The Last Aahrbreastor: Chapter 10
The breasting process for dummies
Hello, I'm Tommy Wiseau, author and eternal glory of The Last Aahrbreastor. A lot of you have sent me messages wondering, "Gee, I wonder what breasting actually is." Well, today I've got a special treat. I am going to teach the men (and women, I don't judge) exactly how to breast their bond-ers in the way that just tickles their giblets in the right way. I firmly believe that every woman (maybe man, depending on their pecs and such) should be breasted at least once in their life, so I will give you a tutorial.
First, you must make sure your partner wants you to breast them. If you are with them, slowly move your hands up their body. If they stop you before you get to their breasts, then STOP. My math teacher said so. If they allow you to touch the holy glory of their breasts, then good! You're on the right track to the breasting passage!
Step 2: Open your hand and apply, flat, to the breast. Once you do this, you will feel the urge to AAH. DO NOT DO THIS YET. That is for step 5.
Step 3: Change the angle of your fingers to the desired AAHngle. At a 45 angle, you may hear them start to aah, but this is good. At a 90 degree aahngle, you will not get much of a reaction. The 30 deg aaaaaahaaaahangle is where you want to be careful as it may hurt, but if you do it juuuuust right, the aaaaah feeling will be better than it ever has before.
Part 4… pulsate her breasts in your hands like there's no tomorrow. squeeze repeatedly, she or he will loaf the bonding that is commencing in your hands. Maybe play with their nipples too if you want, but I don't give a damn. Just PLEASE them.
Part 5: AAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. You didn't do this earlier because it would have been embarrassing and you would be ridiculed. Plus you got more boobage time, amirite?
So that is how you breast your pardner, with all the compassion and jesus that you give each other the whole time. And afterwards, hold them, as you both just bonded with the divine art… of breasting. I have saved marriages, so donate to my paypaaaaahl.
Join if you don't have someone to bond with. This will cure those blue boobs. get out there and bond!