A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know what you guys are going to say; update your other story! I get it, okay? But this plot bunny just wouldn't leave me alone, so here we are!
As a side note, I'm well aware this is probably bordering on AU and Natalia/Natasha is OOC, but I tried.
As another extra side note, I always thought of Natalia/Natasha and the Black Widow being different mindsets. They're not the same person, so to speak.
Disclaimer: Nope.
It had been a long time coming, this she knew. It was inevitable, the second the Black Widow started showing signs of any emotion at all, was the day Natalia was erased once again. She was used to it. Mostly.
But this time. she didn't want to forget, she wanted to remember. Remember the little girl with the red hair and green eyes Natalia saw on her last assignment that could have been her. Should have been her.
So when her supervisors came and tugged her off to a room she didn't remember, she fought.
And she was winning for one emboldening second before more came and dragged her inside.
Still, Natalia struggled, she had killed some, back in the hallway. If she wasn't so valuable, she would be dead by now. Even so, they'd be more harsh with her assignments and punishments, for sure.
Hands on her chest, legs and arms holding her down, pushing her back onto a cold metal surface that sent shivers up her spine. Someone fumbled for something, but it was out of her line of vision. Restraints, perhaps? Probably.
Natalia felt the prick of a needle and her limbs that were throwing well-aimed punches slacked and the only thing she could do now was twitch and wait for the pain to come.
And it did come. Along with the murmurings and whispers she had pushed down and buried the best she could, sprang up again. Her conditioning kicked in, despite her best efforts, and the murmurs grew louder as her headache increased, and the pain came, stabbing and tearing at her mental defenses, ripping them to shreds.
Natalia screamed, inside her own head, of course, she'd been trained better than to show weakness. To be weak was a death sentence. To be weak meant she would be useless. A burden. Neither Natalia or the Black Widow wanted that. That was the only thing they both agreed on.
She distantly felt the people in the room leave, but that was quickly swallowed by the ever increasing volume of the voices.
...
You have been burdened with a glorious purpose,
Natalia trembled, shaking her head, a futile attempt to make it stop, but the voice continued.
To restore the mighty KGB
No. Want to remember-
To her rightful place.
No. Natalia wanted to cry, because of the pain, because she wanted to remember, but wouldn't. She couldn't anyway. Even if she could, her training would stop that at once.
You are nothing. You will be made into a weapon. You are a weapon.
No! The voices faded into a murmur as Natalia lay there, twitching, alone in the room that was the only thing she feared, fighting a battle she would not win. The Black Widow rose up from the depths of Natalia and smiled a wicked grin, soon Natalia would be gone forever, soon. But Natalia held on, pushing back with the one thing she believed.
You will comply.
Blood.
You will comply.
Was.
You will comply.
RED.
...
Hours later, the pain subsided. Natalia opened her eyes and her supervisors smiled, seeing nothing but a glimmer of the Black Widow in the emerald depths of the asset. A blank slate for them to write on once again.
But somehow, Natalia remembered.