This is it everyone. This was really hard to write but you know I just had to do it. I hope you guys enjoy...Hope many of you who are reading this are over the age of fourteen. Really don't read it if you're like nine. Any hoo enjoy!

Emma

Amanda wrapped the lingerie in a bag and handed them to Jimmy. "Have a good day."

Jimmy took them and gave her a simple nod before heading straight to the door. I followed him from behind. When we got out of the mall, he took me back to the Shells and unlocked his car that was parked outside of the parking lot.

"Jimmy."

He opened the passenger door for me. "Get in, Emma."

"Jimmy please."

"Emma. Just get in."

I sighed and slowly got in the car. He closed the door shut and went around the car and got in the driver seat. He placed the bag on my lap. I just left it there. Wearing it is hard enough, being near it is just somehow worse. "Jimmy, I know what you're thinking."

He finally looked at me. "And what is that, Emma? Please, by all means tell me what you think that I'm trying to propose."

"Jimmy."

"Just go ahead."

"...You..You want me to seduce Killian."

Jimmy shook his head and removed his glasses. He carefully folded them and placed them in his front breast pocket. "Wrong answer, Emma. I want you to safely change the father of that baby you're carrying."

"That's the same thing."

"But you're not seducing him because you want to. You're going to sleep with him because you want to. You two love each other very much, don't you?"

She nodded slowly. "I guess. Yeah."

"So this isn't exactly a trick, its just a sign of love."

"Jimmy, but this is wrong."

"Do you have a better option?"

I sat up a little straighter, building my confidence to the answer to this question. "Yes. I want an abortion."

"Do you have any idea how difficult that is?"

"I know the physical damage that can possibly happen to me if the procedure doesn't go well. But getting rid of this baby is all I want now."

"The physical damage is a problem, yes. But what about the medical information that'll go to Killian, you said that before."

"Yes. But maybe I can –"

"And another thing. Can you really go through this again, Emma? The time when you were pregnant with Henry, you refused to get rid of him. And look at him now, he's a healthy intelligent boy. But other than the fact the father is Killian's best friend, what is the difference of refusing to save this baby you're carrying, compared to Henry?"

I opened my mouth to speak. But nothing came out. To be honest, I don't know the answer to that question. What is the difference really? Can I face myself again after I get rid of this baby? Will Jefferson ever forgive me to make such a decision on my own, considering this baby is not only mine but also his?

Jimmy nodded. "I thought so you might not be able to answer that."

"Jimmy I can do this."

"No you can't, Emma. Part of you wants to get rid of the baby because you fear of losing Killian, but the other part of you wants to keep it and raise it as your own."

Now I'm starting to get angry. I mean I get it Jimmy, you listen to people's problem and get a lot of money for it. But this is a bit too far. Suggesting me to drive Killian to the level of going to bed together is a little turn off.

"Look Jimmy. Stop. Just stop!"

"I know you're angry. But right now I'm doing this because I love you, Emma. You are my friend and someone I wish to give everything to. Right now, I don't approve of you staying with such a man like Killian, but if you think you and Henry can be happy with him, than let me help you on this one. Either do the abortion as you planned, or take that bag and prepare yourself. It's either one of those options, Emma...I gave you the options. But now, you're on your own of what to do with them."

~ Before Jimmy took me home, he and I spend a few extra hours in his apartment. Believe me, it was the most awkward conversation I ever had with him. All we been talking about from the past two hours was how I have to be careful not to hurt the baby. Of course, no matter what kind of insane positions he and I can think of, nothing can change this baby if I don't do it right. This secret. This mistake. That night with Jefferson. They all must be kept silent to my grave. Period. Killian must never know. Ever...

In my last twenty minutes there, Jimmy moved on to a quick psychological discussion with me about what I should do once my belly starts transforming.

I remained seated in front of the armchair Jimmy was sitting in. He leaned on one of the arm rest of the chair, and secured his spectacles. "I know Killian will be suspicious about both your strange behavior and body change. But at least, it can be hidden just for a short few months. Remember to wear heavy clothing, or something like a sweat shirt. When he tries to crawl back in with you in bed, make up an excuse you have a headache or cross your arms across your chest and distract him with any excuse you can think of."

I nodded. "Okay."

"But Emma, I know sooner or later you'll be tempted to do something more severe to cover your belly."

"What do you mean?"

"Emma, most women I have treated suffered from miscarriage from tightening their bellies with wide tight straps to hide their secret from their partners. I know that sooner or later you'll be tempted to do the same."

"Jimmy, I'm not sure about that...I mean I might be able to control myself and stick with covering myself up. I don't know if I might be crazy enough to patch my stomach in. But all I really care about..all I really really care about now is to make this baby no longer belong to Jefferson. That's all I care about, Jimmy. Is that horrible to say?"

He removed his spectacles and lowered his eyes. "That's not for me to say, Emma...That's not something anyone has a right to say."

Again I called for someone to watch over Henry. Since tonight is date night for Marjorie and Bae's father, I called for Ruby.

Ruby opened the door without even bothering to knock. She went in the kitchen and embraced me when she spotted me by the stove. "Hey, you."

"Hi."

She slowly dropped her arms. "So, where's my Henry?"

"He's upstairs getting his things. I can't thank you enough for doing this."

She shook her head. "No. No need to thank me, girl. I get you need some alone time while you're going through all this."

"Thanks again, Rubes."

"Your welcome."

Henry came in, dragging his back pack on the floor. "I'm ready, Ruby."

Ruby went over to him and took the back pack from his hands. "Hey little guy. You ready to have some fun?"

He nodded. "Yep."

I went over to Henry. I embraced him in my arms, and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist.

Oh my sweet, darling Henry. I'm sorry your own mother has to turn out this way. My dearest sweet son, I'm sorry for always thinking I was helping you, but instead I been trying to help myself. Forgive me, please darling. Please forgive me for what I have to do tonight...

Henry let out a quick cough. "Mom...Can you let go of me now? You're embarrassing me."

I wiped the fresh tears forming in my eyes and slowly released him. "I'm sorry, Henry."

He looked up at me, looking a little concerned. "Mom, are you crying?"

I shook my head. "No. No, kiddo. Just allergies. You don't mind if I stay home alone just for tonight do you?."

"I don't mind at all, mom. I love you."

"I love you too."

Ruby placed a hand on his shoulder and led him out to the front door. I followed them from behind. The cab driver waited for them. When they got inside, Henry rolled down the window and waved me goodbye. I waved back and blew a kiss as the cab drove away.

Its really hard to wear that lingerie again. But after about fifteen minutes of staring at that shopping bag with full of anxiety, I forced myself to remove the box and wear it again. The lingerie that salesperson chose can only be described in three words: TOO MUCH SKIN! The top bodice is black and cut as a strapless bra, and a two piece veil is sewn beneath the five inch top, cut all the way to my belly.

Since Killian usually comes home before midnight, I took a bath to give me an excuse to take off the ridiculous lingerie. I pinned my hair in a messy bun with a hair clip and cooled myself down in a warm lavender bubble bath. With a razor, I shaved my legs and arms till they were smooth. After a long soothing bath, I pulled out the bath plug and wrapped myself in a towel.

I squirt some lotion on my hands and applied it thoroughly on every length of my body that I can possibly reach. I rested my foot on the toilet seat, and massaged my calves with some lotion. I lifted my head, looking up at the reflection of myself in the bathroom mirror. I lowered my leg and turned to the right and craned my neck at the mirror. I rubbed my belly to feel how big its getting.

"Its now growing." A slight bump is shown in my lower abdomen.

Things will now get harder now. As days go by, this baby is going to grow bigger then ever. Tonight must go right. It just has to.

I laid down on my bed, and read a book for the time to pass by. The time is coming closer for Killian to arrive.

I can feel my body shaking nervously every minute that passed. What can I do to make this night less awkward with less questions? It will be so strange for me to throw myself to Killian all of a sudden after being so distant from him.

A sudden light shone through the window. I bit my lip hard. Its Killian's car pulled over in the driveway.

I waited and listened so nervously as the sound of the door unlocking started. Killian opened the door and went straight upstairs. His footsteps started slowly to my room. I sat up from the bed and sat on the edge, my back facing the door.

He opened the door slightly, but when he saw me up he opened the door all the way. He turned the light on and went over to me. "I'm home. Where's Henry? I can't find him anywhere."

"He's not here." I forced my weak legs to stand up and walk over to him.

Killian's reaction was not what I expected. He chuckled and smiled at me like I'm taking the walk of shame in a senior prom. "W-What in the world are you wearing, love?"

"I sent Henry to Ruby's for the night so we can be alone. Do you like this? I just bought it today." I went closer to him and embraced my arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and eagerly gave me a kiss on the lips. Between kisses he spoke. "...I thought...you wanted to take this slow...What..What changed your...mind?"

"Just wanted to...change my..mind..."

He released my lips, already leaving it all wet and red. And he lowered his head to my neck and showered it with kisses. I pressed my hands on his back, wanting him to come closer. "There's another thing too."

"And what's that?"

"Well, one I'm a single mother, practically in a 'serious marriage' with hard labor. And lastly, I haven't had sex for eight years so sue me if I suddenly want to stop being in denial."

Killian released his lips from my neck. And let out a quick laugh.

So far so good. But the only thing I can think of is how bad things are going to get when we get on the bed.

His eyes wandered down at my body. "Nice choice on the lingerie...Something you can just slip right off over your head."

I gulped hard that made him smile. But to show him I really want this to continue, I pulled him for another kiss, but harder. I literally gripped his jacket and pulled it down off him. I tossed it over my shoulder and Killian kicked off his shoes. Without even bothering to unbutton his shirt, I just grabbed both end and tore it open. Killian's eagerness grew and his hands went on my thighs and lifted me up. My legs embraced his torso as he went straight toward the bed. I landed straight down on the bed as Killian was on top of me.

I don't care about all the safety I discussed with Jimmy anymore. There is no way I'm going to pull this night off with unusual safety. It has to be done as if everything is alright. As if there really isn't another life inside me.

I unbuckled Killian's belt and he pulled his pants down. His lips crushed into mine and I wrapped my arms in his neck again. Without him knowing, I let my eyes to open. His hands slipped through the lingerie and tore the two piece veil off. He released his mouth from mine and pressed his lips down my jaw line and straight down to my belly. I now closed my eyes. I just need to face for the worst if anything goes wrong. My only option is to wait and see.

Oh Killian please forgive me...And I hope you'll never forget it that tonight I want to do this because I love you...I love you Killian with all my heart. Please don't forget that. Never forget that no matter how much you'll hate me later on.

Please review guys. And I hope you guys are patient for the next chapter because things are going to get a little sweet and of course, later on, not such a beautiful fantasy. Ba-byeee...