Disclaimer: The show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.
Start from scratch
Chapter 23 – The Sword of Damocles.
Tori's POV.
It's some 5 weeks since that first day where Jade returned to my apartment. My hopes of us coming together as friends and more, were quickly dashed when I made the mistake of touching Jade. The Goth promptly blew up, causing me to automatically retreat back into my icy persona. I just can't help it sometimes. Shortly afterward, in the privacy of my room, I began to have doubts about whether or not I was really equipped to help her.
The next day Jade acted as if it had never happened and I wisely didn't bring it up. I did find the Goth to be rather withdrawn and very moody. At that point I thought it best to leave Jade alone and let her find her own way.
That very same Day, Beck was officially charged with 20 counts of 1st degree sexual assault and 2 counts of 1st degree battery. He pleaded not guilty and the opening motions for trial were scheduled for September. I told Jade that and she seemed to hardly care. I for one dreaded the thought of a trial and its effect on Jade.
A few days later when she felt a bit better, she went to her old place and got some stuff that had been left behind. Now all her stuff is piled in a corner of my living room or in my storage room in the basement. She did so when I was at work and thus I was not able to help her. I would have offered my help.
To give Jade the most time to rest and recover, I took up the tasks of cooking and cleaning. I hid my disappointment that Jade never once volunteered to help. It was an exercise in patience of course, but I was determined to do what was necessary.
Sadly, a rather distinct pattern began to emerge.
Due to her physical and mental trauma, Jade was on leave from the hospital. So not needing to work, each day Jade would sleep in each day to 10 or 11, get up, eat and watch horror films or read horror novels until midnight. There were variations, as on Tuesday's Jade would go to the hospital for a session with Dr. Cortez. Initially I tried to ask how the sessions went and each time the answer was always, "Fine"
Each day I would get up, go to work, come home and make dinner for us. After that, I'd sometimes she'd sit at my keyboard and write music. I found writing music to be one of the few outlets for my stresses. Sometimes I would simply read in my room.
In the first couple of weeks, I did make numerous attempts to reconnect with Jade. I'd sit and try to watch TV with her, start conversations or sometimes invite her out for something to eat. Each time, Jade seemed uninterested in conversation and attempts to speak with her always went nowhere.
Invitations to go out were always declined. In fact, Jade most of the time appeared either withdrawn or highly agitated. She simply didn't seem interested in speaking with me. Some days she seemed aggravated by attempts to do so. It's not that she didn't talk, but it was in 1-3 word sentences. The funny thing is that I don't think she's thanked me once for anything.
Soon, Jade seemed to become less and less of a friend and more like a morose and ill-tempered stranger, who lived on my couch. She has nightmares sometimes and wakes screaming. Each time I've come out when she's woken up from them, to see if she's ok, but she always just tells me to leave her alone.
I did have a bit of help from Jade's parents, who were very grateful for my efforts. Though they did not come out to visit, they paid for Jade's therapy and sent me money to cover Jade's expenses. I did hear Jade speak to her parents on her new phone, but like with me, the Goth seemed to be uninterested in talking with them. Actually she seemed to like them less than me. The only thing Jade seemed to be interested nowadays, was lying on the couch and watching Horror movies.
Increasingly Jade seemed to retreaingt into a shell. I desperately wanted to help and I tried, but increasingly felt like my efforts were totally futile. At least 5 times I really pressed Jade to talk, she simply blew up at me. Each time I fell back into my icy persona and simply walked away.
I've been through 5 weeks of this, and frankly I see little improvement in her. In fact, the only improvement I have seen, is that her physical injuries have healed. I've been super patient and have worked hard talking care of Jade. But it's taken a toll on me, as I feel increasingly mentally and physically worn out, not to mention increasingly frustrated.
I just find it increasingly harder to do my work in taking care of her. In the last week or so, I feel that the tension in the apartment has increased dramatically. She seems to be increasingly agitated, lately. Perhaps she senses my increasing frustration and simply is responding in kind. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head. I'm afraid to say or do something that would set her back or set her off. A lot of days I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her.
She's also begun drinking, not a lot, but in the last two weeks, she's had a beer each night. The last 4 nights, she's graduated to 2 beers each night.
I had been keeping all this in until work Saturday night, when I told Barbie.
"So, Jade's just been planted on your couch for the last 5 weeks, barely speaking and doing nothing but eating your food, drinking beer and watching cruddy horror films. Sounds like half the men in my family." Barbie remarked derisively
I shrugged somewhat embarrassedly "I've been trying to be patient."
Barbie's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "There's a difference between being a devoted caretaker and being a doormat. You need to start pushing back?"
"How?"
"Well, for starters, you need to speak with this Dr. Cortez. Jade's parents are footing the bill so get them to give you permission, to talk with him about Jade's case. She is her official doctor you know, that whole confidentiality thing. But you need to talk with him and see how he thinks her treatment is going. Perhaps he can give you advice to better aid her."
I don't know why that never occurred to me. "You think so?"
"Tori, I know she's been through a lot, but she needs a serious kick in the ass. You've shown the patience of a saint and that's not worked, so you'll have to go the other direction. I have a saying, if a halo don't work, then use a pitchfork instead."
For the first time in weeks, I laughed. "I'll do that."
Barbie was right, I had to do something. Things were gradually becoming more and more toxic in the household. After arranging it with Jade's parents, I made an appointment to see Dr. Cortez the following Monday.
No One's POV.
Tori had taken 2 hours off of work and met with Dr. Cortez, What he told her, made Tori's Jaw drop and that was just her first reaction.
Exactly 53 minutes after Tori left Dr. Cortez's office, Tori entered her apartment and loudly slammed the door shut.
"JADE! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU NOW!" Tori barked in a voice, that made it painfully obvious she was not happy.
Jade huffed in irritation and paused her horror movie, which was 1981's, Dead & Buried.
"What!"
Her tanned skin rapidly turning red, Tori stormed over to the couch and glared at the reclining Goth.
"Jade I just spoke with Dr. Cortez about your sessions and treatment!"
Bounding off the couch, Jade went from annoyed to downright furious in a microsecond. "What in the fuck are you doing talking to MY doctor about, MY treatment!"
"I suppose you're going to say that's an invasion of your privacy too…." Sneered Tori, as she put her hands on her hips.
"Dam Right Vega!"
Tori knew Jade was angry and would probably only get angrier, but she simply didn't care. She had to push back and had no intention of backing down. She did find it hard to keep pressing on as her one instinct was, to shut down and hide.
"I don't care about your fucking privacy Jade, I care about you. Which sadly, makes only one of us."
Jade wasn't backing down either. "You have some way of showing it!"
"Jade, I went out on a limb, risking my life to rid you of Beck, then for the last 5 weeks, I've been cleaning, cooking and taking care of you, worrying myself sick and not once asking you for anything. So don't even go there! I do all that and what do I find out from Dr. Cortez. That you're not cooperating with him and resisting his attempts to treat you. He said he asked you to work out and exercise, as that always helps improve a person's mental state. All you've done, is hold down my fucking couch."
"STAY OUT OF IT!" Jade screamed.
Hearing those words, which Jade had used before a number of times when she was trying to break up her and Beck, pushed Tori from furious to utterly livid.
"Not only that, he asked you to join group therapy with people who have been through similar experiences and you refused. He asked you to keep a journal of your feelings and thoughts and you refused, because you said it was stupid. He gave you the names of several books dealing directly with dealing with sexual abuse and you haven't looked up one of them. All I've seen you read is horror. He even gave you some helpful websites to check out and you told him you didn't bother. I've done all this to help you get better, putting up with your shit and all you've done is lay here in a pissed off mood for the last several weeks, doing fucking nothing. You know what really burns me, never once have you said a simple thank you. I thought you wanted to get better, so we could be friends again, maybe even start to date again, but I guess I was wrong….."
Looking like she was about to explode as she had in the last several weeks, Jade menacingly took a step forward. "FUCK YOU VEGA!"
"NO JADE, FUCK YOU, YOU ROTTEN INGRATE." Screamed Tori.
With a blood curdling scream Jade, with one hand, grabbed the front of Tori's shirt and quickly raised a fist to punch Tori.
Except she didn't.
Instead of punching Tori, Jade froze, her fist hanging in the air like the proverbial, Sword of Damocles.
At this moment, two separate things happened.
First, the reason why Jade didn't throw the punch was that out of the corner of her eye, she happened to see her own reflection in an antique mirror that Tori had on a nearby wall.
That image of course, was Jade, with an utterly furious expression and a raised fist about to punch Tori's lights out. Of that image, Jade focused particularly on the expression of rage that was on her face. In that instant, Jade happened to recognize the frighteningly familiar expression.
It happened to be the exact same expression Jade would see on Beck's face, just before he'd beat the crap out of her.
One other thing came to Jade's attention, the brief look of terror on Tori's face, in that moment before she froze.
In one horrible instant, Jade realized she had begun to become, the thing she hated and feared most. It filled her with equal amounts of terror and revulsion.
The second thing that happened, was Tori's reaction. After a moment of pure terror in which she feared she'd be struck, Tori saw Jade suddenly freeze, with an odd expression on her face.
Not knowing why Jade froze or what she was thinking, Tori's defense mechanism kicked in and her features suddenly went cold and hard.
"Go ahead Jade." Tori said in a low voice, with eyes devoid of emotion.
"Go head. If that makes you feel better, then go ahead. Hit me. Punch me in the jaw. Do it! I wanted to help you. I told you I'd be with you every step of the journey. A journey that you need to take to get better. But you must take the steps themselves. I can't carry you!"
Jade didn't answer, in fact she remained as she had a moment ago, looking as if ready to strike.
For a moment, time seemed to stand still, with the pair just looking at each other in silence.
Then without another word Tori roughly brushed away Jade's hand, which had still been holding onto her shirt. After that, Tori grabbed her purse and left the apartment.
The sound of the door slamming shut rang in Jade's ears, as the horror of it near actions sunk in. Lowering her fist, Jade began to physically shake.
Not more than a second later, Jade sank to her knees and began to sob.
"My God, what did I almost do!"
The Sword of Damocles is an ancient Greek story, of a man named Damocles who told his king how fortunate he was, considering all the wealth and power he had. The king offered to switch places with Damocles, so he could experience the same fortune firsthand. Damocles accepted the offer and sat upon the king's throne, surrounded by every luxury imagined. However the king arranged for a sword to be hung directly over the throne, held in place by a single horse hair.
Realizing a sword hung directly over his head Damocles begged to be allowed to depart. The king did so, to teach Damocles, that with great power comes with great responsibility and sometimes danger. All of these, can hang above a rulers head, ready to come down on him or her at any moment.
