Dearest Father,

I received a letter from Idunna today, that blood mage from a few years ago that nearly had me slit my own neck? Lovely woman, and though everyone thought I was crazy, I felt spending time in the Gallows was better than death for her punishment.

Anyway, she wrote me to let me know that she has found peace with herself and is seeking absolution from the Maker. With that in mind, she revealed to me that Tarohne, the woman she was working for, had stashed several tomes containing dark secrets around Kirkwall and the surrounding country. Protected by demons forged into their very bindings, she asked that I find and destroy them before others follow her dark path. Seemed like an urgent matter to take on, so I asked Sebastian, Isabela, and Fenris to help me.

I also asked Sebastian if he'd stop in and see Idunna when he visited the Starkhaven mages still in the Gallows. He wasn't there the day Carver, Fenris and Varric joined me to interrogate Idunna, so he wasn't aware of what she had done. I didn't bother to tell him though; if she wished to confess to him, that was her business, but I wanted him to see her with an open and caring mind.

We met some heavy resistance tracking these books down; shades, abominations, desire demons, rage demons, corpses... the list goes on. Thankfully I had the two rogues with me too because when we went to the Wounded Coast, Sundermount, and the Bone Pit, there were a ton of traps to get through before we even found the books.

Amazing how one of these books was sitting in the throne room of the Keep! How did no one notice it was just laying there, on a bench, for any curious wanderer to pick up? Doubtful it would've been a mage to find it there, so I suppose we should be grateful for that, but still. The guards turned a blind eye while we battled the demons in the throne room. I wonder what excuse they came up with when dragging the corpses out of there after we left?

I think the one in the Chantry shocked Sebastian most of all. To think that among the many books written by Brother Genitivi about Andraste and the Maker was an evil tome of corruption that could turn a mage on to the darkest of magic. I'm thankful Merrill wasn't with us; I have no doubt she'd be very upset for me destroying the books. I still worry about her Father; her involvement with blood magic and demons terrifies me, and I can't help but feel something will go terribly wrong if she continues to dance with danger. Maybe I'll have a chat with her about it, see where her head is at these days.

Anyway, we destroyed the Chantry book, and then removed the corpses ourselves, not wishing to leave such desecration within the walls of the holy place.

Clues within each of the tomes had led us to Darktown, where the Fell Grimoire rested on an altar as if some sacred relic. No surprise we had to battle a desire demon at the end with several rage demons and revenants in her command. That entire group Idunna and Tarohne were with had been promised their deepest desires. Thankfully though she didn't offer us anything, because I don't think Sebastian could've faced another verbal showdown with a desire demon. Not after the last one enticed him with power and riches to take over Starkhaven.

The trip back to Hightown led to an interesting conversation though between Sebastian and Isabela. The two of them hadn't traveled much with me together, so Isabela assumed Sebastian was going to preach to her about her... hmm, free ways I guess I'd call it. He surprised her though; in fact he surprised me too.

"I won't preach to you Isabela," Sebastian informed her. "Preaching seldom works. Besides, I'd be a hypocrite to do so, as I used to be a lot like you."

Isabela rolled her eyes. "Now this I have to hear."

"Before I came here, I used to be out to all hours, drinking and whoring," he said. "I didn't believe in anything except my own pleasure."

Hawke laughed to herself. "And why couldn't I have known you back then?" she asked, though nearly kicked herself after having done so.

Sebastian flashed her a bright wide smile, which eased her embarrassment. "I doubt you would have associated with me back then Hawke. I took what I wanted without care or consequence. Broke many hearts in Starkhaven and the neighboring towns. It's part of why I was sent to the Chantry, disgracing my families name as I did."

"Well in that case, I'm glad I know you now then," she said softly.

"Careful Hawke," Isabela warned behind them. "He may not be whoring, but he can still break your heart."

And it's true Father, he so easily could. The more time we spend together the further I fall into the depths of his blue eyes. Yet at any moment he can make the decision to remain a Brother to the Chantry and be gone. I pushed him in that direction because I thought it'd make him happy, and now I wish I were more selfish and convinced him to fight for Starkhaven.

It's his choice, and I can't help but wonder if I insist on taking him with me on these missions so that I sway the vote in my favor. Is that wrong of me? Maybe I should back off, give him some space to sort things out.

I wish I had a female friend to turn to for advice on this sort of thing. Aveline, well, we all know how her relationship skills are. Isabela doesn't care for any relationships and Merrill, well I'm not so sure Merrill has ever been in love before. She's never mentioned it if she has, though the way her clansfolk look at her I don't think any of them are interested. Poor girl.

Maybe Lady Elegant can help. Either way, I'll leave Sebastian to the Chantry next time. Maybe some distance is what he needs, what we both need.