Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.
Start from Scratch
Chapter 15 – Out in the open.
No One's POV.
The pair crossed the street, ate at the Chinese restaurant and had a good time. Jade made a point to keep acting like her old self, even if she didn't really feel that way.
"I used to pride myself on the terror I caused, look at me. I was Jade, a force to be reckoned with. Now I have to force myself to be mean to people. How pathetic." Jade thought to herself as they ate.
During the meal they talked of their forced playdate and compared the food to Nozu. Both concluded it wasn't any better. But still they had a good time.
After coming home, Tori looked to Jade.
"It was mean what you did to those girls and you were nasty to the waitress."
"She sucked rocks, my 85 year old grandmother could have done better and she's in a wheelchair." Jade interjected.
Tori, not liking the interruption, huffed. "But I was saying, beyond that, I had a good time. Thank you."
Jade smiled. "You're welcome. It's almost 4 pm, what are you going to do for the rest of the day?"
"I'm going to lie down for a bit, I'm just a bit tired."
"Ok, have a good nap." Jade said as she plopped down on the couch.
A moment later, Jade quietly watched Tori as she walked into her room and closed the door.
Jade let out a sigh. "It was fun while it lasted."
The rest of the night went as it did so normally, Tori emerged from her room about 6:30 and helped Jade make dinner. Afterwards they ate and as soon as dishes were cleaned up, Tori went back to her room for the evening. Feeling pessimistic, Jade wondered if again her efforts were in vain. But then she thought back to her earlier self.
"Old me wouldn't give up so easy. West….Keep it up."
The next day Monday, Jade wondered what she could try to keep building things back up. Then it came to her a simple walk. So that evening during dinner, Jade asked.
"Now that it's warmer, I was thinking of taking some evening walks. Just around the neighborhood. When we've got dinner cleaned up, would you like to join me."
Much to Jade's delight, Tori's face seem to light up. "I've read that taking a walk after dinner is a good way to get your metabolism going. It also helps work off diner."
So that night they took a short walk. It was a nice warm night and little was actually said. While both women were troubled and had much on their minds, the quiet walk helped them put those troubles aside for a short bit.
At the end of the walk, Jade thanked Tori for going. Tori promptly expressed interest in doing so again.
Another changes was made the next day, Jade had remarked that and old Fred Astaire movie, Top Hat, was going to be on TV. Tori for the first time asked if she could watch it with Jade.
Over the next several weeks, things began to change. More and more Tori would spend time with Jade watching TV or talking. They took walks three times a week and started to do things. Jade kept up her plan to act like her old self, even if it annoyed Tori.
But the Latina seemed to respond by more and more acting like her old self.
Jade of course, kept going to The Playpen on the weekends to watch Tori work. Though she enjoyed watching Tori, it only made clear the fact that while they were rebuilding their friendship, Jade had no idea if Tori was really interested in anything else.
There was another thing. Jade avoided talk of Beck and Tori did the same. It made it easier to ignore her remaining feelings for him. But Jade did want to at least make amends for what she did the day after the party. Recant her story of the rape and in the process humiliate Tori.
It weighed like a stone on Jade's conscience. However 3 separate times Jade attempted to breach the subject and 3 times, Tori instantly shut down the topic. Each time Jade brought it up, Tori would be distant for 2-3 days afterward.
Jade couldn't figure out why Tori would not let the subject come up. Jade saw it as a potential obstacle to them moving forward and with each passing day, the guilt seemed to weigh a bit more.
By late-June, it had been several weeks since that day at the movie theatre and things were very much feeling like old times. Jade however began to get restless. The closer she drew to Tori, the more she wanted to tell the Latina how she felt. She still was very unsure of her sexuality, but knew that she truly wanted to explore a potential relationship with Tori. Jade felt the pull more and more. She didn't know how Tori would react. Jade did ask a few questions about Tori's dating life in New York, but it seemed to be a question that Tori didn't want to discuss. All Tori said was that she dated here and there and it never worked out.
All of this made Jade more and more anxious. She knew she could make a move and if Tori was not receptive it could ruin all she had rebuilt. Jade loved having Tori as a friend again and she was truly afraid of losing it.
Jade even began to wonder if she was doing the right thing by watching Tori at work. It was very stalkerish and it began to bother Jade.
Jade of course hid her rising anxiety behind her old façade and it seemed that Tori was none the wiser. More and more it plagued Jade how to proceed or if she even should.
After a long week, Friday night found Jade at The Playpen. As usual, she was in the back her normal spot, watching Tori.
Near the end of the night, Barbie walked over to Jade, only to notice the Goth had a rather sad expression.
"Why the long face Jade."
Jade shook her head. "I don't think I'm going to come back her after tonight."
Barbie furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Why, you really like her."
"I do, but it's so complicated. We're reestablished our friendship, but we're still very damaged people. I like her a lot and I want to tell her that, but I just can't run the risk of ruining our friendship. More and more this simply doesn't feel right, being her, spying on her."
Barbie listened carefully and put her hand on Jade's shoulder. "You're too afraid of losing what you have to even try to move further. Even being here, you see as a threat to what you've gotten back. Yes?"
Jade nodded. "I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights. No one's been able to get under my skin so thoroughly. I just need to work on keeping what I have."
Barbie flashed a sympathetic smile. "Tell you what, I've got a break coming up in a few minutes. I'll get you a drink and we can talk. Perhaps we can come up with something to help you."
Jade sighed. "No. I think I'll just leave its hopeless and I'm only going to screw things back up. I've hurt her once, badly and I don't want to do it again. I've got to think of what I want to do. Stay in New York or maybe go back home."
Barbie, poked Jade in the chest. "At least let me get you one for the road. You've been good to Tori and have really helped her out of her shell. I owe you that."
"Fine." Jade relented.
"Don't move. I'll be right back." Barbie said as she drifted into the crowd, towards the front of the club. There she covertly motioned to Tori that she wanted to speak to her out of Jade's sight.
Tori nodded slightly and moved to the corner by the side bar where Jade couldn't see, where Barbie was waiting.
"What's up Barbie?"
Barbie raised a fist to Tori's face. "I ought to slug you. I've been telling you for weeks to let Jade know you're into women."
Tori demurred. "It's not easy and we've just been enjoying being friends again."
"Look I know that, but from what she's said and how she looks, she's on the verge of giving up hope. Not to mention she terrified of messing up your renewed friendship. It's really bothering her. She even feels guilty about coming her. She says she's not coming back."
Tori's face fell. "No…I didn't want that. I've been too afraid, there are things that still can come between us, I mean really come between us."
"Look Tori, I get it. You're damaged and hurt, she's damaged and hurt. I think you really need to risk telling her. I know it's not easy for you to talk about, but this is really starting to eat her. You two can really help each other."
"You really think?" Said Tori with a pensive look.
Barbie took a drink from the bartender and placed it on Tori's tray. "Take her this drink. You talk to Jade now, before she leaves. Stacy and I will help cover your section."
Barbie leaned in close. "Go and get that beautiful pale goddess, because if you don't, I WILL. NOW MOVE!"
Gathering her courage, Tori smiled. "I will."
In the back of the club, Jade scanned the crowd for Tori, but was unable to see her.
"Damn it Vega. Where are you?" Cursed Jade.
"Right behind you." Came the curt reply that caused Jade to freeze.
Knowing she had been busted, Jade slowly turned around to see Tori. The Latina had an unreadable expression that only made Jade more nervous.
"I…I…can explain…."
A look of anger flashed across Tori's face. "Explain that you followed me and have been coming here every Friday and Saturday night for the last two months. Watching me, dressed like this, work. I've known for weeks you've been coming here."
Jade's only reply was an increasingly shocked expression.
"Yes Jade I knew. Barbie is one of my best friends. Barbie busted you. Tell me, do you like me in this short skirt, fuck me boots and no top, other than the small pasties covering my nipples?"
Jade was starting to freak out. "Uhhh…"
Tori huffed in displeasure. "Uhhh…is not a proper answer. Yes you like watching me half naked or No you don't like watching me half naked. "
"Yes." Squeaked Jade.
Looking to be gathering her thoughts, Tori took a deep breath. "You want to know why I hate Cat so much."
"I don't see what this has to do with….."
"It does, do you want to know, because it's not easy for me to tell the story, hear it now or never."
"OK."
"I had just found out that Record exec, Ace Decade, not only took a restraining order out against me, but also singly handedly made sure that no one in the music industry would talk to me ever. Naturally I was devastated. So much so, I dropped out of school. What's the point of majoring in music if you have no chance for a career? Follow me."
Jade could tell that Tori was having a very hard time telling the story. It was as if Tori had to struggle to get each single word out. Jade knew this was important to she listened intently.
"I needed someone to lean on. I really needed someone. So I called Cat and asked if I could come and visit. I mentioned I had a problem and needed a friend. We'd talked occasionally, but not much lately. She said of course and invited me to stay with her in Boston for the weekend. I packed my gear and took the train to Boston."
Tori took a deep breath as a look of pain registered in her eyes. "She met me at the station and gave me a big hug. It was like old times. She did talk about God and that reverend a lot and talked about her new church group. Still she was very supportive. We had dinner and I told her what happened. She was very sympathetic and I felt better for the first time it happened. A bit later at her apartment…"
Tori sighed and appeared to choke up. "She happened to ask if I had a boyfriend and what he thought of it. I told her that I was a lesbian. Yes Jade, a lesbian. It was like someone flipped a switch. She started to curse me, said I was a dirty whore, damned to hell. She told me that I deserved what happened to me and it was God's divine punishment for turning my back on him. For a 20 full minutes she screamed at me, telling me that I was a worthless, filthy, immoral, human being, who by simply being in her apartment, contaminated it. She then kicked me out and told me never to talk to her again."
More tears ran down Tori's face. "I needed a friend, I really did and she stabbed me in the back. I caught the last train home to New York that night and cried all the way home. "
Jade suddenly felt terrible. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Tori closed her eyes, wiped her tears and took a minute to compose herself. Only then did she look back at Jade.
"I'm gay Jade. I'm gay and I know that you kissed Barbie. You found out you liked woman and you like me. I think you like me a lot. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's hard for me."
This was all too much for Jade and for a moment she had to think. "I've been scared. I was afraid of messing up our friendship." Plus I didn't think…
Tori interrupted her with a weary smile. "You were my type? Yes Jade, you are exactly my type. I've had giant crush on you since high school. You hurt me and still I took you in. I did because I liked you. Now since were confessing. What do you want?"
Jade nervously bit her lip. "I'm still confused and pretty messed up, but I'd like to maybe go on a real date."
Tori kissed Jade tenderly on the cheek. "You can have that one on credit. The rest you have to earn. You can start Sunday night. Got it?"
Jade smiled. "Yes."
"Look, we've got a lot to talk about, but I have to get back to work. I'll see you at home. Here's a drink. Later."
"Thanks."
A minute later, Tori tapped Barbie on the shoulder. "I told her and we have a date for Sunday."
"Cool." But Barbie's enthusiasm quickly faded, seeing the Latina actually looked quite worried. "What's wrong. You have a date. Everything will be fine now."
"Too much that can go wrong, especially if Jade…..nevermind. Thanks for helping. I've got drinks to serve." Tori then hurried off, tray of drinks in hand.
Jade was excited and very nervous as well. This was all new territory for her and of course Beck always lurked in the back of her mind. She hadn't heard from him since that day at the hospital, but still she felt torn. He abused her but loved her too and part of Jade missed that. Pushing those thoughts aside, Jade finished her drink and started to leave.
As she headed towards the door, Barbie quickly blocked it. "You've got a date with Tori, you plan to bring her flowers right?"
Jade blinked twice and said blankly. "Flowers?" She hadn't even thought of that.
"You are dating a girl, and unless you have forgotten, girls like flowers. Tori loves roses. So you will buy her roses and make her feel special. Understand?" Barbie commanded.
"OK…OK!" Jade said, putting up her hands.
"Now get out of here."
Jade left the club and as she did, a thought came to mind. "She likes me, she has a crush on me, and she's willing to not only reestablish friendship, but date me. But why won't she discuss or let me apologize for the day after the party. If it was nothing, something she didn't care about, then it would be no big deal. But it is a big deal. She won't discuss the incident at all. It doesn't make any sense."
Before she had more time to think about it, she had an unexpected feeling of guilt for wanting to date Tori and not Beck. It was that part of her deep down that still clung to Beck. That part that Jade hated, yet it was part of her; a part which refused to go away.
All of it added to Jade's worries and anxieties. Jade had hope for some real happiness, but deep down she couldn't help but wonder, if it were just an illusion.
She certainly hoped not.