Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.
Start from scratch.
Chapter 18 - Take it back.
No one's POV.
Tori's worst nightmare had come true. The truth about the decision she made 3 years ago had come out, resulting in Jade going back to Beck.
The day after the party, Tori had reported to her father that Beck had raped Jade. She also told her father that Jade wished to press charges. Tori wanted nothing more than to free Jade of Beck and possibly make their friendship into something more.
But upon arriving, Jade recanted her story saying it was all a simple misunderstanding. Tori knowing that Beck had gotten to her before they had arrived, was devastated. On top of that she had been utterly humiliated, in front of her father.
Nothing more to say, they got in the car and left. Much to Tori's surprise, on the car ride home, David Vega assured Tori he still believed her. Being a police officer he had seen victims recant their stories more than once and quickly realized Jade was lying.
Not only did he believe her, he offered to help Tori. He said he could put her in contact with a social worker that worked with the police department. David said this social worker worked extensively with cases of abuse and could give her a lot of help and advice in ridding Jade of Becks influence.
"Don't worry Tori. You did the right thing. We can do this. We can help Jade." Said David Vega, as they arrived home.
Tori however, was no longer in any mood to help Jade. She had put a lot of effort and heart into the effort into helping Jade, only to get burned time and again. This time he not only abused her, but actually raped Jade. Still Jade went back to him. Added to this, was Tori's personal feelings. She had a serious crush on Jade and it was her dream to be Jade's girlfriend. To see the women she would have treated like a queen, go back to that monster was simply too much for her.
Tori felt so humiliated, hurt, angry and jealous, that her feelings morphed into pure hatred. She was so full of hate, that she actually felt that Jade deserved to be beaten and raped for being so stupid, for choosing him over her. Tori told her father that she didn't want to help Jade, not now or ever. She also told him, she was washing her hands of the whole thing and wanted to go away.
She told him she wanted to attend NYU and begged him to see if she could stay with an aunt and uncle that lived in nearby Philadelphia. Her plan was to leave right away, stay with her aunt and uncle until the school term started and then live in the dorms. She hated Jade and wanted to be as far away as possible. She also wanted to be away so she'd never be tempted to help that ingrate again.
Seeing their daughter in such distress, Tori's parents, agreed and made the arrangements. Within days, Tori had packed her stuff and left town, not bothering let Jade know.
Within days of arriving in Philadelphia, to stay with her uncle Steve and aunt Bridget, Tori began to regret no only her actions but her wanting Jade to get beaten and raped. At the time she felt the Goth deserved it for burning her. But Tori realized that was only jealousy and pain talking.
Soon enough, Tori realized she had made a horrible mistake; one that with each passing day she began to regret more and more. Just thinking that she once thought Jade deserved such horrible treatment, filled Tori with self-loathing.
But as much as she regretted it, Tori knew there was no way back. Tori began school and tried to put the ever increasing feelings of guilt and self-hatred behind her. She had limited success, throwing herself into her classwork and music, but still Tori secretly hated herself for what she had done.
Then came Ace Decade and the disaster that resulted. Tori had refused his advances and embarrassed him in front of his party guests. He retaliated by ruining her name in the record industry.
Then came the second, blow. Already devastated by the ruin of her record career, Tori turned to Cat for comfort. Cat however turned on her and threw her out when Tori revealed she was a lesbian.
In the end, Tori shut down emotionally and blamed herself. She concluded that it was karma paying her back for her horrible deed.
When Jade returned Tori, though barely able to function, emotionally wanted to repair things, possibly even win Jade's heart. For a while things started to get better, they got close and Tori had real hope. Of course the entire time, she was deathly afraid that Jade would find out. She tried to avoid talking about that party and hoped Jade would forget it.
Jade didn't and during the argument, it all came spilling out. Jade was gone now, having fled back to Beck. Again Tori was devastated and alone. Her secret had come out, Jade was gone along with any hope of a happy future.
Realizing Jade had gone, Tori sobbed for almost an hour before falling into an exhausted sleep.
Waking to an empty apartment the next morning, Tori felt no better. Emotionally she was an utter wreck. Tori spend her Saturday either crying or blankly watching what ever happened to be on the TV.
Finally it came time to go to work, which Tori dreaded. But knowing she had bills to pay Tori went to work, got in her costume and put a fake smile on. 10 minutes to her shift, she ran into Barbie who seemed in a rather chipper mood.
But upon seeing Tori her smile seemed to fade. "I know a fake smile when I see one. What's up?"
"Can we talk later Barbie, I really need to talk to someone." Tori said, her voice so filled with pain that it made Barbie's eyes nearly bug out.
Barbie gave a comforting smile and put a hand on Tori's shoulder. "Just hold on until the end of our shift and Barbie will take care of you."
"Thank's Barbie." Tori said, before returning to work.
Barbie was concerned about Tori, the woman was visibly upset. She happen to notice that Jade was not present, but that may or may not mean anything. As the night went, on she kept an eye on the Latina, who seemed to be barely holding herself together.
At the end of the night, after close, Tori found Barbie near the main bar.
"So what's up? Some problem with Jade."
Tori shed a tear. "Yes….we had a fight….."
"Barbie, do you remember you once said that if I ever wanted to go home with you, I had a standing invitation?"
Looking a bit surprised, Barbie nodded. "Yeah." Barbie had made that offer and it was a serious one, but she never expected Tori to take it up.
"Take me home, I don't want to be alone tonight." Tori pleaded.
After thinking for a second, Barbie nodded and took Tori's hand. "Come on sugar…..On our way to my place, please tell me what's going on."
The pair left the bar hand in hand and along the way, Tori tearfully told Barbie the whole story. Listening intently, Barbie refrained from comment, other than to say how sorry she was.
Finally they arrived at Barbie's apartment. Entering the apartment, Tori could see it was a one bedroom affair, not too different from her own, but decorated a more modern style, with a small bar in the corner. Once Barbie closed and locked the door, Tori turned and moved in closer to Barbie and began to kiss her.
Barbie, after quickly breaking the kiss, stepped back. "Tori, let's hold on… you're upset and a little drunk. Don't think I didn't see you pound a few down tonight. You never drink on the job."
Tori frowned and pulled Barbie in close again, but this time Barbie dodged the kiss.
"Barbie, I'm here, I thought we were….." Tori sniffled.
Barbie sighed and gently eased Tori towards her bathroom "It's not like that, Right now, you take off your make up, get ready for bed and I'll get you some sleeping clothes. You'll find several new toothbrushes in the medicine cabinet, use anyone you like."
"Ok." Tori said before vanishing into the bathroom.
Barbie shook her head and after getting a t-shirt and some short's, put them in the bathroom where Tori was getting ready for bed.
After a few minutes, Tori emerged from the bathroom. She was wearing the shorts and T-shirt, but as before looked like she looked emotionally distraught.
"Get into bed, I'll be with you in a minute."
Tori smiled ever so slightly. "Thank you."
Barbie got ready for bed, came out of the bathroom. Entering the bedroom she found it darknened but in the dim light could see the figure of Tori underneath the covers.
Barbie slid under the covers and before she could say anything, Tori slid over and began to kiss her.
Ever so gently, Barbie stopped Tori in mid Kiss. "Tori, stop please."
Looking even more hurt, Tori wiped a tear. "Why… why don't you want me. Make love to me...please."
Barbie sat up and began to gently stroke Tori's hair, to calm her down. "Tori you're horribly busted up inside. You made a huge mistake and you're in so much pain that you can barely function or think straight. You want sex, but what you really need, is someone to be with you, hold you and to make you feel safe. I love sex and you are one smoking hot Latina. But I won't take advantage of you, when you're in this state. I'm many things Tori, a bastard is not one of them. So just lie back in my arms and close your eyes."
Tori looked down as if she didn't know what to think.
While she still very upset and a bit confused, the Barbie's gentle stroking of her hair had a calming effect.
"Come on Tori, let me take care of you tonight. You need some sleep. Just let me hold you. You're safe." Barbie cooed in a very soothing voice.
No longer resisting, the Latina just crawled into Barbie's arms and closed her eyes. In Barbie's arms, she did feel warm and safe.
Barbie, kept stroking Tori's hair and did her best to ease the Latina into sleep. "Go to sleep….
Within seconds, Tori did just that.
"How could anyone not want you." Lamented Barbie, as she closed her own eyes.
The next morning Tori woke, realizing that not only did she have a slight hangover but she was in bed with Barbie, who's arms were still very tightly wrapped around her.
Despite the small headache, she did feel rather rested, but at the same time felt horrible for practically begging for sex. It was utterly embarrassing.
"I need to get home." Whispered the Latina, as she started to quietly extract herself from Barbie's arms.
But her efforts to remove herself from the bed quietly, failed as Barbie woke quickly and tightened her grip.
"Morning sugar. Don't you dare leave my arms?"
Not fighting it, Tori relaxed and put her head on Barbie's chest. "I'm so sorry about last night. I was a bit drunk and really upset. I'm so sorry. I was feeling so needy."
As before, Barbie began to stroke Tori's hair and again it felt rather soothing. "Tori. Don't apologize. You needed someone to be with you last night. I was really concerned about you. I didn't want to risk you doing anything you'd might regret. Besides, don't you feel just a bit better."
"Yes, just a bit. Thank you for resisting me. You're a true friend."
"Another time, another circumstance perhaps, but last night you needed comfort, not sex. Just lie with me for a while."
"Thank's Barbie."
"Don't think you're the only one who's had her heart broken." Barbie said in a sad tone of voice.
"What happened?"
Suddenly Barbie began to speak again but her voice had dropped into a rather thick southern drawl. The thing was that it sounded very natural for the blonde.
"I'm from a small town, in Alabama. A small town with small minds. My sisters would tell me that I would tell me that I was just too smart to land a man. But I didn't want a man. All I wanted, was to be with my best friend Kelly. We were in love, in secret of course. When we graduated high school, I asked her to come out and go away with me. She wanted to stay in town, keep up the lie. Keep pretending that we were friends. I told her that she had to choose the lie or me. She chose the lie and broke my heart. I hear she's married with 2 little boys, still living the lie. There was nothing for me back there…so I left town, dropped my accent and changed my name."
"You're name isn't Barbie."
Barbie shook her head. "No, it's actually Maureen, but I legally changed it. You see, Maureen, was a timid and shy bookworm who always did what she was told, she went to church every Sunday so she could grow up to be a good Christian wife and mother. That maybe fine for my sisters, but not for me. I hated that life; I hated having to sneak around with my girlfriend Kelly. I wanted to be free, so I changed my name to Barbie and decided to enjoy every second of life, on my terms. I loved Barbie's as a kid. Barbie was free and lived an exciting life. So I became Barbie, in a sort of a sense. Maybe, I'll find someone that makes me feel like Kelly did, but until then, I'm just going to live."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I'm 28 now and life is good, well considering I slept with a really 2 really hot Aeroflot stewardess the other night, pretty damn good. But that's what you need to do. Live." Barbie said with a measure of pride in her voice.
"How?"
"Your music. Ok, this Ace Decade guy made sure you'd never have a music career. But you can still, play write and enjoy music. Don't let him take that away from you. You can't do anything about Jade and I'm sorry about that, but you can change yourself."
It was a lot to think about, but Tori wondered if Barbie was on to something. "Maybe I'll do that."
"Good, Tell you what, since you're still really hurting, I'll do something special for you. I'll do something I haven't' done in 9 years, make a real southern breakfast, eggs, grits with country fried steak."
Tori laughed for the first time since Jade left. "I had grits once, the instant kind."
Barbie shuddered. "I may have dropped my accent, changed my names and left my southern roots far behind me, but I would never serve anyone instant grit's. If I did, my grandmamma would rise from the grave and strangle me. You'll get the real thing."
"Thanks."
Barbie spoke again, but this time her southern drawl had vanished. "Don't worry, it will be alright. Just remember, you need to live. If you're in pain, then pour your pain into your music. There's an old gospel song, one of my grandmamma's favorites; it's Precious Lord, take my hand. It was written by Thomas Dorsey. In 1932, Dorsey's wife died in childbirth, 2 days later the son, who his wife died giving birth too, also passed. In his grief, he wrote one of the most beautiful songs ever written. He didn't write it to make money or he wrote it because he was in pain. I imagine that writing that song helped him cope with his grief."
Tori remained quiet, as she thought it all over. She was still very heartbroken and hurt, but not quite as broken as yesterday.
Nothing more was said for another half an hour as Barbie continued to hold Tori. Barbie then got up and started breakfast while Tori showered and got ready.
By the time Tori came out of the bathroom and got dressed, Barbie had breakfast ready. It consisted of homemade grits, eggs and country fried steak. It was a calorie laden feast, but probably the best breakfast Tori had had in some time.
Tori enjoyed her breakfast but said little, as her mind was still spinning with all that had happened. When breakfast was done Tori got up and helped Barbie clean up the food.
As they finished, Tori turned to Barbie. "Thank you for everything Barbie. I've got to get going. Breakfast was wonderful. I'm sorry again for last night."
Barbie shook her head. "Stop apologizing. You've been through the wringer, we've all been there. It just helps to have someone on the other side to help you back up. Are you going to be Ok?"
"Eventually." Tori said, letting a bit of optimism in her voice.
"What are you going to do today?"
"Probably go home and cry. Then maybe pick myself up. For what it's worth, Kelly was a fool for not choosing you."
Barbie smiled, but it was a rather sad one. "Thank you. I'd say the same thing about Jade."
Tori nodded and gave Barbie a quick hug before departing. Arriving home a while later, Tori looked at the empty couch and did indeed cry. Afterward she looked at her piano, but couldn't get up the nerve to touch it.
She spent the rest of the day watching old romantic movies and ate dinner. Her depression was very deep and the emptiness of the apartment only made it worse.
After dinner, she looked again at her keyboard. Gathering the courage, she walked over and sat down. For a full five minutes she sat there, motionless, before turning it on and hitting a middle C.
Then she hit a second key, then a third, then a forth and just kept going. Before she knew it now only was she playing, but writing a song about a lost love. She was amazed how easily the notes and words came as she poured her pain into the music. Only then did she realize how much she missed playing and writing music. It was very sad music, but music none the less.
She knew there was nothing she could do about Jade. But she did start to take back her music and vowed to never let anyone take it away from her again.
The story that Barbie tells of the Gospel song and the man who wrote it, is true.