Dearest Father,

I went to see Anders like I had planned. I couldn't get the image of all those tranquil in the Gallows out of my head, and I just knew I had to speak with him about it. I'm glad I went, because he knew exactly what I was talking about. In fact he knew even more.

First he told me that the templars were in Darktown the other night, checking the refugee camps for apostates. He's concerned that they will eventually come for him, being that the clinic isn't exactly a secret in Kirkwall. That got me wondering why they haven't already come for Anders, but I didn't want to tell him of my concern; he seemed worried enough. Between the curfews and the raids on mages families lately, he's been hiding in his clinic afraid to go out.

I was concerned about Justice, and asked Anders how he's handling everything. Anders said his anger mixed with the emotions Justice feels from the fade may finally be having negative effects on him. He's trying to counter that negativity by helping the mages as best he can, but he's afraid he may not be able to control his actions when it comes to Justice. I promised to keep an eye on him, but little did I know my promise would be tested sooner rather than later.

Anders had noticed the tranquil too. He said every single day there are more and more mages turned, some of them he knew and also knew they had passed their Harrowing. I might not have gone through the Harrowing, but you taught me enough to know that it's illegal for the templars to do such a thing. Yet Anders says there's a plan to turn every mage in Kirkwall tranquil within the next three years.

I know Cullen and I aren't exactly seeing eye to eye lately, but I find it hard to believe he's involved in such a thing. Or Thrask, or even Carver! To think all the templars are aware of this plan...Father I couldn't believe it, even as Anders continued to give me the details. I know they aren't all heartless, I've seen it for myself. But try explaining that to Anders. The death of his friend Karl still weighs heavily on his heart, and he told me the templar that had made him tranquil was Alrik.

That name scares me. After hearing all the tranquil wandering the Gallows saying they belong to Alrik now...just who is this man? Anders wasn't willing to tell me all the details, especially with Aveline and Sebastian by my side. I brought Sebastian with me to try and open his eyes to what us mages are dealing with, and Aveline needs to see for herself what is happening within her city. She may be Captain of the guard, but she seems to turn a blind eye to the mage templar situation.

Anders did let us know a little bit more about Alrik though. About how he's been experimenting on mages, seeing how far he needs to push them before they fall to demons and blood magic. Then he uses that excuse to make them tranquil, and he's justified in the eyes of the knight-commander. Maybe I'm foolish for still believing there are good templars, but I try to remember everything you've taught me and what I've seen with my own eyes since being here. I told Anders we need proof of what Alrik is doing, and then we'll bring that evidence to the Grand Cleric and to Meredith if we have to.

I was surprised and also a little proud that Sebastian and Aveline agreed to join us in searching for this proof. I think Sebastian was really only going to protect me, which is sweet of course. Aveline said if this is really happening then she needs to know about it, and will help us get access to Meredith to let her know what some of her templars are doing. I can only hope for the best outcome: we find Alrik and put a stop to it, open up the eyes of the templars and the Chantry, and save future mages from being wrongly made tranquil.

"Anders," Hawke said his name calmly as he was busy ransacking one of his trunks. "It's clear you're upset, but please. We need to talk about this."

"'Upset' doesn't begin to cover it," Anders replied without turning to look at her. "You were the only thing that kept me from murdering an innocent girl. It's all gone wrong...Justice and I..." he trailed off, choked up on his own obvious tears.

Hawke moved closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Anders," she called to him again, but he barely recognized she was there.

"I'm just a monster," he whispered. "An abomination."

She knelt down beside him to draw his attention. "The Anders I know wouldn't just give up like this, let the templars win."

"Maybe they deserve to win," he replied. "They're right you know. How can I fight for the freedom of mages when I am an example of the worst that freedom brings?"

Hawke took his hand in hers. "Mages are dangerous, you and I both know this, and know that is why this has been so hard. But why not make yourself the proof that mages can control their powers? Your struggle is greater than most I agree, but just like you'd tell any other mage, you have to believe in yourself."

Anders turned to finally look at her. "I don't know how," he admitted. "How can I even trust myself to heal anymore? What if that...creature of vengeance turns on a patient? Will he...will I...resist? It's too much, I can't risk it."

She held back her own tears at seeing the pain in his eyes. "Do you remember a conversation we had once on the steps outside my uncle's place? Right after we found out that Thrask's daughter turned to blood magic?"

Of course he did. Anders remembered every moment he spent with her, though he wasn't quick to admit it. She had made it perfectly clear that they were only friends, something he still struggled to accept. But he'd rather have her friendship than nothing at all, so he kept his feelings from her. "You thought that you might one day be that weak."

"That's right," she smiled. "And you told me the reason I never would was because I was strong. That I had a good heart, and have done nothing but help people since I'd come to Kirkwall. Anders, do you not realize that you are also strong? That you too have a kind and generous heart? You run this clinic and help people without asking for coin or anything in return. You're helping innocent apostates live freely in the city and helping those in danger escape the Gallows. You need to believe in yourself, believe that you can control this spirit inside you. You need to believe it because I believe it."

Dearest Father,

I am thankful for the quiet in the estate tonight. Mother is out, which I thank the Maker for, because she did not need to see me in the condition I returned home in. Finding the proof of this Tranquil Solution Anders spoke about was much more intense than I thought it would be. I suppose I didn't really realize what to expect. The unrealistic world I live in sometimes in my head made me think Alrik would be reasonable and just admit to what he was doing. How very wrong I was.

Anders took us to an underground tunnel that led to the Gallows. I was surprised he had no problem letting Sebastian and Aveline know where it was or even that I had asked them to come along. He agreed with my thinking that they both should see for themselves what is happening to the mages in Kirkwall. Immediately we ran into resistance in the tunnels; lyrium smugglers. Anders said it was they who originally built the tunnels in order to service the templars and their addictions. I guess some of them require more than the usual amount of lyrium issued by the Chantry?

It wasn't long before we heard the screams of a woman. Following the noise we came upon a group of templars surrounding a very frightened mage. She was begging the templars not to hurt her, saying how she only wanted to see her mom. My heart broke for her Father...she was so scared, so innocent in her request. But the lead templar wasn't taking any pity on the girl, and immediately threatened her. She was on her knees Father, begging this man not to make her tranquil.

His voice...oh Father his voice sent a chill through my body. The way he gleefully stated that once she was tranquil she'd do anything he asked. I was horrified. I felt her fear, felt it as my very own, and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to kill that man. I confronted him, foolishly perhaps, but my own anger drove me to it. Now that I think about it, I wonder if Justice coming to the surface within Anders was fueling that anger. I felt the energy from the fade, I knew Anders was losing control, and a sense of vengeance flooded me as well.

Before the templar, Alrik in case you didn't guess, could answer me, Justice did indeed surface. There was no more discussion. I fought as hard as Justice did. I wanted these templars dead. I needed them to die. It was nearly impossible for me to resist the hate I felt inside as we killed templar after templar, and then finally Alrik. I can almost see now why Anders has such a hard time of it; just being near him with that negative energy from the fade...Father I feared myself.

The fight had ended, but Justice hadn't disappeared. I tried to speak to him, used Anders' name and tried to make him see that all the templars were dead and he could calm down now. But the anger inside Anders seemed to only fuel Justice, and I admit I had to take a step back under the intense fluorescent glow of his eyes. Sebastian moved to stand between us to protect me, but Justice's attention was called elsewhere when the mage girl we had just saved called Justice a demon.

He almost did it Father. Justice almost killed her. I don't know how I managed to reach Anders but somehow I did, and he struggled to regain control before Justice could do it. I tried to help, to intervene, but it felt as if Justice was channeling all of the power of the fade and I couldn't use any magic. Aveline and Sebastian tried to help as well, but the glow from Justice was so bright it had blinded them momentarily. In the end, only Anders could've saved her, and he did.

Ashamed of his actions, Anders fled before we searched Alrik's corpse. We found a letter that Alrik had written to Divine Justinia in response to her and Meredith rejecting his proposal for the Tranquil Solution. In it was mention of his original plan: all mages must be made tranquil in order to co-exist peacefully and retain their usefulness. He felt this was the best way to ensure mages obey the laws of men and the Maker. His reasoning for this was the amount of mages that couldn't be contained and the fact that mages had found a way to plant abominations within the templar ranks.

I knew the actions of Tarohne wouldn't just go away quietly. Ever since the incident with Keran and the templar recruits things have become a bit tighter in the Gallows. That I can understand, but Alrik took this to an entirely new level with this plan of his. Thankfully Meredith and the Divine Herself didn't agree with him.

I told Sebastian and Aveline to meet me here tomorrow so we can go to Elthina and Cullen and ask them about where they stand on Alrik's plan. Mostly I just wanted to get rid of them so I could go check on Anders. He was a mess when I found him, planning to leave Kirkwall never to return in fear of what Justice may do next. I think I convinced him to stay, and once I showed him Alrik's letter he seemed hopeful that maybe there was a possibility for change. I invited him to come along tomorrow as well. I'm hoping that he hears what he needs to hear from them and maybe then he'd feel more comfortable getting their assistance with Justice.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sebastian asked Hawke when he entered the estate. He was the first of the three to arrive, and took the opportunity to address his concerns with her.

"What do you fear more Sebastian?" she asked out of curiosity. "My confronting the Grand Cleric or Cullen?"

"Both," he stated. "You intend on not only admitting to the both of them that you killed Alrik, but that you have proof there's a sinister plot to make all mages tranquil, a fact that is clearly the work of one mad templar and no one else."

"That we know of," Hawke said. "It takes more than one templar to make a mage tranquil, and there were others with Alrik in those tunnels. I know you and I see differently when it comes to mages Sebastian; I've heard your comments when you speak to the others and think I'm not listening."

"Being a brother in the Chantry has made me believe the words of the prophet Andraste, this is true," Sebastian said. "But being in your company has also shown me that it is possible to be a mage, a good mage, outside of the walls of the Circle."

Hawke smiled at the compliment, but it was only briefly as she thought about the several conversations they had yet to have on the subject. "I thought maybe you'd be more concerned that Elthina will think less of you for accompanying me," she admitted. "I know how much her opinion means to you."

"Aye, it does," Sebastian admitted. "But you mean something to me too Hawke, a fact that has my heart torn in two."

This sudden admission from the man she had thought about constantly over the years caused her to take a step back, unable to fight the shocked expression she knew was on her face. Did he just admit to...caring for her? In more than a friendship kind of way? Or was she being foolish and reading into it...

Before she could inquire further, Aveline arrived with Anders, and the conversation was promptly ended as he turned to greet the others. Anders approached her, seeing the clear shock on her face still, and became concerned. "Marian? Are you alright?"

It took her a minute to realize Anders was even there, or that he and Aveline had arrived. She shook her head to clear her mind and smiled at him. "I'm fine," she said. "Are you ready to do this?"

Anders tried to manage a grin as he shrugged. "I don't know. Only one way to learn the truth though right?"

Hawke nodded. "Exactly. Let's go."

Their first visit was to Elthina. She was more concerned about Alrik's murder than the papers Hawke had shown her. Hawke couldn't believe, or didn't want to believe, that Elthina may have agreed with Alrik's plan. Even Anders spoke up, reiterating the point that Alrik was trying to turn every mage in Kirkwall tranquil.

"Ser Alrik made a suggestion, yes," Elthina admitted to knowing about the plan. "But we turned him down."

Something in the way she had said those words didn't make it quite believable. Surprisingly, before Hawke or Anders could comment on it, Aveline spoke up. "But you don't condemn the practice outright," she stated to the Grand Cleric.

Elthina sighed. "The Right of Tranquility has always been a last resort. It has saved lives, but it is not without its costs." She looked directly at Hawke, and then Anders behind her, finally settling her gaze upon Sebastian who had remained silent. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have nothing more to say on the matter."

"Well, that was helpful," Anders said sarcastically after Elthina had left them alone. "Clearly she knew about it, and am I the only one that sensed a bit of dishonesty?"

"Careful Anders," Sebastian warned. "You are still in the house of the Maker, throwing out accusations about one of His most loyal subjects."

Aveline spoke up yet again. "Even you have to admit Sebastian that she wasn't exactly forthcoming in her opinion. I don't think she aided Alrik in what he was doing, but I don't think she did anything to prevent it either."

"Sebastian has a point," Hawke interrupted before the conversation got out of hand. "Perhaps this discussion is best for outside these walls. Let's go see what Cullen has to say."

The bickering behind her on the way to the Gallows was nearly driving Hawke mad. For once Aveline and Anders had sided together and Sebastian was struggling to defend the Chantry and Elthina's actions, or lack of action. Hawke remained out of the banter for a time, not wishing to completely gang up on Sebastian. Silently she agreed with Anders and Aveline; it was very clear Elthina wouldn't care one way or the other if all mages were made tranquil. Which only reinforced her suspicion that the Grand Cleric did not approve of Sebastian having anything to do with her.

By the time they reached the Gallows, Cullen had become the unfortunate target of Hawke's anger and frustration. Before he could even say hello, Hawke began the accusations. "Your Ser Alrik was working on a plan to turn all mages tranquil," she stated while handing him the letter they had found.

Cullen narrowed his eyes at her. "I will not ask how you came by the personal effects of a man recently discovered murdered within our own walls," he replied. "It's true there has been some discussion of the idea but as you can see it has gone no further than that."

"You expect us to believe that?" Anders asked.

Sebastian continued his previous argument in reply to Anders. "Contrary to your belief not everyone is out to persecute mages."

"The Harrowing has served us well enough for centuries," Cullen stated calmly, trying to convince Hawke and Anders. "It will be up to the mages themselves whether or not they push us to more stringent measures."

Hawke felt her heart grow heavy with the words he had just spoken. "It sounds like you support this then," she whispered, unable to believe what she was hearing. Although she and Cullen had certainly had their disagreements in the past, she never considered the possibility he would allow such a thing to happen.

"The tranquil ritual was created as a mercy so that mages not be killed out of hand for a threat they might pose," Cullen informed her. "There is an argument to be made for applying it more widely."

Anders turned to Hawke, clearly upset. "Are you going to listen to this? He's no better than Ser Alrik!"

Cullen became defensive at Anders' words. "Do you think it's easy to contain a mage that truly wants to deal with demons?" he asked Anders. "We've done our best. But many mages have made it clear they view the ritual as no better than death."

"How nice for you that you can have that opinion," Hawke answered him. "And that you are free to express it without fear of having your emotions ripped from you by a sunburst branded on your forehead." She turned to Anders and he saw her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. It was clear she was wrong about all of it. Elthina, Cullen, even Sebastian believed that Alrik wasn't entirely wrong in his thinking. "I suggest we leave Anders, before they find our wanting to live in peace offensive."

"Hawke, wait!" Sebastian called to her, but she ignored him. Aveline held him back, allowing Hawke the space she clearly needed.

Anders put his arm around her shoulders as they walked away, and once they stepped on to the boat and were away from the Gallows, Hawke allowed the tears to finally fall.