him the life he deserves. Please don't let the ghost of me haunt him. I can't leave this world knowing he will cry for me on the anniversary of my death.'

At this point a single tear dripped down her cheek and her body shook, but she knew she had to go on.

'Please make sure he is happy and healthy and safe, but there is no need to burden him with two dead mothers. I want everyone, including you guys, to forget about me. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was going to cause you pain. So bury me, let me rot, and never look back, because I'm not worth it. Keep doing your jobs. You don't need me. Be brilliant and save people's lives, and help the survive. But don't do it in my legacy, do it in your own. Make sure people talk of you as their saviour. The person who helped them when nobody else would.'

Again she paused and took in a deep raggedy breath. Overtook by emotion. Her eyes watered and her voice went slightly higher before turning into a whisper as she tried to battle the tears.

'You've all been so kind to me, and I love you for it. You became my family and supported me when it felt like I was facing a losing battle. You are the best things that ever happened to me along with Noah, and I feel proud to have known you and fought with you to keep people safe. I'm sorry you have had to cope with me and all that has happened over the last few years but I am so grateful to you all. Nick you are wonderful man, and never let anyone tell you different. Amanda, you are beautiful, and strong, and brilliant, and don't ever deny it. If anyone sees Cragen or Munch tell them from me that they are the kindest, funniest, and most difficult men to work with, but I love them all the same. Finally Fin. I see you as a brother and you've always been there for me when others have left. I love you. I love you all...Thank you.'

Her last words were barely audible as tears streamed down her face. She shut of the camera and sent the file to her work laptop, which she knew would be looked at in depth by the team once she had died and they would then surely find the video, especially if it was addressed clearly to them. Slowly she dragged her hand across her face, wiping away the tears and leaving only a quiet, lonely face to sit, staring in the dark.

Anyway im crying so I'm gonna leave it there for now. Please review and tell me what you think my next move should be.